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when you know what you are talking about it shows. practice. practice. practice.
I'm going to be honest, this is a subject a lot of people talk about and I have seen a lot of people (very knowledgeable) not get positions because of this. I'm going to break down the way I look at this issue in my mind, and what I would do to fix it.
I have been travelling my entire life (currently entering into my 4th year at University) and one thing I have picked up on quite early is that every single person is different, and has different strengths. One question that I always thought of was, why? How is everyone so different, despite possessing a brain, and resources to learn/do everything? What I quickly realized was that it is the product of your upbringing, and the surroundings that you are placed in. Pretty intuitive, I know, but most people won’t understand that. One’s difference in personality (Introvert vs. Extrovert) can simply come from the way you were raised (conservative/traditional family vs. More modern/independent family).
I have a bunch of friends that were probably more competent than half the people that currently have jobs, but couldn’t place simply because they came across as having a lack of confidence, and not being able to express themselves as well as other socially outward people might.
Now I want to get to the part where I say that despite this, it is actually not too difficult to change this aspect of your personality. Another thing I observed every time I moved country to country was that I made different types of friends, and that I could literally change things about myself every time I moved to appeal to a different demographic, or to appear “special/different” This is a mentality a lot of individuals have, especially introverted kids coming out of high school going into university. The assumption is that nobody knows who you are, so you have an opportunity to completely reshape yourself.
This is exactly what you need to do. There’s a TED talks about “Fake it till you make it” (Link: https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_a…) Believe it or not, your body language and your mentality are the biggest barriers to the way you act vs. How you want to act.
Think about it for a second, are you really that different than the kid sitting next to you in the suit interviewing for the same position? Chances are you both have the same knowledge, skills, and desire for the job. The only thing that’s different between you two is your background, the way you think, and the way you speak – and the probably the biggest differentiator, confidence. You’re no less, no worse. All you need to do is work on the way you act, work on the way you talk and work on the way you think about yourself. Watch people that you aspire to be, and emulate them. Stand in front of the mirror, and talk to yourself. Do this for hours. Seems silly, but after my first failed interview I spent over 2 hours in front of the mirror for before interviewing for positions, and noticed TONS of things I didn’t want to be doing in front of interviewers. Trust me, it works.
Good luck and remember, you are no less than the candidate next to you. Cheers.
This.
To give an anecdote and add some color, I once had a baseball pitching coach that played a bit in the minors tell me to fake confidence. I was one of those guys that would overthink too much and even though it didn't help me too much in pitching, its been great for interviews/networking/chatting with girls.
You'll have to work at it and find your own style though as you don't want to come across as conceited or a try-hard. Good luck!
No course is going to teach you self confidence. That's going in the opposite direction. No forum post is going to make you suddenly a confident person either. There's no trick to this. It's a belief - like believing in Santa Claus. If you believe it, it exists. If you don't, it doesn't.
Work out more, lose some weight, get a new haircut, buy a few new shirts, get laid, etc. whatever it takes to make you feel like you're at the top of your game. Know your shit, know you know your shit, and just talk to the interviewer like a normal person.
I'd recommend two specific activities in addition to what the above posters have said. The first is to get involved in toastmasters. You'll get tons of public speaking practice, constructive feedback, and will greatly improve your vocal confidence. Second is to start practicing a combat martial art. I'm preferential to striking sports like boxing or Krav Maga...you want a place that doesn't let in people under 18 and requires you to wear safety equipment. Doing that improves your ability to stay calm with your stress hormones active....in addition you'll see some benefits because you learn how to control space better and you'll find that life in general intimidates you less.
Don't spend money on self-improvement courses.
I struggled with confidence in interviews too, and what I found out helped me was to just be confident in my resume and experience. I went to a non-target and had internships at "no-name" firms, and that really got to my head when I knew that I was going up against candidates with prestigious backgrounds. What helped me was to just view my resume and experience as is. I did the best with what I was given and that was that. I cannot control if another student when to Harvard and spent two summers at Goldman Sachs. What I can help, however, was getting good grades and doing the best at my internships as I can. So, when an interviewer started asking more in-depth questions about my experience, my thoughts turned from "crap, he is doubting my because of my lack of prestige" to "this is my background...take it or leave it".
Hopefully that makes sense. Good luck.
