I am done with life

This is mainly just to vent all the feelings I have bottled up so it'll most likely be an incoherent mess. I don't care if I get M'sed - which I surely will. I have no one to talk to so I might as well do this.

All my life I've been an outcast and have heard implicit - and at times explicit - references to being worthless / insignificant. I accepted it but quietly always strived for more - idealistically creating value through "success" (whatever that means). I worked tirelessly throughout school and yet still failed to get into a top college. I still remember that day - I was cold, alone, and utterly disappointed at the fact that all those hours I spent went to shit. It seemed as if everyone else was right. Having spent my first year at a state school, I grinded in the hopes of getting into a better school to break into IB. Somehow, someway, through the grace of God, I managed to get into an Ivy. I was ecstatic for a time but undeniably still felt empty and alone. Additionally, I knew it was all for nothing if I ended up without the IB ticket - especially because my family isn't necessarily the richest - even if they are a bit distant. Throughout this time, somehow I just couldn't really make friends or form real relationships. For SA 2022, I worked tirelessly and did all the proper things - networking, technicals, mocks, 4.0 GPA, etc. Yet despite reaching several SDs, never made the cut. I still remember getting a glimmer of hope with the last one as I felt I had killed it and the interviewers were talking about me joining the team only to then get the WL and later rejection. I was crushed. Ironically, throughout this time, I met someone who was incredibly kind to me. I had never met someone who was willing to be so genuine and kind. I am usually skeptical of most people but I just had a sense I could trust her because of her transparency. Eventually, I ended up telling her everything - virtually all my difficulties and secrets - and throughout it all she flirted quite heavily and spoke about a future together. So despite my shortcomings in IB, I had finally felt a sense of hope - a sense of meaning. Fast forward to today, out of nowhere, this same person comes and says she just suddenly got a boyfriend and texts me saying that she will go ahead and block me and never speak to me again and that she wishes me well. Some might say there was a catalyst but there really was not anything to influence this. We were talking normally as recent as yesterday and she was talking about visiting Disney. I feel an unbearable pain and, though I am not suicidal, just wish I could disappear and relieve myself of all this meaningless bullshit. I completely failed at my IB dream (which some might say is possible but realistically feel so disillusioned) and now lost the one person that meant the world to me. It's like life, instead of getting better, has a sort of inverse telealogy - it's just gets fucking worse. 

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Comments (42)

Most Helpful
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Sep 18, 2021 - 3:31pm
:

 I accepted it

First error. Take no shit

:

Eventually, I ended up telling her everything - virtually all my difficulties and secrets

Second error. Why did you reveal all your weaknesses to a female? That's the best way to make her lose any respect for you.

:

I feel an unbearable pain...just wish I could disappear and relieve myself of all this meaningless bullshit

Holy shit get yourself a bit of self-respect please. Don't be such a pussy.

:

I completely failed at my IB dream

Oh no, you didn't get a fucking SA, your IB career is definitely dead and buried!

:

 it's just gets fucking worse.

To give you a much-needed reality check, it appears that you think and act like a pussy, and this might transpire in all your interactions with people. You need to get some fucking confidence and self-respect. Posting on the internet in an attempt to get support and attention from strangers will NOT help you. You need to get your shit together and keep grinding. Here's a todo list and if you don't follow this advice just fucking give up already and go work for Walmart:

Career:

- Determine why you don't get offers. You're at an Ivy, good grades, good technicals, so there must be something on the behavioural part. Do you give off cuck energy? Do you appear weak? Do you smile and appear confident, or do you look sad and tired?

- Start networking (i.e. sending hundreds of cold emails) with local IBD boutiques to get internships. You'll gain experience that will allow you to apply for FT or lateral to a big bank

Life/Relations:

- Start lifting/working out. Increases your testosterone, decreases your stress levels.

- Join clubs to meet people. I'm pretty sure you act like a weirdo due to a lack of social interactions. You need to interact with people to get rid of any social anxiety.

- Make friends through clubs, then go to bars and shit. Drink spirits and woo females with your bros, for this is the purpose of man. It will also make you way more confident.

