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Dating as an Investment Banking Analyst

Could someone with experience please comment on the dating life as an analyst? Especially those who started work already with a girlfriend.

Having a Relationship While In Investment Banking

As an analyst at an investment bank, it is well known that you will work hectic hours that can range between 70-100 a week. That being said, our users shared that when it comes to having a relationship while working in banking, it is important to communicate realistic expectations about your work life to your significant other.

monkeyman2010:

It's all about what kind of relationship you have. If you can give him/her realistic expectations and if she/he can live with those standards, shouldn't be a problem.

Our users shared that it is realistic to plan to speak with your significant other 10 - 20 minutes on the phone a day and go out once a week (but sometimes will have to cancel last minute.)

User @CaptK, a private equity partner, shared that while these are realistic expectations - they can be difficult to adhere to:

CaptK - Private Equity Partner:

This is all accurate, but it sounds a lot easier than it actually is in practice. The trouble is that those 10-20 minutes a day are going to be at weird times, and most of the time you'd rather be sleeping.

Plus, if you are able to manage one night a week going out, you're going to want to spend it at least a couple times a month with friends or other analysts from work. There's only so much free time, and you need to spread it around in order to maintain relationships (girlfriend and friendships).

User @ideating shared how one friend maintained a successful relationship:

ideating:

I had a banker buddy who did it really well during his 2-year stint. At least once a week, he'd have his girl come to his office and they'd grab dinner somewhere nearby and quickly catch up on things. He also frequently sent her flowers (once a month) or buy her little things; nothing extravagant, just enough to show he listened to her. Those gestures take less than 2 min. but go a long way. The other thing he did was make sure she got along really well with us (his friends); most nights we went out with him, she would be there but it wasn't annoying because she really fit in well with us (would act like a wingwoman, do shots, etc.)

User @KB24TD21, an investment banking analyst, shared detailed personal experience about both herself and her boyfriend who are both in the industry:

KB24TD21 - Investment Banking Analyst:

My bf is in the industry and it can sometimes be brutal and it can kill a relationship without a foundation but its about understanding and knowing the other person well. You just have to make sure that each of you understands what's going on and what is expected. And that you make the most of the time that is available.

So its keeping contact during the day, its calling when you can, its doing things for the other person. If I could I would grab his dry cleaning while doing mine or he would stop by my office area for a quick lunch.

Everything is made easier in my relationship because my bf is friends with my girlfriends and I'm friends with his guys. So he can knock out 2 stones by having me around with his guys. Or he can be around when I'm with my girls. It's hard but doable

You can learn more about the lifestyle of a banking analyst in the video below.

Read More About Banking & Relationships on WSO

Preparing for Investment Banking Interviews?

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Comments (640)

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Jun 9, 2011

Simple. If she's a soul-sucking bitch, don't date her. Not all women are.

--
I have deleted this account (or tried). If there is somehow posts still occuring, it is not from the original account holder.

Jun 9, 2011
luckynum7:

Simple. If she's a soul-sucking bitch, don't date her. Not all women are.

agree

Out the window of my jet... U C LA like a bruin!

Jun 9, 2011
luckynum7:

Simple. If she's a soul-sucking bitch, don't date her. Not all women are.

agree

Out the window of my jet... U C LA like a bruin!

Jun 9, 2011

individual case basis...if you can manage it and if she is down with just a few hours a week go for it...I personally chose IB and NY over my GF because I knew if I didn't make this move i'd live with a what if... just trust your gut.

its one way or the other: hate me or admire.

Jun 9, 2011

it's a lot nicer if you have a nice girl. avoid the girls in similar professions (big law, for ex) - and who wants these anyways?

Jun 9, 2011

I spend my dinner allowance on prostitutes

Jun 9, 2011

Didn't know prostitutes were on seamless

Jun 9, 2011
Schwarzmanegger:

Didn't know prostitutes were on seamless

Only the asian ones from Haru

Everyone I know in IB has had relationship issues, except for the people who made the banking decision as a couple. Even then, it takes its toll......

Jun 9, 2011

I think you can order them from one of the Thai places. Code BLOWME at checkout.

Jun 9, 2011

it's definitely doable. i met my gf after i started my analyst gig and things are going great, it's been a year. just find a girl who isn't one of those manly ambitious finance/law chicks

BossMode

Jun 9, 2011

I don't know man. Most women assume a guy they date will be available at least somewhat consistently. Very few women will understand the hours you will pull. The last thing you want it to meet someone, really like them and then have them get distant because they cannot deal with your hours.

Jun 9, 2011

I've lost so many girls because of this job....thinking about it right now actually makes me furious

Jun 9, 2011
Devils Advocate:

I've lost so many girls because of this job....thinking about it right now actually makes me furious

well aren't you a big shot

Jun 9, 2011

Disregard females acquire currency. Once you get your paper up go shopping for a model. no bottles necessary LEGGGGOOO

Jun 9, 2011
Cookies With Milken:

Disregard females acquire currency. Once you get your paper up go shopping for a model. no bottles necessary LEGGGGOOO

You don't need money to get women...

Jun 9, 2011

Just don't date someone in your firm. A buddy of mine did this...and let's just say you don't want to do it... lol

Jun 9, 2011
alexpasch:

Just don't date someone in your firm. A buddy of mine did this...and let's just say you don't want to do it... lol

Can you elaborate on this, as I would actually be really interested (I might be in a similar position and have been wondering whether it's worth it to pursue). I agree that it could get very weird if you date someone who you work with, but what about someone who is in the same firm, but in a slightly different department (obviously not same group) and a different floor (ie, unless it wasn't planned you would probably never actually run into the other person).

Jun 9, 2011

it's definitely doable, but certainly much easier if you make the decision together in the first place, as someone mentioned above. i'm a case in point.

