Loosing sleep. Frustrated. Trying to strategize. Let's hash this out WSO.
It's 6.30.2022. What the fucks up people. Here we go:
Context
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I'm a mid-twenties guy in NYC who's doing very well career wise, have a reputation for being very charismatic, and have a "if you want it, go fucking get it attitude". I've been frequently told by the women I've been with I'm the most attractive/handsome man they've ever slept with or dated
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As anyone who lives in NYC knows, the talent out here is ridiculous. I mean, if I step out of the office to get a coffee or some shit, I see perfectly attractive women left and right
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I love to smile at people if we make eye contact regardless of trying to get laid. Spread the good vibes. Point is, I smile a lot at pretty girls and they tend to reciprocate
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Upon reciprocation, I tend to introduce myself and start making conversation which usually goes quite well
Problem
- Almost every time I ask a girl for her number to take her out and get to know her, she gives it to me (that's not the problem)
- The problem is, a vast majority just don't respond. What the fuck.
- Normally I wouldn't give a shit, but I met this Mediterranean babe who was perfect yesterday and she's just not responding. I want to fix this recurring issue.
Ask
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Given the assumptions laid out in the context, what are people's thoughts on the shocking frequency of a lack of response?
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I'm going to spell this out, as a lot of low quality contributions are made on this site, but we're talking about someone who's very nice, warm, smooth talker, and just doesn't fuck up in that regard. Very respectful yet flirty.
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I'm fine w/ rejection, just don't understanding y this keep happening. If I get the sense she's not interested or mildy so, I usually let it go w/o asking them out.
Closing Context
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I only ask girls out if I get the sense that they are decently mature and willing to put themselves out there. You can tell when you run into a chick whose just been brainwashed into thinking 'men are x or y etc." I let those ones go fast.
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My texts are very vanilla. "Hey good to meet, let me know if you're free x" etc. Shit like that. I don't get jiggy w/ it.
Let's work this deal out people. Would appreciate the thoughts.
Yeah this happens. It's a numbers game and a lot will say no even if you're an attractive, charismatic guy because it was their first time meeting you. I was in your same shoes this past year. It's always the women I'm most interested in who don't respond or say they're busy, while the ones I don't give a fuck about are always available. Sometimes, I'm interested in a woman, she says no, I grow indifferent to her, and then she suddenly likes me. Sometimes the reverse happens. I'm getting fucking tired of it, which is why I've resolved to stop chasing women.
From now on, I focus on myself. The key though is to still talk to women casually, the same way you talk to guys casually and eventually build lifelong friendships with them. Eventually, you'll find a woman you really get along with and then you can "ask her out" with complete certainty that she will say yes.
Women, especially attractive women, are bombarded with attention nowadays and I refuse to feed their ego the first time I meet them. This sounds sexist but it's not. It's shallow to hope for a woman's attention purely due to her looks and a brief encounter with her. Only once a woman has passed all of my tests, and only once my fondness for her is sincere, will I finally pursue her. The days of pick up artistry are over.
Hey man - appreciate the response. +1 SB
So while I hear you on this, I come to the conclusion that this leads to a zero sum game. Everyone looses. Girls start complaining about the lack of men in their dating life and guys just get really frustrated.
Frankly I disagree w/ the notion of creating zero-risk scenarios because that's akin to closing shop (If I understand your notion correctly). What I'm looking to do is figure out if there something from the girls perspective I'm missing that will rationalize the fact they give their number but don't respond (once again, w/ the provided context in OP considered). Maybe I should get to know them via text first? Maybe I'm doing it right and it's just a numbers game?
Haha and I hear u that bombshell girls tend to be the ones to not respond. I've only had one instance a ten was down to link from meeting her at a park and we ended up going on 3 dates. Third one she started acting very straggly and it just fizzled off from there.
What's the alternative?
-Dating Apps (cease pool/personally find the notion fundamentally disturbing). What's the romance in swiping right...that's some sad shit in my book
-Partying (Usually beer goggles lead to regret and pointless sex)
Meeting girls in everyday life is 100% the way to go. There is no room for beer goggles and if she's interesting/social, you can at least have a conversation to get a sense of what they're like.
I also don't get the whole "focus on myself" - why does socializing and self improvement have to be mutually exclusive? Seriously! Would be incredible if someone was able to answer that...
