I got into IB and as you may suspect I’m making decent money, finally.
I was born and raised by a humble family, hung out with humble people and used to hang out in humble places.
My humble roommates see how my purchasing power increases by the time and everyone seems to be jealous of me. I don’t like that. What should I do?
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Rub it in their faces even more
Why do they know your income?
Good point. Proper etiquette is that you don't discuss income. They should only know/see you're doing well (and good for you for it), not what the hard value is behind the $ sign. Only time that should ever come up is if your tax returns are subpoenad, which means you done f***'ed up anyways.
They don’t. They simply see me with an iPhone and not anymore with a 100€ phone, with AirPods and not with the old cabled headphones. They see me buying bottles of wine of 7€ unsteady of 2€. You see it from those things that I m not that poor kid anymore.
When you succeed in life, the all encompassing "relationship gap" gets wider between you and your friends It will get harder to connect because your life is becoming different. The only way to restore this is to lessen the gap, which can only happen if you fall back down or your friend(s) rise up. You sure as shit arent selecting the former option, and the latter is out of your control, but if they choose not to, then you may need to create new relationships.
I make 2-3x most my friends and they have no idea. You might be a dick
Yup. Mose of my friends make similar money to me but I still have some good homies from HS and moneys never been a divider. Just talk about normal shit and don’t rub it in their faces and no one will care
The guy is asking for advice, can you not be nice. Geee.
This is something I noticed when I left my hometown for college and now that I have an idea of what I'm doing after college, people seem to get weird. When I go back and visit, when the "college is a scam" people from my high school talk to me about my plans they seem to get really defensive about what they're doing with their lives. Keep in mind, I firmly believe college isn't for everyone so I tread lightly on the subject. By now I just accept the fact that not everyone likes to see others succeed. Congrats on your success though!! Don't feel obligated to try and please everyone
Lmao, guy you are not "rich" in IB. I'm sure your friends are "jealous" because you're being a dickhead about it.
People in IB are "rich" compared to most folks in the US. Our bonuses are more than most peoples annual income, where I come from if you make more than $100k people think you're "rich".
And poor Americans are rich relative to everyone in third world countries. This is useless. Some kid in IB making $170K per year in NYC is not rich.
Saying "you are not rich in IB" where start salary is near the 100k is definitely what a rich kid would say.
People like me grew up in neighborhoods where the common man is a fisherman or a cook that makes 24k per year, which he hopes will be enough to pay rent and grocery for his wife and 2 kids.
My friends make an average of 12k per year doing jobs like waiter, cook, cashier or dish washer. I studied and worked as a waiter for years, working 10h a day on weekends to make only 30€ a day.
That's what happens in certain places of the world way closer to you than you think, and it seems you didnt even realize that, probably because your rich parents closed you in that fancy rich-world bubble where everything is great and easy, so go back to play golf with your nice Ralph Lauren sweater you daddy's boy.
Guy, I’m not going to go down the path of playing Oppression Olympics with you. I’ve made more money than both my parents combined since my first year out of college. One’s upbringing shouldn’t impede their ability to understand relative costs of living.
I will reiterate: poor people literally existing has no bearing on whether or not ~$150k comp is just “doing fine” in a place like NYC. Good for you for putting in work to better your station in life, but as long as you need to work and have no control over your time, you aren’t rich. That’s why some kid making $60K by choice at a low intensity job because he knows he’s got a $10MM inheritance coming his way is always going to be “richer” than us dumbasses working white collar jobs until the end of time.
Time is wealth, and that’s something literally everyone in IB has none of.
But it’s the fact. $175K feels like peanuts… people don’t get rich by making $175K per year … or even $500K per year. That’s not real wealth. Anytime you need to provide labor and time in exchange for money, it is not a good trade-off
I don't think you're a dick like others are saying. If you grew up broke hearing your parents say, "We can't afford this." all your life, and you never had the money to get anything you wanted, you're going to ball out a little when you can finally buy something. That's pretty normal for people that grew up without money. Congratulations, you worked hard for it, and you got it. Just remember to save cause you can be let go at any time.
