Mid-20's crisis

Horny-posting aside, I woke up today and realized how much I've missed out on in life in my 20s as I approach my 30s. I think part of my problem was that I worked TOO hard in my 20s. I studied for the CFA the years after college basically depleting me of any social life on the weekends. So basically I gave up my social life for the first 3 years after college to study for a fucking test that basically got me nothing except for no social life. I work M-F 50-55 hours, but get paid well but don't have much time to do shit on the weekdays. Luckily, there is a long-term trajectory at my fund, so I'm going to stay there. I HAVE traveled a lot, so I do like that aspect of my 20s. However, I think my social life can be much better and can make me much happier. Like for example, people who are getting married my age have flourishing social lives and I imagine it makes getting into a healthy, stable, compatible relationship much easier. 

So here I am today, with significant cash (~$600k by next month) in the bank and single af. What would you do in my situation? I feel like I'm forcing things, but I also want to be a more attractive, personable person (which I feel is contributing to the shitty relationships I've had with girls).

 

Just go out on Fridays and Saturdays - you’ll meet a lot of people.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
Pizz

Besides the bar, where else would you recommend? 

Girls love spin class too. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

So also if you’re a participant in spin class, you’ll meet a lot of girls. If you’re a guy instructor, all the girls will want you. So view it as a progression to spin instructor if you really want to meet maximum potential for meeting chicks. Also, cycling is pretty challenging in general, you’ll get shredded.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
Funniest

Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎

So also if you're a participant in spin class, you'll meet a lot of girls. If you're a guy instructor, all the girls will want you. So view it as a progression to spin instructor if you really want to meet maximum potential for meeting chicks. Also, cycling is pretty challenging in general, you'll get shredded.

What is the typical path to spin instructor?

Target undergrad > IBD 2 years > Top 7 MBA > Private Equity/Hedge Fund > Spin instructor?

 

The older I get, the more I thank god for not wasting the prime years of my life studying for that stupid fucking CFA

Yeah I’m not a millionaire, but at least I had fun and banged lots of hoes 

 

The older I get, the more I thank god for not wasting the prime years of my life studying for that stupid fucking CFA

Yeah true. I wasted a lot of hours on those exams. I could have been out having fun. I should have studied for the GMAT instead. You made the right decision.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

So superficial!

Being fit is definitely good. I make sure to get to the gym 4-5 days a week.

But having that be the focus for building relationships? Maybe if you just want a hot chick who only wants you for your image and money.

Otherwise, keep on developing your character. Grow in your love for others and a healthy love of yourself.

Be honest, be curious, and keep on growing.

 
Pizz

Especially given the pass rates they have now, I would HIGHLY discourage anyone in finance to waste their time on this stupid ass test 

Yeah I generally discourage people from two things:

- Becoming a lawyer 

- Studying for CFA exams 

Maybe if the person was a biochem major, they could pass L1 to prove knowledge, but that’s about it. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

I feel this way. Going to turn 26 before the year ends. I'm currently a medical student. I feel very "OK" about where I am compared to others. I worked hard and have a straight path to upper-middle-class life. But I had to sacrifice a lot in high school and college. I didn't party that much for both of those eras in my life. I never had a girlfriend either. I hooked up with a decent amount of girls but only a few of them were really top tier or even good enough to show in public. 

Now, most of my friends in high school and some in college are settling down with a GF or getting engaged. I don't really crave marriage but do want some kind of long-term relationship. I'm getting matches on Hinges but most aren't leading anywhere and most of the girls are just subpar. The innocence you get from when you were a teenager is no longer there. Dating right now is just so calculated. I min-max my life a lot to get a specific result but I can't really do that for dating.

Also with the med school, it just feels like life ends now. I can't just go on a trip to Miami or go up to Maine for a ski trip willy-nilly. My 20s are locked into this endeavor.

Interested in health tech, consulting, and entrepreneurship.
 

LaBost

Join the club fam

This post really made me crave a good club sandwich. Cut in triangles with crisp bacon. Triple decker. You know wasssup.