They're not giving you their number because they want to go out with you. Sometimes they give you their number because they feel bad for saying no. Women like to seem nice.
You're not missing anything. An attractive woman who is constantly bombarded with attention will not respond to every guy that asks her to meet up. Even if you yourself are an attractive and charismatic guy, a lot of women won't have the energy to say yes to a date and get to know you. That's just how it is. You have a guarantee of a response if you really connect with someone when you first meet them, but the chances of this happening upon every encounter with a woman are low.
I don't think you're doing anything wrong if you got a ten to go on dates with you. By all means continue the numbers game if it works for you. I've just decided that it's not for me.
Finally, a kid with social skills on WSO (OP).Listen man, you already know this shit - every situation is different but assuming you're late twenties or older, the name of the game now is all about planting seeds. Sometimes I'll say hi to a woman around my neighborhood in passing or smile at her if she looks at me and not even ask for a number or a name. Just plant a firm respectful but interested seed. Then, you see her again and you have a lift off. If you're trying to catch a random girl just hustling through midtown you'll prob not see her again but if it's like in your neighborhood or at the gym or right outside your office building, these are women you're likely going to see again.And here's the bonus shot you ready for this one - all women acknowledge the good looking respectful guy that everybody knows or seems to know. Slowly you start to develop a network and another girl sees you getting positive attention from a peer (another woman) and is interested. Eventually through that relationship type rabbit hole you develop this network like effect and they fall your way.The top tier talent that you were mentioning in your post know they're top tier and get way too much attention. I play the long game with those and chill. Play the network effect.
OP is commenting on lack of response. Not being told no
I consider them the same thing.
This is actually what I have done, it is quite interesting the kind of people I talk to on a daily basis. Growing relationships seems to work out better for me because I get to know these people personally (despite the many few discussions).
I work at a company that is surrounded by law firms and banks, plenty of attractive women but the casual discussions makes easy icebreakers.
I will tell you and OP a suggestion I got in my mid-20s from a friend that changed my life. My friend was the most successful person I knew when it comes to women (probably still to this day) and one day I basically just said "how in the fuck do you do it?".
He told me something very simple -- "when you talk to a woman, look them straight in the eyes". His message was: by looking a woman in the eye - it's a huge sign of confidence by you and something that women will respond to. It changed my game completely - I went from being a 0.200 hitter in my early 20s to vying for batting titles in my 20s and 30s - a huge part of it having to do with this advice I got.
Another piece of advice - and this one is from me - the men I know who found their person early in life did it by meeting people in school settings or through strong family or friend connections. If you don't meet someone like that - then you have to hunt in "the wild" as I'd say. The men I know who found their person out in "the wild" did it in their late 20s, early 30s, at earliest.
Simple reason: women "in the wild" want an older guy. So your universe of potential mates starts off very small in your early 20s and every year grows and grows until your late 20s / early 30s - when literally your universe of potential mates becomes 10x what it was in your early 20s. Keep your head up and confidence strong - every year will get better. And remember - eye contact is key.
Good luck out there...
Very logical - thank you.
A super hot girl with a cute face who has spent months if not years at the gym perfecting her body at the gym is egotistical for not being your sex actress after you spoke to her awkwardly for 10 minutes and maybe bought her a drink? The entitlement on this thread and the number of incels upvoting this genuinely makes me shudder. Dude, quit watching pornography and understand that not every girl is a whore. Some girls want to sleep with only who they have a strong emotional connection with or one that they assume will stick around for a while. Your 10 minute socially awkward conversation and free drink (which you didn’t have to buy) is just meeting a new person. All that has happened is that the girl has met ieurenc. That’s it. Developing an emotional connection and trust will require a lot more meetings like this that are NOT transactional in nature (your idea of planting a seed makes me feel like your guiding the conversation with strings attached). I honestly think this is why you see attractive girls often dating and marrying older (not always rich) guys. Those men have either raised daughters and hence get this emotional connection angle or are at the age where they just like to talk all day (know a lot of 50+ year olds like this).
I'm not saying attractive women have egos because they don't want to be my sex actress. I'm saying that guys inflate their ego by fawning over them upon a brief encounter. It's our fault. We're not even in disagreement actually. I'm saying that a guy should only pursue a women when he has genuinely connected with her which is what you're saying too.
