Notorious Investment Banking Groups and War Stories

Monkeys,

What are some of the most notorious "Groups" on the street? This can include massive jerks, (overly 100+ regularly) abusive workloads, or just old school street mentalities. For example, I've heard JPM HC is one of the hardest worked Groups on the street.

With that being said, feel free to comment a "through the vine" second hand or first hand war story to back up the claim.

Furthermore, if it comes to mind, it would also be cool to hear of some of the better Groups that universally have awesome cultures - or excellent exits opps.

I noticed there hasn't been a broad post like this anytime recently, and felt it would help gear up people for the summer, whether starting FT roles or internships. At the very least, maybe some stories would give some people a chuckle.

Looking forward to your responses!

 

Same here. I've heard second degree stories of new a analyst getting swatted by an associate with rolled up newspapers while being called an inferior maggot. And fist fights in the break room. No idea if there's any truth here though.

Thanks, let me know if you ever need an introduction in the industry.
 

I actually summered at a place that had a former Lazard analyst working as an assoc. The former Lazard analyst was brutal...and would regularly "punish" SAs if it seemed like they were getting too comfortable.

One of her punishments was kind of a market BD thing: she asked the SA to compile a list of 1000 boutique companies in the bank's focus-industry, which were not already in the bank's prospective clients list, their CEOs, the CEOs' contact information, by the next morning at 9AM. It was 4:30PM when she assigned this task.

 
<span itemprop=name>originationmgmt</span>:

They actually aren't the personification of the "GS culture"

Cool, that was obviously my opinion (based on the fact that I eat lunch with VP of the FIG-NY desk once a week). I'm sure you know more about the group from your extensive reading of second-hand accounts on WallStreetOasis.

 

I wasn't trying to be cocky or anything. It was a simple statement saying that my friend in fact does not reflect the culture you mentioned. No need to become abrasive. Every group has people that reflect the culture and do not. Very rarely does an entire group converge to the same point.

Assuming that my reasoning is based on WSO accounts is a bit childish as well. I prefer to give back and provide detailed answers to actual material, than to be a "My Name is Goldstein". You have no idea what my background is, so making that assumption is just diluting this forum.

 

The culture is still reminiscent of Salomon Smith Barney in this group (at least in my opinion). Deal flow is one of the highest (if not the highest) on the street with deals regularly getting oversubscribed between 2x-10x (that's the capital markets and syndicates' faults though). Hours aren't insane but they're still in-line with what you'd expect from a top group with a brand name.

This story is from my days in FI (lateraled later on after going back to school but that's besides the point), not sure if this is what you're looking for but it was how things worked a few years ago when I was on the Asia desk:

For those of you who have never worked in bank, at your desk you have a dealer-board (some call them turrets). If I need to pick up a trader, syndicate, sales or research line, it's all right in front of me. There are so many phones ringing constantly on a trading floor that generally the ringer-volume is turned down very low, so for the younger guys it can be easy to miss a call if you aren't paying attention. I've seen kids reduced to actual tears for not answering the phone quick enough / joining a call and not muting their line / etc. which is strange considering most of these guys grew up with some sort of phone in their hand yet they lack basic telephone etiquette. So one of the newer (London-office transfer, let's call him "Johnson") guys' dealer-board lights up and he doesn't pick it up because his chair is swiveled around in my direction as he's telling me how he spotted Mr. [last name], the regional head of [group name] leaving a notorious ex-pat hangout with two prostitutes a few nights ago. In all fairness, I only spotted his board light-up seconds before his ass got chewed. Him: "I met ya mate last night at [the bar], blooming 3 o'clock in the morning clear as mud I saw him! By himself, fucking big cigar and all. Didn't leave by himself though, did he?" Me: "Are you trying to tell me that you saw Mr. [last name] at [popular ex-pat bar] by himself smoking a cigar and he left with a hooker?" Him: "That's what I said innit?" Me: "To be clear, you're saying you saw [last name] pull a late-night solo smash-n-grab at 3am on a Tuesday?" Him: "Are you retarded? Yeah I saw it with me own eyes!" Our boss (not hearing our conversation but clearly noticing a call not get answered):"Johnson are you fucking retarded!? How the fuck can I trust you to sell a bond if you can't even figure out how to answer the fucking phones!?"

Edit: The post below this is correct, this is from John Lefevre's "Straight to Hell" novel about Citi FI in the asian region back in the early 2000s if anybody wants to give it a read.