I didn't write that for nothing, so if you don't follow this fucking advice I swear to God I'll find you wherever you are and FUCKING BEAT YOU UP

Sep 18, 2021 - 4:06pm

Second error. Why did you reveal all your weaknesses to a female? That's the best way to make her lose any respect for you.\

This, along with "cuck energy" is incel/never had a real relationship logic.  If you're in a relationship with someone they're eventually gonna find out what your weaknesses are, you can't pretend to be emotionless forever.

But the fact that he did it without being in an exclusive relationship with that person, and even talked about having a future together is pretty ridiculous.  But other than that the advice is pretty good

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Sep 18, 2021 - 5:37pm

Firstly, I want to tell you that you are not worthless and absolutely should not see yourself as such. You have a lot going for you, and for those things you should be grateful. You are studying at a top-tier institution and doing very well, as managing a 4.0 GPA is not a simple feat. 

Secondly, you have glamorized the world around you in a way that is deeply unhealthy, and, in my opinion, personally damaging. 

You claim...

I knew it was all for nothing if I ended up without the IB ticket...

That's blatantly untrue. How could an Ivy League education be wasted by not going into IB? You have opportunities for networking and countless jobs at whatever Ivy League institution you are studying. Even if IB is something you are dead-set on doing, that doesn't mean it is impossible to break in even after not getting an SA position. 

Furthermore...

Somehow, someway, through the grace of God, I managed to get into an Ivy. I was ecstatic for a time but undeniably still felt empty and alone.

You are unable to appreciate your own accomplishments in a way that makes you fulfilled by them. This often is a result of unrealistic thinking or lack of deep and meaningful relationships. You are distant from your family and do not appear to be currently deeply involved with others as a friend, colleague, or romantic at your institution. This is something that leads people to depression and unrealistic thinking. 

I personally think for you this is something that needs to begin from within. You have adopted a black-pilled, incel-friendly mindset about life, even if you have not realized it. This will inevitably prevent you from getting the things you want, and cause you to receive the kind of feedback you are getting here. You're practically begging for it in the post you just wrote. 

As for IB,

  • I would continue networking and emailing about opportunities in Investment Banking, Corporate Development, or other transaction related business. Begin today. Send your first networking emails as soon as you read this post if you have yet to secure a position. You will not regret it. Even if you do not land something ideal this cycle, you have an opportunity to build off of for later. 
  • Consider exactly why you did not get an offer, and reach out to fellow classmates for advice. Ask them to be direct about this. Their comments may be difficult for you to accept at first, but realize that they are trying to help you. This is how self-improvement works and how happiness is generated. It is often difficult, but it is what's good for you. Listen closely, and if people have solutions, implement them, even if you disagree with them. Remember that you are currently in a position with everything to gain and nothing to lose career-wise, so trying should make sense. 

For other things,

  • This may be tough to hear, but the girl you talked to never loved you. She's a bitch and whore for doing what she did to you. Don't think about her ever again. Do not pay her mind. Do not expect anything from her. I would encourage you to physically throw away an object you received in this relationship to mentally close off this connection. 
    • I'll also agree with the above poster that the way you handled yourself with the girl probably caused her not to like you. Women do not want to date or hang around cucks/incels/weak-minded people. Nobody does, so why would girls? Take it from a girl, and don't act like that around women. This doesn't change the fact that the other girl is a bitch (she is), but you should note acting that way can lead to negative outcomes.  
  • You need to start making friends with people around you who like who you are. Go to a random club meeting one day. Show up to a bar and talk to the people sitting next to you, even if you have to go by yourself. Go outside, sit around and talk to someone who passes by if the previous things I mentioned scare you. Find some bros this way, and maybe a girl or two. 
    • Remember, socializing takes practice! You should be proactive about trying to make friends and do things. Whenever you have an opportunity to socialize take it! If you think you might want to grab lunch with someone or engage in an activity, reach out! Again, this is how friends are made and how happiness is brought into people's lives. 
  • Do something to take control of your life. So many people praise working out because it gives them a space to things to improve themselves. They feel in control when they work out. The added testosterone and decreased cortisol doesn't hurt either!
  • Practice gratitude. This is something, as mentioned, you have trouble with. Every time you sit down to eat a meal (which I would encourage you to always do with at least one other person), say something to yourself that you are thankful for. Even something terribly basic like, "I am grateful for the good weather" is acceptable. You'll start to appreciate the world around a bit more, which is something positive. This doesn't mean you should stop hustling and trying to get what you want, it means you should be grateful with what you been lucky enough to be afforded. 

