8/13/17

Investment Bankers have a secret way of communicating with one another. Whether it's a discreet nod or those matching Ferragamo shoes/ties, bankers have a fraternal pact with one another that everyone outside the industry just wouldn't understand.

However, you'll soon realize not only is there a lot of group think going on, but everyone likes to use the same jargon.

From MD's to Analysts, here we go:

"Let's add some color"
"Stet"
"Need more thought"
"Can we beef this up?"
"thanks"
"thx"
"tx"
"thank you for your hard work"
"thanks for pulling a late night"
"ETA?"
"Guys, what's the timing on this?"
"Hey, how's it going?"
"How are we doing?"
"Let me opine on this"
"Let me give you some thoughts"
"Comments are coming shortly"
"?"
"???"
"!!!"
"increase the multiples"
"pls"
"make sense?"
"will do"
"sounds good"
"need more"
"more"
" :)"
"can we make these boxes rounder?"
"i don't love it"
"i don't hate it"
"pls fix"

Comments (90)

8/8/17

always using hyphens - because it's cool

Investment Banking Interview Course

8/12/17

The double hyphen was passed down to me from my senior banker, and someday I'll do the same to some pos pledge.

8/8/17

Someone started a thread on jargon a few months ago that was very good. The absolute worst is the "thx" in my opinion.

8/8/17

https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/bankisms
This also reminded me of that troll email someone put on here mocking the use of these phrases

8/8/17

Thanks for the link!

Or should that be "thx"?

8/8/17

I really cant stand 'tks' either. It's a race to the bottom between those two.

8/8/17

tx

8/11/17

The ultimate douchebag way

8/9/17

tks is WAY worse than thx.....who abbreviates thanks as anything else (if you even abbreviate it to begin with)!!

8/8/17

"Can we massage these numbers?"

8/8/17

lmaooooooo

8/12/17

lmaooooooo brooooooooo

8/8/17

I wouldn't ever put that in an email. It's discoverable...

8/8/17
FellowTraveler:

I wouldn't ever put that in an email. It's discoverable...

This guy gets it.

'I'm jacked... JACKED TO THE TITS!!'

8/8/17

Best one I ever received was the following: "Make Better."

8/8/17

hahaha the brevity is hilarious.
I once had a VP review my pitch book, and he scribbled "Shit" across the pages of 5-6 slides.

"A man can convince anyone he's somebody else, but never himself."

8/8/17

On the flip side, one of the founders of my shop replies 'looks good' to every deck he "reviews."

8/9/17

Between that and the 100+ consecutive subject-line-only emails with comments, pretty much summarizes a VP in my group.

8/8/17

Missing a common one... "WTF"

8/8/17

In my view, most of these are accurate comments.

What's your view on this, Jake?

8/8/17

Jake: I'm signed off

8/8/17

Me: [Long email with several open ended, multi-point questions]
MD: "Yes."

TF????

8/8/17

Hahahaha. I had a VP like that. Best was, "Sil, your emails are too long. I never read them."

8/8/17
Sil:

Hahahaha. I had a VP like that. Best was, "Sil, your emails are too long. I never read them."

I'm the VP that doesn't read them.

8/11/17

you should be boris the bullet dodger then

8/11/17

Luz, I'm feeling terrible myself.

Lawyer turned VC, turned banker, turned VC and never leaving again.

Investment Banking Interview Course

8/8/17

Managing Directors... who don't understand... the use of an ellipses...

"A man can convince anyone he's somebody else, but never himself."

8/8/17

...That is so true!

Best Response
8/8/17

It's a slow day at work, so let me me share some of my favorites:

  • thx
  • pls print 30 copies thx
  • print bind bring to house thx
  • wtf pls check
  • this cannot be right. alex the associate, pls check thx
  • [forwards me a request for a pitch on a Sunday] sorry meant to send on friday.....eta?
  • pitch went well thx
  • i'm in movement pls ask vp thx
  • [emails me ten minutes after the Intralinks alert went out] has this been uploaded yet? thx
  • pls swing by thx
  • buyer cannot log into vdr pls help thx
  • pls pdf and print 10 copies
  • [in response to above] nvm make that 20 thx
  • [in response to above] stet 10 thx
  • [in response to above] I wanted 20.....why did you only print 10?
  • [two seconds after emailing above] hello?
  • hate to crash your weekend but need asap thx.....eta?
8/8/17

lmaoooo +1

"Well, you know, I was a human being before I became a businessman." -- George Soros

8/9/17

lol at swing by. Can't believe I forgot that one

8/8/17

When I was desperately trying to break into the industry, get coffee, land a phone call, make a friend, or talk to the guy so he could help me out, and gave him my cell so we could talk.

