Ranking the Shape of States in the USA by Prestige

Alright, I've had enough of all of this "WLB" and "Career Insight" nonsense. Nobody comes here for that. I heard that all the Interns and Analysts who have no idea what this industry is all about are asleep right now. Finally the big boys can talk shop about what's really important here....

God-Tier: 

-Virginia: Shaped like a fire ass running shoe, very prestigious. 

-Texas: The one and only; unique, large & full of surprises (weird angles jutting out of it in a way that somehow works)  

-Colorado: A perfect square. Very prestigious. 

-Florida: It's got a panhandle you can just grab onto and swing around on. 

-New York: Bonus points for being deceptively large. You would think it's another tiny but densely populated northeastern state if you live in NYC, but it's actually way larger. Very prestigious, very nice. 

Middle-Tier: 

-New Mexico: Almost a perfect square (prestigious), if not for that one weird rectangle that juts out in the southwest of it. 

-Michigan: Being surrounded by water allows for a high density of boat owners. It's shape is thus relatively accommodating for prestigious activities. 

-Louisiana: It's funky, it's unique, it's raunchy, it makes no sense - it's basically a euphemism for New Orleans during mardi gras. 

Bottom-Tier: 

-New Jersey: Self-explanatory. Fuck it. 

-Idaho: Shaped like the foot on one of those Chinese girls who spent her whole life having her toes curled in to create a more prestigious foot shape. You're trying too hard. 

-Rhode Island: What are you, a pea? 

-North Carolina: I'm all out of gas at this point but it's a pretty ugly and random shape. 

/shitpost 

Comments (49)

1mo 
Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Colorado
• Length380 mi 
• Width280 mi 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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1mo 
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Amicable Chungus

-Texas: The one and only; unique, large & full of surprises (weird angles jutting out of it in a way that somehow works)  

Texas' angles are from the Rio Grande along the south, aka a natural border (supposedly, but I'm not here to bring politics into a fun shitfest post). On the north end we have the red river. And before anyone gets twisted, it's still the Red River Shootout. Not that pussyfoot rename of Red River Rivalry or Showdown. Also, commentators need to learn some history because whatever Pac12 gme they said is the longest running rivalry on Saturday is simply wrong. My Longhorns have been duking it out with the Sooners since literally 1900...BEFORE OK WAS EVEN A REAL STATE! Only rivalry game that's gone on longer is Michigan vs Ohio State.

Texas is big enough that in certain places you'll find four different biomes converging at a single area. AKA DFW where you have all the Pine forests just east, Post oaks and clay on the north end, hickory and mesquite brush flatland on the West (and of course suburbs named after said plants), and hill country just to the South. Then there's the Caprock Escarpment a bit farther west. Don't forget we have a panhandle too. 

As for RI, that's a joke. It's smaller than the size of greater Houston or DFW....which are metro cities and not a state. Not to mention even if you include CT,  both combined still are smaller than either metro area. DFW airport is it's own distinct municipality with it's own zip code, council, etc. It's larger than the island of Manhattan. Houston Intercontental (that's a real legit name considering it's the one airport that serves every single continent on the planet) is 10k acres in size. And those are just the two majors because each metro area has another four-five that can service 7xx or Airbus sized jets to boot.

I laugh at people talking about taking a three hour drive to cross three states to get somewhere. Or the Europeans saying the same about crossing countries. It'd take you at least two days to go tip to tip in either direction to cross TX, and we have some of the highest legal speed limits no less. It's big enough that you can drive through a stormfront on the highway only to have it hit again once you get to where you're headed. It's farther across TX than if you started in the middle like San Angelo and drove to either coast. The distance from Houston to Dallas is about the same distance from Paris to London. El Paso is closer to San Diego than it is to Houston. Corpus is closer to Cuba than Denver, CO. And don't get me started on the additional territory we gave up for statehood. Otherwise half of NM would be Texas, and a decent portion of Colorado too.

Everything is bigger in TX, and we like it that way. Our STATE is bigger than the entire countries of France, Japan and Germany (not combined obviously. I'm grandiose, not stupid).