"I'm going to spell this out, as a lot of low quality contributions are made on this site, but we're talking about someone who's very nice, warm, smooth talker, and just doesn't fuck up in that regard. Very respectful yet flirty."
Appreciate you opining nonetheless.
*losing
What’s that term in Boiler Room where the initial broker pumps up a person just for them to flake when the main broker calls back?
"Writing wood"
hahaha oh yeah thanks yeah that’s it.
>> My texts are very vanilla. "Hey good to meet, let me know if you're free x"
honestly, I’d say this is part of the problem. It’s vanilla and boring, plus you put the ball in their court. Need to be more assertive and less bland.
Don’t ask when they are free, instead, live your life and text them you’re going to be at x on y date and want them to join you. If they join, it’s a win. If they pass, make sure you do a subtle social media flex story post showing you doing you and still having a good time. Don’t be a tryhard about it. I wish the dating game wasn’t like this but it is
Thanks. Never thought of that - agreed on being more assertive.
Why do you think the dating game is like this?
I would have never thought someone would judge someone else due to texting vanilla, seems ridiculous/immature to me. The point of the date/initial convo when seeing her is the time to judge.
It's not the dating game that's like this. It's women that are like this. For all their cries about equality and empowerment, they instinctually desire for a man to be better than them. When you ask "let me know if you're free," that gives them too much power over you to say no. When you say "I'll be at x this weekend, you should come" that puts the ball in your court, as UCSDThrowaway put it.
I hate everything you stand for, but once again, I agree with you 100% here. Are you a crunchy or soft taco person?
Homemade corn tortillas 1000%
Unless I’m at a gringo establishment. Then crunchy tacos are fine. Generally hate flour tortillas with a passion
This is dead wrong. You don’t Invite for a date right away. You start up conversation via text. Once rapport is good then and only then (but as early as possible) go for the date ask.
Maybe you look like brad Pitt and girls want to text back and forth with you all day, but I don’t look like brad Pitt and in my experience, girls absolutely do NOT want to be texting back and forth all day “building rapport” . It’s clingy, desperate, and needy.. unless you are in top decile looks or extremely high SMV
Agree with the part about when you do ask for date - don’t ask when they are free - don’t put the ball in their court. Keep the ball (power) in your court.
But speaking from experience don’t just throw out one time/place. Keep open options. Like: “I was thinking we grab a drink sometime over the next few weeks”. Then you can really gauge interest - if she says she’s busy for the next few weeks, then don’t waste any more time. If she says great - then you narrow down the day.
if you take one shot with - “let’s grab drinks Friday” that’s a one and done situation. She may have plans already and then you can’t disentangle her interest from her lack of availability. But then you are playing a weak hand coming back for a second ask you’re fucked.
Another piece of advice don’t ask for a first date for a weekend night - they are more likely to be free during the week and first date on a wkd signals desperate on your part.
These games seem silly but remember these girls don’t know you. They are working off a limited set of info - so everything you do is a signal of some sort - especially early on needs to be managed carefully.
too many options these days
Y these days? Where there not plenty of options 10, 20, 50 years ago?
The entire world is playing in the same dating pool now. 20,30,40+ years ago women didn't have social media. A small town 9 or 10 (Addison Rae for example) didn't have access to suitors in LA, NY, CHI, London, SA, etc. Now they build a sliver of a social media presence and they're on everyone's timeline. Or they create a dating profile and match with every single man they swipe right on. Every avg Joe and even above avg Joe is pumping their tires, giving them likes, and sliding in their DM's. The options for attractive women are nearly limitless and their egos have become delusionally inflated. All said, the dating game is in shambles right now and will continue to be barring a culture change.
You seem to have a solid head on your shoulders, but if you were as attractive as you say you are then I think you’d get at least a few responses.
Like some posters above me said, all I can think of is the opening text sucks. You sound like someone I would want to be friends with. I’m “always grumpy and never smile” according to friends and family. However, if you get me drunk, I’m the exact opposite. This girl made me get drunk before meeting her parents because “nobody likes you when you’re sober” (that comment was one of many reasons we didn’t work out lol).
I’ve found even the most professional of girls (never been w a banker but have met lots of consultants) don’t want you to text them like it’s a Teams chat. I don’t use emojis, but with girls I sometimes do. It’s stupid but you can’t be too straightforward in my experience.
