I'm writing this from a strip club! (Plus, a movie review)

Big news to report: I finally got around to watching The Big Short Friday night. I don't know what you monkeys were doing in December that you had time to spare during the holiday crunch to drop 15 bucks on both you and some girl you dragged along to see this in a theater, but I was working. Go ahead and suit yourselves, but I prefer to watch movies in the comfort of my own home so that I can chain smoke and pause the parts with a high boob-to-screen ratio.

This isn't even the point of my story, but I made you read my preamble to establish my dominance.

Anyway. I crushed it even more than usual at the bank last week. I know, I know, @Fear The Bulge", how is that even possible? Haven't you reached maximum crush? Well, imagine a beer can after you crush it with one of those wall-mounted things, and then mentally put it through one of those things that makes souvenir pennies. It's like that. So I was feeling myself. I decided to throw on a face mask, take some molly, clip my toenails, and check out Netflix.

The drugs kicked in right around the part where Christian Bale goes semi-HAM with a pair of drumsticks during a job interview. So right at the beginning. In fact, I didn't actually totally finish the movie, and my main takeaway from the whole thing was that Caesar's Palace is full of girls who need powerful finance guys to float their resumes. Plus the Japanese restaurants in Vegas look way better than those on the east coast, PLUS there are strippers with insider market info (turns out that part of the movie took place in Miami, not Vegas, but I was on some good shit, and Vegas strippers are top notch anyway).

Once I got done feeling my velvet Ferragamos I put them on my feet, packed the Moroccan leather weekender bag, and called my travel agent (sad news: forgot Shake Weight).

So guess where I am now?

I'll see if I can dredge up enough detail from this past weekend to put together a coherent story sometime soon. But today is decidedly my first experience approaching sobriety since Friday afternoon. At this point I'm cashing in my vacation, which was not planned, but is not entirely against my will. Which brings me to the actual point of this post: what are some good things to see and do in Vegas? What is the best Japanese teppanyaki-style restaurant?

Also, since the Olympics are happening, who's a good bookmaker to visit, and are there any potential upsets you're getting tingles about?

Help me take Vegas, monkeys!