So... the French get THIS until March 1st in honor of Episode 1 being rereleased in 3D. Forgoing the fact that the new saga ruined Star Wars, I mean seriously, WTF! They get a Darth Vader (and they can't fucking spell it right too - Dark Vador, really? These idiots who called him Dark Vador have the same level of brain function as a mentally handicapped orangutan tripping face of large quantities of acid) edition Double Cheeseburger. I mean who the hell wants to go with a regular Jedi Burger when you can get all Darkside in the house. What the fuck man... how the hell can the French be one step ahead on this! God Damn It!
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If I had an SB for those tags...
the whole fucking star wars franchise was indeed ruined. too much emphasis on FX, stupid theories about metachlorion or whatever the fuck, and wrong pacing in chronology. here's how it should go
episode IV a new hope episode V empire strikes black episode VI the return of tha jedi
ok those were watchable, but it should begin
episode I: we start with anakin as a horny teenager trying to bang the natalie portman broad, forgot her name, unsuccessfully. one day while jacking off he discovers this force mojo thing. i'm not going to get into details but let's just say it is all about "hey ma no hands!" his evil impulses lead him to use this for petty crime until obi-1 steps in and scares him straight and brings him into the jedi fold. then we close with a morally ambiguous situation where he is a bit too brutal in the pursuit of justice and ends up causing more collateral damage than curtis lemay on a drunken bender. there is none of this trade war bullshit or that weird anteater looking thing that everyone hates. i forgot the name of it.
episode II: anakin is a full jedi now and is getting more ass than a fucking toilet seat. he is really enjoying this life but his swelling ego is starting to chafe obi-1 and there is a lot of friction between them. in a battle with the sith anakin cuts out on obi-1 to go for, i don't know, the sith grand wizard or whatever, getting obi-1 nearly killed. this really puts them over the edge and obi-1 puts anakin up to get booted from the jedi. as all this is happening amidala (now i remember( is really getting wet in the knickers for him, because ladies, admit it, you luvv the bad boyz. they start a thing, and even though anakin is borderline, it is the discovery of this illicit romance that puts him on the outs with the jedi council.
episode III: anakin joins up with a sith crew led by a plodding and unambitious sith named frank. his first task is to go down to a remote planet to secure a buy of a few ki's of allspice. he ends up buying way more allspice than frank is willing to handle and they fall out. frank has got weight on him because anakin greased some whacked out wookies for him at the sun-ray hotel and puts the heat on. anakin turns around an assassination attempt, kills frank, and takes over the whole crew. then he goes on an intergalactic killing ramapge, killing every jedi he can find. finally he duels it out with obi-1 in the same way that lucas shot episode III (this is the ONE thing he did right, for god's sake). anakin breaks the cardinal rule of not getting high on his own supply (of allspice) and gets cut up bad. amidala dies of grief in childbirth. and then we cut to the new hope.
there you go lucas now you have a real saga.
If you have some free time:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfBhi6qqFLA&feature=related
[quote=LIBOR]If you have some free time:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfBhi6qqFLA&feature=related
]priceless. I hate the three prequels so much.
Euroazn, all of the tags read as follows:
France french Darth Vader Did I mention that I fucking HATE the god damned French Episode 1 Episode 1 Destroyed all that is right in the world Episode 1 Ruined Star Wars Fuck the New Star Wars Trilogy (Episodes 1, 2 and 3) and I hope they rot in Hell God Damned George Lucas God I hate the French Jar Jar Binks must die Limited Edition Hamburger LUCKY SOBs Star Wars The Original Saga For the Win - None of this Bullshit emo Aniken Skywalker Crap What the fuck was George Lucas Smoking when he made this movie? WTF!
Libor, that's freaking awesome.
As to Star Wars, all I need to say is there is no fucking reason Greedo should ever shoot first. Original Trilogy Only. Pre-'97, None of this Special Edition ILM update rerelease bullshit. We're talking the three films released in 1977, 1980 and 1983 only. That is the only Trilogy. The only way to watch the Original Trilogy is in 2:40:1 in 7.2 Surround Sound to fully appreciate the experience.
SB to LIBOR, such fucking funny, and accurate, reviews.
Agreed, love this thread
better than complete first trilogy
SB for the tags alone, I haven't laughed that hard in ages and I have a sore fucking throat right now dammit.
Im going to have to agree...I fucking HATE Jar-Jar Binks...worst character in any movie ever.
wait, his name isnt Dark Vador?
Dark vador... That sounds like a good name for a vaporizer
Et est qui et repellendus. Qui et dolorem quis nihil. In voluptatem esse et blanditiis.
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