Investment banker boyfriend, how do I handle the crazy hours?

elizabethk's picture
Rank: Monkey | 39

Hi everyone,

I am here to get some advice from someone who understands and has been/is in a similar position. My investment banker boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months now. It would be safe to say that we have an amazing relationship. I know his family and friends and we see (or used to see) each other fairly often considering both our hectic schedules - mid-week, fridays and sometimes spend weekends together. When we first started dating he told me that I need to understand that work can be crazy at times, however as of last week I have never had to grasp the full meaning of his words.

He wants to get a VP promotion and is currently working on a massive deal that was supposed to be wrapped up today, yet more work came up. I am worried he is not getting enough rest (he stays in the office until very late) and I also really miss him. Yet, I feel stupid to demand his attention considering how hectic things are at the moment and I completely understand that work is important. We message through the day and he does make an effort but the newfound dynamic of our relationship is taking its toll. Until this point, the longest we haven't seen one another is a week (due to both travelling abroad) hence this is rather unnatural.

How do I deal with it without being too demanding? Men - what do you expect your woman to be like when work is hectic?
I fear suggesting we see each other (have already tried organizing something twice last week) as it seems like more and more work comes up for him, eventually having to cancel on me and causing unnecessary drama.
Advice would be greatly appreciated!

Comments (86)

May 3, 2016

Honestly, don't get in the way, don't cause unnecessary drama and be very supportive. But that's easier said than done, so good luck to you!

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Best Response
May 3, 2016

never done 100hr work weeks but I have done long distance (still with her to this day). couple things that I've learned:

  1. do NOT be needy. it is fine to tell him you miss him, but do not make him feel guilty, if he cares about you, he already feels guilty
  2. little things help, like maybe waking up 15 minutes before he does and having his coffee ready to go in the morning, or on the nights he doesn't do seamless, having a pizza and a beer out for him when he gets home.
  3. this is not a one way street, he needs to make some sort of effort, and just because you want more doesn't mean he's doing nothing. ask yourself if this is just stress due to infrequent contact or is it because he's exerting no effort?
  4. support him emotionally, let him vent. if the first conversation you're having when he gets home is about how much you've missed him and how little you see each other, that's a recipe for disaster. he realizes his work is hectic, but the worst thing you can do is make him hesitate coming home ("ughhh, she's gonna bug me again about working late")
  5. this will get easier with time, you're only 5 months in. just make sure that free time is with each other.

the best thing my girlfriend ever did for me earlier in my career when I worked late more often (and vice versa me for her) was we left each other alone. maybe one instagram mention on a funny picture or a text just saying ILY or something simple, but nothing more. when you work late (as you know) you just want to get the shit done, and maybe be reminded there are people that care about you, you do NOT want to start a conversation about personal shit while you're working on a project, so do that, but nothing else.

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May 3, 2016

Thank you, very useful advice! Congrats for staying together through long distance and hectic life schedules - it definitely is not easy.

I forgot to note in my original post that we do not live together, which I think adds additional distance especially at times like this when seeing each other is simply impossible.

Array
May 7, 2016

He's probably not that busy and just using it as an excuse to spend more time with his wife instead...

Broads always have "back-ups" so I'm sure you're well-versed in what to do in a situation like this.

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May 3, 2016

Put yourself in the shoes of military wives who have to sit through 6 months of their partners being in war zones!

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May 5, 2016

Veteran here. I fucking hate comments like yours, so many people try and draw a contrast using the hardship of military service to marginalize someone else--that's not what we're about.

OP, there's going to be a new normal. Just keep in mind that he's probably feeling everything you are and is exhausted on top of that. There are easier or more ideal arrangements, but who cares, it's irrelevant to your situation. Cherish the time you do have together, and I imagine you'll probably end up moving in together at some point, which helps.

May 5, 2016

Thank you. I believe that moving in together could be the best solution, seeing him for a small period of time is better than not seeing him at all.

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May 3, 2016

Keep expectations low. He's going to have to cancel on you a lot - it happens in a client-facing business. Things come up, meetings get moved, deadlines get crunched, etc. If something is truly important to you and you want him there, make sure he knows that (he needs to put in effort too), but try to be understanding if he cancels dinner on a weeknight. He's not doing it because he doesn't want to be with you.

