I used to really struggle on hinge, getting very few matches. I would awe in jealousy over people who would be swimming in dates, and all the advice online was simple stuff like "don't put selfies" which I was already doing. But since I broke up with my gf in October I've revamped my profile and gotten a huge uptick in matches. In 2022, almost no girls liked my profile, but now I'm getting solid attention and dates (I've got 2 roses this far in 2024).
I am doing this because I used to be one of the 'Help! how do I get more matches?! people on this site' and I want to pay it forward because I know some of you are struggling, and I feel you 100%!
It's not like I'm this 10/10 rich hedge fund dude either- I'm under 6 ft, am not "jacked" (but I'm in good shape), I have a pretty basic job title (think corporate banking, big 4 consulting, corp dev/finance), and I'm only 24 (so it's not like girls are liking me to 'settle'). Here is what I learned beyond the basic advice you'll see online:
- Looks are important, but equally as important is the story your profile conveys. This is key. Obviously looks matter- nobody doubts that. But you can be fine looking and still not get the success you should. Your pictures convey something about your personality. Do you come off as a f-boy? Do you come across as a too serious, no-fun person? You need to curate your image through pictures. Ask yourself 'If I was a girl, would I want to join this man's life?' Posting pics going on a hike, posing in front of a nice building, or holding a cocktail with your friends are decent, but even better if you post pics of you 'doing' things. Include a pic of you doing things like grilling burgers at a tailgate, rock climbing (or doing another exotic outdoor activity), or playing an instrument (if you play one). My best 2 pics are me rock climbing and playing a sport (running, etc...).
I'd recommend a pic lineup of 1-2 'nice' pics of you full body to show what you look like, 2-3 'action' pics (like mentioned above), 1-2 group pics (you need to show that you have friends), and 1 goofy pic that shows a funny/humorous side (don't be super weird with this though).
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Use your profile to attract your 'type.' Are you jewish and only date girls who are jewish? Put that in your profile! Are you looking for a long term relationship? Put that in your profile. This may filter out some, but it could attract the person you're looking for. I have "Long term relationship" in my profile and get a lot of attention from women who are looking for the same.
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Don't swipe too out of your league. Not everyone's a 10. If you are a 6 and keep only going after 10s, you will have little luck. My friend was guilty of this- he thinks he's a 10 but he's actually a 5 at best, and because of this he had 0 dates in 6 months. Some of these drop dead gorgeous women get so much attention online, that it's not worth pursuing them on the apps unless you are close to their league (definitely do approach them in bars when you have a better shot).
4. Keep the chatter in the app short. It's perfectly normal to ask for a date after exchanging only 4-5 messages in the app. Don't be exchanging large text strings on the app- get straight and to the point. Just ask if they want to meet up for drinks next week, and if they say yes give them your number.
- The Hinge Prompts- I like being direct, but even better is to communicate who you are in a funny way. For example, a pro and con of dating me could say "I'm a good communicator" but even better is to say something witty that demonstrates that you're a good communicator.
Based on the most helpful WSO content, it's clear that personal branding and presentation are key, not just in the professional world but also in personal endeavors like online dating. Here are some insights that align with your experience:
Crafting a Story Through Images: Just as in a professional setting where your personal brand is crucial, on dating apps, the narrative your profile pictures tell is equally important. It's about showcasing a lifestyle and personality that others want to be a part of.
Targeting the Right Audience: In the same way that you'd tailor your resume for a specific job, customizing your dating profile to attract a particular type of person can be more effective than a generic approach.
Being Realistic: This is akin to setting realistic goals in your career. Understanding where you stand and aiming for matches within your reach can increase your chances of success.
Efficient Communication: Just as in networking, where the goal is to quickly move from online interactions to in-person meetings, keeping conversations on dating apps concise and purpose-driven can lead to better outcomes.
Showcasing Personality in Text: The way you answer prompts on Hinge can be compared to how you'd answer interview questions. It's not just about what you say, but how you say it that can make you stand out.
Your approach to revamping your Hinge profile is quite strategic and mirrors many principles that are applicable to professional development and networking. It's all about presenting yourself in the best light, knowing your audience, and communicating effectively.
Sources: Physique matters?, Do Looks Matter in IB, Getting broken up with is paradise, Getting broken up with is paradise, boys, do NOT get married. Seriously.