Mitch Hedburg:

-

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Most people who are at least moderately self-aware go through the doldrums of mid-to-late 20s so you’re not alone. I went through the same thing at that age, feeling like I should be doing better in XYZ aspects of my life, that I am behind in ABC. These feelings will pass. At the end of the day, insecurities are a normal rite of passage, and they pop up at various stages of every person’s life. It is normal and healthy to question if you are social enough, if you are ever going to meet the right/perfect person, if you’re making as much money as your peers, etc. etc. Nobody gets to experience their 20s, 30s, 40s, twice, so this is everyone’s first go-around and we’re all learning/developing on the fly.

Nobody is perfect and nobody has all elements of life figured out. The finance industry is full of very extreme personalities because those are the type of people that sacrifice, survive and thrive in a challenging lifestyle/environment. This extremist mentality/approach to life is unhealthy and not conducive to long-term happiness and fulfillment.

My advice to you: strive to be as well-balanced as possible and avoid the “extremist” mindset that has probably allowed you to excel and get to where you are in your career. You shouldn’t be obsessing about having the perfect friend group, meeting the perfect person, having the perfect net-worth, etc. Aiming for “perfection” in everything is unrealistic, unhealthy, and setting yourself up for failure and unhappiness. Keep doing what you are doing and keep living your life.

If you genuinely feel there are gaping holes in your life that that are real and contributing to your unhappiness—complete lack of friends for example—take action. Complacency is the enemy of progress. Brooding on different elements of your unhappiness will never solve your problem. Join different groups for hobbies you enjoy. Put yourself out there. Be uncomfortable in new settings. Otherwise, just keep doing what you’re doing and various insecurities will wash away with time, I promise.

 

Mid late 20s myself. Did the CFA and have worked a similar amount...bit less. Imo you're comparing yourself to others too much, which is easy to do. I went through similar feels mid 20s and still do time to time. I think it's normal part of growing and maturing.

Sounds like you've had a good time and made good money along the way! Haven't even hit your prime man...like not even close.

Re women, none of my good relationships were "forced", they were basically accidents. Get out there, work on yourself and your hobbies, add to your life resume. Having fun doing you is the most attractive thing you can do imo. You never know who you'll run into who can change your life in an instant. Don't push..just keep stepping up to the plate and swinging the bat in everything you do.

 

Bro I relate to this a lot. Late 20's, have lived in 4 states since age 21 including NYC for much of that time. Finally got the relatively cush buyside job I wanted (50-55 hrs) and am back in the Midwest by family and friends. Exactly as I wanted. However, single friends are dropping like flies and Hinge results have been mixed. Good hookups, short flings, but nothing LT material yet. I have this lingering feeling of shit Im going to get into my 30's and nothing of quality will be left on the market.

Work is semi-pressuring me to finish CFA. (Passed level 1). The thought of wasting the end of my 20's to study CFA when I finally got some balance and stability is mind fucking. No motivation for it.

 

Bro, what do you need the CFA for? Does your job/boss require it? Like I've passed the first 2 levels, and failed level 3 this past year, but I'm putting of retaking it because I want to put my self out there before I get too old and realize I wasted my time studying for a fucking test that's not going to help me in my current seat. I can retake level 3 whenever I want in life and my job doesn't even give a shit about the charter. 

 

answering the question "what would I do?" you're at a fund that works you hard but you have ample room to insert some fun in there. however, I'd take the indirect approach if I were you. let me explain. the theme for this is work on yourself directly and the success in social life will come indirectly. you should be like a crab fisherman instead of the dude at the end of a pier, have many lines in the water, none of which you give a direct fuck about, but if you do the right things for long enough, you will get a bite. instead of turning outward to look for mates/friends, turn inward and just focus on yourself, meaning nurture your hobbies and self improvement. I'm willing to bet there's SOMEthing you enjoy, whatever that may be. running, hockey, surfing, art, whatever. make that a mainstay of every weekend, even if it's just sunday mornings or something. with consistency, you will make friends this way. invite people out after whatever the activity is for beers, lunch, doesn't matter, just get in the mix. ditto for charity, just ensure it's something that young people gravitate towards, the likelihood of you meeting a grandma with a super hot single daughter and her introducing you is pretty slim.