I would add that a 15-20 minute phone call at night may help you - on his side, if you're going to be there late you're going to be there late, and catching up on the day may help you feel connected to him while he's in the office working. You don't want it to be too long that it interrupts his workflow/makes others stay late, but 15-20 minutes isn't that bad in the scheme of things.

May 4, 2016

Thanks.

Do you (and anyone who has or is to give advice) willing to say if it is worth bringing up when we are seeing each other next? Or shall I let him offer whenever his schedule clears up?

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May 4, 2016
elizabethk:

Thanks.

Do you (and anyone who has or is to give advice) willing to say if it is worth bringing up when we are seeing each other next? Or shall I let him offer whenever his schedule clears up?

Sure, just bring it up in a non-threatening way. Not "so when am I seeing you?", more like "hey when do you think we might be able to get together?"

May 3, 2016

Let me take a different approach, instead of what you can do for him, figure out what you can do to help yourself. Have a life of your own, figure out what you really like and go for it, whether it be career, hobbies, interests, non-profit work, etc. Keeping yourself occupied and invested in something of interest will go along way towards helping you manage the difficulties.

For me personally, if I'm not able to spend time with my other half because I'm stuck at the office, at least knowing that she's not sitting at home bored and lonely every night, goes a long way towards helping me manage my own stress as well when I'm grinding out a night.

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May 4, 2016

That's very useful, thank you. I am usually quite good at keeping myself occupied but I feel like my mind wanders towards him especially when we haven't seen one another for a few days.

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May 5, 2016

@Mogwai awesome user name btw and you made a great point!
Even if your partner has a regular job (non-investment banking job) with normal work hours, it is much healthier for both partners to have their own hobbies apart from each other.

It ain't what you know, it's who you know

May 5, 2016

Tell him the truth - women's desire for sex drops dramatically after the first 2 years of a relationship (if not dies completely). He's missing his prime time now. Tell him it's "use it or lose it".

Recommend he speaks with his father or other older heterosexual men he knows well to confirm this.

If he's rational, he'll find more time.

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May 5, 2016
SSits:

Tell him the truth - women's desire for sex drops dramatically after the first 2 years of a relationship (if not dies completely). He's missing his prime time now. Tell him it's "use it or lose it".

Recommend he speaks with his father or other older heterosexual men he knows well to confirm this.

If he's rational, he'll find more time.

This. Added that and phone calls daily would help a lot.
Lastly, if you truly love him hang in there, don't be like the others and jump ships. This is helping him more then you know.

May 5, 2016

I have a very high sexual drive and he is aware of it, hence don't think that would be much of an issue. Definitely would do my best to hang in there as he is an amazing guy.

Thank you!

Array
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May 5, 2016

Thata girl!!

May 5, 2016
  1. Definitely try not to be needy! That is a number 1 turn-off when it comes to dating.
  2. Be supportive of his work and give him as much time he needs. If one chooses investment banking, then they usually come with an expectation of putting career first.
  3. Try to find a hobby or focus on your own career as well. This allows you to have conversations with your boyfriend outside his work and your plans together. Instead, make him interested in learning about your life as well.
  4. Try to schedule activities together as well like going to the gym together if possible.

It ain't what you know, it's who you know

May 5, 2016

They've been together for five months, are you honestly suggesting she bury her feelings to put up a more 'likeable' front?

May 5, 2016

I am not saying she should be more "likeable", but honestly from personal experience and listening to my friends' experiences for years, arguing over small things like "you promised to see me tonight, but you canceled" is what leads to resentment between partners. Ultimately these small arguments is what drives partners apart and relationships fail. So that's 5 months of investment that does not bear any returns...

All I am saying is that dating someone who works in high-pressure banking world requires some understanding of the other's party's career choice. She says he wants to go for VP, so he is focused on his career. Being a supportive and respectful partner is what ultimately saves the relationship. I mean we all just want to be respected and loved for who we are and what we choose to do with our careers is part of who we are. So it is not a matter of "likability" but a matter of understanding and respect.

