since my last post had some pretty positive responses and I'm pretty tired from seeing all the corona talk and bank-bashing on this forum, I thought I'd do more of these "investment banks as..." posts.
Here's the NBA. Surprised this hasn't been done already but here we go....
/Los Angeles Lakers: Universally heralded as a legendary franchise, not always no.1 in league tables/champion but largely manages to stay consistently good. Has garnered notoriety from crossing certain legal/ethical boundaries (Government Sachs, insider and whatnot/Rigged Kings-Lakers 2002 WCF aka league deliberately pushing Kobe and Shaq for a 3-peat). Nonetheless, both still manage to attract a diehard cult following and attract/produce superstar CEOs/players over the years (Corzine, Paulson, Blankfein/Kareem, Magic, Kobe).
/Golden State Warriors: Largely dormant throughout the history of Wall Street/Basketball barring success from its early form (House of Morgan/Philadelphia Warriors + Wilt Chamberlain era) but surged to the top after the GFC/coming of the Steve Kerr era. New leadership and ownership (Jamie /Steve Kerr and Joe Lacob) proceed to dominate the league (used interchangeably here) with /near-mythical drafting, 3-pt shooting and small ball Death Lineup.
/Boston Celtics: Equally as legendary and successful, if not more, /the Lakers with an equally rich history and track record of success. Both had a period where the franchise was hamstrung by bad management (Phillip J. Purcell - renowned strategist but bad CEO/Rick Pitino - legendary college coach but terrible NBA coach and an even worse GM), though eventually ousted, wasted valuable years.
-Salomon Bros/Chicago Bulls: Surged in the 80s/90s from early obscurity into total dominance (Mortgage Trading/6 rings) and produced era-defining superstars (Lewis Ranieri, /Michael Jordan, Phil Jackson). Rapidly declined after their stars left (Rainieri fired, Meriwether leaving to start LTCM/Jordan retiring, Jackson fired then taking over the Lakers). Had a brief stint of resurgence ( to profitability post-GFC/reaching ECF in the Derrick Rose era) but still has a long way to go before they can break into the top ranks again.
- /Philadelphia 76ers: Another historically prominent franchise with a rich history of winning. Both were successful (printing CDOs like there's no tomorrow/Allen Iverson era) before it all came crashing down (near-bankruptcy/failed rebuild leading to perpetual tanking aka "The Process"). Both were then rescued from hell by their savior (BofA/Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid) and proceeded to use their new weapons (giant balance sheet/shitloads of draft picks) to fight their way back (dominant business/unloading their picks on Jimmy Butler and Tobias Harris) to the top, but with mixed success.
/Brooklyn Nets: Big-spenders led by aggressive leaders (Jes Staley/Mikhail Prokhorov and Joe Tsai the bazillionaire owners) who've swung some (questionable) big moves (acquiring Lehman/trading for Deron Williams, Gerald Wallace, Joe Johnson, Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett) with mixed success and after swinging for the fences they're still unable to crack the top ranks.
-First Boston/Oklahoma City Thunder-Seattle SuperSonics: One of the street/league's oldest and proudest franchises and once saw major success with its pair of superstar dealmakers/players ( /Shawn Kemp and Gary Payton). But after their stars left they were eventually bought out and rebranded after years of decline. Largely still remains a strong franchise but saw mixed success in recent years.
/New York Knicks: Once a dominant franchise now ran into the ground by bad management (Jain-Fitschen, Cryan/every Knick GM since Scott Layden), internal dysfunction (stubbornly conservative Germans vs Wall Streeters led by Jain/James Dolan vs everybody) and blindly chasing short-term success (overpaying to poach MDs from competitors/signing overpaid free agents and refusing to tank and rebuild). Now rebuilding (once again) under a fresh direction and new leadership (retail banker Christian Sewing/agent-turned-GM Leon Rose) but only time will tell whether they can turn their fortunes...
/Utah Jazz: Once a mighty franchise with superstars ( /Stockton and Malone) that propelled them to compete at the very top - toe-to-toe with the very best. But after these stars left/retired they've become largely irrelevant. Still remains a strong private bank/playoff contender.
/Miami Heat: Lean, mean and hungry. One of the street/league's younger franchises, they've been incredibly successful since inception (top of the league tables/3 rings in only 32 years since franchise creation). Also has a cultish following similar to GS/Lakers and is a premier analyst/free agent destination.
/Denver Nuggets: One of the oldest franchises on the street/in the league. Though largely successful franchises, both never really cracked the top ranks.Although both did rise to prominence in mid-2000s (Bruce Wasserstein era and subsequent IPO/George Karl and Carmelo Anthony era reaching WCF).
This one's a little long. Comment below if you have anything to add :)