The Drunk MD Story
So last weekend, I decided to get shit-faced because I had a rough week. The typical…lack of sleep, lack of social life, and lack of sex. I wanted to have fun tonight, regardless of my state of mind. I could have easily went back home and fell asleep in 5 minutes, but fuck it. It’s Friday night, and once the night starts, your sleep always goes away. Pull phone out, let the fun begin.
11:00pm – Text my college friends who work at a local tech/mobile app start-up. “Let’s drink.” 2 minutes later, I get a text – “Fuck yeah.”
11:15pm – MD tells me to research about a company who makes some weird semiconductor. Looks really shitty and really boring. Can’t believe they make over $10mm net each year. I do this for about 25-30 minutes, knowing that the deal probably won’t go through. Just a minor distraction…not phased.
Midnight – I go to the bathroom to avoid the seniors, and also to take a massive shit. I was holding it for the past 30 minutes. Comes out super clean, and I end up letting out a 3 second long fart. Probably longer. There’s a guy in the other stall. He holds his laughter. It seems like he’s finishing first, so I wait. Fuck he’s taking long. So I quickly flush and open the door, wash my hands, and bounce.
12:05am – I realize that I’m retarded. I can save time by mass texting like 30 people. I wait. Half of them can’t go. Fuck them.
12:45am – Oh shit. I forgot to send out an important e-mail. Should I send it out now, or not? It’s over 3 hours later, which is an eternity in banking. I decide to send it out now. If the seniors ask about it…I’ll just say I forgot to add them to the e-mail. No big deal.
1:00am – Looks like there’s not much work to do. People are packing up and leaving. Most of the seniors have already gone out, probably also started drinking. I check my phone. About 10 people message me back. Three of them are already at the local club/lounge.
2:00am – Finish up some more shit, and just leave. Wow this is early. Hell yeah.
2:20am – Show up at the bar and say “Sup” to a bunch of the people at the table. There’s a few people I don’t know. They’re girls. They’re hot. Yes.
2:25am – The hell. I spot my MD at the table across the room, with two other guys. There’s a shitload of drinks there. Probably want to avoid saying hi because it’s just awkward.
3:00am – Drink 3 shots in a row of Grey Goose. Not enough. We need to get fucked up.
3:30am – Damn, my MD has spotted me. And he has shots poured. Not one, not two. There’s 3 people at the table. And me. They’re really fucking drunk. Have to drink three more shots of some nasty ass shit. Older people seriously drink nasty shit. Some form of old rum that basically kills my throat.
Don’t know the time. Next thing I know, we’re at my friend’s apartment and there’s a party. Beer pong, Kendrick Lamar on the radio, and random people. Where the fuck am I? I only remember 5 things at this point.
1. Two girls were making out and the corner group was cheering them on. They are ugly, but beer goggles....nope still a 6/10 and I'm being really generous.
2. A few of my friends are playing beer pong. They’re good. I’ve never seen them lose playing together.
3. Where are my co-workers? One of the girls is taking shots with two super creepy looking guys. She’ll either get raped and not remember, or get raped and not care. She’s had a tough week. Luckily, one of the other girls comes and pulls her away. Cock-blocked.
4. My other co-worker, we’ll call him Adam. He apparently cut his lip while shotgunning a beer. What a dumbass. Still, I feel bad for him. Can’t do shit though. He leaves with a few guys to get more beer and a bandaid across the street to the local store. You can’t even buy liquor at this hour…
5. What the fuck?! My MD is fucking taking a shot with like 5 people. Okay, my MD is in his early 30’s, but he can pass off for a younger guy. We make eye contact. He calls me over in a very obnoxious tone. Oh my god, he wants to hook me up with a girl. Too bad I’m taken. Fuck she’s hot. These people think he's like 25 and ask how we know each other. This is fucking funny.
After this, don’t remember jack shit. But easily one of the most bizarre, drunk nights I’ve had in a while. Don’t know how I got home. Don’t care….need bed. Sleep with contacts on and dress shirt on. Good night.
Monday comes. I walk to my desk. Co-workers immediately come to me and tell me how they drank more with MD. Party ended. My friends left...said MD left with the fucking chick. Don't believe it. They swear it happened. He's pretty good looking...no homo. It's believable.
There's no way.
I walk by his office.
He has the widest smile in the world. Sees me. Talking on phone...gives me a thumbs up.
Literally made my day.
Incredible...this is in NYC, right?
LOL.... what city is this. hahaha
I wanna work for that guy.
SB'ed.
Actually... Should have MS'ed for not hooking up with that chick.
MDs leaving at midnight and analysts leaving at 2am on a friday night? banking is bad but on friday everyone clears out by 9pm even at the sweatshops from my experience
Awesome
awesome night, almost put what I did last Friday to shame.
lol
wish i had a silver banana to donate. VERY well written
I'll throw one your way. Thanks for the amusing read.
I'm not trying to be facetious but what is the funny / interesting bit of this story?
Is it the fact that a colleague in his early thirties got laid on a friday night or that you had some drinks and then can't remember every detail of the evening - I'm genuinely confused.
^ The abridged version almost brought tears to my eyes.. Would've counted for shit if you at least got laid son. Damn.
hahaha ohh work hard play hard brotha
Sounds like last Saturday for me. Minus the working part lol. Nice.
Probably just the fact that Atmosphere had that "Holy shit my boss is a human being too" moment that most of us have when we are 8 and see our 3rd grade teacher at the grocery store.
First you get a swimming pool full of liquor then you dive in it...