As for the broke people around you...You already found out that it's going to make them uncomfortable. There are many reasons for this, but it takes a special type of person to be friends with a high-earner and not let it phase them if they're poor. You're a constant reminder of what they're lacking in life, their faults, and the results of their choices. People hate to be reminded that they're underachieving or feel bad in any way. They'll either get over it, find a reason to start a fight, and treat you like you're a new money asshole, or you'll drift away.
Try to be more sensitive that you make more money than them, but you shouldn't have to act like you're broke to make them feel better. That's one of the reasons why rich people hang out with rich people and broke people hang out with broke people, even if they both like a lot of the same things.
Thanks for the great answer and for perfectly understand what it is going on in my life.
Good answer. My dad grew up very poor and had another poor friend from childhood who started to get quite wealthy after school. As this guy's business kept getting more successful over time, my dad & him started hanging out less. I watched this progress as I was growing up. My mom would occasionally say stuff like "that guy is too good for us now, he's rich". And my dad explained that no, it's usually more the non-rich person's fault when this happens. The rich one tends to reach out, and the poor one tends to feel either ego-bruised or intimidated by the whole thing and doesn't keep up as well as he should. Just one guy's opinion, but I could tell my dad really felt this way.
This is not called being rich. Even people in the senior ranks aren’t truly rich. There is no way you can live a lavish life with zero responsibility going forward by working at a job that pays you six or seven figures. I know someone who made $50 million and tried to keep up with that lifestyle and now he is broke.
Also, any time you exchange your time and your labor for money, it is a poor trade-off. By definition, your time and energy are finite.
And that’s exactly why poor kids rarely outgrow poor mentality. Because you even sound that way. You can go anywhere in the world but that poor kid will go with you anywhere. And that’s what you are completely missing about money, and that’s why there’s a gap the size of the grand canyon between the rich and the poor.
Feel your pain man, back in school I was just having so much sex it really started to weigh on my friendships. Like 8/10 times when one of my roommates would be talking to a girl it turns out I already slept with them. And like its just not my fault, like I couldnt really help it. Like yeah theres some luck to it but at the end of the day some people are just better than others at some stuff (for you its being too rich, for me it was getting too much play) and jealousy always gets the worst of ppl. My solution was to go out of my way to do it more and once we had the same conversation over and over again like, "hey why did you sleep with her I really liked that girl", they started to see how ridiculous they were being. It ended up helping in the end so maybe if theres a way you can apply that to your situation? Just my 2c
Edit: I guess this sounded more sarcastic in my head than on paper. Lol I have not been in a similar situation
WolfofWSO
Your story isn’t comparable to OP because you used your relative skill to step on the neck of your friends and steal from them what little they had or wanted.
OP (at least according to his account) isn’t actively making his friend’s life worse but there is still resentment.
Well it's kind of similiar except that OP has cash in his bank account and dollar.billy has herpes. But besides that, it's not that much different.
Luckkkkyyyyy
Hey Pizz, I got a park in Manhattan to sell you if you truly believe this post.
good post. edit is unnecessary.
I never understood this mentality. I grew up in a South Asian immigrant family and financial success was always celebrated. Same thing with my arab/latin american/east asian friends, both of immigrant extraction, and natives from their own countries. Are you from some working rural white background, or african-american? Something about these two groups and financial success always feels off, especially if they come from financially 'low' backgrounds.
As for my advice, laugh and beat the shit out of them. Make them jealous and remind them of wealth inequality and their future insecure financial status. Fuck anyone trying to shame you for your money, especially if you've earned it.
You don't need those haters in your life.
Maybe they're jealous because they thought some of your fortunes might spread out to them but isn't, which is leech mentality. Save up for a rainy day though because it sounds like they won't be helping at all if it comes. Probably laugh in your face and be glad you're one of them again.
The gap will narrow, at least with some of them, as they progress in their own careers. And the best ones will never care about the money.
I echo also what was said above: save up!
How do you know they are jealous? What do they say?
Went through this too. All above advice is great. I'll just add don't "daddy" them and excessively cover bar/restaurant tabs etc even if it comes from a giving place.
The jealousy is going to be a given, don't give them a reason to indulge it.
