LinkedIn Cringe Kids

I am so fkn fed up of these kids, who keep posting life lessons, advices, entrepreneurial shit, and other "Gyan"BS.

what is your life advice Mr. "Growth Hacker"?
and when they get 50+ likes on 2 posts, they start a hashtag. FML.

SMFH.

so done with LinkedIn.

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Comments (119)

  • Prospect in 
Jun 5, 2020 - 3:37pm

THIS. linkedin is the new facebook and it's not pretty.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Jun 5, 2020 - 3:44pm

if i see the term growth hacker or FiNaNciAL GuRu one more time i will fucking gauge my eyes out, quit my job, and start a new life in fucking zurich or sweden away from all this bullshit

Jun 9, 2020 - 3:23am

LMAO AGREE UH. =_= like all these little shit pretending like they are such experts im literally like bro, you got like 2 years of working experiences can you calm down. your level of "expertise" is just someone else's starting point. :)

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Jun 6, 2020 - 4:09pm
Prospect in IB - Gen:

I hate when I try looking for alumni from my school at banks and what pops up is kids who did those 1 day insight programs.


This.

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  • 5
  • Intern in IB - Restr
Jun 5, 2020 - 3:48pm

It's always funny when people make a huge post after getting an offer, thanking all the boys for supporting them and HR for being in contact with them. I mean I guess it's what LinkedIn is for, but it's still funny. Especially when it's for an insight/networking event (I've seen one for a virtual event too), and they talk about everything they learned

Jun 7, 2020 - 11:49pm

lmfao. 100% of the people i know that made those posts never succeed when out in the real world. Kids these days looking for entitled self gratification on their back office operations role.

Array
  • Principal in PE - LBOs
Jun 5, 2020 - 4:08pm

Plus all the fckers with "Forbes under 30 scholar" in theIr headline like the fact that people don't appreciate that this is a cringey, non-competitive, 2-day bullsht PR stunt by Forbes absolutely blows my mind.

Jun 5, 2020 - 4:57pm

I can deal with the headline, it's cringey enough as it is, but those people that make thank you/accomplishment posts about being 30 under 30 scholars are the worst. I've never cared about anything less.

Array
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Jun 5, 2020 - 4:21pm

OP here.
lol, just wanted to compile a mega list of the cringiest shit.

  1. Growth Hacker.
  2. 25 yr old LiFe CoAcH
  3. 22 yr old Chad who got an offer at Goldman, his "got an offer post " blew up and now he "coaches" and "guides" young students.
  4. "Comment Interested for resources" FUCK YOUR RESOURCES!
  5. 18-20 yr olds posting finance news, biznews -> few likes -> ConTenT WrItEr

Add if I left any lol.

so fkn tired of this BS on my feed.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Jun 5, 2020 - 5:40pm

what about the ones who post generic and unequivocally agreeable statement and ends paragraph with "agree?"

also a new one also that blows my mind is "I am glad to announce that I have FAILED/BEEN REJECTED from XYZ" like what????? fuck u mean??? like why

Jun 9, 2020 - 3:23am

OMG thank you =_=. these cringest of all bullshit is someone been in IB for like a meager 2 years and feel like they can start coaching desperate college students. like please reevaluate yourself.

Jun 5, 2020 - 5:10pm

Saw one where company had a round of layoffs but the person didn't get laid off.
Post was long and had something along the lines of "I feel sorry for my coworkers, and I am fortunate not to be one of them". Seemed a bit like bragging imo , what do you all think?

Array

  • 5
Funniest
Jun 5, 2020 - 6:13pm

"I am beyond humbled and excited to announce that I have been accepted into Harvard Business School's Summer Venture in Management Program"

proceeds to list HBS under education

Hello Wall Street, It’s Yours Truly.
If you don’t see it here, I didn’t say it.

Former Buffalo Bills Tailback

1973 NFL MVP

1968 Heisman Trophy Winner

5x All Pro

  • 57
  • Analyst 1 in RE - Comm
Jun 5, 2020 - 10:58pm

Even worse is putting an online HBS course in their education so that it shows up as their school...

  • Anonymous Monkey's picture
  • Anonymous Monkey
  • Rank: Chimp
Jun 6, 2020 - 2:15pm

"Getting rejected from Goldman's HireVue was the best thing that EVER happened to me ... [ramble ramble ramble] ... agree?"

Jun 6, 2020 - 3:02am

do u guys know how to mass unfollow everyone on LinkedIn? or at least stop following every new connection? I looked it up but the only way seems to be coding and my Mac is being annoying w that.

