Is it appropriate to take time off after a breakup?

Looking for advice on what to do. I just found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me. Turns out it’s because of my job (mainly the fact I no longer have any time for her). Obviously, we seperated but I’m a complete mess right now. I can’t focus on work and feel like complete shit. Is it ok to take time off for something like this especially on such short notice? I’m worried my performance is going to take a hit too so any advice is appreciated.

 
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If she's cheating on you it isn't because of the job. Maybe that expedited the timeline of how long it was going to take, but it's better that it happened sooner rather than later and you can move on and find someone who is mature enough to not cheat on a partner during the period of their partner's life when they most need support and have to work the hardest to set themselves and future family up for financial freedom down the road. 

Basically this chick sucks and lost out and she can go date some accounting dork who "works" from home and plays with his cats all day. Plenty of fine women out there who themselves work long hours and understand the concept of delayed gratification.  

 
Funniest

She should’ve just broken up with OP instead of cheating. On the other hand, I love it when people rebrand “issues of neglect” into “she missed out on your future fat paychecks bro”

 

been there, like many others too, no matter how many hours you work, either 5 or 100 per week, she would still cheat. be happy you saw her true self now and not later, i swear in a couple of months you will feel happier than ever, i know its hard now, stay strong. Focus on work hit the gym in a week or two and prepare to get a nice holiday with the lads during summer. fu this b*

 

Just went through a breakup back in January with my ex of 2.5 years whom I thought was the one. So I def get how you feel, I'll admit I did take a few days off and went home to family, helped me get back into routine such as just eating, cause I had zero appetite. So would recommend that to help you get back on your feet. Maybe take a Thurs, Friday this week of memorial day. So use 2 days off and get Thurs-Mon off (5 days). Thats what I'd do imo. Best of luck man and after about 6 months single now it does get better trust me, you'll start to be your own person again and be happy with who you are without her. Try to see friends as well as family too, the boys kept together for sure.

 

That long weekend idea really is a good one.  A couple other things I will add:  Try to be around family for the weekend. (or good friends of yours)  Loneliness just makes it worse.  Also: watch it with the alcohol this weekend.  It's a depressant and can make things worse.  I know it's tempting to think that you can just 'drink things away,' but they'll just come back worse when you're depressed AND hungover. 

The only difference between Asset Management and Investment Research is assets. I generally see somebody I know on TV on Bloomberg/CNBC etc. once or twice a week. This sounds cool, until I remind myself that I see somebody I know on ESPN five days a week.
 

As everyone else has said, continue focusing on yourself and time will heal all wounds. It’s different for everyone but I’d recommend having absolutely 0 contact w her, especially as she cheated. Cheating is one of the most disgusting things a person can do imo especially after being in a LTR. You’ll get through this brother and be better for it.

 

Gonna get MS for this, but as hard as it is you have to be very polite. say goodbye, and dont ever reach out to her again. Even if she reaches out after a few weeks, be curt and respectful but tell her you have no interest. Always remember that you’re not sad about her doing this. What you’re feeling is the sadness of seeing beauty die, but you have to realize given the situation that the beauty wasn’t real in the first place and the chemicals in your brain are just playing tricks on you. her revenge is immediate. She will go and fuck some randoms for a while, and you’ll be sad like previously mentioned. Your revenge comes after 10-15 years of hard work when she’s now damaged goods and begs for you back and you get to smile and say “no thank you” and then walk away with another girl who respects you, loves you, is loyal, and is proud to be yours.

 

You watched too many Sigma male videos kid, you don't need to be super-polite or plan a dreamy scenario on a 15y timeline in your head. You get over it doing different stuff such as hobbies, talk and meet with your friends/family. Sometimes you just take a few days to feel a little sad and overcome it once you reconciliated your emotions. Don't be polite, tell her to fck off, and it's okay to throw some clothes or fck up something she had or gave you, this is actually more mature than "being polite" like a psychopath

 

No respect for cheaters. The way I see it, after that many years and she didn’t have the common decency to break up with you before (or even talk to you about how she was feeling before it got that far to the point she would cheat) then she didn’t really care for you and thus you saved yourself a bunch of time (and money). Go out with the lads, get hammered and celebrate the freedom is how I would do it. She’s for the streets.

 

Sorry to hear about what you’re going through - it sucks.

Just want to say you can take time off for pretty much any reason, not just to recover from a break up. Don’t feel like you owe anyone an explanation if you don’t want to tell them. Anyone who thinks they should have a higher claim over your mental health or privacy can go screw themselves.

 

Sorry you’re going through it.

Taking a day bc you’re not feeling well is fine.  But more than that . . you’re just adding stress to your life.

When you say she cheated bc you work too much . . I mean I don’t know but it’s dubious.  Most women don’t cheat for that reason. Take a harder look when you’re ready.

 

All you gotta know is, it’s her not you. She’s probably gonna do it to her next man and so forth. It’s just in some women’s nature unfortunately. My advice is to just go out and do something, fuck knows, go explore some nature and try clear your head. It’s the only thing that works.

 

Any girl who resorts to cheating and not breaking up with you first is trash. Be happy you got rid of her. Think about what the next guy got: a cheating girlfriend. She will probably cheat on him too. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

European based and working at a fairly chill REPE group so this comment may not be perfect for your situation, but I think should still be helpful.

I would pull you manager to the side and explain to him. Dont be sappy, just let him know. He will understand and it's better to give him a heads up because the alternative is your attention and focus will drop and he'll think you're slacking off. I would ask if theres a chance you could take a couple days/maybe a week to work remotely from your parents house or even take the time off, so that you can sort your head out and come back refreshed and focused. The worst he can do is say no, but he will appreciate you giving him the heads up and may loosen your workload in the immediate short-term

Also, as others have said, unfortunately she was not the one. It's a tough one to take but you'll be better off in the long run, trust me. Been there too

 
PVHeaven

European 

I would pull you manager to the side and explain to him. Dont be sappy, just let him know. He will understand

I don't think this is the situation to bring in your personal baggage into work. If your Mom or Dad died and you have to go to the funeral or take some time off, sure, but not relationship issues. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Unfortunately, no, this is not a valid reason to take time off. You could lie and say a family member died, but I personally would never do that. I'd recommend just asking to use some of your PTO and say your dealing with some personal issues and/or want to avoid burnout, and you think taking a few days or a week will allow you to come back into the swing of things with revitalized enthusiasm and morale.

Re the girl, I always prioritize being with women I trust, above all else. I think sometimes guys will spend money and stick with a girl that they know deep down doesn't have the ethical standards to never cheat, but they stick with her b/c she is smoking hot and you have built an emotional attachment, so it's really hard to let things go over a feeling that may seem illogical if you tell her why you're breaking up.

Not sure if this is the case for you but just my two cents. Sometimes it takes experience and getting burned to figure out how to find and be able to discern who is a good partner that fits YOU, but that's okay. Both men and women go through the same thing and learn the same lessons the hard way. See it as a bad trade that gave you knowledge on how to trade better.

 
Risk Weighted Ass

Unfortunately, I'd recommend just asking to use some of your PTO and say your dealing with some personal issues

Yeah

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

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