Instead of something like “hey, let’s get coffee sometime when you’re free”, my first text might be “Here comes Moto Moto I think he likes you”. Back when I was on dating apps I couldn’t text this bc I already used it in my bio.
You’ve gotta seem ditzy and fun over text. I can’t hit a girl with “confirming receipt” if we make plans. It’s gotta be like “ok bb ily”. Mix in being a teddy bear with real conversations like “what is the meaning of life”. Not all girls like to dive into that type of stuff, but I’ve found those who do always get me emotionally attached. I have no interest in the baddie who only cares about Starbucks and Lululemon if she can’t hold a meaningful conversation.
Also, the numbers game is real. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - women pretty much get what they want, especially the hot ones. You might be legit in the Top 1%, but you can’t compete with Blake Griffin. Good thing is, there are only so many true outliers, and eventually you will probably find a baddie w a fatty that likes you back
Quality ass comment dawg - bless up.
"nobody likes you when you're sober" XXDD that's hilarious
Yes, I can compete with Blake Griffin. Tf you on
Not to sound like a cunt, but I've thought this as well. It's weak from their end
Try meeting girls through friends. Women want to date [John’s hot friend from Penn] not [stranger who kept smiling at me while I was picking up whiteclaw at the Bodega]
Stop being autistic.
Step up your text game. It’s too bland. Any bombshell’a insta dms look like a nikey store in 2022. All check marks. You’re texting her like you’re Drake or something. Get a reality check, you’re competing with every athlete and rich asshole in the world right now.
Put in some effort and be more assertive. Get her Insta, keep it light, don’t blow up her phone. Eventually get to know her over text, then maybe a FT, showing her you’re not some weirdo and then invite her somewhere fun, NYC has plenty of amazing spots.
I wouldn’t recommend a number. I always start with getting her Insta (NOT snapchat). For a most hot girls that I exchange instagrams with, I don’t contact them for weeks, maybe months. They reply to a story, I reply to a story, I keep it casual. Sooner or later they fly out with me to a trip or we meet up at a party and fuck.
I’m always the most attractive guy in any room I walk into (just an observation), and I’m very athletic/built (10 years of weight training plus HGH over the last 2 years non-stop) but it wasn’t until I was a regular in the industry and developed a reputation of being not a creep + successful that I got regularly laid with 10s without much work.
If it wasn’t obvious I also recommend on building a strong Instagram profile and then spend the extra 10-15k to get your profile verified. I was going to buy a boat but that was a much better investment for getting laid.
The game has changed. Build a strong pipeline and learn how to use social media unlike most autistic losers, and you can regularly fuck 10s 1-3x a week with minimal effort. I’m meeting up with a girl in Tampa Florida tonight that I met 6 months ago in Vancouver. We haven’t chatted until last weekend, and now she’s flying out for Fourth of July.
Ha. Nice troll post.
If you're serious, any half respectable girl isn't going to give a shit about your social media.
This is some small dick energy.
A strong SM account communicates or signals that you’re (a) fun (b) known (c) desirable by other women etc. It’s not a prerequisite for a respectable girl but it helps.
And caring about SM does not disqualify a girl from being respectable. And OP isn’t asking to find a wife, he’s talking about a lack of response. My post was addressing this.
How do you pay and get your profile verified?
x
simpler explanation - i dont think you're as attractive as you think lol
Aight OP time to pony up with them selfies
Maybe try giving the girl your number when first meeting. You could also try waiting a bit longer to text after you first get her number (few days - a week)
As others have said, it is a numbers game and you do not even know for sure what any girl's situation is when you speak to her at a bar. For all you know, 50% of the girls you meet have boyfriends but they do not mention it when they are chatting with you. If they are honest about having a boyfriend, you might move on to the next one. Another possible reason for your lack of success could be the line I quoted above. Either you have an inflated view of your own physical appearance or you are not very humble about it. If any of this is perceived by a female, she might be less interested in you. No one knows if you communicate this way with women but if you do, may be try being more modest and humble about it.
Many women you’ve slept with have told you that you’re the most handsome guy they have ever been with? Lol. Reminds me when I would tell needy 6’s at the bar that they were 9’s. So unless you’re secretly brad pitt, I’m pretty sure they sensed you’re neediness and we’re giving you lip service.