In conclusion, stop acting the way you are. You are worth itYou can do these things. You are capable. Now, it's up to you to do what myself and other posters have given you. You can take it or leave it, but note that by leaving it on the table, you are actively selecting to remain in a spot you are already in. Right now is a tough moment, and you will come back from it. You can do it. You are able. You have it in you. Choose happiness. Choose career advancement. Choose being worth it. 

Sep 18, 2021 - 6:35pm

Hard to read. Will try again in another moment.

Never discuss with idiots, first they drag you at their level, then they beat you with experience.

  • 1
  • Associate 1 in IB - Gen
Sep 18, 2021 - 6:51pm

Dude IB fucking SUCKS DICK anyway. PM me and I can send you finance career recs that pay six figures after a couple years, while working 45-50 hours a week. Fuckkkkk investment banking, don't let these spoiled fuckheads who went to private schools all their life convince you otherwise 

regarding the girl - yeah it sucks man. I've learned long time ago the only people you can really chat deep down with are.. a couple close homies and your dog. Thassit. Sucks but that's life 

Sep 18, 2021 - 7:36pm

Just try to get into a regional IB or something. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Sep 18, 2021 - 7:37pm

You're right - life can get worse and worse. But when it does, you realize that you had it better than you thought before. So essentially, it's better to count your blessings now. It's this attitude, and not self pity, that keeps you strong and helps you develop into something better. Self pity, on the other hand, drags you and those around you down. Which I bet is why the girl said see ya.

Instead focus on your work ethic - 4.0, grinded from a state to an Ivy. What's to say you cant, like others have said here, do it again? Go from FT at a boutique, AM, or even a completely different field and make it to your goals? 

Being hard on yourself can cause some pretty bad lows, but channel it and you will earn your victory soon enough. You already have a lot to be proud of.

  • Intern in PE - LBOs
Sep 18, 2021 - 7:49pm

I feel like this is fake on so many levels but I just can't see a motive for OP to make this up. There's nothing memey or trolling, it's all just sad.

This is what I'll say. WSO makes financial services and IB seem like the end-all be-all. This is how we get 30 year olds on the forum who want to "break" into IB, when that is clearly almost impossible from where they are in their lives, and they would be much better off attending a 6 month coding bootcamp and becoming a SWE. It is not the end-all be-all, and specifically within financial services, the golden path of IB-PE-MBA is not the end-all be-all either. Take Pizz for example, ok, maybe not the best exemplar, but he struck out on IB recruiting as well. Multiple superdays and the like IIRC. Yet he ended up at a HF right out of college.

Secondly, making friends. I assume by this post you are a junior. That means you have had 3 out of your 4 college semesters so far virtually. That sounds like absolute shit and I can't imagine how difficult it must've been to make friends. Actually, I can, because I'm a sophomore and struggled a bit in the beginning for the same reasons. Almost everyone I have ever talked to has told me that they made their best friends after freshman and sometimes sophomore year. You take more specific classes and have specific club interests, so you meet similar people during these years. I would not give up hope if I was you. Just keep putting yourself out there and try to be social. Finally, for girls, dude, every single girl I have met in college who was reasonably attractive was a total idiot, and I go to an ivy. As disfunctional and fucked up as it is, IMO, becoming actual close friends with girls in college relationships is pretty difficult. That's why I think having guys (or non-romantically interest girls) who are your friends is really important. People who are also smart, will always support you past just your relationship, and you will know for the long-term.

  • PM in HF - Other
Sep 18, 2021 - 7:59pm

You guys really put the "pussy on a pedestal" on here lately. Is this cause the pandemic forced all strip clubs closed or something. 

Man you are not worthless, but focus on your career that is the main thing upsetting you and plenty of time to fix it. Not even going to give time to your lady issues.

Sep 18, 2021 - 10:26pm

Bro there will be tons of opportunities to get into AM, Equity Research, even VC if you kill it at corporate. Banking isn't the end all be all. And you will have tons of chances to meet quality women as well. When you are 30 you will look back and say why did I think "my life is over". It is not and you have a lot to look forward to my friend. 

