So, I have gotten to the point that I am absolutely desperate and posting on here because my boyfriend is in investment banking ( he is just finishing up year 1) and no one has really been able to give me good advice because they don't fully understand the situation.
We have been dating a grand total of 2 ish years, 1 year LDR. I have basically been putting everything into the relationship, with very little expectations of him, and he always uses work as an excuse. I have probably more understanding than any girl would be about his work life. I'm not sure if I'm just falling for his s*** and he's just not committed enough to try harder and make this work or he really doesn't have the time because I have very minimal expectations.
We text most days but it's mostly me that talks about my life and my days and he doesn't respond to a lot of stuff but tries when he can. It used to bug me but I'm more used to it now. Otherwise, we never talk on the phone and he's never visited me.
The issue is more that we have been doing LDR for a year and there have been so many ups and downs and he has been saying " he'll try" for a year but hasn't to do small things like talk a few times a week on the phone for 5 minutes. I'm not asking for him to have 30 minute conversations with me or talk to me every night. I'm really not asking for much. Just 5 minutes to chat on the phone whenever he gets the chance during the day since we mostly text. He didn't do anything for valentines day when I visited, "forgot" our anniversary, and various things like that.
As of now, we have only had ONE PHONE CONVERSATION IN THE PAST MONTH FOR 5 MINUTES. This has happened multiple times in the past year but he always says that "this project is just really bad". It will get better but it never does. But really, I'm not asking him to talk for more than 5 minutes a few times a week but he hasn't made it happen.
This year, I visited him 3 times over the weekends since we are pretty far away. He said he couldn't visit at all during the first year so I was willing to deal with that. At this point, I'm not sure if I should just break up with him. I understand work is really bad and I am never demanding of anything and I have even gone with multiple week stretches of never talking on the phone. But now I'm wondering if I should just end it because he just doesn't want it enough to make it work and should be able to meet my bare minimum expectations.
Last month he told me I should break up with him because he was "too selfish" but he didn't break up with me. he said that he could be happy with just money in life and didnt need anything else. he also said he wasn't sure he wanted it but would try. he did call regularly for about 2 weeks before slipping into old habits. Since then Ive asked him if he wants this and he keeps saying yes but nothing has really changed and he says hes on a really bad project right now.
I really am no longer sure of what to do. If anyone has any insight it would be helpful. I can give more information if need be.
my boyfriend is an investment banker, does he have time for me?
This situational is obviously a very personal one The hours in banking can be long and hard. However, is this a justification for no personal life? The answer is that it depends. So here are some thoughts on the situation from the banking community.
So what does this situation look like objectively?
from certified user @Quaneaser
I think you should take a step back and look objectively at what you just typed. I'll point out a few obvious ones:
-As of now, we have only had ONE PHONE CONVERSATION IN THE PAST MONTH FOR 5 MINUTES.
-Last month he told me I should break up with him
-he said that he could be happy with just money in life and didnt need anything else.
Ask yourself: In a world with millions and billions of potential mates, is the one you described above the one you want to settle on?
The Bear Breakup Strategy
from certified user @Dingdong08
When I was in high school and early college I had a strategy to get girls to break up with me based on a movie about a bear. I must have been really high because what high school kid watches a 1970's movie about a bear when they're sober? Momma bear was killed by something that I can't remember so weird mountain man raised baby bear high up in the Rockies until he was a big bear. But weird mountain man, who must have smelled like utter ass because he stayed up in the mountains for a really long time, had to get the bear to be fearful of humans so he set a bear trap on a very light setting so as not to hurt the now grown up bear but enough to get him really pissed off and never want to be around smelly weird mountain man or any other human again. In my strategy, I was weird smelly mountain man and the girls were the bears. I never tried a bear trap on a girl because that would just be fucked up, but I'd do horrible things so that they'd never want to talk to me again.
Really immature and pussy strategy, but that's what your boyfriend is doing. Unfortunately, I think weird smelly mountain man eventually got eaten by a bear. Moral of the story: don't play with bears. They will eat your smelly ass.
from certified user @jcpenny
File that 8k and announce the spin-off