It ain't what you know, it's who you know

May 5, 2016

OP - assuming you're not some dude trolling the rest of us on here, here's a few things you should probably know off the bat. If your boy is trying to make VP soon, take everything you know about your life together now and forget about it. If you're familiar with professional/client service firms and how they work, the higher up he goes, the more he will be required to show face in front of clients = the more time he will have to spend on the road = the less time he will be at or around you/home. I've worked closely with managing directors and have seen their interactions with their significant others. Some good, some really bad: missed birthdays, anniversaries, last minute cancellations due to trips, etc. It's the norm in this business, rarely the exception. This is what you should know going into this whole relationship, especially if you see this going anywhere long-term. Be kind, be supportive, don't be passive-aggresive, don't nag, don't expect the impossible in terms of time commitment, take advantage of every free moment together and make it memorable. No matter how you two end up, you won't regret it, and won't have to think back to the time you fought over him being 30mins late for dinner because of a client call. Just my two cents. Good luck!

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May 5, 2016

Haha, definitely not trolling with the rest of you guys. Thank you!
I do see the relationship going long-term and I think due to being fairly relaxed and self sufficient this could possibly work for the best. I just think the line between him being overly busy and appearing not interested is fine considering we hit it off rather intensely from the start.

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May 5, 2016

i initially thought your bf is an analyst and my advice would be just tough it out for 2 years. but given he wants VP, appears he wants to be a career banker.

even when he make MD (managing director), you will consistently have to re-plan, cancel plans, or whatever misery senior bankers have to put up with so you should decide early on if you are OK with this relationship.

May 5, 2016

Being a partner/spouse to someone that works very long hours is difficult. There are many jobs like banking that require a significant amount of ones time and may take priority over you.

From what I've read, there are some good and not so good advice given so far in this forum. Here are my rule of thumbs:

1) Understand that you are not going to be the number one priority. Clients and boss comes first unfortunately.

2) Free time will be scarce and when you have it, it will rarely be scheduled. Expect things that are scheduled to be canceled last minute. This is not a reflection of of how they feel about you and you must not take it personally. You must have this attitude, or learn to take this approach over time because if not, it will lead to resentment and frustration with your partner.

3) When free time becomes available, cherish it. Sometimes you will have to sacrifice what you want for the good of the relationship. If your partner sends you a text that he will be home at noon on a Sunday after working 12-14 hour shifts M-Sat and you're just walking out the door to go grab brunch with your friends, this is the sacrifice I'm talking about.

Being able to make that hard choice of spending that small window of free time together without resentment and making each other feel good, even if its staying home being a couch potato is the outcome. This is will make the relationship work.

4) Doing small things for each other. Leaving a hand written note with something nice for your partner to find, waking them up with coffee, post-mate them something during the day, something to let them know you're thinking of them without being a hindrance.

I though I worked a lot until my girlfriend started her rotations in surgery. My 60-70 hr weeks were dwarfed by her 90-100 hr weeks. It can be difficult and to be honest, I'm still trying to find the rhythm. These are just some of the things I do to make it work. I hope you find something that works for you.

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May 5, 2016

Most of the above advice seems to be addressing his needs and what you can do for him - I kinda find this silly. The real question you need to ask yourself is are you the type of person that needs attention or the type that is highly independent. This requires real honestly and introspection. If its the former, nothing you can do or he can do will ever change given his career path. Ask yourself if that is potentially the type of life you want to live. What you don't want is a life full of sacrifice, regret, loneliness, etc. Is this the type of career path that will fulfill your needs from a partner? Do you value time or earning potential more from a partner? The fact that you are asking this question leads me to believe you fall in this bucket. So while yes there are certain things you can "do" in the short term that address your "issues" but in the long run if you need more from a relationship (which is totally okay by the way) I'd suggest reevaluating the type of person you date and the career they have chosen.

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May 5, 2016

That is a fair point, thank you. I am happy with a partner who is ambitious, level headed and passionate about what he does but also knows how to cherish their significant other fully when given the opportunity. In all honesty, I would like to think I am not terribly demanding and have a lot going on in my day to day life to keep me rather busy which also helps.