during the week, I sincerely hope you workout at a gym where there are females (if not, sign up for the gym closest to where you live/work that has a good amount of 20-30 something females). never ask a girl out during a workout, but eventually you will begin to notice some of the same faces. if you're not a bridge troll, you'll also likely see some girls making eyes at you (real recognize real), give them some glances back and see the reaction. when I still went to the gym (have a home gym now), there were maybe 10 attractive girls that had the same workout schedule as me, and I'd notice 3 or 4 consistently making eyes at me. I'm a happily married man, but trust me when I say if you're a consistent gym goer and don't go in for the kill right away, they want to talk to you. couple of ideas here: find an excuse to use the same machine they are without interrupting their set, asking if you can work in or if they're done. you could also offer help if they're struggling with some piece of equipment, like they can't find the right handle for the rower, they can't get the adjustable box jump thing back down because some wannabe NBA player jacked it up too high and it's awkward for a 5'4" girl, whatever, just offer help in a non condescending way "can I give you a hand?" and then put your airpods back in and get to you work out. you're playing the long game here pizz, be patient. do this with however many girls it feels right with. now the kill. be ready for failure, because the likelihood that these girls are single is going to be slim, but there's little downside here, because you've already proven yourself as a worthy mate, and the duration of most relationships these days is measured in months or quarters rather than years. after a workout, introduce yourself "hey I'm pizz, I know we've seen each other around a lot, I just wanted to formally introduce myself" and then spark a conversation from there, but keep it SHORT unless she wants to talk longer. little things like how long have you lived in the city, where are you from, did you used to play sports because you look athletic, and then "alright, seeya around!" and after you do this, she will be open to you asking her out. sidebar: if she's very open during these initial conversations, like maintaining eye contact, not fidgeting with her phone, twirling her hair, ask her out right then and there, make something up. "hey, I was gonna go grab a drink at [insert super close by place] before I head home for dinner, wanna join me?" if she doesn't give you those signals, wait a couple more workout sessions and then use that same technique after some small talk "hey, how ya been? fuckin deblasio amirite? anyhoo, I'm heading downstairs to the fuzzy nipple for a couple of fireball shots for the hockey game, wanna join me?"

other ideas: go to restaurants where people your age congregate, I recommend brunch because it's basic as fuck. sit at the middle of the bar and chat up the bartender, try as hard as possible to stay off your phone. instead of sinking into the menu, be adventurous, ask the bartender what they like, what they recommend, and just order it. if you notice a single girl or group of girls with something interesting on their plate, ask them what it is (assuming it's not something obvious like pancakes) and see if you can strike up a conversation. if you get the sense that it's someone's birthday and you notice that not every single girl has a ring on their finger (and it's not a 1:1 ratio of dudes to chicks), ask the bartender to send over a mimosa for the birthday girl. notice I didn't say bottle, this is deliberate. if you're interesting to them, maybe one of their single friends will go "hey where the fuck is my drink?" in a sarcastic non-entitled way, and there's your opening. "well is it your birthday? I'll buy if it's your birthday haha" and then proceed chatting with them, say something like "hey I don't wanna invade girl time, but if y'all don't have plans for after, a couple of buddies and I are going to [insert cool place here], wanna join?" if they don't thank you or just air cheers you with no more conversation, good thing you didn't just buy a bottle. 

you can be on tinder/hinge/bumble/whatever else is out there, but if you want a serious relationship, use match. if you use the other services, be original, don't just do the same dinner date/cocktail/smash combination, you won't find any deep relationships there. I had some ideas for dates on the v-card thread (https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/comment/2439062#comment-2439062), try those. 

I believe all of this because it's what worked for me. I was so focused in early part of college on just getting with as many girls as possible, but because I never wanted to lead anyone on, I either got friendzoned, rejected for being too desperate, or ghosted after the first date. after a particularly bad experience one winter (a girl who I'd heard from multiple independent sources wanted me, she'd told me she wanted me, we'd hooked up but I never closed, and suddenly she just disappeared on me, I got a case of the fuck its and said I'm done chasing women, I just need to do me. 3 months later I was randomly paired with this cute brunette in class. what started as a boring classroom chat turned into my wife and soulmate. so yes, fortune favors the bold, but I also think that there's something to be said about the indirect approach. the more I work on myself, the more good things happen to and around me.

