Controversial

Symfuhny

Not married yet, but planning on proposing within the next year. Gf and I looked at rings and she's loving moissanite (cheaper but just as pretty as diamond). Ring she picked out is just under $5k

A moissanite is an artificial diamond, Lincoln.

It's Mickey Mouse, mate

Spurious

Not genuine

and it's worth... fuck all!

 

You plan on pawning you wife’s diamond ring or something? If she likes it, and you like her, who gives fuck all about the value? He got lucky that she isn’t some materialistic brat who needs an outsized diamond her finger can barely carry to show off to other brats. It’s not like anyone can tell anyway. The way I see it, man won.

 

People just don't appreciate thoughtful comedy anymore

"The obedient always think of themselves as virtuous rather than cowardly" - Robert A. Wilson | "If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 

This. I spent around 2.5k (this was even extra to get platinum). Luckily my fiance’s hands are small so the big rings didn’t even look good on her. Money will be saved towards a sick honeymoon, wedding and downpayment.

 

Spent about $32k. In hindsight I could have spent $25k and been good. Look online at Blue Nile for price reference.

If you have the money I'd recommend 2-2.5 carrots (I went to 3.25 and really didn't need to go so big), I or J color (no one is ever going to be holding next to a D for comparison), SL1 (again no one is going to be grilling your diamond), and excellent cut. Big and sparkly is all the matters.

If perceptions matter to you, I will say is that everyone will judge you based on the diamond. . I don't mind that I overspent a little because she gets a TON of compliments and will wear it a lot and that ultimately gets me some respect. Just being honest.

 
stay thirsty my friends

Big and sparkly is all the matters.

If perceptions matter to you, I will say is that everyone will judge you based on the diamond. . I don't mind that I overspent a little because she gets a TON of compliments and will wear it a lot and that ultimately gets me some respect. Just being honest.

Not that diamonds hold a lot of value, but "big and sparkly" is pretty much the main path towards a diamond that won't have resale value.  Better clarity and color may not be as immediately noticeable when your fiance is showing off her ring, but those are the qualities that drive value.

 

Like $800 on the band, $20k on the rock.

I asked my wife to send me what band she wanted, ordered that and then went to a family friend to fill it with the nicest stone he could find around $20k. 

Ultimately she was very happy (not materialistic, but I was able to find something bigger than she thought), her friends and family were impressed, and her dad spent 10x more on the wedding.

I know people will get all bitchy about spending a lot, but it's really one of the only things you have to buy and you do want her to be proud to show it, at least in my opinion.

This and the wedding band were more about her happiness than the cost, in my opinion. 

If you don't want to spend a lot, apparently the lab grown ones are nice. I don't really understand diamonds but an appropriately clear and cut one can look nicer, objectively, than size alone.

 

200k for a wedding? sorry for my ignorance but do weddings cost that much now? fucking hell

 

Single dude here and I can’t fathom spending so much on a ring. Recently dropped 10k on a vacation for my parents and about to give 10k to my sibling as a wedding gift.

I guess if I get engaged I’ll understand, but to me it’s a no brainer to spend that money on experiences rather than a ring. Idk, maybe I’ll come around in a few years

 

So the answer is “it depends” on what other qualities you want. You can increase size and keep price down by going lower in quality for example. I found that there was a price jump once you hit 2.X so I stayed below it. Based on my limited experience (which was all in NYC) I think you can get a low 2.X for like 25-30k for the stone with solid clarity / cut / color etc. This is also for oval for instance and there are certain shapes which are less expensive. For reference, my stone was like 17-18k. Band was custom (relatively intricate design featuring a second smaller stone) and platinum so cost a little more.

If you get a good dealer they will sit you down and walk you through the matrix. Sacrifice color for size and price etc.

 

$0, passed down. Ring itself probably worth 4k, white gold band, smallish diamond and ruby. If she wants more jewelry I'll buy but she appreciated significance over size or value. Very good looking ring for price might I add.

 

You're all fucked in the head. I'll get a simple gold band, maybe one of the family rings of my mother, let it get worked over a bit and put a zirconia in. 2k max, if even. 50k on a fucking ring that you'll wear like 6 months until the wedding, you people are insane. You're sucking DeBeers shriveled cock because Don Draper et al made you love it, and you don't even know it. Engagement rings do not exist, historically, not in the way you think. Diamonds and those rings - the most ridiculous fucking scam in the history of humanity, together with "butter is bad for you", "circumcision is necessary for hygiene", and "breastfeeding is icky and unsanitary". Fucking ridiculous.