Jun 9, 2011

From my and some friends experience, I'd say get a latin gf. Nevertheless, as a latin american myself I am heavily biased here.

Valor is of no service, chance rules all, and the bravest often fall by the hands of cowards. - Tacitus

Dr. Nick Riviera: Hey, don't worry. You don't have to make up stories here. Save that for court!

Jun 9, 2011

Make the decision as a couple. And ditto a couple posters ^^, don't go for those manly finance/ law chics. They'll just make your life miserable.

Still I Rise

Jun 9, 2011
maktec5:

Make the decision as a couple. And ditto a couple posters ^^, don't go for those manly finance/ law chics. They'll just make your life miserable.

There's some exceptions, but this ^ is largely true. Been there. Wish I hadn't done that.

Jun 9, 2011

More money more problems

Jun 9, 2011

church

Jun 9, 2011

Regardless the answer to the last question should be yes haha

Jun 9, 2011

Ya why would you not hook up now, regardless of if it disappears or not? Do work son.

Jun 9, 2011

should you be hooking up with girls? Do analysts give up women? Alcohol and posting on WSO do not mix.

Jun 9, 2011

No.

I'm making it up as I go along.

Jun 9, 2011

certainly hook up all the time but... do I put more effort in now because it won't be the same working?

Jun 9, 2011

You sound like a hit with the ladies.

Jun 9, 2011
  1. Most investment banks ban analysts from having a GFs and discourage from hookups (read your employee manual) It is like becoming a priest. Women know this of bankers, so they wont even talk to you as to not interfere with your work life
  2. Absolutely increase your effort. Be sure and tell girls that you will be working soon and they wont have the opportunity to jump in bed with you later. I know you are probably hooking up with 5 girls regularly right now, but go ahead and let those additional 2-4 ladies in on it too. Front load now, because you will be forced to break up with all of them once you start working (see # 1).
  3. Most analysts deal with no sex for 2-3 years by getting hobby. Try studying for the CFA or GMAT instead. Work on your golf swing.
Jun 9, 2011
oblivion:

1. Most investment banks ban analysts from having a GFs and discourage from hookups (read your employee manual) It is like becoming a priest. Women know this of bankers, so they wont even talk to you as to not interfere with your work life

I heard that at some banks (not at Goldman, where I work, but maybe at a lower tier bank like JPM?) even monitor your phone conversations, so if you get a call from someone that sound even remotely close to a girlfriend, you'll get canned on the spot. This is why you should be nice to the operations team at all times, because they are capable of getting you fired at any moment.

Jun 9, 2011

are you guys being sarcastic?

Jun 9, 2011
roberto:

are you guys being sarcastic?

monkeyinasuit was being serious about the real doll.

Jun 9, 2011
monkeyinasuit:

does that mean you won't have ANY time for chicks besides hookers?

when you start making bank there isn't a difference...

"Ride your bike. Drink good beer."
- Fat Tire Amber Ale

Jun 9, 2011
bullmarket1:
monkeyinasuit:

does that mean you won't have ANY time for chicks besides hookers?

when you start making bank there isn't a difference...

touche

Jun 9, 2011

So True, well said Bullmarket1....

Jun 9, 2011

Since many people on this board are douches and won't answer your question honestly, i'll give you the John Stamos take fixes hair:

Look, your gonna be working 80 - 100 weeks, that leaves you maybe 7 hours of sleep a night and 1 hour to get to work during the week. On weekends, you'll have pretty good money so you can go to good clubs, get a table and be set up right for a hook up. If you maintain a semblance of a decent physique, have basic game and are not a complete tool, you will be able to hook up without too much hassle.

Having a girl friend is a different story. First and foremost Hook up <> girlfriends necessarily. So if your worried about hooking up only, yes you will hook up less but not become completely abstinent

But if you want to have a girflfriend to talk to the phone, because she just bought a new handbag -forget about it. Do you expect your gf to just sit around waiting till you come back from work all pissed and nasty - no she'll go find some other guy to bone. In the end, banking and girlfriends do not mix. Hookups and banking do.

Jun 9, 2011

Disregard females, acquire currency

Jun 9, 2011
Brown_Bateman:

Disregard females, acquire currency

Last name "Ever"
First name "Greatest"

Bateman, that is the best quote ever.

Regards

Jun 9, 2011

JohnStamos, you are not a banker.

Jun 9, 2011
GoodBread:

JohnStamos, you are not a banker.

Work 9am-12am 7 days a week - that's 105 hours. You can get to sleep by 1am and wake up at 8am = 7 hours of sleep. And not all weeks are 100 hour weeks.

Jun 9, 2011

I think I speak for everyone...get you're d!ck wet son.

Jun 9, 2011

If you can get 7 hours a night, working 100 hour/week, that's some serious discipline. The week doesn't break down like that anyway. Nobody does 9-12 7 days a week.

Jun 9, 2011

i wish banking had the same hours everday...

a typical week breaks down like this:

Mon: 9 - 1am
Tues: 9 - 2am
Wed:: 9:30 - 12am
Thur: 9 - 4am
Fri: 9:30 - 9:30pm
Sat: 11am - 8pm
Sun: 12pm - 6pm

Thats like 94 hours, which is pretty typical of an analyst, i would say 90ish is the average. 90% of analysts do not work 110 hours on a regular basis.

Jun 9, 2011

Of course I'm not saying the hours are 9am-12am every day. I was just trying to make a point that you should be able to get 7 hours of sleep, give or take, even if you are working 105 hours a week which is above the usual amount of hours.

Jun 9, 2011

Right. The nights where you don't get those hours are what kill you though. Anyhow, going back to op's question, I don't see why you would stop hooking up in anticipation of banking. The models and bottles scene is a whole different game from college so put your 3+ years of experience to good use before you have to tackle a new learning curve.