 

Just imagining Pizz this Sunday asking some poor girl (who has a boyfriend) what her pancakes are. Lmao.

brofessor killing it as always, next time someone asks me who I’d have a beer with living or dead, FUCK Winston Churchill, I want a sit down at a table with Brofessor, Isaiah, and Pizz 

Pizz, don’t chase it, it will come. Also the mid 20’s feeling of emptiness is natural as others have mentioned, believe it or not pussy won’t make you happy either. Basically it’s arrival fallacy, worked all your life to get where you’re at and now gotta stick your head down and grind for 30 years... tough one to swallow and facing that is daunting for anyone. People that are happy find a sense of purpose outside of career, still be focused on that, but gotta have something else to fill that void, skiing, surfing, working out, etc. 

 

indirect approach - what I mean by that is work on yourself and other things within your circle of control and your life will improve in all areas rather than using all of your energy to attack the thing that seems to be bugging him the most (social life). if you're not a total person, you may find friends, but they won't be great ones. you may find a mate, but she won't be great. you yourself have to be a catch, work on this directly and I believe the rest falls into place.

I'm not saying don't directly approach girls, reread my post, I suggest pizz approaches girls after he ascertains which ones could be interesting, and shooting his shot when appropriate. I'm also saying that working on himself should be the #1 priority (direct) rather than getting girls, which in my opinion getting a mate is a logical result if you focus on self improvement

gabeesh?

 

I only say this after reading through some of your WSO activity ... you seem like a self-aware/down to earth person but def cast that damaged/miz vibe. Maybe try to find a good psychiatrist to talk to and work on being a bit more of a pleasant person?

Personally, I think you should put less emphasis on the ladies and they'll gravitate to you if you focus on yourself/interests. Also, most 30 year old dudes are past the phase where we're adding to the body count or bragging about getting laid... comes off a tad immature (just saying). 

 

What the hell are you doing on Fri night- Sun? Love your life before your existential crisis in your 30s or 40s turns suicidal. Work out in the AM. See friends or go on a casual date on Thursday night.

TLDR: Quit being a pussy dude.

Also stop posting your bank account balance when people aren’t asking. That tells us your identity is in your bank account. Hint: chicks hate that, they already think finance dudes are boring with no personality- stop proving them right. Read Mark Manson’s models book. Been recommending it to finance nerds for 7 years

Life is more than dollars
 

I'm dead serious about Models. It isn't the gimmicky "Try this killer pick up line and take 3 chicks home in one night!". It challenges you to look inward and improve yourself so you can attract better mates. It also addresses false confidence which is so prevalent in 2021, particularly in finance. Also, you don't want long-term deals with girls that are attracted to that false confidence. Girls are always like "idk why I only like assholes" - this is the same for guys too. I gave it a read back in 2015 and it was a contributor of me meeting my wife.

I shouldnt have mentioned the p word. You are good bro. Being honest and having minimal fear of rejection will take you a long, LONG ways in the game! Put yourself out there and don't be weird. Chicks aren't looking for clever pickup lines. They want interest and genuine/ honest dialogue.

Life is more than dollars
 

It's all about trade-offs. Travelling in your 20s and having a comfortable and an excellent career your mid 20s (because of the effort put on all those years) it's way better and a harder to-do than banging hoes on Friday nights or going on social events to discuss the most absolute bullshit. But anyway, let's put it in another perspective. In your mid-20s you have some cash, you have a career and hopefully you are intelligent so you will have an easy time finding women and considering the previous, you can also socialize with people who have their shit put together (so, you already have the potential to have a good social life if you start to act). But nevertheless, you are ~ 25 years old and you have the regrets of a 50 years old who cannot shit without help and it's too late to change something. Do something about it and stop crying.

If you are shy and introvert, read HWFIP and put it into practice. Start to practice with drug addicts from Philadelphia and then ascend gradually towards other social circles which may be more intimidating such as Kardashian fans. After a while you will see you didn't lost much.

 

Pizz, you always mention your net worth but never how you plan to spend it. What do you enjoy doing? Spend it on an expensive road bike, a trip to Mexico, golf lessons, private Tutor to teach you a new language, whatever.
 

Seriously though. Thoughtfully spending your money on things that make you happy - that’s what’s up 

 

Currently also studying for CFA after graduating with a masters in June. Work in equity financing, pay not that relevant since I'm not in a major financial market. 

I'm genuinely fine with not having a social life since I don't think it provides much of value to me. I spend time on CFA and working out at the gym. There's little time to date or for time-consuming hobbies and I'm fine with it cause I understand I am making a short-term sacrifice to enjoy the fruit in the long-term. Literally nothing is changing for me. If I'm 27 now, does something magically change say I finish my CFA by the time I'm 29? Nope. Can still date the same type of women, can still pick up the same time-consuming finance sector hobbies.