 

The worst groups are the ones you don't hear about. Think about it this way. Once a group or bank starts getting a reputation for being full of jerks or just too intense, HR gets involved. No group wants that. I spent my second year at an MM in a fairly intense group. I'd share some really good stories, but they'd give me away. I had senior bankers who called analysts everything from motherfucker to stupid POS to waste of space. I had senior bankers who would close their office doors so they could scream at the wall. I had one bankers who got so mad once that I literally almost called the police because I thought the banker was going to kill himself out of rage. Our MM was big on promoting analysts to associate, but not only did few analysts ever stay the full two years, but no one ever stayed on for associate.

 
<span itemprop=name>Sil</span>:

Our MM was big on promoting analysts to associate, but not only did few analysts ever stay the full two years, but no one ever stayed on for associate.

This. If your bank is big on promoting A-> A, then the group is clearly a revolving door for a variety of reasons.

 
<span itemprop=name>NESCAC</span>:
Sil:

Our MM was big on promoting analysts to associate, but not only did few analysts ever stay the full two years, but no one ever stayed on for associate.

This. If your bank is big on promoting A-> A, then the group is clearly a revolving door for a variety of reasons.

I should have clarified, but my group was the only revolving door. Other groups had plenty of analysts stay on.

 

HR? You think there's an HR department at...oh I don't know...Moelis or Lazard that has the authority to "step in" and change the culture of a group, or of the entire place? You don't need to be a PhD in organizational behavior to know that if that's the way things work, that's the way the boss (who would also be your boss' boss) wants them working. And you leave it the hell alone.

 
Best Response

One of my first MDs became infuriated with the intern who was sitting next to me a few years ago. Basically the intern simply didn't know the answer to the question and tried to BS his way out. Cue MDs slaming his fist on what he thought was the interns sandwich. Turns out it was mine and it was still hot so cheese and mustard went all over my shirt, and to top it off the intern cracked and burst out laughing. He was forced to pay a few hundred £ for my shirt and tie and the MD made a point of him never coming back. Said MD continued to crush my sandwiches whenever he saw them for the next year or so as a joke.

 

I doubt he was mad that the intern didn't know the answer to a question, he was probably angry that the intern tried to bullshit his way out of the question. This is one of the biggest no-go's in banking (especially as an intern), if you don't know something then ask someone who does.

 
  1. Old school: one of my old bosses told me he was taking it easy on us - when he was a junior, he got the order of information wrong on a call (not the data, just the order he presented it in), call finishes, MD goes back to his office, shuts the door, and kicks his desk apart. Summons my boss, tells him to clean it up while MD heads out to another meeting.

  2. Industrials team at a BB had a culture of juniors competing to 'work the hardest' (re: stay in the office the latest), it resulted in guys regularly going home at 4:00 or 5:00, but rolling into the office at 11:00 am, so not like they were actually pushing 20 hour days, just staying late. MDs got pissed because they could never find juniors, and knocked that shit off, in by 8:00 am, and have to justify to staffer if you were there late.

  3. Friend of mine at a MM in the infra team was freaking out because the juniors banded together and decided that they just weren't going to work that late anymore, he asked a first year to do some modelling, and the kid said no, straight up no, because it would keep him there too late, but he could start it tomorrow. Bastards decided that the team was busy enough that they couldn't fire all the juniors. That was the way it went until bonuses went out (nobody that participated in this crap got paid), and they (virtually) all got replaced.

 

Yeah...I think they'd be smarter about it than just saying "no". I'd be thinking about trying to pull something in the spirit of the classic husband trick of filling the washing machine with bleach so she never asks you to do the laundry again.

 

I can confirm that JPM FIG has what two of my friends described as nothing short of toxic. Their hours weren't the WORST I'd ever seen, but the vitriol with which they described their coworkers was alarming. I was also told that the group straight up paid $5-10k bonuses to five or six analysts and that if you leave before mid-August of your second year (for reference almost all PE gigs start mid July) you do not receive a second year bonus.

 

KA Alabama hazes pretty hard. My friend's girlfriend's little brother's friend goes there and I heard through the grapevine that he had to eat FIVE full cans of long cut Grizzly Wintergreen, WHILE screwing a goat, while planking on bottle caps.

 

Can confirm JPM HC is brutal; my family friend recently finished a stint. I talked to her over the phone in her final months and was shocked to hear just how much life had drained from her voice. She straight up fulfilled all my IB nightmares with a short, lifeless phonecall. Buttttt I'm recruiting for IB anyway, so I guess I have a short memory?

 

Can't speak for this person, but I've heard the hours are just brutal. Pay is at or near the top for JPM's coverage groups. VP I know turned down a promotion and took some time off because he just couldn't handle it any longer (has a kid, married, etc.). Ended up landing a decent Corp Dev gig though and he's totally fine with the huge comp decrease.