Jun 9, 2011

Im flabbergasted

Jun 9, 2011
Jun 9, 2011

God I wish I could get back that 30 seconds of my life...I even feel guilty for wasting company time to read such garbage

Jun 9, 2011

You:

  1. Probably read some trash like "The Game" or some other sad pickup book.
  2. You donned your purple/pink shirt, popped the collar, rocked that ratty old JC-Penny suit jacket that sits in the back of your closet now because you were dumb/metro enough to believe you needed to spend half your bonus on your wardrobe
  3. Spit some game at some drunk girls in the club, and it didn't work. So you chose the ugliest, saddest, mentally delapidated human being in the bar you could, and said something really sad, that she didn't even hear, but smiled because someone chose to lose a foot of eyesight so that they might land their charitable peepers on some gross chick.
  4. You probably didn't even hook up with her.
  5. You think you're funny because you came up with "pwnstars". Even then, you probably found it on the D&D forum you check every morning before you're off to your operations job, drawing memories from better days when you could still play games meant for children and find a group of equally horrendous humans that would join you (see: "games club" at Rochester Institute of Technology).

Sorry, buddy. Comedic writing is not for you. Even sadder if this is real. Which perhaps is farfetched, but consider this: a bazillion (accurate) people on LSO think those posts are the REAL musings of a banking analyst on Wall Street.

Jun 9, 2011

yeah it really wasnt that funny. he even came up with the name "pua_master" as part of this joke.

Alphaholic:

1. Probably read some trash like "The Game" or some other sad pickup book.

  1. You donned your purple/pink shirt, popped the collar, rocked that ratty old JC-Penny suit jacket that sits in the back of your closet now because you were dumb/metro enough to believe you needed to spend half your bonus on your wardrobe

1.The Game is not trash, nor is it a "pickup book." its not meant to teach you anything, its a pretty fascinating read about a society of pick up artists. nobody knew this stuff existed until Neil Strauss wrote this book, and now tons of people are learning to deal with women better thanks to the thriving seduction scene. the OP isnt one of em.

  1. now there's nothing wrong with spending a significant amount of dough on clothes, i know plenty of people who drop half their sign-on bonus on new threads for the office. but JCPenny.... -shudder-
Jun 9, 2011

If you haven't tried what I propose, then how do you know it can't be pulled off? In my experience, it does work on incredibly hot women. Most of them have never received a 7:00 am phone call, much less the barefoot question.

I think it's more likely that just you can't pull it off, but that's because you're ugly. My advice is for the archetypal investment banker-- the average-looking, slightly pudgy guy with poor social skills-- because he can be salvaged. Nothing can turn an ugly into a PUA; ya can't polish a turd.

Jun 9, 2011

cough
Douchebag
cough

Either you sling crack rock or you got a wicked jump shot

Either you sling crack rock or you got a wicked jump shot

Jun 9, 2011

I never said I wasn't. I only said that I'm successful.

We have a term for socially unsuccessful and unpleasant men, and that's "asshole". It denotes the guys who use express their anger by shitting on the world. Our term for socially successful, but annoying and jealousy-inspiring, men is "douchebag". Close to the pussy. I'm a proud douchebag.

Jun 9, 2011

No, you're reading into that wrong. When people call you a douchebag it means that everyone is laughing at you behind your back.
Or in this case, right to your face.

No one envies the guy that thinks he's a cool and just doesn't get it.

Either you sling crack rock or you got a wicked jump shot

Either you sling crack rock or you got a wicked jump shot

Jun 9, 2011

My regard for myself and my skills is based solely in results. I don't care what you think of me or my game, because the fact is that my game works. While you may not like it, hundreds of PUAs in training are going to read my post, apply my techniques, and enjoy success that you could never dream of.

Jun 9, 2011

show us some results then big boi! Where are all the graphs and pie-charts!?

Jun 9, 2011

pua master, i cant believe youre defending yourself as if it was a serious post. your post was clearly a joke, judging by the last paragraph alone. i started writing a long repsonse to you explaining why your theory would not effectively attract women, but then i reread the last paragraph and realized again that its just a big joke that really isnt funny and a waste of all our times.

granted, we waste a lot of time on this board, but usually theres some entertainment involved in it. this is just lame.

Jun 9, 2011

Everyone-- you are all sadly mistaken, this d-bag believes this and made this post seriously

PUA-- I would pay a considerable amount of money to slap you in the face with a dead fish...

I feel like I'm somehow less of a person by even humoring the merits of your post but...

If she's in bed, of course shes barefoot, asshole. If you want to subconsciously make her feel comfortable, don't fuckin call her at 7 in the morning and ask her creepy questions.

Jun 9, 2011

Marcus Halberstram is correct. Damn right I'm serious about my game, and if you want to slap me with a dead fish, go ahead. What kind of "considerable amount of money" are we talking about? I'd like to be able to work something out, since it seems like we could easily come to a mutually beneficial arrangement.

I understand that my success, and the methods through which I procure it, make a lot of guys hate me. I've been in fistfights before. I don't like them, and I avoid them whenever I can, but they occur.

Don't be a hater. I'm giving y'all this advice so you can enjoy the same success I have had. I can't wait for the day when 100 posts come to me from young analysts saying, "I've already closed on my first girlfriend, and I owe it all to you and what I've learned from you. Thanks, PUA Master!"

Jun 9, 2011

Clap

Clap

Clap.

This whole thread has made my night. Now can a moderator please shut it down.

Jun 9, 2011

Whew, that was hot. In 11 hours, I'm going to be in heaven! Yes, I said 11. I'm not a banker, so I get to leave work around 6:00. Haha, suckers!