Jun 6, 2020 - 8:31am

There's an absolute legend at my university who dropped out sophomore year, created a YouTube channel and became a "life coach".

TWO ENTIRE YEARS and 50+ cringey-ass videos later (about personal growth, consciousness (???), and being woke) his channel doesn't even have 100 subs.

Funny thing is, there are a few guys who actually pay for his life coaching...

Jun 9, 2020 - 3:05am

Agree that Twitter is the best, but LinkedIn is so much worse than Facebook. At least Facebook as a community is honest about what it is and it's much easier to tailor your experience to cut out the parts you don't like. Because Facebook's business model is entirely ad-based, their timeline has sufficiently strong machine learning capabilities that they legitimately know how to cut out the dumb shit that you won't take well to.

Because LinkedIn is partially ad-based but also makes money from things like premium subscription and other dumb learning products (i.e., their focused is split across different product categories), their community is full of the worst losers publicly virtue signaling their dumb fucking stances because as a platform the LinkedIn timeline rewards this behavior and they don't have the moderation tools or the analytics/ML to know that their users fucking hate that content.

“Millionaires don't use astrology, billionaires do”
  • 1
Jun 6, 2020 - 8:15pm

There are ADULTS who pull this shit

  • Formerly @GoldmanSachs, @McKinsey, @Google, etc. when they were in some back office role (and I'm talking all the way in the back)

  • CFA Level 1 Candidate

  • Strategic Storyteller, Career Coach, Futurist (when they've never accomplished anything like ever)

I would cut those kids some slack because at least they're ambitious and have an excuse for their lack of self awareness. There are people in their 30s and 40s pulling that shit on LinkedIn and sending LinkedIn invites to randomass alumni of the schools at which they completed a seminar at the extension school bearing the same name

Jun 6, 2020 - 4:21pm

I saw some post on how LinkedIn should become more like other social media platforms. It's just unbelievable that some people think it's ok to post insulting and excessively political comments from a professional profile.

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  • 2
Jun 7, 2020 - 1:31pm

hmm I do think the recent posts regarding racial bias are positive.

Array

  • 3
  • 1
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Jun 6, 2020 - 6:11pm

I am pleased to announce that I have been selected by Goldman Sachs to participate in their 2020 Summer Insight Series!!!

I would like to thank Goldman Sachs for giving me this opportunity and for everyone who has been there to help me get to this moment.

I'm so excited and I cannot wait to begin and see what I can learn to continue my growth as a leader and a professional.

  • Intern in HF - Other
Jun 8, 2020 - 11:53pm

I did it last summer for kicks, terrible program. They pair you with another random participant to review resumes, my guy knew nothing. GS also said they would give us feedback on a practice HireVue we did, never came.

Jun 6, 2020 - 6:19pm

My favorite cringe are the people that have like 10 different roles within their headline. For example: Strategic Business Development at XYZ | Content Creator | Motivational Speaker | Virtual Trainer | Blogger | (and of course) Forbes 30 under 30 scholar.

like bruh. who tf do u think u are to have all those thing. How influential do you think you really are??

Jun 6, 2020 - 6:25pm

Oh god. just saw this -

Healthcare Marketing Phenom - Content Creator - Cancer Survivor - Speaker - Growth Strategist

Emojis included. seems like every LinkedIn personality must be at least a Content Creator and Speaker

Jun 7, 2020 - 11:53pm

I just report those people or mark them as spam. Usually works. LinkedIn has a serious problems on their hands with their feed. At least you can sort by "recent".

Array
Jun 7, 2020 - 4:05am

After the Murder of George Floyd, I saw a lot of Comments saying that those cops are heroes and should be honored, etc. followed by same general racist comments. It's disgusting and YOUR EMPLOYER CAN SEE THAT. A lot of people seem to forget this fact

Jun 7, 2020 - 5:32am

and obv the ex-google ex-Goldman ex-McKinsey ex-hsbc employee who has gathered some amazing resources for those who are looking to apply for a new job. This person has only honest intentions and wants to share this with anyone and everyone, however instead of simply posting it up they take young kid's private IDs and then phish them.

Jun 7, 2020 - 12:45pm

Ya, it's a sad state of affairs, but you gotta keep in mind that getting into pretty much any "elite" white-collar profession is more competitive than ever.

I see it everywhere in tech too, kids basically copy-pasting tutorials, posting them on medium or whatever, and listing said articles in their CV. For whatever reason, HR seems to love that shit. Apparently it signals interest and passion, and building a more general online presence signals authority (blogging, tutoring, entrepreneurship, etc.)