7 Euro wine?? King of the castle, look at me, king of the castle
prolly comes in a fancy carton box with a tap
+1 SB. If someone served me 7 euro wine, I would spit it in the peasant's face.
Can't hide money
Lol this is gonna sound so bad, but I kind of wish someone would be jealous of me. It seems like nobody really gives a shit that I’ve been relatively successful. I guess maybe cause I keep it under wraps?
Or, at the risk of coming off as vain, I’ve always been a high achiever so my family and friends aren’t surprised at my “success” right now? I don’t know, but personally if someone was jealous of me @OP, I’d take that as a sign that I’m doing *something* right lol.
Imagine how much worse it’d be if they pitied you.
Silly humble brag post and it got lots of serious replies lol.
You’re friend see you with an iPhone and AirPods and think you’re super rich?
I literally saw a homeless dude last week with AirPods while we was panhandling.
Find new friends and family.
Unlike others I totally get what you're saying and you've inspired me to make my first post on this site after lurking for years. I've been working for a few years now but remember that after securing my offer my senior year, my friends (who all pretty much went the non-profit/grad school for future non-profit work) immediately began making jokes about how I was gonna be paying for all of us to do things since they'd be broke and I'd be set. Mind you, I hadn't told a single person aside from family what my actual salary was (it was about $70k salary with minimal bonus IIRC, so not exactly a fortune in NYC), but just knowing I had a corporate job in NYC was enough for people to make assumptions. You aren't necessarily flashy, but I'm sure people around you think "oh it's the big finance person they must be loaded"; my friends were from comfy middle class backgrounds and said things like that, so I can only imagine what people from poorer backgrounds think. It sucks but ultimately is bound to happen in some form. The best you can do is keep your head down and try to ignore it while focusing on achieving the goals you want.
You're by no means rich working in IB or any job for that matter. You may certainly be well off, but not rich. This is something unattainable by 99% of society. I've found that my friend circle is mostly similar in income, so I believe the statement "you are the average of the people you hang out with the most" (paraphrasing) holds very true. I think you know what to do. I would just avoid and talks of salary/comp in front of them, as that's none of their business anyway.
Find new friends and/or give little information on what you do for work or how much you make.
"What do you do for work"
I work at a bank
"How much do they pay you"
Not enough
My friends and I discuss comp simply because we're all comfortable with ourselves. We want everyone in our group to do well and be paid what they're worth. Family is sometimes nosey, but no one who actually cares about you gives a shit about your job or salary unless theyre a leech.
Hint: notice how everyone in here is using the word rich and no one has mentioned being wealthy? I think ya'll are missing the actual core issue and what should be motivation. In the words of Chris Rock, "Shaq is rich, but the man signing his check? That's wealthy!"
Invest, spread it around like seeding a field. Don't just try and hit the next level of commas in your bank account. And like some others have said, the five closest people around you are a good reflection of what kind of person you are. They don't have to have burgeoning bank accounts, but if they want to just meet you at the pub and watch a basketball game and have a burger even though you both know they only take home maybe 20-30% of what you do? That's character, and of the good kind you should be around. On top of that, like what was also said, if they find out how much you take home, make sure that's on them and not because you went around gloating about it. Have some class.
As long as you're not being egregious with it and you're just trying to do something decent like buying nicer clothes for work or no more store brand deli meat for dinner and not buying up half a dozen pairs of Air Jordans to show off, that's a them problem and not a you problem. Again, as mentioned, that'd be them casting out confession through projection about their own insecurity. I mean, don't be a jerk and at least offer to pay from time to time (again, character) and just keep an eye on if they come back and say "thanks, but I can at least get my own this time" or "Much appreciated. When we go out this weekend, let me get it since I get paid on Friday" vs "awesome man! I knew you'd come through for me!" Hell, hopefully one of them who also has character comes forward and says "Hey, I have a lead on this training/learning program so I can move on up professionally. But I can't pay for it out of my own pocket right now and I don't want to miss out, so I wanted to see if you might be able to help a brother out? I'll get you back of course." Said it before, and I'll say it again, character and class.
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