...and the Truth shall set you free
 

I think any of the guys here (hopefully) know the diamond industry is bullshit, but willingly make that purchase to appease their fiancé’s/future wives - which IMO is the problem. Unless you want to just flaunt wealth but if your net worth is under 7 figures then buying a 30k+ ring is just absurd. Wedding industry in general is just a scam. Middle class buying/financing an engagement ring and then a wedding that costs more than that ring in likely a year? Probably spend more on that than what’s in there retirement account 

also, engagement rings are worn for the entirety of the marriage. Don’t disagree with what you said otherwise 

 

under 7 figs? associates at my desk have 50k watches, yet can't get a 30k wedding ring... cmon.

Spend whatever the fuck you want, know guys my age (30ish) who grabbed 50-70k + rings. Same guys have 150k watches... not crazy. Chick rock it forever (hopefully lol). I don't get the push back on high cost rings... not apples to apples, but is it wild for someone to rock an aquanaut daily? Bc that's almost common. 

 

I'm honestly shocked at the amount of people that think they are special saying the diamond industry is a scam. Correct, they inflate prices by controlling/restricting the supply of the market to keep demand high to charge high prices. No different that literally any designer/luxury clothing and accessories (LVMH brands keep supply low and burn stock of anything extra to protect image of exclusivity), luxury cars (companies purposely produce a limited amount compared to regular manufacturers and relay on advertising/effective marketing to increase their perceived value to the consumer), even something as mundane as glasses ((a company Luxottica has its piece in almost every vertical of the market, owns many brands (Oakley and Ray Ban), retail stores and optometrists (Sunglass Hut, Lenscrafters, Pearle Vision), and even insurance (EyeMed Vision care is the second largest in the country)). At the end of the day, almost all luxury items are not worth it/are a "scam" in this sense. Not everything needs to be looked at in a scope of a economic cost analysis.

 

+1 for an extremely logical comparison that everyone else seems to forget about. 

I will say that one key differentiator is that diamonds have no useful value, so when you compare them to a car it is a bit different. E.g., a unique car like a Audi R8 Deccenium may come at somewhat of a premium due to the low number of vehicles manufactured and sold in each country, but it also comes with a unique advantage of being faster and a better performing vehicle with unique parts. 

I think the clothing analogy is perfect though. Buying a $500 pair of Tom Ford sunglasses vs. a $10 pair of polarized gas station shades is almost the exact same as a premium diamond ring vs synthetic diamonds. With that said, most of the women I have met (anecdotal data Im sorry I dont have better) would prefer a true diamond. Therefore, I think it is not about what is most logical, but about appeasing the person you expect to spend your life with. If my future wife didnt care, I would go synthetic. Because she does, I will likely go traditional. You can buy an extremely nice ring for $5-10k (data points includes friends who recently bought them for that range), and you dont really need to spend much more, regardless of industry. 

 

$21k, 2-carat, gold band, from the diamond district in NYC.  Thankfully I was referred to a specific person because otherwise I don't know how the hell mortals navigate that place.  Ratty street where you pick any building, get on the elevator to any floor, and see 12 identical doors all with names like "Luxury Corp" or "Diamond Corp".  Fascinating place but was happy to get in and out quickly.

 

Well obviously, doesn't really work if she doesn't share the same sentiment. It's easy for women not to agree with such a statement because it's not their money, flip the script and tell them you want an engagement gift such as a watch of equal value to the ring and see them change their tune real quick about what kind of ring they want. Doesn't even have to be of the same value, just a watch that costs maybe a few grand because it's not really about the money. Friends of mine have done this, it's hilarious because their fiance knows they don't have a leg to stand on if they tried to object.

 

Actually just went through this process. 

Find someone who sells rocks wholesale (do your research on what you want beforehand), get the setting and band done elsewhere. 

Spent ~15K total but the ring was appraised at 32K.

2.2 Ct and it actually looks huge (oval shape)

You do not need to go better than an SI1 on Clarity and H on color and you can get away with an SI2. 

 
anonguytoibd

My finance is not materialistic and does not show off anything pricey/extravagant 

Your “finance”? hahaha

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

$3k. Delicate and intricate rose gold band, one diamond in the middle. Wife is not materialistic at all. I bought it without her knowing, came into town and surprised her with the engagement (she knew it was coming eventually, didnt know I was coming into town that weekend). She loved it. Couldn't stop staring at her ring and saying what a good job I did.