And Isaiah, agreed. Wyoming is the correct square state.

/shitpost continued

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1mo 
radio528, what's your opinion? Comment below:

My favorite state about the sheer size of Texas is that if the world's population lived with the same population density as NYC, the entire world could live in Texas.

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1mo 
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:
radio528

My favorite state about the sheer size of Texas is that if the world's population lived with the same population density as NYC, the entire world could live in Texas.

It'd be Judge Dredd style 'megacity' of 27k people per square mile, but that is totally correct. Then again, speaking d of Dredd there was Texas City which was esentially that very idea.

1mo 
googleit, what's your opinion? Comment below:

TX is just a huge waste of space of a state

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1mo 
WolfgangFuckface, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Except your economy. God's favorite state of California takes that prize.

1mo 
Pierogi Equities, what's your opinion? Comment below:

+1 for VA being labeled "very prestigious"

Quant (ˈkwänt) n: An expert, someone who knows more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing.

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1mo 
BigKahunaBanker🏄🍹🍔, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Ohio is not real, and if it's real, it shouldn't be

...and the Truth shall set you free
  • 6
1mo 
Pitchdeck Pirate, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Someone had to tell 'em. I have had this convo with numerous people, the only reason anyone knows that state exists is because of "ThE OhIo StAtE Uni".

  • Anonymous Monkey's picture
  • Anonymous Monkey
  • Rank: Chimp
1mo 
Anonymous Monkey, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Partially agree. My list

God-Tier

- Texas - Big & a variety of shapes on its border (line, curves, terrain-based border, etc.)

- Virginia: Resembles the shape of mountains, pretty cool.

- California - Big, long, and not squared

Top-Tier

- Illinois: Good shape, similar to an island

- Kentucky: Similar to Virginia, but instead of manifesting the greatness of mountains, it resembles a bush.

- Nevada: Sharp corner, very dangerous

- New Hampshire: Small and classy like a Diamond

Medium-Tier

- The rest: Boring / Not original / Squared

Shit-Tier

- West Virginia: No comments

- Delaware: See West Virginia

- Louisiana: Boot

1mo 
Pierogi Equities, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Gucci Loafers

- New Hampshire: Small and classy like a Diamond

it's interesting that it's the exact opposite shape of Vermont, both make almost a rectangle together.

- West Virginia: No comments

really easy to rip on, but WV is a beautiful place. Just don't talk to anyone.

Quant (ˈkwänt) n: An expert, someone who knows more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing.

1mo 
Brojangles, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'd raise Michigan up to the god-tier list; it has the same attributes as Texas, except smaller. Plus, what other state can use a body part as a fairly accurate map?

1mo 
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Brojangles

I'd raise Michigan up to the god-tier list; it has the same attributes as Texas, except smaller. Plus, what other state can use a body part as a fairly accurate map?

Sorry, but you are incorrect fellow monkey. MI is shit tier. Why and how Canada hasn't annexed the upper peninsula for being the only decent part of the state for their own proper gain for instance is beyond me. But then again, their politicians are their own class of shit tier anyways. So go figure...Sure MI had it's hey day back in the mid to late 60's. Muscle cars, Motown, Eminem wasn't born yet so we didn't know or care about Eight Mile Dr and got to listen to Dre , Snoop , Ice and the rest of NWA actually still slap with masterpieces like The Chronic. On the  flipside, now you can buy a home in Detroit for a single month's rent that you'd pay in actual civilization like NYC, Miami, DFW, Denver, etc. I do wonder if the wager still stands though? What happens first? The first responders get to your residence (if they actually come at all), or you naturally heal from the GSW/stab wound? On top of that, how busted is your state that they have to honeypot and fake a kidnapping attempt where 3/4 of the people involved WERE FED AGENTS THEMSELVES?! I have more confidence in winning a bout with GSP or McGregor than that gov't actually getting anything positive accomplished . Detroit is Motor City? Lol nope. The Chryslers are made across the way in Toronto or down south by Mexico way.  Their whole "made in America" ad campaign for the 300 was a tragic joke. Chevy SUVs? Built here in Texas. Only some Lincolns are still made in MI ( Continentals). Your Ford Focus? Was most likely built in Germany if not England. Granted Ford has flat out said no more cars in the US market moving forward except the Mustang, which they're already morphing into an SUV anyways.