The idea of a woman putting me into her little categorization scheme based on my sidecut and job title is so intrinsically revolting to me that no prospect of "roses" or whatever can convince me to come back to dating apps. The only girls I talk to now are from my church and maybe in a bar when I go out with my colleagues every now and then (and that is even more disgustingly performative). I mean, you do you and so on, but don't you want your future wife or whatever understand you on a deeper level than you being a certain demographic and letting her imagine the rest based on psychological statistics?
Yes I agree with your points, as it is important to meet ppl in person (as I did with my last gf). But dating apps are still a viable way to meet a lot of people, especially if you live in a suburb and not a big city where a lot of young people live.
Agreed
1. It is evolution - deal with it. Hinge is a reflection of reality
2. Get over yourself - drop the insecurities / get a girlfriend. You aren't Einstein
Good tips but I have to agree with BigKahuna above here. If we're talking actual attractiveness (getting fit, making good money, etc) then sure you've gotta max that. But the idea that just making some minor tweaks to your profile is what it takes to get a bunch of literally carbon copy women to flock to you is kind of sad
Happy for your success, but is that really the type of girl you want? I have not met many high quality girls (for LT relationships) on apps, all the girls I've found to be really interesting in the past 2-3yrs have been offline. Most of them didn't even using dating apps like the girl I'm seeing now
That's not to say I'm not getting fit/making money, etc... I'm in great shape, more fit than I've ever been. My point is that you have to show who you are through the profile.
Honestly I've met some great girls on the apps. Some are annoying, but I've met others that seem like they'd make great long term partners.
I also do meet girls in person, but when I travel for work it's nice to be able to set up dates during the week that I can go on Saturday/Sunday.
How old were you in 2022 and how old are you now? If you quit when you were almost 26 and are now 28, that explains almost the entirety of the increase in matches. The jump from 25 to 28 is a huge one.
Girls pretty much always prefer older guys to some degree. For some, it’s only 1-3 years. For others it’s 10-20 years. But by getting older your dating pool expands massively
I was 22 and now am 24 (turning 25 soon), and the girls I match with are between 1 year younger and 1 year older than me. I rarely match with college chicks for some reason. Which is probably for the better because I tend to lean mature for my age.
related but unrelated, came across this recently and made me lol -- delusion calc for what women are looking for https://igotstandardsbro.com/
i live in sf and the amount idiotic conversations i overhear at bars women are having is insane. 4/10s being like i need a man who is ivy league, six feet tall, great personality, makes a lot of money etc is hilarious
online and app dating in general is trash and all the guys i know using them tend to be dating down. not to say all women on apps are garbagio, but odds are stacked against you (purposefully, that's how these apps make money)
As a straight dude I don’t disagree with the overall sentiment but think that calculator is very exaggerated. I went through and did it for fun and think it’s basically overweighted to get people to settle.
I excluded married and obese dudes, nobody shorter than 5 ft 8 (pretty sure this is a man’s average height), between the ages of 25-35, any race, and making at least $110K.
It returned that I would be considered a crazy cat lady. If I were a chick who lived in Dayton, Ohio that would be a pretty ridiculous set of standards but in SF, LA, Chicago, NYC I don’t think those criteria are unrealistic. You can hit low six figures in pretty much any job in most of those cities after 5-7 years out of undergrad and there are plenty more who make multiples of that.
So I don’t think women’s standards outside of the Ivy League and 6 ft requirements are all that unrealistic in T1 and T2 cities. Even with a gender imbalance in NYC the excess supply of 6-8’s are going to alternatives if them want them and won’t have to settle for some boring ass jabroni.
Its not exaggerated but its not accurate in the sense of excluding married or people outside their age range, because they aren't in the same "dating pool" anyway so its not like they are selecting from that.
The women the above commenter were quoting were likely from a similar background and in the same dating pool. Its not like a 30 year old good university grad in a good white collar job is in a dating pool with a 60 year old married obese plumber or an 18 year old mcdonalds worker.
Do you pay for Hinge or just use the free version?
Free version. The paid version could help though by giving you unlimited likes (more shots = more matches) and moving you higher in the stack (so more people see you).
I would definitely say I "struggle" on Hinge but in the opposite way. I never get anywhere and hardly have any dates off of the app despite actually getting a lot of 'high quality' matches. I'm over 6', considered attractive, very fit (former college varsity athlete), work in IB, and just turned 25. I do live in SF though which of course doesn't help.