Array
May 5, 2016

I'm still shocked by the fact that the OP knows what wallstreetoasis is. My gf spends all her time on instagram / pinterest / facebook.

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May 5, 2016

I work in a different field (yet somewhat similar), therefore WSO is very useful. Also, when I started dating my boyfriend I wanted to understand fully (or at least to my ability) what he does as well as sneakily gain some inside information - such as relationship advice - from men in his shoes.

P.S. I barely have any free time and when I do it is devoted to hobbies and strictly no social networks (not even Facebook).

Array
May 5, 2016

Also be careful about giving specifics about texting and project dates and stuff because there is a very real (perhaps even likely) change that he's a WSO user and would recognize you. Especially if that's your real name in your username

May 5, 2016

Haha, thank you. This is the very first thing that went through my head, hence no real names were given.

Array
May 5, 2016

Never worked 100hr weeks at work, but did do 50 hours + Grad School + CFA studying, so similar. Lots of fights.

The biggest thing that led to an argument was my gf feeling like she couldn't ask me for something or bother me. I always told her if she needed something, just to ask! So things would bottle up, get ignored and eventually boil over.

Just being straightforward, planning, and be transparent really goes a long way. It's not easy, but if you're both continually acknowledging that and communicating, it's really going to help.

May 5, 2016

Thank you, very useful advice. I understand how/why the exact issue you mentioned could turn into the catalyst of an argument. I try to be as considered and understanding as possible which makes it inevitable not to bottle up at the hardest times.

Hope all worked out with your girlfriend!

Array
May 6, 2016

Couldnt read all the comments, but there is a very applicable piece I read a while back that might give you an insight on waht you are signing up for (its long but worth the read), I cant seem to remember the name but it was something along the lines of the women/wives of wallstreet, maybe someone here has a link.

My advice, you need to think long and hard whether this guys is the one, and you need to put your selfish hat on. Do you really want to be with someone that has this sort of schedule? Is he really that special that you will be sacrificing A LOT in your life. Unless he has a specific plan on a career change down the line, you need to assume that long hours is going to be the standard, not the exception. I would say kudos to being able to be supportive, but thats easier on a temporary basis, less so when you are raising kids by yourself effectively.

I dont know what your relationship is like, but you need to be brutally honest with yourself, sometimes its good to be selfish, sometimes you need it to make the right decision. There are tons of guys/girls out there, too many people focus on the idea of the one in my opinion.

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May 6, 2016

Thank you so much for your post. The guy is great and I am willing to be patient and see how things evolve. He wants to retire in the next 7 to 10 years but everyone knows how it goes - once you are used to a certain lifestyle and/or have more things to worry about (such as supporting a family), retiring is a complicated matter especially when you enjoy your job. We have briefly discussed his career plan and the next 2 to 3 years would be very intense for him, followed by toning down things and working with hedge funds. However, with that being said if it comes to a point where kids are to be involved I believe a serious conversation would be required where I might have to put my "selfish hat on". :)

Array
May 9, 2016

Yea I think most people underestimate how expensive life actually gets raising a family. As a single guy you could probably retire in 10 years if you keep your costs down and dont scale your lifestyle (much harder in practice than people think), but once you factor in kids, house, wedding costs, moving costs, vacation costs, school fees, family cars etc etc, life becomes expensive VERY quickly :)

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May 6, 2016

consulting bus. analyst - did the distance thing with flex travel on weekends first few months on the job - didn't work out. you're in the same city and can sleep in the same apartment together every night - count your blessings.

May 7, 2016

.."who understands and has been/is in a similar position."

I have beenis in all the best positions.

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May 11, 2016

Thanks everyone!
It is close to three weeks that my banker boyfriend has been desk bound and being understanding is getting significantly more emotionally taxing. Could you give me your two cents if exhaustion could be enough of a reason to throw you off your usual cheesy/overly interested game? Really not sure what to make of it and how to tackle the matter appropriately without appearing needy/clingy. Do you suggest I wait it out or should I attempt suggesting we see each other yet again?

Array
May 11, 2016

Assuming he in fact likes you as much as you appear to like him, he is likely just beaten down and soul sucked at the moment. If you're that crushed at work, especially after three weeks, he is probably just so busy and so over it. Its hard to get excited to text someone that you want to see when your just crushed at all times.