Starting to drink at 2 AM? Glad I'm not in banking
yea, i'm usually throwing up in trash cans and urinating in street corners at this point...
Someone's getting top bucket.
Also, you were at work until 2am on a Saturday... then all of the sudden you didn't have to work until Monday?
I call bullshit.
u should have fucked the girl, pussy
I love the 30 something MD sarging at the little boys party. What a champ!
awesome
You must not get out of the house very much if this night was story-worthy. Recap: you took a poop, got drunk, your friend cut his lip, and your boss likes girls. Mind blowing.
Front page worthy, indeed.
No it is not. It is utterly banal and idiotic. He went out drinking and saw his MD? How is this interesting?
Haha WHAT. Bankers work hard but none of the above ever happens. People sit around until 1 a.m. when there's "not much work to do?" 2 a.m. is "early?" Sounds like the night shift at a 7-11, not an investment bank on a Friday night. On the odd occasion there may be one or two hapless (I say hapless because if they weren't they could get their shit done on Saturday and go out Friday night) analysts in the bullpen past 9 p.m. on a Friday but it's mostly a ghost town by then and there are certainly no senior bankers around past 7 p.m. Stop giving people bullshit ideas about banking.
10 bucks says poster is Asian or Indian.
Asian is Indian, in which high school did you study your basic geography?
Actually in the US the two are classified separately. I know India is in Asia, so are Israel and Saudi Arabia technically, but you won't find too many Israelis ticking the "Asian" box on school applications, census forms, and colloquial meaning is sometimes different than the specific word. For example, Egypt is in Africa, but if someone were to refer to themselves as African-American, it would not mean an American born of Egyptian descent.
In the States, people who say "Asian" are usually referring to Eastern Asians (i.e. Orientals).
EDIT: That said, OP still must be some sort of Asian.
I'm a little upset that I took the time to read this - kind of funny that you took the time to write this up though...
Doubtful of this story. I've worked at a BB and elite boutqiue in IBD and not once, ever, did anyone stay past 10pm on a friday. You just don't do it. You may be in at 8am on saturday, but Friday is sacred to everyone.
People in my group at a BB frequently leave after midnight on the weekends. Two weekends in my first year I worked past 4 am friday saturday AND sunday night.
Its obviously not the norm but during busy times its definitely believable.
Welcome to freshman year
Sounds like an interesting night. I don't know how it is in NY but last call is at 2 am in San Diego... it made me kinda not believe the story. But still interesting nonetheless, I was anticipating someone to pull out a baggie for a line though.
What are you sure? I've been served drinks many many times after 4
These two just make you come off real bad, sounds like you haven't been out much..
How do I recover the little bit of my life that I wasted reading this?
wow you walked home by yourself? nice story though!
Sorry to rain on your parade man but if this was one of the most bizarre drunk nights you've had...
Is this the same MD you said "changed your life" in your post about going from dentistry to banking?
If so I'd reconsider your role models and life aspirations.
GrandJury, wish I had a SB to give to you - really spot on
Epic read! Hahaha!
this story is so gay. Yeah dawg, Kendrick Lamar on the radio, random ugly chicks making out, 30 something MD stealing the chick away from the Indian banker who shunned dentistry.
I can understand that most parts of this story were shitty, but what's really funny are the comments from people calling the guy a high-schooler for not making out/ sleeping with the girl even though he was taken..... you're all boys. Grow the fuck up and become men.
Edit: And OP, just break up with your gf and do whatever the fuck you want. Seems like the fact that you're "taken" is getting in the way of you wanting to do other shit. Do shit the right way, enjoy your life
Probably 69'd his MD
Don't drink and drive...or do anything else while intoxicated.
I dont see whats so interesting about this, or why it was able to make the front page. Sounds like a pretty average night, no drugs were involved, you didnt get laid, nobody got arrested- not saying you need any of those things for an awesome story but this was lacking in almost all areas. I know a lot of people on this site didnt party much in HS/UG but it still blows my mind how many "this is awesome" posts are in this thread
I feel like I read this before... Is this a repost...?
Alas! it doesn't work like this in my country...:|
Lame. Even most MBA parties are way more exciting than what the OP posted.
Sounds like a great night!
Is it bad that I feel pity, some sadness and want to /faceDESK? No wonder this country's banking industry is such a mess.
given the writing style, id say poster is indian
but anyway, sounds like a typical friday night, just missing some coke and green.
I think the real question is - how do you become rich by your early 30s and maintain good looks in a brutal environment - to maximise the chances of getting laid.
This reminds me of spit shinning Tommy, from Goodfellas. Now go get your shine box!
I still dont believe this happened, nobody senior stays this late on friday, even analysts staying past 12 on a friday is uncommon
Thanks for front paging this again, WSO. I forgot about all of the clowns who felt the need to go,"What's the big deal about this bro, her de der" and then not share their stories.
This is classic! Pure gold. Haha this gives hope to all those pursuing a career in IB
Here's a crazy drunk night story of my own:
I was drinking and playing Scrabble with my friends in my dorm room. It was pretty late (like past 10 pm or so). Anyway, we decided to light some candles instead of using the overhead electrical lights (crazy, right?). When we decided to call it a night, my friend drunkenly blew out the candles (which had been burning for a long time at this point!). The candle wax blew all over his face and in his eyes. We went to the emergency room to flush his eyes out. Crazy!
I am almost certain I have read this before somewhere, perhaps in the LSO book. Maybe I;m wrong will check book later..
I enjoyed the read
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