My wife is more frugal than I am. Happy with a simple life, which makes it all the better as I earn more and am able to give her nicer things since she is already happy with what she has. I married well.

 

Looking at rings now. Had a good conversation with my lady and we both decided to go the lab-grown route and spend ~$5k rather than ~$20k.

Still a diamond and you can't tell the difference without some high-end equipment. Told her I'd be happy to upgrade in the future if she wants natural but it doesn't make any sense for people in their 20's to spend $20k on a ring. In the end, it will be her money too.

Don't care about value retention as I am not planning on selling it and by the time we would trade it in, I plan on having made much more than 33% on the $15k of initial savings.

 

Do you realize 60%+ of the top 10 richest people in the world right now are divorced? 

A friend of mine works in PWM and tells me that rich people often times don't get "officially" divorced because of taxes, asset/estate protection, bad optics, etc. But they move on with other people, relationships and places. 

And don't even get me started on how many people cheat. The same friend in PWM has a female client that's paying her secret lover a monthly allowance so that he doesn't have to work and can be available for a booty call on demand. Must nice if/until caught! 

 

30-40k

It is what it is. I'm someone though who doesn't get / understand luxury watch market, name brand bags, etc. She helped pick it out. We don't need the money, but honestly nobody can tell the difference between a lab grown diamond and a real one.

Unfortunately it just isn't an option for most people (in these types of circles) - either the partner wants to pick / be included or, after the fact, wants to know all the stats to tell their fam and, if they like it, maybe mention to a few friends when it comes up. And even if she thinks it is beautiful when she sees it, the moment you tell her it's lab grown, she may internalize that you are being cheap on her

 

Mostly agree. Also dependent on age / income. There's a difference between a third year analyst making 200k with little NW buying that and a principal who's made mid-to-high six figures for years.

Also I've mentioned before, but girlfriend was a high earner - there's very little of "I make the money so you only get XX" in our household (they're more fully joint decisions)

 

Consider looking at Adiamor for purchasing the diamond. Directly purchasing it from an online diamond auction and cuts off the 1000%+ price increase from most jeweler’s. Allows you to choose cut, clarity, weight and all that. Also a 30 day grace period for you to get it appraised from a 3rd party after purchasing. As an example, I was looking at rings in the $10-15k range at jewelers and decided to buy the diamond separately from Adiamor and cut off about $3k for a slightly bigger diamond

 

Spent a shockingly low number on a ring based on stuff we’d looked at together.  Real gold, real diamond, just scaled down.  She comes from one of those families that started with very literally nothing and built a small empire: she couldn't fathom blowing any meaningful amount of money on baubles like jewelry.

Wedding reception was a shockingly lower number than the ring.  Private event with immediate family only.  At home.  Honeymoon was basic trip the the islands where we sampled local cuisine etc on the cheap and otherwise bummed around doing beach/snorkeling/surfing type stuff.

Took all the money we didn't waste and plowed it into real estate.  

10/10 would do it again.

Get busy living
 

$18k through a diamond dealer, appraised at $24k

Going through the process I thought this was the biggest waste of money as the ring/diamond has no functional use (at least a watch tells time, a handbag can store stuff etc). She really wanted a real diamond even though a lab made one would be more perfect but much less expensive. Ah well, she loves it and I still see her looking at it and admiring it and it's definitely nicer than her friends'.

She does know that it's an expensive gift, however, and got me a nice watch as a wedding gift as well.

I would recommend getting an idea of what she wants first - we went to Tiffany’s early in the process so I could see what kind of ring / diamond she wanted and she said the one I eventually had made turned out better than she imagined. Some her friends didn’t do that and there’s been a bunch of “well I don’t like this part of it or that” which sucks

 

Spoken like someone who has never gotten laid.

When proposing to your fiancee - the main objective is to make her feel special and for that feeling to hopefully last forever. 

Is a diamond ring a frivolous, contrived expense - 100%.  Is it effective at making your fiancee feel special?  Also 100%.  This is marriage, sometimes you have to do things that make no sense to you as a man in order to make your woman happy.  This one costs money - but I can certify that 7 years later it still makes her feel special.

If your fiancee feels you went cheap on your engagement, that feeling will last a lifetime....