Jun 9, 2011
pua_master:

Whew, that was hot. In 11 hours, I'm going to be in heaven! Yes, I said 11. I'm not a banker, so I get to leave work around 6:00. Haha, suckers!

Oh man. Go get 'em Tiger!

You should throw a curveball at her and insist that she keep her socks on while you do it. That way you keep her guessing on whether you like bare feet or not.

Jun 9, 2011

LOL why is everyone taking this so seriously?
Let him do his thing, chances are it doesnt work but theres always the odd chance it does
The post wasnt all that funny but I thought it was pretty well written so take it for what you will

Jun 9, 2011

Mr. Green: that is an awesome idea. Thank you.

I don't care about feet either way. They're non-sexual, but if they're not gross, I don't have a problem with them.

It's generally good business to get a girl's shoes off if she's at your place, assuming you have clean carpet and won't get her feet dirty. This is because a girl takes her shoes off only around people she's comfortable with. (The beach is an obvious exception, but indoors what I say is true.) However, once she's comfortable, making her wear socks might be a devious way of keeping her on her toes, no pun intended.

I think I'm going to use your suggestion. Thank you so much for it, and for your contribution to this wonderful dialogue. To the other posters: this is what I'm talking about!

Jun 9, 2011

.

Jun 9, 2011

I'm shocked that anyone would spend so much time writing this.

Jun 9, 2011

I read the beginning and was shocked by the length as I scrolled through the rest, where I glanced briefly at a numbered list containing such premeditated creepiness as "4. Ask her if she's barefoot, in order to remind her that she is comfortable around you."

Jun 9, 2011

We're about to enter a Great Depression.
Don't you want a president who's already dressed for it?

I'm making it up as I go along.

Jun 9, 2011

epic bump -- what happened to the day when 100 posts come from young analysts saying, "I've already closed on my first girlfriend, and I owe it all to you and what I've learned from you. Thanks, PUA Master!"

Jun 9, 2011

I love the fact that according to this douche's experiences, a 20-something year old guy is still awaiting some sort of windfall (ie. PUA_Master's guidance) to "close" his first "girl friend."

Jun 9, 2011

I thought the thread was funny, and even more funny if the OP is serious.

Jul 18, 2016

dont do it

Jul 18, 2016

have your gf do banking

Jul 18, 2016

I'm on my 3rd marriage. You do the math.

Jul 18, 2016

Got married after I left IB.

Jun 9, 2011

Unless she fully understands banking, describe it to her as if your relationship was basically going to be long distance even if you don't live that far for about 2-3 years. If she can handle it, go for it.

Jul 18, 2016

Most of the people I know that went into banking with relationships didn't last more than a few months. Apart from two exceptions, all the relationships I know that survived have been long distance (girlfriend usually still in college).

Jul 18, 2016

Marriage is waaaaay overrated.

Jul 18, 2016
dumbyoungbum:

Marriage is waaaaay overrated.

True dat.

Jul 18, 2016

Only works if girlfriend is still in college... so start dating younger (which you should be anyway)

Jul 18, 2016
keyboardcat:

Only works if girlfriend is still in college... so start dating younger (which you should be anyway)

Yes

Jul 18, 2016

Mine survived, but it was extremely strong going in and there was definitely tension in the first few months. We were also a plane flight away, which as mentioned above, helped. Not having to worry about having someone waiting at home for me every day helped me produce better work as I didn't mind staying late to get everything done. To be completely honest, at the end of the day it is really up to the non-banker to make the relationship work. You're going to be distracted all day with work, it will be up to the other person to find a way to fill in their free time.

Oh and, almost all of my co-workers' relationships fell apart within the first 3 months. A couple people entered new relationships and maintained them until the end of their 2 years, but most people elected to stay single and get sloshed with the guys on weekends.

Jul 18, 2016

Maintaining a relationship is EXTREMELY difficult in banking and while it definitely takes an understanding significant other, the banker must also be committed to spending the little time he/she does have with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

Mine failed quickly, though admittedly I saw it coming. The girl I was with was undoubtedly a rebound girl and I just didn't care enough to keep it going when she complained about me not giving enough of an effort.

It definitely is possible to make something work. From my experience, most people have at least Friday/Saturday nights (somewhat) free. Chances are though, the girl will want a little more than just that. I say play the friends with benefits card. You both kind of get what you're looking for and there's reduced pressure.

Jul 18, 2016

Regarding time allocation, how important do you think it is that a SA go out with the guys on Friday evenings, etc? I know it might sound amateurish, but I am under the impression that drinking with the guys would be an important part of the job.

Jul 18, 2016
yellowberries:

Regarding time allocation, how important do you think it is that a SA go out with the guys on Friday evenings, etc? I know it might sound amateurish, but I am under the impression that drinking with the guys would be an important part of the job.

Why would you not want to go out on Friday nights? That's the whole point of being in the city for the summer...

Jul 18, 2016

I'm going into my new Analyst position with a GF. Things are going very well with her and she is willing to move 1500 miles away from home with me. We're both right out of college and we've been dating for 8 months. I think I want her to come with me.

The reason I say "I think" is because I've heard of the ramifications of IB on a relationship. I do not want to have her move so far away from home because of me and then have things not work out. Very tough situation.

If anyone has advice for me regarding a similar situation, please do tell.

Jul 18, 2016

Photos or she doesn't exist.

Jul 18, 2016
Edmundo Braverman:

Photos or she doesn't exist.

haha funny!

Jul 18, 2016

I moved to London from Canada and my gf came with me. We had been dating for 2 years prior to me starting IB. We are still together 2 years into the job, but it has been quite stressful.