Then again it could be a slow fade if he isn't into you as much as you think. That is for you to know/decide. Back to my point before - saddle up as this is gonna be normal for periods of time over the next several years (if not more). Figure out if this is what you want in life.

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May 22, 2016
elizabethk:

Could you give me your two cents if exhaustion could be enough of a reason to throw you off your usual cheesy/overly interested game?

He probably read through your posts and got uncomfortable to the point that his butthole disappeared. You have been dating the dude for 5 months and are already talking about shit that's going to go down in 2026. Most of my models don't even project that far into the future wtf. If any girl I was dating were to pull this shit, I'd become fucking Casper. He might be exhausted, but you're insane.

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May 26, 2016

Made me laugh. Highly possible, though he was the one initiating it all (think moving in from the very start, getting married, having kids etc). Mind you, I held off my ground well and took it as a light-hearted joke.

Array
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May 26, 2016

Honestly, just dump the guy. If it's bothering you this much now when you have no responsibilities together, think of how you will feel when you're alone with three kids while he's at work or traveling. You're just not equipped to handle this.

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May 26, 2016

UPDATE on current situation: I was going through an intense family crisis, needed support and understanding (I am very self-sufficient but it was far too heavy to deal on my own) which I didn't receive from him. Decided to be frank and cut to the chase (perhaps motivated by turmoil) later that day saying that I understand he's insanely busy and respect the importance of his work but his overall attitude is different, suggesting that perhaps we are not right for one another, encouraging us to be clear.

I should say we have never argued and have/had an incredibly well balanced relationship.

His response was dry, saying he is busy at work and truly has no spare time, acknowledging that things are different and suggesting that maybe a break would be good.

I could either have ended it there and then or allowed destiny to take its own course. Decided there's no point to force anything and a further conversation didn't need to be had considering his overworked state and other issues affecting me emotionally due to their importance. Hence, I answered "Maybe. After the break do we go on a date or straight to bed?". Needless to say, it was an unusual turn of events. We exchanged some light-hearted messages and left it there.

Array
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May 26, 2016

He's clearly not nearly as interested in you, as you are in him. Don't want to hurt your feelings, but you're probably being played. No matter how crushed he's getting, if his interest level was higher, he would find 5-10 minutes in his day -- if you were going through a "crisis".

I should also note, if you've never argued in five months and have a super well balanced relationship as you claim, that's probably a red flag as well. Usually people argue if they have a highly vested interest in one another and are emotionally committed. In your context, incredibly well balanced relationship sounds like a euphemism for emotionally devoid friends with benefits. Don't forget to look out for #1 and don't get taken advantage of.

Edit: As a further note, do not make passive aggressive statements like "maybe we should take a break" unless you are 100% ready to commit to that and not back out, and are ready to move on. You make yourself look very weak and vulnerable if you say that and follow it up with light jokes and don't take yourself seriously. You are clearly indicating that there are no consequences to his actions or boundaries, and basically he can do whatever he wants to you. You sound like you have very little experience dating and don't know how to play your woman card.

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May 26, 2016

Fair enough, all good points. I wouldn't say I am inexperienced, in fact would think otherwise looking at past relationships. I simply feel like things were getting unnecessary heavy and predictable that evening. Some time could do us both good but I am not letting it drag out and waiting around either. I'd give it some time and be perfectly direct with him, ending it all.

I should've probably been more clear here - he did get back to me very early on in the morning and when I say not speaking, I mean still keeping contact through the day but not to usual/past standard. Also, by no argument I mean nothing that makes you truly question if the other person is worth sticking around (the take it or break it kind). In fact and on the side note, he was asking to move overseas with him just before the incredibly hectic period start. Hence, lack of commitment would be the last thing I'd have worried about.

Array
May 26, 2016
elizabethk:

Fair enough, all good points. I wouldn't say I am inexperienced, in fact would think otherwise looking at past relationships. I simply feel like things were getting unnecessary heavy and predictable that evening. Some time could do us both good but I am not letting it drag out and waiting around either. I'd give it some time and be perfectly direct with him, ending it all.

