Someone stroking it in the bathroom

Hey guys, about 48 hours left of my internship so fuck it story time

About halfway through this summer, I go and take my routine poop. Except that day, I wait a little longer until after lunch. It’s 1:30 in July and I stroll into the BR. Sit down, and directly to my right in the handicap stall, I hear some commotion. Not normal commotion, this commotion is different. Sounds like someone’s running it up (and back down) the flagpole in the stall next to me. I pause my thoughts, I’m in disbelief; is this really happening in the stall next to me?

Thinking that I misheard, I carry on with my business. But the guy next to me is still going fishing with the man in the boat. At this point: I’m irritated. I audibly clear my throat, thinking maybe this will get his attention and he’ll stop. Think WRONG! I hear the click of old wire Apple earbuds… a moment passes. Another click, then several rapid subtly quieter clicks directly afterwards, followed by him resuming his shake weight workout.

Assuming he heard me clear my throat, acknowledge that someone is < 3 feet away from him, pause his bathroom entertainment, unpause and quickly turn up the volume, then continue to crank the shank: I decide to leave him to his business.

Following this, I unfortunately train my body’s routine poop to present itself at 1:30pm. I think “hmm that had to be a one off event yesterday,” I hit the BR the next day around the same time.

And who else would it be, than the one man band with another performance that, this time, is audible from outside of the bathroom.

I decide that for the next week, I’m going to a different bathroom. Thinking the coast is clear and being tired of using the elevator so much, I retry the original bathroom. Popeye was emptying the spinach can yet again… a week later.

This has continued throughout the summertime and I’m not kidding homeboy is in there right now, varnishing the pole, as I write this.

Thinking about using this as leverage for a full time offer. Advice?