  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Sep 18, 2021 - 11:07pm

I think if you believe that what you have studied is inherently valuable then getting into Ib is not that big of a deal. 

Sep 18, 2021 - 11:29pm

I would refer you to a therapist my good man.

No pain no game.

  • Analyst 1 in S&T - Equities
Sep 18, 2021 - 11:32pm

Things seem bad to you now, but they're objectively not bad. Analyst job market is roaring hot right now, you go to an Ivy lol. Not making fun of you, just want you to lighten up. You can get into banking through networking, at this point networking hard. Girl stuff happens and is what it is for a while then sucks less over time. You have your whole life ahead of you. 

Sep 19, 2021 - 9:38am

There's been good advice here already but I wanted to say that life will get better and you'll look back one day as a successful man wondering why you worried so much. All the best brother

Sep 19, 2021 - 11:25am

Hey man- IB isn't all that, you would potentially find yourself in a deeper hole upon joining the vapid culture (often times) that occurs at banks. 
 

I can't help but think there is another path for you and this happened because there is another path that will be better for you in the long run. 
 

I believe in the flow of energy (now that I'm older), you need to meditate and Help dispel the negative energy from your system. Once you do, everything will change. Also, exercise, volunteer and join some club that you have interest in. 
 

Also - practice some self compassion man, you have accomplished a great deal. Make friends with what you are. 
 

ps. Don't open up to these chicks, they will straight up friendzone you. If you need to open up talk to your buds or a therapist. 

Sep 19, 2021 - 3:35pm

The reason you fucked up with this girl is because of your trust issues. You spent too much time of your life completely untrusting of other people, never opening up in the slightest. Then a girl comes and for whatever reason breaks your shell and you let it all out. Remember to never do that again. Start by trusting people more, then you'll reach an equilibrium: you'll share a little bit of yourself, so people will find you likeable enough to want to be around you, while at the same time they won't be creeped out because you went too far and shared your inner demons.

Sep 19, 2021 - 6:57pm

"Eventually, I ended up telling her everything - virtually all my difficulties and secrets - and throughout it all she flirted quite heavily and spoke about a future together. So despite my shortcomings in IB, I had finally felt a sense of hope - a sense of meaning."

Sounds like you passed up on an opportunity there. I'm pretty sure she wanted to date you but since you didn't pull the trigger she found someone else. To block her from potentially going back to you or messing up her relationship she blocked you.

I'd say keep trying. You got into an Ivy. I didn't. You have a decent GPA. You're probably young and opportunity is still out there.

Sep 19, 2021 - 10:21pm

Life is a game of mario bro - bounce on bowsers head and decapitate the little fucker

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

  • 1
Sep 20, 2021 - 9:29am

Honestly dodged a bullet with the girl what adult wants to go to fucking Disney 

Sep 20, 2021 - 2:58pm

Going by all you've said, you appear to have a rather damaging mindset resulting from the negative childhood experiences you had.

You take failure to be defining and absolute, although that isn't remotely true. In reality, you're in a better position that most people out there. You expect things to go bust before you even try.

Perhaps, recruiters sense that pessimistic energy.

In interviews, you need to be confident, relaxed, and exude warmth and positivity. Stop being so hard on yourself.

Reading certain books, practising meditation, and therapy might help.

Cheers!

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Sep 20, 2021 - 5:27pm

you are at an ivy, there are opportunities and a very substantial network at your disposal. Keep networking and apply to EVERY SINGLE OPPORTUNITY that will help you achieve your goal when it comes to FT recruiting

  • Analyst 2 in Consulting
Sep 20, 2021 - 5:27pm

Going to chime in here as well because I'm digging the good advice and positivity on this thread. A few people mentioned working out. This should not be brushed off as trivial or minor. You NEED to get your body in good shape for your mind to be in good shape, this is non-negotiable. Also, you need to ensure nutrition is good. Stop eating bullshit. Stop eating processed food and sugar. Get your sleep right as well. A lot of the white-collar grind culture prioritizes wealth over physical and mental health. If you want to be a complete human being and a complete man, you should be well balanced and in control of yourself.

If you don't have any gym experience then start small and accept that you won't know what you're doing. Own it and don't be embarrassed. But start somewhere and it will make many other aspects of your life easier. Good luck! 

Sep 20, 2021 - 5:27pm

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