I think I have an above average success rate when out and meeting girls in person, but I get nowhere on the apps. And it's not like I've never talked to a girl before, I've dated seriously / casually / hooked up, kind of going with the flow at this age. It's just that people usually think I'm made for the apps and it would be a walk in the park, but in reality they don't work for me at all.
All of that said, I still believe in dating apps and think I will likely meet my long term partner there. The numbers just expand your pool so greatly, and most people I know my age in relationships met off of the apps (Hinge specifically). It's just going to be harder than I thought.
Yeah people tend to be really flaky in the big cities. Hence why relying only on the apps isn't a great idea.
Dude SF is just trash. I'm 33 y.o. and the small number of decent matches I do get tend to stop replying for whatever reason. Only been living in the city for 5 months and I'm already running out of people.
fax b. women here are so lame / cookie cutter
Yeah I absolutely hate the dating here. Primary reason I am trying to get out of here despite being in a pretty good spot work wise.
You have to remember that nearly every guy says they’re 6 ft on hinge. I look at my girl friends hinge accounts and it’s like nothing but 6 ft+ guys… which simply isn’t possible. Then you go to a bar as a tall guy and you’re towering over everyone. That’s why it’s easier in person
Whenever the topic of dating apps comes up, people tend to get sanctimonious about being judged based on an online profile and about tailoring an online profile to attract people. But I mean, something like 40% of people are meeting on apps these days. It really just is what it is.
If you first meet someone in person you’re still being judged by them off very little information and then they’ll decide whether to spend more time getting to know you. Online it’s your job title and your photos; in person it’s how you’re dressed and your ability to make small talk. Also, on the topic of jobs: 90% of people don’t know what your job title means.
Being attractive is obviously a big boost (duh). There’s a lot of people out there who are just as or more attractive than you. Most people date someone fairly similarly as attractive as them so being attractive enough is just getting you in the gate, but the match hasn’t started.
The dynamic on dating apps tends to be women have more market power. If you ask to see a woman’s hinge they will often have dozens (sometimes hundreds!) of matches. Men tend to send out more likes and women are more discerning on the apps. It is what it is.
I have noticed many people (mostly men) think it’s dumb to put time or thought into a dating app profile. You put thought into how you dress and take care of yourself to make a good impression in person. Reading a profile with a bunch of half-assed pictures and lazy prompts isn’t doing much for anyone unless you’re that attractive, but still you are likely one of many. I don’t take that as a bad thing. I think many people think they are much more special and unique than they are.
This was long and rambling but I like to talk and it’s free to run my mouth. My points are:
a) Dating apps are going to be a thing for the foreseeable future, so I’ve gotten over the ick of meeting someone online.
b) You’re probably not that special and whether it’s the clothes you chose to wear to a friends party or the photos you chose for your profile, you need to make a notable impression.
c) I agree with the original post. If I see someone roughly as attractive as me and their profile doesn’t have any sort of ‘story’ or ‘vibe’ (/they didn’t even bother trying), maybe we’ll match maybe not. If I see someone who might not be exactly my “type” but their profile says “this is someone I’m interested in learning more about,” then hopefully we match or if we have matched I’ll make sure to send a message.
I'm all ears, let's have it. Say something witty that demonstrates that you are a good communicator as a prompt.
Honestly outside of the usual (get in shape, dress well, take good pics) the two points of creating a story with your pictures and getting off the app quickly are vital to your success on the apps. Nothing will up your matches more outside of the usual that creating a story with your pictures. Like anything outside of looks, biggest factor is coming off as interesting and someone that others want to learn more about. Getting off the app quickly streamlines things immensely. When out at the bar, goal is to get a number or once that conversation is over you never see the girl again. It's no different on the app, you both like each other and have the same goal to get to know each other. Take out the guesswork, little small talk and get her number for drinks, otherwise the conversation fizzles out as does interest along with it and the connection dies in the app.
haha +SB
This is all BS
It’s easy just be better looking
I used to be fat and weird and awkward. Obviously I got zero attention from women. But one day something in me just snapped.
I started hitting the gym like crazy, becoming a better conversationalist, and somewhat improved my social skills. Now I'm 6'3 200lbs, have a great gig, and a bustling social life. I've really never felt better.
Still don't have a GF though. Sorry bros. Not quite sure what to say
Ah yes, great advice
Overall decent advice, but everyone's diff in various ways so there's rarely a good general approach or set of guidelines on stuff
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