On "fake it till you make it," make sure you are faking the right kind of confidence. Don't go overboard trying to appear confident and pass off as arrogant.
I think a lot of projecting confidence comes from body language and tone of voice, which you can probably get by observing others and being conscious about your own style.
Meditate and read good books. Here are some starting blocks.
You want courage not confidence. Courage is the ability to take action, forge a path forward and to know that no matter the outcome, positive or negative, you'll be able to deal with it. Confidence is knowing that the outcome will be positive based off of previous positive outcomes. Well the problem is life doesn't promise success or positive outcomes. So strive for more courage and know/believe you'll be alright at the end of the day whether it's a positive or negative outcome. You do that then confidence will surely follow.
A simple example of this is talking to girls. People always say. I wish I had more confidence when I'm talking to girls. No you wish you had more courage to talk to girls. The problem is you're expecting a positive outcome (phone number, a date, one-night stand etc.) when you're not guaranteed one. If you focused on approaching girls with courage you'll learn to accept that its ok have a negative outcome because at the end of the day you'll be alright. Start approaching life similarly- whether its an interview, speaking up in a meeting with superiors, having a difficult conversation, or talking to a girl- and you'll be surprised at how much more confident and relaxed you are.
Go lift if you don't already. If improving your self image doesn't improve your confidence, then I don't know what will. You ever meet an athlete that wasn't confident?
The simple equation to Confidence is Experience and Results (Achievements).
For example: we all were 15.5 driving for the 1st time with Mom in the passenger and Dad/ siblings in the back critiquing every foot of the way. We were all afraid and not confident in that moment. Then random variables such as some jacka$$ runs a red in front of you and you brake in time. On another occasion, heavy rain and fog make it practically unbearable to drive, but you still make it back home in one piece. These Experiences led to successful results which makes you the confident driver that you are today.
So how to be more confident in IB or interviews? Know your material inside and out, modeling inside and out, etc. Interviews: Go on a ton and start converting them from interview to offer. This is Experience + Results.
Focus on improving your lifestyle. Start doing cool stuff, like take a boxing class, learn a new language, become interested in fashion, learn how to dress better, start reading about art, go on a solo backpacking trip in Thailand. Basically become passionate about something and take a few risks and you will feel more alive and more fulfilled, which will lead to feeling more confident.
Also, make sure you are around friends that genuinely appreciate you and that you lookup to - it will push you to improve yourself. I believe the following quote to be true: "Show me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are". That being said, don't be afraid to cut relationships that are toxic or cut out people that are not moving forwards in their life and that don't respect you.
You can also Improve your ability to seduce girls and fuck a bunch of them. That often helps people that feel insecure.
Best of luck,
But sometime, a few years ago, I started thinking, “Why don’t I set summer goals too?” After all, I want to be the example for my kids. And, much as I love summer reading, hammock swinging, travelling, and relaxation (or attempts at relaxation, at least), I also love self-improvement. What better time to work on myself than summer?
Dear Alibabes56,
I consider myself probably the least successful person among my high school classmate - according to their standards. I have a lot of chips on my shoulder. A few things that I think would have made me totally not confident:
The point is you need to accept that life is not perfect and it is okay. The point is that you had difficulties and you came out stronger after each difficulty.
There is a fine line between being cocky and being confident. Cocky = you think that you can do anything without any life experience to back up those claims. Confident = you know that you can depend on yourself to manage through anything in life.
And learning to be confident is just like training any muscle in your body. You get stronger and stronger each day after you force yourself to get outside of your comfort zone. I think that is the only way that you can really "Grow Up".
Sorry about being long-winded but hope this is helpful. If I can went through all this craps and still come out alive, I am sure you will do just fine.
With Love, Harvey
tl;dr. Should have replied with something like "I don't have dreams. I have goals." the real HS style.
Self-confidence is not one size fits all. Even the most confident people you see around you have insecurities about things you don't know about.
You have to find about your insecurities. Where do they stem from? Are you self-conscious because you're skinny? Is it because you are not good at something that people around you are? Do you give a lot of fucks about people that don't give a fuck about you?
Stop giving yourself a hard time - relax. Say stupid stuff. Don't be afraid to make a fool of yourself. It takes a little time but once you get that going for you, it will follow you like a halo. People will notice your self-confidence. They will notice that petty stuff doesn't affect you.