 

To be honest, she was so tired, I'm not sure if she was able to elaborate properly (she was working late at night during our call). Over the course of the conversation though, I got the gist that it was mainly hours; obviously everyone was a bit chippy when spending over 100 hours a week in the office, but there weren't any huge issues with people she mentioned. In terms of specific words when I asked, she rambled a little bit, then gave a weak chuckle and said "it is what it is".

 

I can confirm. Interned there for a summer. only justification people had for working like that was "it's JP HC, enough said." People there were inherently a backstabbing group of individuals only looking out for themselves and willing to throw others under the bus. As much as every group loves to say "we don't believe in facetime" the group was as facetime-centric as it gets.

 

BAML E&P in London was / is a solid team, before the adjustments to make work life balance, there was an MD that was pissed he couldn't get staffing for a book, so he called my friend's desk at 12:30ish to ask who was still in the office, the guy would have lied anyway, but the truth was everyone (except one analyst that was travelling) was in the office.

 

i know you are smart, but your love for GS and bashing of all other firms is really not necessary

yes Lehman was hurt by woody leaving but saying it is the worst group on wall st is clearly ridiculous

to answer the thread, UBS GIG is pretty awful from what ive heard

 
iambateman:
i know you are smart, but your love for GS and bashing of all other firms is really not necessary

yes Lehman was hurt by woody leaving but saying it is the worst group on wall st is clearly ridiculous

to answer the thread, UBS GIG is pretty awful from what ive heard

wtf are you smoking? ubs gig is nowhere near the worst group on the street

 
iambateman:
i know you are smart, but your love for GS and bashing of all other firms is really not necessary

yes Lehman was hurt by woody leaving but saying it is the worst group on wall st is clearly ridiculous

to answer the thread, UBS GIG is pretty awful from what ive heard

I do think GS/MS are better opportunities. I think Lehman is a good firm, but their tech group is less than stellar. Just my opinion...

 

this is one of the worst questions ever to be asked on this board. how could you expect anyone on this board to have any idea about this sort of thing? any person who tried or tries to answer this knows nothing.

 

HC might have the best exit opps other than Sponsors. The long hours is right, but there are a ton of HC companies that hire ex-bankers, and there are a lot of sponsors, hedge funds, and other financial companies that are dedicated to HC.
Worst exit opps would be Tech, Media and Telecom. Very cyclical industries that don't hire a lot of people for finance positions because of the cyclicality of demand.

 

M&A has the best exit opps--leaps ahead of HC, its not even close.

Exit opps exist for HC, but they serve a specific niche--HC analysts aren't that prominent at tier 1 PE shops.

No way TMT is worst group for exit opps-- GS, MS, CS Tech all place extremely well.

Of course all this depends on your definition of exit opps.

 

I actually said "might have the best exit opps," and of course, I agree with you about M&A (I was only thinking of coverage groups). TMT is pretty bad, GS and MS place everyone well regardless of industry - they're the top-2 banks in terms of prestige. HC may serve a specific niche, but, again, there are hundreds of companies in that niche. Regarding tier-1 PE shops, I don't really agree there - I know a lot of former HC analysts who got jobs at top sponsors. Bottom-line, though, neither of them are "the worst," I actually don't think any group has bad exit opps if you work for a BB bank - maybe ECM?

 

My roommate is at Moelis. Works until midnight 1-2am every night, M-Saturday. Sunday works until around 8pm. Also typically pulls an all nighter 3-4 times a month. He hates the job and is quitting as soon as he gets bonus. This is how you know Moelis is bad, he gets a two year bonus (in addition to the standard year bonus) of $70k. Literally they hold a carrot in front of you to get you to stay. He says its absolutely not worth the money.

A different firm, an MD at my company was an MD at Jefferies and said the group head of the NY ibank office is a complete asshole. He would show up to the office at 5pm on saturdays to check who was there. He also told me a story how this asshole showed up one saturday evening and noticed the analysts & associates wearing jeans, casual, etc. This was during the summertime in NYC on a weekend. The group head says "what is this a gymnasium? Everyone go home and put a suit on and come back"

Finance careers are awesome, the people that work in it suck

 

Its the weekend. You're not seeing clients. I personally think its stupid to get upset over it. Obviously you don't want to look like a slob but put it into context. The only people you're dressing for is the other analysts/associates and to appease an MD that randomly shows up. I think the amount of damage to moral and increasing the likelihood of people departing your firm, its not worth it

 

Calling BS on someone demanding suits on a Sunday. Not calling BS on an MD doing bedchecks on a Saturday. You would not believe how f'd up some of these guys' personal lives are. I mean you just wouldn't. The ones doing this are usually some combination of divorced multiple times, loathed by their children, extremely unhealthy, friendless, and able to justify it only by convincing themselves that the choices they made weren't actually choices but requirements of the job.