If you have $600k then try to forecast what your life could look like in the future. Are you going for AM? Could you sustain a job making less if you buy a house for $2m? Do you even want to use any of that $600k or let it accumulate further? Reality is that none of the stuff you want are hard to access. Everything has gotten so easy. You want to date? Go on Insta or Tinder. You want to race cars? Buy 1 yourself and go to meets. You want to play golf? Ask people in your office or link up with past contacts. 

Getting mindlessly drunk does not provide any value to your life and if you need an outlet to communicate with people, then there are plenty of other ways to do that. I remember when I was fat as a mf, but then I became a regular at my go-to gym and you continue to meet new people through other people there. Bizarrely the fact that I was lonely, even as a person with little emotion, was the thing that drove me to lose weight as I used to communicate with people online via gaming, but I stopped caring for that mid-bachelors/start of masters, so I needed to find a new way to get that extraverted side of me out there.

To conclude, I think you're not putting enough emphasis on the fact that you are sacrificing for a better future.

 

quick question but how old are you and how did you rack up $600k so quickly? I'm assuming at 22 when you graduated college you had no debt? Buy side mutual fund and asset management pays nicely, but not an extreme level where you can rack up $600k. By your post of "as I approach my 30's" I'm guessing 28? 

We're not lawyers. We're investment bankers. We didn't go to Harvard. We Went to Wharton!
 

26-28. Graduated with 0 debt. 
 

I joined a fund where I got sizable carry early on, and we’ve crushed it since I’ve joined. In other words, the career risk I took on paid off. 
 

In addition, I’ve made a lot on co-investment income, due to funneling in my carry checks  in the fund and having really good returns on it. 

 

A couple of things.

  • Perspective - Appreciating what you do have will help you realize your life/issues aren't likely that big of a deal. No one is perfect and we all have issues. 
  • Living life on your terms - Comparison is the thief of joy. You are living your life not anyone else's. All these people who you envy, may very well envy you, who has stability and likely to have that for the years to come.
  • Get out of your comfort zone - Sounds like you are missing social aspects of your life, and it's time to invest the time in developing this.
 

Thanks bro, definitley will consider that.

HOWEVER, I do want to point out that some girls will judge a guy just based on what he has on his Instagram (for first impressions)--like girls will judge how social he is, how many friends are commenting, etc. so I'm not 100% sure about this

Ya, it's fucking stupid but this is the world we live in now

 

In all fairness the girls that judge on Instagram are probably to shallow to date long term anyways.  I know we say that "it's the new norm" but don't let them bully you for actually caring about your mental health and well being.  You are clearly in the upper end of the datable market, so there is no need to validate that on Social Media If you are good with it yourself.  

 

I read “Horny-posting aside” then was confused until I saw it was Pizz.

Hope you figure it out man, at least you didn’t waste your 20’s working dead end jobs and bullshitting? Sounds like you’re in a good financial position and have a great career so you can focus on your social aspect more

 

FOMO and MOMO are affecting people in more devastating ways thanks to social media... people really need to kill their social media accounts. You don't need it. All the data in the world tells you how damaging it is to your health and well-being. And the apps are getting worse... get back to basics my dude and live a simpler life. A wise man once said you only need three things in life to be happy: someone to love, something to do and something to look forward to. 

 

I’m in a similar position, so let me share my insights on this one.

When we compare ourselves to others, we see the result and not the effort. To have a thriving social life is like having a thriving professional career, you have to be intentional in your actions and know what you want out of it. These folks that are getting married put significant time and energy into their personal lives at the expense of other things, maybe it was small hobbies or professional pursuits, maybe it was small luxuries. Simply being envious of a position that is within your reach isn’t going to solve anything.

The second aspect is to define what you want from your social life. If you’re looking for a long-term partner, then you should aim to take up a hobby you enjoy or see if your support group could make an introduction to someone. It’ll provide a better match than going to the club or the mixed bag that is online dating apps. If you’re looking to simply do stuff on the weekend, then create plans, ask folks if they’d like to see concert x or take a few days to go hiking or come to your place for board games and movies. None of that is outside of reach.