Hot girls have realized that you can’t say no, even politely to random guys. That could trigger a potentially violent response, as guys get sensitive and embarrassed when shot down.
So the easiest thing to do is give a fake number or their real number and then immediately block the number. That way you dramatically reduce the chance of the creepy dude getting angry in public.
Or you’re so devastatingly handsome and charming that you get tons of numbers but all these girls happen to suddenly get super busy and can’t respond to one text?
Get over yourself.
Have you thought about sending a dick pic instead of just a bland text message, to let them know what's really up?
But in all seriousness, these women are giving you their numbers not because they are interested, but because they don't want to be rude or feel awkward turning you down, or worse - they quickly want to get out of the situation that you have put them in. Once you have their number, you need to really put some thought in to what you're saying. Do not say "hey what's up". Get out of here with that. While this was through a dating app, a girl I was interested in had a picture of her about to catch a football and the caption said "My submission to National Geographic" and I commented - "A free falling object has an acceleration of 9.8m/s^2. Given your distance from the probable landing spot and because you rowed for *her college*, I am assuming you did not catch this football and your submission to National Geographic was denied" She then told me she used to play for the national rugby team and I told her I played tight end for my middle school football team so we obviously had a ton in common. It was off to the races from there.
Now you're bummed because a lot of girls aren't responding to your texts. This is to be expected since you're casting a super wide net, asking these girls for their numbers before they've expressed much interest (which is what it sounds like). I watched my cousin do this all the time. He was actually a good looking dude, he would just ask these girls for their numbers before he even established if they had anything in common whatsoever.
And lastly, girls don't care that much about looks like us guys do. Take a picture of a hot girl and show your buddies. 8/10 of your buddies will agree she's hot. It doesn't work that way with girls. I can't tell you how many times ex gf's or girls I'm friends with that have talked about how ugly their friend's boyfriends are. Perhaps you can even think of a friend of yours who seems to always have no problem in the women department despite only modest looks.
Dating Advice From A Pimp
clicked for laughs, but the advice is golden. it's much better to date a girl who likes you and will do everything for you even if you don't like her as much than a hot girl who you are obsessed with and do everything for her and she doesn't care about you. that's what I've been always doing. it's funny to see exactly the same POV coming from a pimp haha.
welcome to the modern world. even mildly attractive girls are overwhelmed with attention due to social media. thousands of men are able to discover them on IG, FB, tinder, bumble, hinge every day and tens of high quality very attractive, fun, rich, charismatic men send them messages every day. so these girls don't respond to the vast majority of these messages due to either being busy with life/work/school, or already seeing somebody, or already having plans, or not feeling like dating at the moment. it is frustrating, especially when you are a top quality man and you would expect the girls to be eager to respond, but reality is the vast majority won't respond even if you are higher quality than them just because every mildly attractive girl is overwhelmed with attention from much higher quality than them men. just have to accept the reality. that's the reason many men, even very high quality, just settle for whatever girl they get and keep her cause it's very exhausting to pursue girls and deal with wasted time and money and ghosting. I am in the same position btw.
This happened to me yesterday, I got a girl's number through daygame, texted her later, no reply yet as of today
Maybe you’re just a cornball and not as suave as you thought. Like you said lots of talent in the city, same goes for men. Above average looks and high paying salaries is common place in the city, and I’m sure these women get a lot of attention as is, so what you have to offer is even more commoditized then. Stop being so dry bro and hit them with something spontaneous or unexpected
Here's a little experiment for you guys. Download an app called HelloTalk. It's a language learning app that lets you text with people all over the world to learn new languages. Start 10 or more conversations and keep up with them for a week or two. You will also get messages from other people. A lot of them will be boring generic messages and it will feel like work to respond to them. After a few days, you should have a few conversations going. As I said, try to keep those conversations going in the middle of your busy schedule. You will start to notice just how difficult it is and how fast you stop caring.
The average girl has hundreds of messages going between text messages, IG, FB, Snapchat, Whatsapp, Tinder, etc. The average guy, no matter how great he thinks he is, will never understand what the average girl's inbox feels like. She has countless men coming at her from all directions. "Hey, remember me!" "Hey beautiful." Hey." "What's up!?" Hey!" "You're so beautiful." "Hey gorgeous." blah blah blah. Then here you come along, "Hey I met you at the bar!" She already forgot you bruh.