I should've probably been more clear here - he did get back to me very early on in the morning and when I say not speaking, I mean still keeping contact through the day but not to usual/past standard. Also, by no argument I mean nothing that makes you truly question if the other person is worth sticking around (the take it or break it kind). In fact and on the side note, he was asking to move overseas with him just before the incredibly hectic period start. Hence, lack of commitment would be the last thing I'd have worried about.

Time will not increase his interest level or availability, nor will it make you seem less clingly or needy in his eyes. I don't see how time is any significant factor towards improving your relationship, in your specific case. It seems like you have a lot of rationalizations for the dynamics of your relationship, and that's not usually a good sign. Rationalizations are usually indicative of one person (or another) not being able to come to terms with complete reality.

Most importantly, and why I think unfortunately this will ultimately not work out, if the guy is super into you and sees long-term value, he will always make the effort to find time to sit down and communicate work situation or outside circumstances affecting your relationship. Even if he's getting killed at work. Even if he has already has done this previously -- he'll do it again. The guy will keep periodically showing interest or otherwise trying to be a LITTLE emotionally available. If it seems like you're always initiating and he's always inconvenienced &/or busy, that is a bad sign. Such is the case for both sexes (man pursuing woman & vice versa). There are signs of active interest that are missing, and I don't see him making that effort.

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May 26, 2016

This reads like some soapy TV drama. How old are you? You seem awfully naive and immature when it comes to relationships.

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May 26, 2016

Haha, we all need some entertainment. I could was see why it'd seem too dramatic but in fact I'm pretty relaxed and not overly emotional, or at least I'd like to think so.
To answer your question, I am 25 and have had a few fairly long-term relationships.

Array
May 27, 2016

This thread is amazing in a terrible way.

May 31, 2016

Sadly, agree. I will actually bookmark this thread for future references for my friends.

It ain't what you know, it's who you know

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Jun 2, 2016

Spend his money on the finer things, get a few pool boys on the side, and monkey branch to someone richer and better looking.

Sep 9, 2016

Hi! I'm exactly it the same boat with you. My boyfriend is a corporate investment banker and I'm facing the same dillema with you about the amount of time I get with him. How is your relationship now? Is it going well?

Sep 10, 2016

Hi,
Best of luck with it all!

I'd say you should buckle up and try to understand how important it all is to him BUT make sure you are completely honest with yourself first. If you don't want to be spending most of the time without your significant other then it will probably be best to evaluate the relationship before you become even more emotionally invested. You need to be happy. He also needs to be happy. Only way for this to happen is if you discuss your expectations and desires and hopefully meet in the middle.
Ultimately, patience is the key but listen to your own heart, that way you'd know where your limits fall.

To answer your other question now. Things between my then boyfriend and I didn't work out. Actually scratch that... they did, for the best! Long story short, we took a break for a few weeks. He then contacted me again whilst not truly acting like the man I knew and fell deeply for. I was still there for him but was also very straightforward and said that if he is not going to be fully upfront with both his schedule and feelings, I can't be emotionally invested and constantly get hurt. He didn't respond to that message and I was done with him in my head. Weeks passed and he tried to call, initiate contact. I disregarded it all knowing that it wasn't meant to be.
After another month we ended up seeing one other, picking up where we left, tirade of explanations followed. But he didn't stand by his words and hence I was then fully aware he wasn't the person for me. Work was definitely an obstacle but his personality simply didn't match with mine for different reasons that I would rather not mention.

So, my advice would be.. Your investment banker boyfriend needs support, love and understand. But before he's an investment banker, he's a man. You fell in love with that man and if he's fully upfront and honest AND you are willing to live a life where he is MIA for weeks onwards, then you should try your best and make it work. Feel free to send me a PM. Good luck!

Array
Sep 10, 2016

Hi Ricky__Roma, any of these discussions helpful:

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  • More suggestions...

Maybe one of our professional members will share their wisdom: @ttracy6 @bsoccal @tiptop9045

Hope that helps.

