I'm in my early-to-mid 20's, I work in PE, I'll make nearly $500k this year and I have no fucking idea what I'm doing.
I went to the doctor. He said I drink too much coffee, get too little sleep, and drink too much alcohol. I didn't tell him I also have a lot of drunken (often unprotected) sex with random girls... the last of which I met on the street at 3AM and within 30 minutes, I bought her a taco and then took her back to her place and .... In the morning, I didn't remember much but I did vaguely feeling guilty. I wracked my brain and then remembered that that just as I was about to [redacted] for the sole purpose of letting her know what I piece of shit I thought she was. That must be the source of guilt. To her credit, she did have great [redacted].
I also hate my fucking job and everything about it. There are a total of 0 fucks given deep in the recesses of my office at [insert firm name here]. But I deeply want to excel and be the best at what I do, but I just can't seem to get myself to do anything. Maybe I'll go to a hedge fund, maybe I'll stay in PE, launch a start-up... maybe I'll go to b-school and defer that decision. I have no idea whether I'll get into b-school... but maybe it will be some reprieve from my current dismal existence. I can make some new friends and travel and probably continue to drink too much alcohol and caffeine.
I've been hyper-motivated my entire life, but for some reason for the last year or so I can't seem to want to do anything. I can't exactly tell whether I (a) hate my job; (b) hate the people I work with; (c) am just in a weird funk. And so its very challenging to figure out exactly what it is I need to change to not be so sub-optimal.
In addition to a drunk, a degenerate and a womanizer, I'm also a spendthrift. I've made a lot of money, and I have $1,200 in my bank account. I have no savings. And I borrowed ~$20k out of my $40k 401k last year to help a family member and fund a vacation. I own a $2,800 suit, a $1,000 pair of shoes, and numerous other things that I can fiscally afford but practically cannot. I went through a phase last year where I'd go to Delmonicos or Smith & Wollenski by myself and have a steak dinner and a bottle of wine.
I could go on about the vapid dimensions of my life... but I but I just don't feel like it.
Why am I telling you this? I'm not entirely sure. Maybe its a cathartic anonymous confessional. Maybe its to let you know that while by WSO standards I'm a phenomenal success and to others I seem very successful and happy... its actually quite a dark and empty life I lead.
How's that to bum you out?