I had a friend that used to give her number to every guy that asked without any intention of ever talking to them. It can be dangerous out here for girls to bruise a guy's ego in public so she would give her number to everyone, and she would never respond. But once you have a dozen or so messages going on HelloTalk you will start to understand what she might feel like trying to keep up with every man that's trying to sleep with her.
The average girl has been hearing she's the most beautiful creature to walk the earth since she hit puberty. By the time she's 21 she knows that every guy she meets wants to get between her legs, she's had her heart broken too many times, and she doesn't care about your charisma or investment banking job. If she looks good enough Drake, Chris Brown, or Future might invite her to a party.
I went to the club one time with my friends and a famous rapper had a show and sent his hype man to pull one of my friends after his performance, and she turned him down like he wasn't shit. She got a huge ego boost. She was dating a ripped male stripper at the time (Picture Zyzz). You have no idea the type of men the average girl turns down daily.
As other people said, it's a numbers game. Just shoot your shot to as many as you can, but you can't let them feel like that's what you're doing. And you have to just make yourself the type of man that turns heads. Workout, dress sharp, have your mouthpiece on point, and be perceptive. Use that attention to detail and notice when a girl is giving you choosing signals. She has to choose you. The days of seducing women randomly are over, they have just too many options. And don't feed too much into a girl giving you her number. She has probably given it out 10 times since she left her house.
The average woman picking a guy is like the average guy trying to find the right porn to fap to. There's just too many options and the next one might always be better.
These "girls have too many options these days" responses are nonsense. Since dawn of time a hot girl can get a date at will and get asked out non stop. It's no different now than when I was running around 10 and 20 years ago. A top quality woman has a boyfriend or husband 99% of the time - and the vast majority of those women who are attached are not looking at nor caring about any other options out there - they are focused on their relationship and the dudes constantly asking them out is a nuisance.
In order to score a top quality woman you need to be in the right place at the right time for the 1% of their lifetime they are single and ready for someone new. Getting the attention of a top quality woman is about technique - but it is also about luck - being at the right place at the right time. That's why it's a numbers game. Not because your odds of getting a top quality woman are low - it's that the odds of a top quality woman being available at the time you are there to pursue her - that is where the odds are low.
But this "women can't be gotten these days" is fatalistic bullshit. Get good at approaching women and keep taking your shot and you'll land a good one. And per my other comments, the older you get the easier it gets.
I gotta disagree with you. Social media changed the game. The other day some guy started trolling Drake, and he DMed his wife “I’m here for u ma.” My point is you're not just competing with the best guy in town. A girl in the middle of nowhere can get flown out by the biggest celebrity if her pics look good enough. Yes, girls back in the day had a lot of options, but for a guy to get even close to the amount of attention the average girl gets in a bikini pic he has to make a hit song or win a gold medal or something.
Women are getting asked nonstop by men all over the world so she's thinking that there's always someone better. Additionally, most women can make more money than the average man from simps. Girls are making money just by selling their used underwear. Do you think a girl cares about your 6 figure job when she can make 6 figures a month stripping or on onlyfans? Most women can make their own money so the only thing they need a man for is a good time. You can't shame a woman for sleeping around as previous generations did as well. They have slut walks now.
It's still possible to get women, but to not acknowledge the options the average girl has these days is just ignorant.
Spot on. Haha ended up meeting w/ her today. Went awesome.
there are amazing women in their 20s and 30s you really just have to have all the stars aligned.
I don't know why you're losing sleep over this. The less you care the more they come. If you are as smooth/attractive as you say you are and getting numbers then that isn't the issue. Your mentality is though and your text game should be better for sure. Others have mentioned it, but it always helps to build a quick rapport again over text to increase your chances of meeting up. After getting her number in person, wait a day or two (key is to wait, but not too long or they on to something else) then text her a few times back and forth keeping it light and then ask for the meetup. If it's lukewarm/no response, forget it, don't text back and move on. You gotta have the mentality that you don't need her and it will only help by oozing into everything you do.
So let me get an estimate here for the % of responses that are by men here?
The perspective you need is from the person blanking your texts not WSO pickup artists
Nope. As cliche as it is, you don't talk to the fish, you talk to the fisherman.
I'm not sure about that. The speaker matters as much as the audience, in this case OP needs to hear it from the ladies (that you give a phone number to make someone go away non confrontationally)... Also let's not lie the quality of conversation has tended towards incel forum here.