I think the worst thing about being in a relationship while in banking is that you never feel like you have any downtime. Any time your are free you need to spend it with your gf to keep her happy. I think in this scenario what suffers the most is friendships. I can't tell you how many times the gf vs. friends trade-off has played out on a Friday night.

My best advice would be to tell your girlfriend to get involved in activities that keep her busy in the evenings so that she is not waiting around. A running club / excersise classes are good because it keeps her fit. Some sort of volunteering is good as well. Encourage her to make as many new friends as possible (and potentially offer to fund nights out if she complains that she doesn't have enough money to go out all the time). I also try to buy her TV box sets for christmas and her birthday so that she has something to do.I try to get all weekend work done on Satruday so I have Sunday free. Additionally, if you get off early one night, surprise her with dinner at a trendy restaurant. A gesture like that goes a long way and makes up for a lot of late nights.

  • Commuter
  •  Jul 18, 2016

Been with mine for 3 yrs, working and going to school full time. SHe also lives 45-50min. driving from me. Its pretty much a weekend and occasional lunch during the week. We'll be moving in together soon. Crazy Hours still the same at least usually we'll see each other at night during the week and at points on the weekend.

I"ll be ok. But kids idk.

Jul 18, 2016

Unless you or your girl are high maintenance, it shouldn't be a problem at all.

I'm a female banker and I've been with my bf for nearly 3 years. I also live with him - which definitely helps.
It helps that he's also really busy (he's in grad school) so that he doesn't get all lonely when I come home at 2am.

We know what the other is up to during the day through msgs and usually find time to hang out before we sleep and sometimes on the weekend. We have the same group of friends so that balancing act is no problems.

Jul 18, 2016

What is this obsession with relationships? You're a young banker with a buck load of cash and raging hormones, you have only 1 night of the week free to go out and hunt. The thrill is to die for.

Worst case scenario, you hire a Blue chip. (An expensive and amazingly hot escort)

Jul 18, 2016
Tradex:

What is this obsession with relationships? You're a young banker with a buck load of cash and raging hormones, you have only 1 night of the week free to go out and hunt. The thrill is to die for.

Worst case scenario, you hire a Blue chip. (An expensive and amazingly hot escort)

Maybe you want to do more than fuck a whore?

Jul 18, 2016

I'm in a long distance relationship right now and because neither of us have yet begun work it's been relatively easy and manageable. The problem is, we'll both be going into banking in different cities and don't quite know how things will work. We're just a 2 hour plane ride away, but I don't know how I/she can ever escape for an entire weekend. We'll have our laptops to do work on, but is it plausible to think that we'd be able to see each other from time to time (1 weekend a month or so)? If it's a serious relationship, is it appropriate to bring up to deal teams? I'm not trying to escape doing work... just want the flexibility of being able to do work outside of the office.

Anyone deal with anything like this? How should I approach it when work starts?

Jul 18, 2016

I wonder if the same goes for women in IB , since they are surrounded by guys all day long, how do your female coworkers do in that area?

Jul 18, 2016
froufrou:

I wonder if the same goes for women in IB , since they are surrounded by guys all day long, how do your female coworkers do in that area?

I think for females, the issues are generally the same, but with a little added difficulty. Based on the current gender roles...it's still perceived favorably to date a busy-and-overachieving-finance-guy because women generally like the idea of having a man that can provide (in one way or another.. haha). Because of this, women are more likely to tolerate the hours and general douchebaggery for the sake of keeping an "able" boyfriend. After all, (regardless of what the chick does for a living) it's nice to have a bf that you can fall back on.

The same logic does not work for boys that date women in finance. I believe males are generally less jealous creatures, but having their girlfriends surrounded by guys (that probably make more) doesn't help their self esteem or relationships.

Note: I have few datapoints on this; I'd love to from some of the older female members here.

Jul 18, 2016

If you don't go out with the guys for a beer after work or on the weekend, it will definitely have an impact on your success as an analyst. No one likes the guy who bails out when the group is doing something together. You can bridge the gap by bringing the girlfriend out with the guys, but when the conversation turns to work or other women, the girl may start to feel like a 3rd wheel.

Jun 9, 2011
CompBanker:

If you don't go out with the guys for a beer after work or on the weekend, it will definitely have an impact on your success as an analyst. No one likes the guy who bails out when the group is doing something together. You can bridge the gap by bringing the girlfriend out with the guys, but when the conversation turns to work or other women, the girl may start to feel like a 3rd wheel.

As mosagonistic (?) as this sounds, finance is for the most part still a man's world. Don't get me wrong, there's some rockstar women in finance but there aren't many feminine aspects the game. I've had a couple internships and a lot of friends in the space, and getting drinks is a HUGE part of it. I would say it's almost just as important as the work you do together in terms of building your relationships/network. If your a stick in the mud, glued to your girlfriend, or a girl who is easily offended my drunken "frat" type talk it could be detrimental. Obviously I haven't meet everyone in finance, but every social outing I've been part of the conversation more often than not reverts to a typical frat conversation.

Actually, that's what I'm really looking forward to in banking, is going out with my cowokers & building relationships. If you think about it, most of your co workers are likely a lot like you, due to the selectivity of getting into banking. If your coworkers know you do quality work at the office, and are a blast to party/hangout with, that'll go a very long way in your career. I think a serious sig other that would require a lot of your (limited) free time could hold you back.

Jul 18, 2016

Have had a GF for 2 years ... its possible. No need to be a dbag banker. It's good to go out with the boys every once in a while and have your girl be understanding but if you've never been in NY / big city and want to live the life, don't have a gf

most of the reason relationships don't work is because the people don't want it to work / don't try enough.

