Attractive colleague - advice needed

I'm an incoming IB analyst, just interned over the summer. I got to work with another attractive female SA, and I'll be honest it was distracting. She's physically attractive but also had an amazing personality as we have been talking for a while. I think once we return to the office I'll be very distracted and lose productivity. Really don't want that to affect my work. I tried full time recruiting but it was tough for this year (COVID) and my current offer is really good, so it's hard to find another equal or better opportunity.

I know you shouldn't be involved with office romance but I honestly don't know what to do. Telling her probably will make things awkward but keeping this inside just kills me. I like this girl a lot. 

Sorry for another relationship post but I really need to put this out there! :D 

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Comments (77)

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Nov 21, 2020 - 6:31pm

The amount of posts about this kind of stuff is frightening. Have none of you guys ever had to work or be friends with an attractive female? Keep the relationship professional, I can guarantee you that telling her would only make things weird as I am sure she doesn't like you in that way. Best case scenario is she doesn't find it weird but you burn a friendship in the workplace, worst case she finds it weird and no longer will work with you. 

Use your brain, there are plenty of fish in the sea. 

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Nov 21, 2020 - 6:41pm

Lmfao niggas really can't have a normal relationship with an attractive woman. Simps.

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Nov 23, 2020 - 6:15pm

The best way to keep your composure around really attractive people is to sleep with a few and realize that they're not special, many of them are normal and some are fucked in the head, just like the rest of us. If you don't have the game to sleep with really attractive people or if you're ugly, pull out your wallet and make your money...work for you

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Nov 21, 2020 - 6:55pm

I don't know what it is or how on earth I know this, but the fact that you ended your message with ":D" makes me very confident there's a 90% chance you look like some variation of this

Nov 21, 2020 - 7:26pm

This hurt to read. Don't put your career in jeopardy because you can't keep it in your pants. Go jerk off or something

To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.

  • 3
Nov 22, 2020 - 12:07pm

Is she in your group? Your division? If not, here's what you do.

You build some rapport and then you ignore her. Sounding like the desperate monkey that you are will drive her away. 

Float like a butterfly, sting like the bee.
  • 1
Nov 23, 2020 - 8:11am

Stay friends with her... then bang her friends who don't work at the bank. Duh....

that this didn't occur to you already means it'll never happen. Probably best to just spend your bonus simping on OF

Nov 23, 2020 - 4:15pm

don't do it - just become her work husband, build a solid friendship with her. if you're that in love with her 2 years down the road when you're at different firms then pursue something 

Array

  • 1
Nov 26, 2020 - 9:30pm

Horrible advice - don't try being her friend while secretly obsessing over her (which seems to be exactly what you were doing over the summer). You will forever stay in the friendzone. And if you finally decide to confess your feeling, it will be awkward for her and very embarrassing for you. Especially if you wait 2 years. Please don't do that.

Instead, you should go meet other women outside of work. As many as it will take for you to get her out of your head.

In general, this tends to be a pretty solid strategy if you want to get over someone. Feelings come and go. Ever liked any other girl before? Now you like this one. And you can just as easily start liking the next one. Or 10.

In your case, you'll either find another girl to obsess over or you'll learn how to not obsess over anybody at all and just have fun. Either way, your dick will no longer be an issue at work. Have less of a sniper mentality and think more like a hunter with a shotgun.

Now, a lot of people don't like that approach or are too scared to go out of their comfort zone. So, you might not seriously consider that part of what I'm saying. But at least don't go hunting at work, regardless of your weapon of choice.

  • Analyst 2 in IB - Ind
Jan 14, 2021 - 9:50am

What kind of fucking advice is that? It is obvious he can't keep it in his pants. He will become obsessed about the girl, dont you think that will be obvious?

It's okay to have a crush and not act upon it, but don't let it be the only thing you think about.
Gal here and there are so many guys Im working with that I thought about fucking for so long but fyi, as soon as I started working with them it all went away because they're assholes

She will definitely notice that you treat her differently. Hate to agree with other kids but you're just horny, get some pussy you'll be fine and I mean this in the most polite way possible

Nov 23, 2020 - 4:35pm

I began regularly banging a hot SA during a summer stint at Lev Fin BAML. Wouldn't recommend it, things became dramatic and other colleagues would talk about it which is not good as a SA. Some senior bankers in other groups did, I now find to be pretty disgusting, "cool" as a bro type thing and elevated me to a different level of esteem and respect than the other summers because staffers, associates and VPs all had banging the "hot summer" on their mind. I had one very attractive colleague in my last job who met her now husband as a summer analyst on a trading desk (large BB), and they did not speak to each other the entire day or make their relationship known because of the HR and political nightmare it would create. She eventually left for another BB to avoid these issues. So again, unless it's your future soulmate, would recommend avoiding.  

Nov 24, 2020 - 1:17am

Honestly dude, a relationship or even a friends with benefit situation should be the last thing on your mind. You must obviously be somewhat smart at least to get to your summer role so use your head and focus on doing well. Summers are also assessed on their judgement skills or lack of and that's an easy ding. If my summer was worried about dating / feelings for another summer I'd immediately want him off the desk, not get a return offer because, right or not, it shows misaligned priorities. We're in a tough market. Focus on your job and the world will open up to you including the world of ass. Be an adult and act the part 

Nov 26, 2020 - 9:36pm

the answer to these type of situations is - be a really cool dude, funny, friendly...but never tell a girl you "like her"...just be an attractive person yourself...and if they are interested, let THEM try to seduce YOU

just google it...you're welcome
  • Intern in IB - Ind
Nov 27, 2020 - 1:20am

Think about if someone made a documentary of your life. Would you like the theater to laugh at you simping over your coworker? Do you not have attractive, but platonic female friends? What the fuck.

Nov 27, 2020 - 3:25am

I've been involved in a work relationship before. Despite what you might feel or if you guys have chemistry, don't do it. Makes shit way worse

Nov 27, 2020 - 11:24am

People aren't their true selves at work. The fact you attempted to gauge personality from "workplace conversations" is concerning. Did the way she automate tasks in Excel attract you? Or the way she could format a pitch deck? As others have said, knock it off ASAP and don't let things fester. 

Array

Nov 27, 2020 - 2:30pm

i suggest that when you're in close proximity to her. Drop a silent fart, end the conversation, then leave. Do this a couple more times and your problem is solved. its either she loves you or transfers out of your group. 

pretty based that you got an offer during COVID market. 

Nov 27, 2020 - 2:39pm

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