 

yea i'd always heard that real estate is boring but having been exposed to some of it this summer...it's not all that bad. it all depends on what you're actually doing but some of the products real estate groups handle can be interesting

 

i think if you actually like real estate, then real estate is you best bet. Don't think that is where all the rejected people go from M & A. The real estate groups in bb can actually earn just as much money as most other groups if not all the other groups in the bb. Howver, people have a tendency to say is is not appealing b/c once you stick with real estate then most people usually tick in the real estate sector.

 

agreed definitely...everyone i currently work with is pretty much branded and a couple of them have said they got frustrated looking for jobs because lots of companies wont consider you for anything else. this is the case with lots of groups though...

 
barber:
What is the least desirable group in I-banking. To clarify- which group do you not want to be assigned after training. Obviously everybody wants M&A, but what do people not want- if they could choose?

What? Most college kids want M&A. But when you get in the industry, everyone realizes that M&A sucks because your life is terrible...

 

Well I am not really sure, like I said I graduated in May and am only interning at the HF until Sept. I really want an I-banking position in order to gain experience and learn the industry because I majored in Biology from a small school in South Carolina.

I could talk to an analyst at our firm and get some tips. I think that they are passively looking for another investment analyst.

 

Fuck, I remember this shit. I did a pitch with Lev. Fin and one of the MDs thought it would improve our chance of winning if we sent the Ratings Analyst Presentation ("RAP") over as well, to show how keen we were to get the business, and how quickly we could move. So we (industry and Lev. Fin) spent a few shitty days doing the pitch, then a few more shitty days doing the RAP. We were annoyed that the country coverage guys weren't pulling their weight, until we found out from one of the country coverage team that we never had a chance in the first place, which was why they didn't care.

 

Quite a long time ago now but my cousin was at a BB in the city of London pre 2008 as a VP in M&A. He said he ended up working with a new MD who liked to run lean deal teams and really stretch his workers. Cue him working 8am - 1am Monday-Friday and then another 15-20 or so hours every weekend for 8 straight months. Gaining 8 inches on his waist and losing most of his hair. Cue him leaving banking all together and never returning to any sort of high finance.

 

Lots of posts here. Not sure what I can add, but here we go...

From Colleagues/Friends - Morgan Stanley Lev Fin desk circa 2004-2007 and 2011-present; Lot of people embellish hours in banking. Sure some weeks are truly 90, but its not like that year round, right? Apparently, MS Lev Fin holds those hours at all times. Have a college buddy that I roomed with in a converted 1BR into 2BR (post college in Murray Hill rocks I guess) and he never got home before 2am. Never saw him on weekends either.

  • Jefferies Healthcare desk (Sage Kelly era); Had a friend that worked DCM at Jeff and said the only time he ever saw junior bankers leave the office was to pick up lunch or new Thomas Pink shirts that were ruined after consecutive days of wear. Pro Tip: Thomas Pink is in the same building as Jeff. Pro Pro Tip: Ben Lorello knew about the antics of some of the bankers on that desk way before it became a scandal right? He must have

From Personal Experience - FI derivative desk at a firm circa 2006-2008 that is no longer around/merged/acquired (e.g. ML, Lehman, Bear, MC Global, etc.); So this is more on the S&T end, but we faced the product bankers so often that let's just call it banking (realize I'm taking liberties here). Had a VP that came around and took all the mice out of the junior employees computers and made us read a McGraw Hill tomb of a book on valuing businesses. End of week we would have a 'mini test' to see if we could navigate all computer programs without a mouse and build models per the book. Sucked.

 

I'm not gonna be dishonest, but the beta phaggot in me is now officially scared of working AGAiN in IB.

Even if half these battle tales are real talk they depict a ruthless Darwinian culture, but these days the rewards are also uncertain.

STEM is the go then, oh wait...I have to be smart for that right?

Man where's Obama to bail me out of this mess, perhaps give me an Obama phone or some kind of love.

 

Rothschild Berlin has seen an entire group of analysts quitting together. The worst is Rothschild Milan. 100 hours is average. 120 not unheard of. 4 interns have quit already in 2017, 2 analysts left in 4 months and not a single associate has remained after being directly promoted.

 

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