I get in at 8 and crank out my work and leave at 1am or so and go home to hang with the missus - plenty of times I wanan just sit back and watch tv but you gotta do what you gotta do .... so it's all up to you to make it work

Jul 18, 2016

Oh and what comp banker says is true. Before I moved jobs, my gf knew all my friends so she came out to dinner / drinks etc.

you can actively involve her and just not take part in the womenizing that will piss her off

Jul 18, 2016

maybe do a long distance relationship.. might work out ^ ^ or do Middle office and get regular hour high base + 30% bonus. not bad for work/life balance.

Signs of Recession:
Banker: "Where's me Bonus?"
Yuppie: "Whadya mean I have to actually work?"
Fox Rock Mum: "Lidl's the place to be seen in now!"
Cowen: "It's not my fault that me and my party are complete f**k-ups - it's the recession silly!"

Jul 18, 2016

^^ It's not security but all the senior bankers that are female have fcked up personalities ...

women are anal enough - IBD just makes it worse

Jul 18, 2016

didn't work out for three of my friends who went into the field with gf's... made me highly cynical

Jul 18, 2016

GoVolckYourself:

Awesome handle, sir. +1 for you.

Jul 18, 2016

I hope my girlfriend is busy with her career. Like busy at night busy. If not, then damn.
Either way, I have told her it will be brutal if I make it in and that it's my personal choice.

Jul 18, 2016

I knew someone who was married as an analyst. It seemed to work out alright. Finding and cultivating a relationship might be really hard though.

Jul 18, 2016

I know a guy who dated a girl since his junior year in college and is two years out of his analyst program at BB, workig in VC now, and just got engaged a couple of weeks ago... So it definitely works, but I can imagine how hard it can be...

Jul 18, 2016

Starting to date someone just before becoming an Analyst is a recipe for disaster, needless to say. If you have a really long-term relationship with someone it can work though.

I also know some analysts who started dating near the end of their term and made the relationship work... you start working a lot less too, which makes it easier.

Also really depends on which group you're in... yes, in general you're going to work like crazy, but some groups/people are more understanding than others.

Jul 18, 2016

are the holidays in ib quite unpredictable? i.e ur working non stop for 3 months on a deal and then when its completed u have a couple of weeks off.

Jul 18, 2016

i've never heard of taking weeks off as an analyst

it's more like take the night off or sunday off

Jul 18, 2016

Three guys I know got engaged to their girlfriens when they were 3rd year analysts. I also know a couple of analysts who were already married. It can be tough in relationships and would require hard work and commitment/understanding of both parties for it to work, especially if the other person has a lot of free time...

Jul 18, 2016

another option would be to wait until you're done with the worst initial years. as a 2nd/3rd-yr associate or a VP, you're also gonna be a lot more marketable :)

Jul 18, 2016

it CAN be done...I made it through 1.5yrs out of 2 with a girlfriend. eventually it didn't work out. It helps if the girlfriend is also VERY busy or a fellow banker. That way there is an understanding -- you're both going through sleep deprivation, stress, etc.

Jul 18, 2016

If your girlfriend has a life then it os not very likely.

Jul 18, 2016

on the woman. if she's needy, then forget it. that relationship will be over in no time. if, however, she's independent and has a life of her own, then it should be fine.

Jul 18, 2016

Needy women just wont work. Mine is on verge of ruins and am tryng vey hard to salvage it.

Jul 18, 2016

every saturday in a while, and forget about a relationship. It makes you stress even more in life!

Jul 18, 2016

Friend with benefits...

best way to go sometimes

Jul 18, 2016

I was just wondering about the same thing actually. I worry that after 2 years of not seeing the sunlight, I would lose everything
a. my youth- my skin will sag, wrinkles increase, circles darken, hair will thin all from stress and lack of sleep
b. my health- ass will get huge, fat content will multiple, cholesterol will sky rocket from eating takeout food 24/7
c. my bf- will leave me from not ever seeing or hearing from me
d. my soul- will be sold to the devil for greed

ibanking is evil

Jul 18, 2016

LOL

Finally... I get to give girly advice for once. What a relief. I think I can handle this.

Seriously. You'll be 25 when your 2 years are over, that's scarcely an age to have a crisis about!!!

a. Youth: First, youth is a state of mind. With the rest, drink plenty of water throughout the day and invest in good products. I highly recommend Alterna Caviar or any Kerastase products for your hair. Sure the long hours stress and wreak havoc on the skin/hair, but you can prevent long-term damage. Dark circles? Nothing a good concealer can't remedy. (Hot tip: Go to Barney's and buy Eve Lom's universal cream. Eve Lom is this London based guru and this cream is the best. EVER. I swear by it.)

b. Health: A degree of self control and discipline is necessary, but honestly, you can control what you eat. To take the edge off a long day and to help with metabolism... Relacore PM. In moderation.

c. BF: Who cares about your freakin' bf now. I'm sure he's a nice guy. Likelihood is that he won't last anyway, and not because you're in IB. That's not an excuse. Simply put, you're too young and it's too early for you to settle on one guy now. I promise you, your best bf's are yet to come. They'll get better as you get older because you'll know how to pick them better :-)

d. Soul. Surround yourself with down to earth friends and you won't lose your soul.

The Wise Sage

Jul 18, 2016

I've found it works well if you find someone who also has a job that takes up way too much of their life.

As an associate in PE, my hours can be shitty at times. However, my girlfriend works in consulting for an MBB firm, so its not like she can legitimately complain about the occasional 70-80 hour week when she's been working for 60+ of those hours.