"Thanks for your interest. I've forwarded your email to our recruiting team."

We're not lawyers. We're investment bankers. We didn't go to Harvard. We Went to Wharton!

8/8/17

haha so many dudes be like this

8/8/17

real talk I've had this happen to me at a boutique that's pretty heavy on meritocracy. Being from a non-core school (target for BBs though) any chance this could help in the recruiting process?

8/8/17

"You serious??"

8/8/17

"Format better"

8/8/17

"Don't burn the midnight oil on this one, but could you please adjust per the comments in the attached?"

Received at 9 pm.

"Well, you know, I was a human being before I became a businessman." -- George Soros

8/8/17

Once I got an email signed off as
Rgds,
MD

8/8/17

Now that's just lazy lmaoo

8/9/17

Rgds,
"BSD"

P.S. "BSD"

8/9/17

Hahaha that's hilarious

8/12/17

Chrs,

MD

8/9/17

"This slide is poor"

8/9/17

let's close the loop here

8/9/17

Subject Line: need

Body: artcle from wsj or maybe nyt on papr pckging indstry from lst mnth

8/11/17

deleted

8/9/17
Yasuke:

sry for the monkey shit, legit accident... lol

Subject: NP

Body: let's tick/tie all the numbers again to cover our bases. try to pay more attn to detail going fwd.

8/9/17

I don't even know what this means.

"Elections are a futures market for stolen property"

8/11/17

Some of these are nothing compared to what I've read.

One of the associates asked me what my "bandwidth" was. Fucking blood pressure shot through the roof when the associate said that and I told the fucker I was too busy cause it pissed me off that much.

Also, I hate when people say "please advise" or "kindly" in their e-mails.

8/9/17

lol you're gonna have a bad time. You got asked what your bandwidth was? Pro tip: usually no ones gives a sht so if they ask, that's pretty good. Also, you got the full please. That's about as close to a hug as you're gonna get in IB.

8/9/17

Bandwith? what is that?

8/10/17

whether or not you have capacity. no bandwidth = too busy to take on new work

8/11/17
8/11/17
JuiceIsLoose:

Also, I hate when people say "please advise" or "kindly" in their e-mails.

Please advise is the absolute worst. How do people still think this is acceptable? Just ask the damn question, there's no need for the extreme passive aggression.

8/9/17

Subject line: NOT GOOD

Body of email: Picture of mistake in deck highlighted in yellow

8/9/17

"Stephanie told HR."

We're not lawyers. We're investment bankers. We didn't go to Harvard. We Went to Wharton!

8/11/17

Hidden gold in this thread

8/9/17

Goldman emails during the crisis are here.

"Boy that timberwolf was one shitty deal."

http://online.wsj.com/public/resources/documents/W...

We're not lawyers. We're investment bankers. We didn't go to Harvard. We Went to Wharton!

8/9/17

9pm: SVP: "Not for tonight, but please turn around in 24-36 hours"
9am (following morning): SVP: "Where are we with this?"

8/9/17

"pls show client resurgence in industry"
"get creative this isn't a science"
"wtf ER put a sell rating on our client"
"get that guy back from vacation"

8/9/17

Can we make these boxes rounder?

Oh my God, this sentence sums up the analyst years like no other...

8/9/17

A new one i heard going around is... "i'm pregnant with this problem" or "don't want to get pregnant with this"

Always thought it could lead to HR problems....

8/11/17

If someone said something dumb on a call my former vp used to say: "that is a half pregnant idea."

26 Broadway
where's your sense of humor?

8/9/17

??