 

Yep lmao

“One time purchase to make her happy” my ass. If she is comparing her ring to her friends with the goal of biggest = best then what do you think will happen when her…

- friends get bigger house or expensive remodels

- friend gets a new car

- friend sends their kid to private school

- friend just did a week ski trip in europe

- friend just joined a nice country club

etc. etc. how you do one thing is how you do everything. Setting up yourself for a life of financial skull fucking 

 

#1 --

I have not advocated for "getting a ring that's biggest in her friend group" -- only that you don't want your future wife to feel like you went cheap on the engagement ring.  As future husband you should know how to gauge your fiancee so that she doesn't end up feeling like you cheaped out.

For me, I spent around 8% of my expected full year total compensation at that time.

#2 -- 

I'm 7 years into marriage.  We live in a house about 50% cheaper than we could afford (this means I can plow more money into investments) and I don't get ever pressure from my wife to upgrade our lifestyle. 

The ring doesn't set the tone - real adult conversations do.

If you think the ring is what sets the tone - you have no fucking clue what you're talking about.

 

I got married young, right out school when I made $60k in NYC. Spent $3.5k total on a custom princess / radiant hybrid cut that I shopped extensively for. Felt like a splurge at the time but my (now) wife loved it. Looking forward to getting her something nicer in a few years when we renew our vows. My advice to all the young guys - if you find a girl who truly loves you before you make big money, never let go.

 

I remember being in a business class in college and the professor asked the class “how much should a guy spend on a ring” and all the women in the class immediately said in unison “3 months of his salary”. I rolled my eyes so hard my eyeballs got stuck for a second. For most of us here who make upwards of 200k that would be such a stupid purchase, I’m sorry.  

 
GoLiftSomeWeightsBro

I have to get into the diamond selling business 

My friend worked at McKinsey, then went to HBS, and now sells diamond rings and is killing it.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

i think the most important is that it always depends! It is about you two and your relationship! So try to find out what she likes, what is important to her (size, material, color and maybe the prize) and why these aspects matter to her so you can get the ring that is perfect for HER and your relationship! Maybe for her the prize is an important criterion and she expects a certain value but maybe it is more about other details. And of course you have to know what the maximum is you can spend and you are willing to spend!

And now I have to admit that I also wanted to take advantage of your off topic to ask a non relate question because i just can't get an answer (will my opion on the ring topic still is well thought - and I'm luckily married;)...) hope its ok to bring some chaos in your answers with my question:

I'm a Master Student from the Dept. of Geography of the University of Hamburg, Germany and trying to understand how innovations and the creation of new financial instruments work. I would love to hear from your expertise and experiences to get some insights for a research project:

  • To whom do you talk about your work/new ideas? Just to collegues in your firm or also other folks in the same business but in different firms?
  • Where do you meet these people?
  • Where do you meet in your "free time"? Like lunch breaks, after work or at weekends? Do you regulary talk about work in these informal spaces? Which places are important and why these? Does it make a difference for business talks whether you meet in a meet room or in a more informal setting, like restaurants, bars, etc.?
  • It seems to be important to have a big network, how do you get into these networks? How important is physical closeness, i.e. working in the same city, for networking? How important is your network for professional financial decisions and in the context of innovation? Did Covid change how important face-to-face physical contact is?

Thanks a lot! Really exited to get to know your point of view! And sorry again for asking here but my "forum" didn't get ans answers because i recently created the account...

 

$55k. Oddly, I managed to find the diamond through a broker and thought it was pretty undervalued -- tried tracking down some history and it originated from a liquidation in Eastern Europe. 3.5ct D VVS1 perfectly cut cushion that radiates like fire. GIA certified and ended up independently appraised for higher than what I paid.

She's happy and has always loved it and has stood with me through hell and back...that's what matters in the end.

 

$40k - 3ct, Round Cut, High Quality. It is definitely a steep price, but I'm in my 30s and put off the engagement for way longer than I should have so I sorta put this one on myself. She loves it and it would have been a bit odd to have done much less within our social circle.

This should go without saying - but I did not see it above, do not go to a high-end retailer (Cartier / Harry Winston / Tiffany's / et al...) for the engagement ring as they will rip your face off. If luxury brands are a thing your SO cares about, take her to a high-end retailer to look at engagement rings and enjoy the experience. Then go somewhere else that is reputable, but down market and buy it on your own. Then go back to a high-end retailer later and pick out wedding bands for both of you. That way, at least one of the rings is from a high-end retailer, but you have saved ~$60k in the process on the engagement ring. 

 

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-Zaddy
 

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