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Great comment. Thank you.
Second point - very interesting. From what I gather, it's about implying sincere interest followed by being assertive/closing the deal.
All in all, so many great comments. Some talented fellas on this forum.
The walk alongside tactic gives major creep vibes... You'll bucket yourself with the scumbags if you do that.
Hi OP, I’m a girl. Just by reading your post, I don’t sense much charismatic or attractive vibes, lol. All I’m getting is over inflated confidence and the inability to acknowledge/accept social defeat. There’s not one guy I’ve ever met that I think is consistently more charismatic than others, and if I do that guy is usually a narcissist (I will tell you I personally run for life away from narcissists and I would hope my girl friends do too). Just because you’ve met a woman for a few mins doesn’t mean she’s interested in you romantically. They probably seemed friendly and fun when they just met you because they thought you wanted to be friends. And when you actually followed up they were probably like oooooh now it’s weird because he wants to hook up too. Immediately avoid. I can tell you that’s just what girls like to do to protect ourselves. No guy in their right mind would want to ask a girl out after a few mins of meeting. Unless he’s just trying to bang. Gross.
I mean, your comment is very entitled and quite frankly is a dart shot in the dark. I almost pity that it seems you're accustomed to this being your general view.
To ensure there's no confusion or others considering your ludicrous statement to be perceived as legitimate, I ended up seeing her yesterday. Was an excellent time and we're planning to see each other again.
I mean it’s great that she agreed to meet, I’m just saying for the manyyy other girls that you said didn’t respond, they prob just assumed you wanted to be friends. Also yeah, I’m not surprised that you’re super offended by the truth. You literally asked for help - so don’t pick and choose what you want to listen to, and wonder why you don’t get girls. Lol. Stay patient and stay respectful (to women, including me), maybe that’ll help your career one day too.
I'm confused about this. How can you say a guy is a narcissist but highly charismatic at the same time?
Agree with the rest though.
so I said “consistently charismatic” I feel like I see it as a red flag. Narcissists are usually some of the most charismatic guys you’ll have met, but that doesn’t really mean anything. But that’s just how I see it. I tend to award qualities such as kindness and manners not charisma. I feel like my guy friends care a lot more about being charismatic though, although it’s almost laughable when someone tries really hard to be. Hope that helps.
Also - I genuinely mean this - stop this thing that some men do viewing women as romantic or sexual options more than you view them as actual human beings. The best relationships are built on friendships anyway.
Think of yourself as the woman, and men headhunters lol. Do you respond to every single email from them? Usually I ignore 99% unless there’s a select few I’m interested. Same idea. We don’t owe you accessibility.
Your initial comment does the opposite of this.
Honestly this reads like “It’s creepy to approach me and want to hookup unless you’re a handsome Chad.”
Genuine advice to the majority of this thread- there's some really unhealthy shit said here that is crossing over to the danger zone. Absolutely no one owes you their time; pressing people when they're not in the right frame of mind is an awful thing to do, even if it's not criminal.
If you don't have any luck with dating sites switch it up and consider why. Most people don't feel comfortable or safe going on dates with random men, it's that simple. Therefore, find a way to move out that mould (by a warm or soft introduction) or by being in an environment where you can expect to meet people such as bars or clubs. Harassing randos in the street is so stupid as a strategy it blows the mind.
Also, as a second note, just ask your female friends. If you don't have any maybe that's the issue more than anything else.
Special shout out to the geniuses saying women biologically naturally seek superior men, can't believe this forum is in theory for professionals.
Bars and clubs are loud and noisy, less than ideal environment sometimes. At a coffee shop, grocery store, going about your day/walking around, what's wrong about approaching and having a casual conversation (as long as it's not harassing) with someone you find attractive.
Try hanging out with a pretty female friend of yours for a day in a public space. Trust me, you're just being annoying and the volume is massive, it doesn't differentiate you at all. Like I said- shoot your shot online and break the mould, maybe go for the niche stuff, bars and clubs which aren't as loud or hellish. Very very rare for this random conversation gambit to work so why bother 95% of the people you talk to?
For anyone younger who read this comment, definitely disregard it due to it being grossly inaccurate.