Jul 18, 2016

These links should get you started. There have been other threads if you're looking for more details. The sum of my experience has been: Most people can't / choose not to maintain them. The pressure is on the female to accept your hours. Things are different in this economy, it is easier.

http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/long-distanc...
http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/ibanking-and...
~~~~~~~~~~~
CompBanker

Jul 18, 2016

I am in S&T and while the hours are lower I do come home in different moods almost every single day. I think it is best to educate your SO about your career as much as you can. I started working with a gf and now 4 years later she is my wife. She has learned a ton about the industry and its players which should come from her having an interst in you and your career. I have also had to learn quite a bit about her career as well.

Is it easy? No
Can it work? Yes

Good luck

Jun 9, 2011

i thought we could make it, but 6 months later no dice.

Jul 18, 2016

It is possible!

I dated my girlfriend for 2.5 years before I started as an analyst. Granted it has only been about 6 months since I started, I think we are still going strong. I must admit though that the stars did align for our situation.

We both wanted to make it work and one of the things we decided was to move in together, which is always a huge risk. It was tough because we both had our hesitations, but it also worked because we were both moving to London where we didn't know many people and the rent is outrageous. Other benefits include the fridge always being stocked and laundry done, although I do clean the bathroom and kitchen on sundays.

This means that I have had to make a few sacrifices (the key is not to resent these sacrifices). I don't really go out with people from work to clubs etc, but I will go for the occassional drink. If I am done work at a decent hour I will spend that time with her. I'm not sure if this tarnished my image with people at the office, but I already spend enough time with them so I don't really care. Also, from my end, I make an effort to keep in communication with her during the day. So I will send her an email. It doesn't always have to be sappy or racy, it can be a joke or an article just to let her know I'm thinking of her. It has helped tremendously.

From her side, I knew that dealing with the hours would be difficult because she has a regular 9 to 5er. Every month I buy her a new season of a TV show. I also encourage going to the gym. Lastly, I have really made a push for her to make friends so that she can go out for dinner or drinks with them (I basically said I would cover some of the costs because she doesn't make as much as I do). The last point has probably been the most important because she doesn't feel alone all the time.

It definitely requires effort, but to me it is worth it. Good luck.

Jul 18, 2016
  1. Start dating a girl 2 months before starting FT banking job.
  2. Spend 1-2 months in NY for training away from girl.
  3. Don't properly educate her on hours / nature of the work and set false expectations.
  4. Have her go into a completely different industry where hours/lifestyle are normal.
  5. Break up several months after starting.

So don't do any of the above and you should be in great shape for maintaining relationships.

P.S. It gets easier to start relationships once you move to a different industry.

Jul 18, 2016

My 2.5 year relationship was over 3 months after I started.

This job combined with a girlfriend who wasn't interested in finance combined with long distance was a silver bullet.

  • Capt K
Jul 18, 2016

I'll also post my advice from one of the posts CompBanker linked to at the top:

I think the biggest challenge is maintaining things in common. All of a sudden you will have so many new friends, a new job that she doesn't understand, a new city, etc. She won't know anyone in any of your stories. It's tough. You might soon find that while you thought you had so much in common, maybe all you had in common was your situation in college.

Also, you're about to be presented with a literal buffet of women, probably even more so than in college. Good luck not wanting to "shop around" as it were.

Sorry to sound so dark, but its a tough situation to be in. Good luck.

  • Capt K
Jul 18, 2016

i'm married... it works.

however i almost feel like long distance would be easier sometimes. so if you're doing the long distance thing just make sure to check your email and text messages regularly and you should survive.

Jul 18, 2016

Hours are down, so it's possible right now. Just make sure she understands the hours. My gf and I aren't doing the long-distance thing, and I told her repeatedly about the hours before I started. My fear is, however, that she'll get used to the slower hours and get pissed off when the economy and the hours pick back up.

Jul 18, 2016

Some tips from a banker dating someone cross-country (actually, she's out here now, but sadly I'm working while she's resting soundly):

1) Always give her a call. It takes five minutes. While they're getting a coffee break, give her a ring- she will appreciate it. It also helps you clear your mind of the excel models and powerpoint malaise.

2) Write letters/send flowers/do something special for her every month. Again, makes her feel appreciated and you stay connected.

3) Don't screw around. Duh.

4) Be realistic. Don't lie to her about the realities of the job to try and sugarcoat it. She'll either accept it or not.

5) Remind her it's a 2-year thing, and if you really want something in the long run, 2 years is nothing.

Now, we'd been dating over two years going into banking and she works some pretty tough hours herself (time-intensive group at a Big 4 firm), but we are 2,800 miles apart for most of the year. Luckily since she works a lot of hours they get good vacation time, so we've seen each other every 2-3 months, which is better than I expected.

All the kids I work with who had real relationships going into banking still have them now, with none on the ropes as far as I know. The key is managing expectations and making sure you remain close in unique ways.

As far as casual dating goes if you start out single or have a new/casual girlfriend, you can probably forget about it. Just not enough time for casual stuff really. The single guys mostly go for the one night fling but rarely if ever does it turn into anything serious.

Jul 18, 2016

For the THIRD time.

You do the math.

Jul 18, 2016
Edmundo Braverman:

For the THIRD time.

You do the math.

may have more to do with you being you than you being in banking

Jun 9, 2011

From the people I have talked to, it sounds like it basically comes down to the girl. If she realizes that the opportunity cost of being in a relationship with a man making significant money is his time, it should be alright, especially given the fact your hours will reduce after your first few years as an analyst. I know a few girls dating bankers right now and they just understand the nature of the business and it works for 'em.