Start with saying hi to strangers in public. Join a student/networking organization. Etc.
No course is going to teach you self-confidence. Take action today.
Do you sometimes hesitate to take action? People without self-confidence tend to overthink situations. To counter that, simply count 1 to 3 to yourself and do it on 3.
There are many Youtube videos of people talking about their experience of overcoming fear. Check them out, too.
Good luck! :)
get in shape and update your wardrobe
Self Improvement Ideas (Originally Posted: 12/02/2012)
Hello fellow financers,
I come to you in seek of some fresh ideas for self and career improvement. I am recent graduate from a 2nd tier UC working in a research position at an investment consulting firm in LA. I am also a cfa level 2 candidate and plan to get an MBA in a few years.
I need some fresh ideas to help improve myself either in terms of career, personal, future mba prospects. As of right now I pretty much work and study for the CFA exam. My social network isn't that great and I do not have a girlfriend at the moment. So, perhaps any ideas that would improve all of the above would be helpful.
Thanks!
I'm naturally an introvert, so I get where you're coming from. When I was interviewing for IB internships, a mentor / work supervisor of mine told me, "You have enough deal experience. Go improve your soft skills." I asked how. "Go talk to girls." True story.
"Fake it till you make it" and "practice" are true but also incredibly vague. Usually when I try to fake it, I ended up not making it, but that's just me. Confidence is different for everyone. Here are my 2 cents.
Mental tweaks: 1) Self-Acceptance. Sil mentioned it, and I think this subtle mental shift was huge for me. I wasn't a traditional / target candidate, so I had to adjust my mentality from "I need to prove myself" to "This is me -- take it or leave it." Part of it is to be real. Don't necessarily try to fit your story to what you think they want to hear. Tell like it like it is, but accentuate the applicable stuff. Another way to think about it is the buyer vs. seller dynamic. If you act like a seller, you need to be the best, try too hard / sound rehearsed, and potentially come off as inauthentic. Think of yourself as a buyer. You're trying to figure out if this is the right IB / job / career path for you too. You are who you are and got there because of what you did -- be proud of that. Market yourself; don't sell yourself. Remember, you deserve to be there because you earned that interview spot.
2) Abundance. There is more than one bank on Wall Street. If you can't get this one, you will get the next one, so don't sweat it. Smile and focus on the present moment because even if you don't succeed, it's a learning opportunity for the next interview.
3) Decisiveness. Don't second-guess yourself. Be aware of certain cultural tendencies (Asian, etc.) to be passive or sound like you're questioning yourself. You said it and decided your answer was right. Stick to your guns.
Body language: 4) Voice. Speak like you're ordering at a bar (loudness, clarity), speak like you're explaining to a younger child, not like you're asking for confirmation (intonation), speak like you're telling a joke or story (pauses), speak like you're in a hurry but need to be accurate (speed), etc.
5) Eye Contact. Don't look away. Study their noses and foreheads. They always have interesting noses or foreheads.
6) Hands. On the table in the open. It's a non-threatening gesture.
7) Expressions. Nod. Smile. Laugh. Be real
Practice: 8) Lead. There is no more powerful confidence builder than taking on a large amount of responsibility, being thrown in the fire, and surviving. Get involved with your charity, college organization, etc., and get used to telling people what to do. Figuring shit out on the fly does wonders for your BS-ing abilities.
9) Know Your Shit. Simply put, you're more likely to be less confident if you don't know the correct answer.
10) "Do one thing every day that scares you." - Eleanor Roosevelt. Similar to what Harvey Halstein and NakedCalls say above, confidence is a muscle that gets stronger with use. Even small things like trying a new dish you can't pronounce or singing out loud in public gets you used to being outside your comfort zone, and that builds confidence.
Keep at it and good luck.
Suggest learning about Stoicism and giving it a shot. IMO the best way to handle life's vicissitudes and truly become a happy person. Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius are equally good places to start. A good (modern-day) primer on Stoic thought: A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614/ref=s…
Get your ass in shape, find a reasonable program thats compatible with your life, there are no hot fixes, eat right as well. I used the New Rules of Lifting by Lou Schuler, Has a fully written out work out guide for a year, works on some good logic, no miracle results, but decent, well explained and simple ways to eat and lift and get a decent body. Fits around my day and i work at a prop shop.
not referring to your friends as a "social network" would be a good start....