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1mo 
WolfofWSO, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I don't disagree. But don't forget the Great Lakes. When the fresh water crisis arises in the near future, MI has 3/5 Great Lakes cornered. These 5 lakes contain 90% of all freshwater in the US and 20% of all freshwater in the globe.Certain counties in Asia pay for Great Lakes water to be shipped in. Prestige.

Array

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1mo 
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:

jarstar1

I will not tolerate this RI slander. 

Otherwise, MA should be top-tier, Cape Cod alone is dope, the whole state is doing a bicep curl. 

Taxachusetts also does not belong anywhere near the top rankings. The last good thing to come from there was Bill Burr. And before him, a certain president that was so good and effective, they whacked him (he was a genuine WWII hero too! PT109 baby!). And before you say "Barnie Frank", we'd all rather spend ten minutes arguing with the security guard at Chuck E Cheese for why you were in the ballpit in your underwear during a five year old's birthday party than try and prop him up or explain him away on any level. And speaking of Kennedys and MA, apparently there you can always just get plastered and crash off the bridge and let her drown to daeath while claiming innocence. It worked before, didn't it?

Martha's Vineyard is great. Perfect place to espouse climate change while living in a multi-acre proprety directly on the beachfront that's supposeduly going to get drowned and  suubmerged along with the rest of the coasts. To give some balance, Boondock Saints did give Boston some healthy credit. And I will commend  the state for not playing the NIMBY card and allowing for the construction of the wind power farm off the coast at Martha's Vineyard.

And as explained earlier, RI is smaller than some bike paths here in TX. RI is a joke and is just a pain in the senatorial system since they legally still get two votes...but that's  like half the "state's" population to begin with? There's dozens of cities in the US that are just simply bigger geographicallly, population wise, and with those, economically, than the afterthought called RI. As much as I dislike Chiraq, I bet O'Hare gets more people traffic in a day than the entire state of RI for instance.

Edit: Yep, O'Hare flew more passengers out than there are rregistered residents of the entire state of RI...by ~12x. ATL comes in at an even stronger ~18-19x ratio. RI needs to save everyone the trouble and just merge into MA or CT and we can let PR become the real 50th state considering those a-holes get so many tax, travel and licensing breaks as it is already and don't have to play by federal rules...

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1mo 
Synergy_or_Syzygy, what's your opinion? Comment below:

CA is an S-tier shape, drawn to maximize the coastline, not chopped up like the original 13 colonies.

Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.
1mo 
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Synergy_or_Syzygy

CA is an S-tier shape, drawn to maximize the coastline, not chopped up like the original 13 colonies.

Well yeah, it was Mexico's territory for the longest time Edit: The Louisiana purchase did not include Oregon, so I got that part wrong.  But Mexico was all the way up into the south half of Oregon themselves though. Cali managed to break free to be their own republic like Texas too, but that crumbled quickly after only just over a month. 

It would be interesting and intriguing to think about what if TX and CA stayed fully independent, vs joining the USA (I guess dump HI in there too since we took over a literal kingdom to annex them. And maybe if AK did their own thing and wasn't Russian or American and just flat out did their ownt thing). Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the full 50 states (though RI and PR need to get their shit together!), but it would be interesting.

And since we're talking about shapes majoritavely it seems, AK is shaped like a work boot giving you a square kick in the groin with the ''steel toes'  being the Aleutian islands.  Hawaii is just Jurassic Park (literally. That's where it was filmed. Even though the book ended properly with Costa Rica turning the island into glass) but with resort hotels on it and deadly Tiger sharks in the water.

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1mo 
Synergy_or_Syzygy, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Alaska and Hawaii remaining independent would be wild... the implications during WW2 would have been interesting. 

Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.
1mo 
Moritz Mickelweiß, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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1mo 
MonkeyNoise, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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