The final thing to mention is that this stuff is not transactional nor something that can be casually deprioritized. What I mean by that is if you form a relationship with someone and then work starts piling, then you have to communicate the circumstances or work around your shared schedule. People aren’t going to wait for you to make plans, they’ll simply feel ignored and move on.

Finally, late 20s is a great time to socialize; who cares if others are settling down and if they are, fantastic for them! Offer a helping hand in babysitting or grab a drink with the husband if he’s been dealt midnight watch. Share in the wins rather than sulk in the losses.

 

I’m in a similar position, so let me share my insights on this one.

When we compare ourselves to others, we see the result and not the effort. To have a thriving social life is like having a thriving professional career, you have to be intentional in your actions and know what you want out of it. These folks that are getting married put significant time and energy into their personal lives at the expense of other things, maybe it was small hobbies or professional pursuits, maybe it was small luxuries. Simply being envious of a position that is within your reach isn’t going to solve anything.

The second aspect is to define what you want from your social life. If you’re looking for a long-term partner, then you should aim to take up a hobby you enjoy or see if your support group could make an introduction to someone. It’ll provide a better match than going to the club or the mixed bag that is online dating apps. If you’re looking to simply do stuff on the weekend, then create plans, ask folks if they’d like to see concert x or take a few days to go hiking or come to your place for board games and movies. None of that is outside of reach.

The final thing to mention is that this stuff is not transactional nor something that can be casually deprioritized. What I mean by that is if you form a relationship with someone and then work starts piling, then you have to communicate the circumstances or work around your shared schedule. People aren’t going to wait for you to make plans, they’ll simply feel ignored and move on.

Finally, late 20s is a great time to socialize; who cares if others are settling down and if they are, fantastic for them! Offer a helping hand in babysitting or grab a drink with the husband if he’s been dealt midnight watch. Share in the wins rather than sulk in the losses.

 

I’m in a similar position, so let me share my insights on this one.

When we compare ourselves to others, we see the result and not the effort. To have a thriving social life is like having a thriving professional career, you have to be intentional in your actions and know what you want out of it. These folks that are getting married put significant time and energy into their personal lives at the expense of other things, maybe it was small hobbies or professional pursuits, maybe it was small luxuries. Simply being envious of a position that is within your reach isn’t going to solve anything.

The second aspect is to define what you want from your social life. If you’re looking for a long-term partner, then you should aim to take up a hobby you enjoy or see if your support group could make an introduction to someone. It’ll provide a better match than going to the club or the mixed bag that is online dating apps. If you’re looking to simply do stuff on the weekend, then create plans, ask folks if they’d like to see concert x or take a few days to go hiking or come to your place for board games and movies. None of that is outside of reach.

The final thing to mention is that this stuff is not transactional nor something that can be casually deprioritized. What I mean by that is if you form a relationship with someone and then work starts piling, then you have to communicate the circumstances or work around your shared schedule. People aren’t going to wait for you to make plans, they’ll simply feel ignored and move on.

Finally, late 20s is a great time to socialize; who cares if others are settling down and if they are, fantastic for them! Offer a helping hand in babysitting or grab a drink with the husband if he’s been dealt midnight watch. Share in the wins rather than sulk in the losses.

 

I’m in a similar position, so let me share my insights on this one.

When we compare ourselves to others, we see the result and not the effort. To have a thriving social life is like having a thriving professional career, you have to be intentional in your actions and know what you want out of it. These folks that are getting married put significant time and energy into their personal lives at the expense of other things, maybe it was small hobbies or professional pursuits, maybe it was small luxuries. Simply being envious of a position that is within your reach isn’t going to solve anything.

The second aspect is to define what you want from your social life. If you’re looking for a long-term partner, then you should aim to take up a hobby you enjoy or see if your support group could make an introduction to someone. It’ll provide a better match than going to the club or the mixed bag that is online dating apps. If you’re looking to simply do stuff on the weekend, then create plans, ask folks if they’d like to see concert x or take a few days to go hiking or come to your place for board games and movies. None of that is outside of reach.

The final thing to mention is that this stuff is not transactional nor something that can be casually deprioritized. What I mean by that is if you form a relationship with someone and then work starts piling, then you have to communicate the circumstances or work around your shared schedule. People aren’t going to wait for you to make plans, they’ll simply feel ignored and move on.