Some easy starters:
1.) Get in shape. I don't mean the gym-rat workouts some other WSOers prescribe; something as simple as 10pullups+30pushups a day is a great start.
2.) Eat right. You are what you eat.
3.) Get motivated. Find something you're interested in; read and research it thoroughly. Who knows? You might stumble upon a great venture. Here's something I do: Every 6months or so, I pick a topic and get fixated on it (past topics have included ancient greece, neuroscience, electronic circuits e.t.c.). My goal is not to become an expert on that field, but to be able to understand an expert if I ever meet one.
4.) You're just as good as the people you surround yourself with. I firmly believe this, and make it a point to seek out people smarter than me, and have regular conversations with them. There's nothing more gratifying than spending a Sunday afternoon discussing random topics and learning something new in the process.
Agree with all these, though hope to do more of #1.
For #3, aligning motivation with expected career path is ideal given the limited time you have. For example, delving into the logic underlying various excel functions or process (e.g. iteration) can be just as exciting as reading about non-financial topics.
People on WSO be frontin, I can't see a investment banker being a gym rat with working 100 hrs a week, hell I work 40-50 hrs and find trouble going to the gym Mon-Fri...Hopefully I could go tomorrow and Tuesday.
Getting in shape is one of the most important things you can do to start feeling better about yourself. Work out 2-3 times a week and you'll see results in a month or two.
Pick up a hobby - volunteer at an organization that you identify with, join a social sports league, etc. You'll be surprised how many people you meet this way. It's much more gratifying making friends (and meeting women) this way.
Get in shape is too vague, IMO. Set a specific, quantifiable goat eg I want to run 2 miles in XX minutes and lift YY for a certain lift. Much easier to target a specific benchmark than the rather vague 'get in shape'
agree here, but go to a gym and find your one rep max in a few movements before setting goals, and use google to find the upper end of realistic expectations on reputable lifting forums. Don't go for the running goal imo, if you're going to put in the sacrifice of exercise, you may as well get a body that women want. I'm still yet to see a distance runner appear as a sex symbol in Vogue.
Find motivation to workout. Set fitness related goals. Take it seriously and strive to do your very best. That does not mean "10 pullups + 30 pushups" a day. Because gaurantee most of this forum cannot do 10 pullups correctly and doing them everyday makes no sense, especially if you do not eat right. Use a begineers lifting program like "Starting Strength 5x5" which is 3 days a week.
Fitness is a very easy motivator and exercise has been proven to equate to happiness. Once you start seeing results, your life drastically improves as you feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. Plus, you can also meet people and strengthen your "social network".
Bodybuilding.com forums should provide information you might need. The site can prove to be a great motivator
How to win friends and influence people and 48 laws of power are good starters. Tons of areas you can apply aspects of them to (even getting laid). Check out the paleo diet if youre trying to eat better, lost 7 pounds in the first month I did it.
I remain skeptical.
A few thoughts, Know your strengths and weaknesses. Own them both, and be okay with your weaknesses. Everyone has them. Get out of your comfort zone...all the time Really try and keep a positive outlook or mantra. Honestly, experience and maturity usually brings confidence
Ideas in no particular order:
Learn about nutrition, develop better dietary habits
Lift weights
Begin a meditation practice
Study for the CFA (although the next test date would be in December, not sure how that would work)
Study for the LSAT, see if you have what it takes to get into a top law school
Get creative, find your passion, find your own way of adding value in this world
Exposure therapy. Look it up. Best of luck.
I was the shyest, least confident person in undergrad, despite having a lot going for me on paper. Once I started working, even though it wasn't where I wanted to be long-term, I kicked ass at it and started becoming more outspoken. It helped to have a boss who didn't mind me questioning him and pushing back if I thought his suggestions weren't the best. I got to the point where I wasn't necessarily comfortable in interviews, but could go in, shake off most of my nerves and come across as intelligent and charming.
My advice is to find something you can really excel at on a personal level - try some kind of group fitness class if you're athletic, or start putting yourself in uncomfortable social situations. Believe me, I was where you were once, and it can feel impossible to get past, but you can do it if you really want to.
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