Investment Banks as NBA Teams
since my last post had some pretty positive responses and I'm pretty tired from seeing all the corona talk and bank-bashing on this forum, I thought I'd do more of these "investment banks as..." posts.
Here's the NBA. Surprised this hasn't been done already but here we go....
Goldman Sachs/Los Angeles Lakers: Universally heralded as a legendary franchise, not always no.1 in league tables/champion but largely manages to stay consistently good. Has garnered notoriety from crossing certain legal/ethical boundaries (Government Sachs, insider trading and whatnot/Rigged Kings-Lakers 2002 WCF aka league deliberately pushing Kobe and Shaq for a 3-peat). Nonetheless, both still manage to attract a diehard cult following and attract/produce superstar CEOs/players over the years (Corzine, Paulson, Blankfein/Kareem, Magic, Kobe).
J.P. Morgan/Golden State Warriors: Largely dormant throughout the history of Wall Street/Basketball barring success from its early form (House of Morgan/Philadelphia Warriors + Wilt Chamberlain era) but surged to the top after the GFC/coming of the Steve Kerr era. New leadership and ownership (Jamie Dimon and Chase/Steve Kerr and Joe Lacob) proceed to dominate the league (used interchangeably here) with their supersized balance sheet/near-mythical drafting, 3-pt shooting and small ball Death Lineup.
Morgan Stanley/Boston Celtics: Equally as legendary and successful, if not more, than GS/the Lakers with an equally rich history and track record of success. Both had a period where the franchise was hamstrung by bad management (Phillip J. Purcell - renowned strategist but bad CEO/Rick Pitino - legendary college coach but terrible NBA coach and an even worse GM), though eventually ousted, wasted valuable years.
Citigroup-Salomon Bros/Chicago Bulls: Surged in the 80s/90s from early obscurity into total dominance (Mortgage Trading/6 rings) and produced era-defining superstars (Lewis Ranieri, John Meriwether/Michael Jordan, Phil Jackson). Rapidly declined after their stars left (Rainieri fired, Meriwether leaving to start LTCM/Jordan retiring, Jackson fired then taking over the Lakers). Had a brief stint of resurgence (Citi returning to profitability post-GFC/reaching ECF in the Derrick Rose era) but still has a long way to go before they can break into the top ranks again.
BofA-Merrill Lynch/Philadelphia 76ers: Another historically prominent franchise with a rich history of winning. Both were successful (printing CDOs like there's no tomorrow/Allen Iverson era) before it all came crashing down (near-bankruptcy/failed rebuild leading to perpetual tanking aka "The Process"). Both were then rescued from hell by their savior (BofA/Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid) and proceeded to use their new weapons (giant balance sheet/shitloads of draft picks) to fight their way back (dominant LevFin and financing business/unloading their picks on Jimmy Butler and Tobias Harris) to the top, but with mixed success.
Barclays/Brooklyn Nets: Big-spenders led by aggressive leaders (Jes Staley/Mikhail Prokhorov and Joe Tsai the bazillionaire owners) who've swung some (questionable) big moves (acquiring Lehman/trading for Deron Williams, Gerald Wallace, Joe Johnson, Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett) with mixed success and after swinging for the fences they're still unable to crack the top ranks.
Credit Suisse-First Boston/Oklahoma City Thunder-Seattle SuperSonics: One of the street/league's oldest and proudest franchises and once saw major success with its pair of superstar dealmakers/players (Wasserstein and Perella/Shawn Kemp and Gary Payton). But after their stars left they were eventually bought out and rebranded after years of decline. Largely still remains a strong franchise but saw mixed success in recent years.
Deutsche Bank/New York Knicks: Once a dominant franchise now ran into the ground by bad management (Jain-Fitschen, Cryan/every Knick GM since Scott Layden), internal dysfunction (stubbornly conservative Germans vs Wall Streeters led by Jain/James Dolan vs everybody) and blindly chasing short-term success (overpaying to poach MDs from competitors/signing overpaid free agents and refusing to tank and rebuild). Now rebuilding (once again) under a fresh direction and new leadership (retail banker Christian Sewing/agent-turned-GM Leon Rose) but only time will tell whether they can turn their fortunes...
UBS/Utah Jazz: Once a mighty franchise with superstars (Effron and Moelis/Stockton and Malone) that propelled them to compete at the very top - toe-to-toe with the very best. But after these stars left/retired they've become largely irrelevant. Still remains a strong private bank/playoff contender.
Evercore/Miami Heat: Lean, mean and hungry. One of the street/league's younger franchises, they've been incredibly successful since inception (top of the league tables/3 rings in only 32 years since franchise creation). Also has a cultish following similar to GS/Lakers and is a premier analyst/free agent destination.
Lazard/Denver Nuggets: One of the oldest franchises on the street/in the league. Though largely successful franchises, both never really cracked the top ranks.Although both did rise to prominence in mid-2000s (Bruce Wasserstein era and subsequent IPO/George Karl and Carmelo Anthony era reaching WCF).
This one's a little long. Comment below if you have anything to add :)