Finally, late 20s is a great time to socialize; who cares if others are settling down and if they are, fantastic for them! Offer a helping hand in babysitting or grab a drink with the husband if he’s been dealt midnight watch. Share in the wins rather than sulk in the losses.

 

I’m in a similar position, so let me share my insights on this one.

When we compare ourselves to others, we see the result and not the effort. To have a thriving social life is like having a thriving professional career, you have to be intentional in your actions and know what you want out of it. These folks that are getting married put significant time and energy into their personal lives at the expense of other things, maybe it was small hobbies or professional pursuits, maybe it was small luxuries. Simply being envious of a position that is within your reach isn’t going to solve anything.

The second aspect is to define what you want from your social life. If you’re looking for a long-term partner, then you should aim to take up a hobby you enjoy or see if your support group could make an introduction to someone. It’ll provide a better match than going to the club or the mixed bag that is online dating apps. If you’re looking to simply do stuff on the weekend, then create plans, ask folks if they’d like to see concert x or take a few days to go hiking or come to your place for board games and movies. None of that is outside of reach.

The final thing to mention is that this stuff is not transactional nor something that can be casually deprioritized. What I mean by that is if you form a relationship with someone and then work starts piling, then you have to communicate the circumstances or work around your shared schedule. People aren’t going to wait for you to make plans, they’ll simply feel ignored and move on.

Finally, late 20s is a great time to socialize; who cares if others are settling down and if they are, fantastic for them! Offer a helping hand in babysitting or grab a drink with the husband if he’s been dealt midnight watch. Share in the wins rather than sulk in the losses.

 

I’m in a similar position, so let me share my insights on this one.

When we compare ourselves to others, we see the result and not the effort. To have a thriving social life is like having a thriving professional career, you have to be intentional in your actions and know what you want out of it. These folks that are getting married put significant time and energy into their personal lives at the expense of other things, maybe it was small hobbies or professional pursuits, maybe it was small luxuries. Simply being envious of a position that is within your reach isn’t going to solve anything.

The second aspect is to define what you want from your social life. If you’re looking for a long-term partner, then you should aim to take up a hobby you enjoy or see if your support group could make an introduction to someone. It’ll provide a better match than going to the club or the mixed bag that is online dating apps. If you’re looking to simply do stuff on the weekend, then create plans, ask folks if they’d like to see concert x or take a few days to go hiking or come to your place for board games and movies. None of that is outside of reach.

The final thing to mention is that this stuff is not transactional nor something that can be casually deprioritized. What I mean by that is if you form a relationship with someone and then work starts piling, then you have to communicate the circumstances or work around your shared schedule. People aren’t going to wait for you to make plans, they’ll simply feel ignored and move on.

Finally, late 20s is a great time to socialize; who cares if others are settling down and if they are, fantastic for them! Offer a helping hand in babysitting or grab a drink with the husband if he’s been dealt midnight watch. Share in the wins rather than sulk in the losses.

 

I’m in a similar position, so let me share my insights on this one.

When we compare ourselves to others, we see the result and not the effort. To have a thriving social life is like having a thriving professional career, you have to be intentional in your actions and know what you want out of it. These folks that are getting married put significant time and energy into their personal lives at the expense of other things, maybe it was small hobbies or professional pursuits, maybe it was small luxuries. Simply being envious of a position that is within your reach isn’t going to solve anything.

The second aspect is to define what you want from your social life. If you’re looking for a long-term partner, then you should aim to take up a hobby you enjoy or see if your support group could make an introduction to someone. It’ll provide a better match than going to the club or the mixed bag that is online dating apps. If you’re looking to simply do stuff on the weekend, then create plans, ask folks if they’d like to see concert x or take a few days to go hiking or come to your place for board games and movies. None of that is outside of reach.

The final thing to mention is that this stuff is not transactional nor something that can be casually deprioritized. What I mean by that is if you form a relationship with someone and then work starts piling, then you have to communicate the circumstances or work around your shared schedule. People aren’t going to wait for you to make plans, they’ll simply feel ignored and move on.

Finally, late 20s is a great time to socialize; who cares if others are settling down and if they are, fantastic for them! Offer a helping hand in babysitting or grab a drink with the husband if he’s been dealt midnight watch. Share in the wins rather than sulk in the losses.

 

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