Back in the day, the "standard" way for kids to pad their CV was to pick up some classical instrument, become president at some school club, and join / become proficient at some sport. While all those are still very relevant today, kids need to do even more to get that competitive edge - and out of nowhere, everyone their brother is suddenly passionate about "ML and AI", "Sustainable/green future", "Cryptocurrencies", and what not, with multiple authored articles and blog posts.

And everything needs to be documented, how else are people going to know? It's like that saying - how many people would run a marathon if they were forbidden from taking any pictures or sharing information about the event.

So, yes, while it's cringy as shit, that's just the evolution of things. More graduates, higher grades, less jobs, etc. all results in more competition.

  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Jun 7, 2020 - 1:50pm

Alan Saylor - some 70 year old insurance salesman who graduated from Wharton in the 80's, and now proceeds to add every single person with "Wharton" in their education on LinkedIn. And I mean every. single. person.

Every wharton student/alum will know exactly what I'm talking about.

Jun 7, 2020 - 3:53pm

It's because LinkedIn, by its very nature of being a workplace social network, attracts sterile personalities.

Anything anyone posts and likes has to be workplace appropriate, which means it needs to be the most dry, inoffensive, and low impact content possible. The things that go viral are just commonly known management things dressed up in hyperbolic stories, two sentence paragraphs, with an "agree?" at the end.

"I believe in second chances because interviewee fix friend grill lol"

Not only is the story obviously made up/exaggerated, but the takeaway is also something even a 6 year old wouldn't ever argue with.

Jun 7, 2020 - 6:43pm

I kid you not there was one kid on his LinkedIn profile that put, for a description of his 3 month intern gig at Google, "I was so good that halfway through the internship they told me I could drop out of school, bypass the mandatory interviews, and join them full time". He had similar descriptions for his ten other internships. Nothing about what he did or what he learned, just things like "was top Intern at Salesforce and they said theyve never seen anyone of my capabilities before".

Jun 7, 2020 - 6:54pm

I saw someone quit their pre-MBA summer associate gig b/c of George Floyd protests. Reason ... supervisor is black. Left like 2 weeks early. C'mon bro.

Jun 7, 2020 - 7:35pm

The absolute worst I have seen so far was this guy who wrote a post about the fact that he got a 4.0 for the semester, but REGRETS it because he didn't spend more time with his family while he was at home and away from school, instead of taking advantage of the P/F system.

It wouldn't have been so bad (but still a terrile humble brag)...except he also shared a link to his making it on his university's dean's list lmfao

Jun 9, 2020 - 12:56am

I don't mind (and sometimes even feel a hint of pride) at those posts. However, a large portion of the "cringe" comes from over-sharing rich kids who 1) should know better and/or 2) are bragging about things that aren't exactly outkicking their coverage. Every thought =\= a thread, and no one gives a fuck that you'll be employed after you graduate Dartmouth.

Jun 8, 2020 - 8:01am

yeah because being a medic in ramadi is like helping people with CVs and cover letters.

any time I see stuff like this from people I follow, I unfollow them. if I see it from people in my network because they've liked something, I mute future things from them.

complaining about your feed and doing nothing about it is unproductive. do something about it, get shameless self promoters out of your life

Jun 8, 2020 - 10:25am

When people didn't get a job but cope by telling how much of a learning experience it was.

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn

Jun 9, 2020 - 3:22am
shrubbery:

I just wish shitposting was as risk-free on LI as it is on twitter/FB

Very underrated comment. LinkedIn would be way more fun if there was at least some cohort of people that actively mocked the cringe-y habits of everyone else, I think it would actually serve as a sort of policing mechanism that helps bring the most egregious cringe posts back in line.

“Millionaires don't use astrology, billionaires do”
  • 1
Jun 9, 2020 - 1:21am

The amount of obfuscation/lying on LinkedIn renders it basically unusable for search purposes unless you basically already know the person you're looking for already.

They should limit "job" section to "paid FT employment >6m" or "paid internship >6 weeks" (then give option to filter by FT, internship, or both). Everything else is a cert or "event"

"Education" should similarly require a "degree-granting" program and information on the exact sub-school. No more "Cornell " for the SCJ cert, no more "HBS" for that class Maria Sharapova took. If it doesn't fall into a clear undergrad, graduate, or professional bucket, it's not searchable.

Make misleading titling reportable. People are prissy enough about their schools and employers that they'll self-enforce.

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