Never hesitate to make polite conversation with people if you so choose. Regardless of whether it is for attraction purposes or for nor reason whatsoever. This comment states doing so is criminal and/or harrasing (possible the commenter didn't read the OP), which goes without saying is not remotely relevant to this discussion.
Agree with everything except this. Women seek men who are superior to them in at least one way, whether that is looks, money, or social skills. This is an indisputable fact.
Don’t think you (or anyone) should be able to speak for the entire gender
This is easy bro. Women seek validation in daily interactions/relationships. Someone whose attractive approaching them randomly gives them the rush of “Omg this guy is hot and thinks I’m hot.” Most of the time they aren’t even interested in getting to know u but the fact that you gave them attention reinforces the idea in their head that they’re desirable. Gotta remember that a lot of women, especially the pretty ones, are insecure and like to get their ego boosted every now and then. Just gotta take it on the chin and move on. Cheers
Check assumptions again & fix plz thx
If you really insist on day gaming girls on their way to work or something, and getting their number instead of Insta, read back their number to them but get one digit wrong. If she corrects you, she’s interested.
This only works if you don’t come off as a weirdo to text the girl right in front of her and then blow up when it doesn’t go through.
Tbh I have found a better strategy is to never ask girls for their number, let them give you theirs on their own. Granted, this only works when you see this person on a quasi-regular basis, like at school or work. If you meet a girl that you find attractive, simply get to know her in that context. Hang out with her during lunch breaks/between classes. Keep it friendly. Maintain eye contact. Make her laugh and feel good about herself. If she likes you and wants it to go further, she'll give you her number without you even asking.
This does not compute for OP. Get to know women outside of a sexual relationship? Unthinkable
I don't know who it was, but someone on these forums once said "the difference between a child and an adult is that a child looks for a girlfriend/boyfriend (or, I would add, something even less), while an adult looks for someone that will make a good mother/father."
Sage advice imo
Weird as fuck such a fair post got this upvote/downvote ratio.
The Motherfucker who wrote this is literally just talking about meeting girls nicely/chill and gets hit with such fucking bullshit from some pretentious fucks.
70% of the comments are such good quality but the pondscum saying to stop “harassing”, “get on dating apps” or draw on assumptions that clearly don’t apply to the OP are those that are attributing to the skyrocketing of social retardation and superficiality society is being faced with.
i wish god would press a button that would send all of u to an island, give y’all an iPhone, and let u stare at your screens incessantly until u finally just become the robots you deserve to be
Ok so I am a woman, 23, p confident to say I get along w many men & know I'm considered pretty high in the ranks. Here's my honest advice -- thinking from why I may do this to a man in the same situation. Most women give numbers in the moment because it's awkward to not sometimes, honest truth. But here's the thing, you mentioned a lot of physical attributes about yourself. I can have a hot guy give me his number, but if the vibe is off I'm not as interested. You need to reverse think and put yourself in a woman's shoes. Men think and value physical, women value emotional. Women value personalities, impressions, the way you even text can be important. The men who charm me are the ones where we just click in many areas/vibe. The ones I ghost or don't answer, the man didn't make a significant enough impression on me and esp in nyc there are plenty of fish in the sea. I would rethink and figure out different ways to make an impression, ask her about her interests, figure out where you connect and try to lead with that. In your text, follow up with something you both spoke about or you remember her mentioning, or ask her an interesting question. If u need more advice feel free to reach out, all my friends come to me for advice and call me wise ahahah
I’m sorry but this is just complete nonsense. The whole “men are animals, women value character” is for the most part BS. Women prefer money and looks just like men do as a baseline and only after that threshold is met (which is high for NYC) does personality even come into play. Even then, the “nice guy” typically lacks the alpha male characteristics (such as Type A) which women get attracted to and nice guys typically get friendzoned. On the flip side men prefer looks only in the case of hookups. When it comes to LTR most on this site want highly educated, career driven girls from UMC backgrounds and will take a steep discount in looks even if there is a single “white trash” 10/10 girl available. Of course attractive girls that meet all the criteria above are the most sought after and will have several 6’ , $250k+ Chads trying to court them and then and only then does it come down to the petty differences such as interests, cool texts, etc.
If you seriously think all the very attractive women have multiple "chads" and "alphas" after them, you need to really detox your social media. Most people are lonely, even if you're attractive. Seriously, leave and unsubscribe from this mindset it's toxic.
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