Jul 18, 2016

Dated a girl for 3 years before starting in banking, we lasted all through 2.5 years of banking and 4 months of private equity before we broke up.

Jun 9, 2011
GameTheory:

Dated a girl for 3 years before starting in banking, we lasted all through 2.5 years of banking and 4 months of private equity before we broke up.

Guess she just couldn't stand a buy-sider... some girls are impossible to please.

Jul 18, 2016
gomes3pc:

Some tips from a banker dating someone cross-country (actually, she's out here now, but sadly I'm working while she's resting soundly):

1) Always give her a call. It takes five minutes. While they're getting a coffee break, give her a ring- she will appreciate it. It also helps you clear your mind of the excel models and powerpoint malaise.

2) Write letters/send flowers/do something special for her every month. Again, makes her feel appreciated and you stay connected.

3) Don't screw around. Duh.

4) Be realistic. Don't lie to her about the realities of the job to try and sugarcoat it. She'll either accept it or not.

5) Remind her it's a 2-year thing, and if you really want something in the long run, 2 years is nothing.

Now, we'd been dating over two years going into banking and she works some pretty tough hours herself (time-intensive group at a Big 4 firm), but we are 2,800 miles apart for most of the year. Luckily since she works a lot of hours they get good vacation time, so we've seen each other every 2-3 months, which is better than I expected.

All the kids I work with who had real relationships going into banking still have them now, with none on the ropes as far as I know. The key is managing expectations and making sure you remain close in unique ways.

As far as casual dating goes if you start out single or have a new/casual girlfriend, you can probably forget about it. Just not enough time for casual stuff really. The single guys mostly go for the one night fling but rarely if ever does it turn into anything serious.

kids you work with are a bunch of jokers

Jul 18, 2016

3 year relationship over a few days before it started. It totally depends on the girl. Even the strongest relationships would fail if there is unhappiness with the work hours.

Jul 18, 2016

Definately possible. One thing that is impossible though is when a guy who gets the BB gig thinks he can land some hot supermodel, that doesn't happen.

Dweebs end up with Dweebs.

Jul 18, 2016

I am in a serious relationship too..and I am a girl. My bf is very supportive of my work and we really enjoy our time together when I do get time off..

Jul 18, 2016

Word on the street is..... The profssion in which wives cheat on their husbands the most is Investment Banking

Jul 18, 2016

Yeah with the traders.

Jul 18, 2016

lol..... good one Pathus21

Jul 18, 2016

deleted

Jul 18, 2016

kiwili24- What self-respecting guy has the name "Sundaisy"

Girls go into banking too y'know.

Jul 18, 2016

deleted

Jul 18, 2016

Its probably easier for a girl to keep a SO, as long as the SO is secure.

I'm stereotyping here, but men need less attention than women. However, fi they are insecure, they will probably be bothered by you always cancelling on them to spend time with a bunch of guys (aka, working all night).

The solution: Find somebody that does the same job..they'll understand then.

Jul 18, 2016

Keep at least 7 girlfriends in the city. That's my advice.

Jul 18, 2016

On a similar but slightly tangential note, would most of you be uninterested in dating a girl in a similar field? I'm starting in S&T soon, so the hours won't be as bad, but I'm worried that all the guys with good jobs (e.g. banking, law, consulting) would rather be with girls who have less demanding jobs.

Jul 18, 2016

Seanc I love your advice! I plan on dating one in every borough

lol...I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice---but I can't hold on to any relationships and I'm only in undergrad ---so I highly doubt I could keep one once I get into the banking world...

But then again I don't put much effort...
...so that being said..

its probably workable if you both want it badly and understand your relationship and what it is...

Perfection breeds Perfection

"Perfection breeds Perfection"

Jul 18, 2016

fp175, Most guys don't like chicks who are ambitious, aggressive and intelligent. We like chicks who we can manipulate and push around and I hardly think most financial or law types fit the bill.

Jul 18, 2016
Seanc:

fp175, Most guys don't like chicks who are ambitious, aggressive and intelligent. We like chicks who we can manipulate and push around and I hardly think most financial or law types fit the bill.

agreed

law/finance dates blow more than they suck

intelligent chics are difficult, unless there's a deprecating sense of humor

Marijuana leads to Doritos, not harder drugs.

Jul 18, 2016

It's possible, simply depends on the type of people in the relationship.

  • Slams

...

Jul 18, 2016
slams:

It's possible, simply depends on the type of people in the relationship.

  • Slams

Nearly impossible.

Jul 18, 2016

fp175, as long as you don't make more money than the guy, I don't think it will be a problem...

Jul 18, 2016
sammy101:

fp175, as long as you don't make more money than the guy, I don't think it will be a problem...

Well given the high salaries in finance, you can imagine why a comment like that concerns me. According to you, I pretty much can only date a banker or someone way older than me who earns more money. Most 22-26 year old guys will be making significantly less than I will. Fantastic.

And Seanc-the pushover girlfriend comment. I'm not sure what my academic and professional behavior have to do with my behavior with a man. Just because a woman is ambitious at work doesn't mean she is always shouting at her boyfriend and telling him what to do. The two qualities are totally unrelated. (I speak about myself: I'm really ambitious/agressive in some areas but with relationships I'm cooking dinner and ironing clothes...honestly).

Jul 18, 2016

Most guys that date Banker chicks are majorly whipped.

Jul 18, 2016

And he does not mind. He is a professional engineer and he thinks he is generating really value while I am just shuffling money...

Jul 18, 2016

go into the markets side or slow down when you want a woman. If you're pitching in Botswana on a saturday when you're 35, you don't deserve a woman.

Jul 18, 2016

Straight-laced "professional type" girls will fuck your brains out moreso than most strippers. As long as she lives up to that standard, pays for dinner, and doesn't mind if I cheat on her when I have Saturday night off and she doesn't, I would date a banker girl (as long as she is tan and thin).

Jul 18, 2016

what's a girlfriend?

Jul 18, 2016

Hell if I had a gf that made more money than me I would be all over that.

Jul 18, 2016

Relationships!?!?

I'm surprised you would even have time for a quick wank with the hours you work in ib.