  • justanotherbanker
  •  Sep 10, 2016

Three friends come to mind: a first year analyst, a second year and a third year. Each works in a NY BB group traditionally known for being a 'sweatshop'. All three guys are still with their college girlfriends. (One went to college in New York, the other two did not)

Friend 1:
Dated girl for 4 years of college with a few short gaps. The girlfriend is doing a masters at Columbia. They live together.

Friend 2:
Dated girl for 1+ years in college. Girlfriend works "in finance but not at another bank" in New York. They live together.

Friend 3:
Dated girl for 2+ years in college. Girlfriend is an analyst in the same sector at a rival bank. Both now have offers in PE in NY. They live together.

Moral of the story could be that you both need to live in New York and you need to live together. It's definitely nice having someone to go home to.

Sep 10, 2016

mdr24: It's called a girlfriend. Not "your girl." Or are you trying to build up street cred in this forum?

Sep 10, 2016
Sep 10, 2016

I would say it is increasingly difficult, but it largely depends on the girl (yes, the ball will be out of your court on this one). You are sacrificing your time with her, but as a result, you're building your career. She, on the other hand, doesn't get to see you but also doesn't get the benefit of building her career in the way you do. As a result, the job will put a whole lot of pressure on her and you may not realize it.

Other factors come into play too:

Are you two both living/working in the same city? Coupling banking and distance is extremely difficult as you don't really have the free time to go visit, and if she comes to see you, you may have to work. Certainly not a fun situation.

How great was the relationship prior to starting the job? If you didn't have much going beforehand, it will certainly be a bumpy ride. Of course, this may also make it easier for her as she may not feel the need to see you so much.

Is she still in college? It can be even harder for the girl if she is off getting drunk at parties and events while her boyfriend is too busy to go out. Someone else may just come along...

Overall, she has the right to freak out. However, it will ultimately be up to her how the relationship goes (you'll be too exhausted to want to start dating someone else).

Goodluck.

Sep 10, 2016

If you cannot keep a girlfriend while banking there are three things that could be wrong:

1)You/She never loved her/you

2) She is cheating on you

3) You're Gay

Seriously people go off to war for 1-2 years and keep a girlfriend (meanign distance, lack of communication, and HUGE time differences)

if you cannot while having a job, you're retarded

PS - Do not tell me most girls are forgiving that your going to war therefore they try extra hard to stay with you due to your choice to participate in a noble cause. Love is what keep people together never a situation.

Sep 10, 2016

money and love.

Sep 10, 2016

thanks for the advice guys. Everything is great with my girl (I really don't think its necessary to call her my girlfriend, girl is just fine) and we've been together for a while. We would live together in ny if we stay together.

I'm not really that worried about it but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being naive when I told her that it wouldn't be that bad. Cheers for the comments.

Sep 10, 2016

And the consistent streak of flat-out bizarre posts from tbroker continues...

Sep 10, 2016

First, you must understand that the job takes a ton of time, can ruin any plans you make, and generally sucks your life away a day at a time. She has to understand this, and hopefully have a similar situation. All of the successful relationships I have seen with bankers (including my own) have been between people living in the same city (maximize time together) and have been between people in similar positions. If you bank and she does some other finance job that requires a ton of work, this is a good thing she will understand. If on the other hand she works 9-5 no weekends, not very likely to work out.

Like we say in this business it's all about managing expectations. If you expect to see each other when you can and working your best to optimize that time, good on ya. If either of you expects to have a ton of time and not be tired all the time you have another thing coming.

Sep 10, 2016

I agree with Mark Klein MD, unless you are cruising down to make-out point with your girl later. This isn't Grease.

Sep 10, 2016

Don't worry homie, Big Daddy King the Cockasaurus will take care of ya girl.

Sep 10, 2016

why have a gf. just be a lothario gallavanting around manhattan with a 6 figure salary and a 34 inch waist cuz ur young. you're a superhero to women. why only deal with one?

Sep 10, 2016

In fact, I just finished takin' care of ya girl. She ain't never seen da mastadon dick like that before, she already callin' me fienin' for it. Damn homie.

Sep 10, 2016

theking... you're an idiot...

Since you will be working more hours than an average worker, living together would be a very beneficial thing.

Sep 10, 2016
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Sep 10, 2016