8/9/17

Surprised no "Take a cut/crack at this"

8/10/17

md: use format on sheet x for other peers
me: could you clarify what exactly you want reformatted? (only other sheet is identical to sheet x)
md: let's see if you have an eye for details

8/10/17

let's discuss live/let's take this offline

8/10/17

Intern: "So you want me to pull all the precedents from 50 companies in the industrials space by tonight?"

MD: "Y"

8/11/17

"Boarding in 5"

I'm talking about liquid. Rich enough to have your own jet. Rich enough not to waste time. Fifty, a hundred million dollars, buddy. A player. Or nothing.

See my Blog & AMA

8/17/17

haha

8/11/17

Didn't read all of the comments so maybe someone else said this already but here's my sarcastic take on this:

Ahhh yes, Investment Bankers own the crazy jargon of "thanks"

8/11/17

Boy spread is tight

8/11/17

"Hey"
"Hey?"
"Hey????"
"So and so rang the bell."

8/11/17

"LFF"...Let the fucker fly
Not quite IB, more like HF

8/11/17

"Don't stay up all night working on this, just have it ready first thing tomorrow morning"...

8/11/17

Recovering VP (moved to buy side). A few additions:

"Make the trains run on time"
"Add some sizzle"
"Add some meat"
"This is a great first effort" or "I think we are there directionally" (after the poor analyst/associate has been slaving away for days)

Lawyer turned VC, turned banker, turned VC and never leaving again.

8/11/17

Subject: "Hurry your ass up"

8/11/17

Appreciating that everyone has very little capacity right now, could someone please revert on this ASAP? Thx.

8/11/17

I had an MD that would forward first drafts of presentations to clients.

Me: "[MD], please see attached for first draft of the deck for Friday. Please let me know your comments"
[MD]: Forwards to CEO of client company "[CEO], here's our deck for Friday's meeting"

This would happen literally after I threw together a deck by myself in 2-3 days. I learned quickly to print and hand deliver drafts to the MD rather than sending him a pdf...

8/11/17

"No"

WLU '15 BBA Finance Specialization

3rd year GPA; 3.94/4
CGPA: 3.87/4

8/13/17

Oh boy, reading these totally adds fuel to the fire for my recruiting journey out of banking. To those who moved on, how traumatic was the first email you received in PE/HF/VC/etc. that contained one of these gems.."thx"

(Subject line only) "Where are we on the CIM. Thx"

Not sure if its been picked up but the general false sense of urgency for EVERYTHING - especially when said pitch/call isn't for another week:
"can we pls send ASAP"
"would like to see a turn ASAP"
"can u pls run this to ground ASAP"

"pls chase. thx"
(after incessantly chasing MDs for 36 hours straight on comments/sign off - comes back 2 hrs before printing deadline)
"OK - can we pls see if we have [insert most obscure comp set known to man]"
"Just sent a few nits to [insert VP name].thx all" (DUDE Im the one turning these comments - send them to ME or REPLY ALL)

and lastly, the dreaded "back pocket" request (typically coming from a VP trying to "add value")
"lets have these few pages for [MD] just for back pocket purposes only'

8/13/17

One of my favorites that happened recently - not so much a quote, but rather the small things that make you tick.

My MD is emailing another group. Other group analyst requests a file from my MD.
MD emails me saying "plz forward to [other group analyst] - file attached"

....................................think about this for a second. In the time it took to find the file and email me, he could have just forwarded the damn thing to the analyst himself, but he added the extra step so show he has a slave in the corner ready to bend over at will.

A very rare one I get is "Good man"
God it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

8/13/17

+1!

Also hate when my boss's boss sends a request addressed to me, CC'ing my boss, and my boss then forwards the same email to me, saying, "Please do x for boss, thx." No fucking shit.

8/16/17

Ego purposes.

MD doesn't want to feel he is at the hands of another Analyst and giving in to his demands. Plus, if the MD sends it and the Analyst has questions, he'll probably direct it at the MD instead of you.

8/13/17

While we're on the topic of emails - do you guys have 1 or 2 MDs which absolutely refuse to acknowledge email chains or specific emails directed at them to comment / sign off?

You'll have an email thread with the entire deal team on it, clearly labeled with the client or Project Name, with like a near final version of the deck being shot around (presumably a "_v25" at this point) and the guy one-offs the VP with a subject line email "when can i see a draft of the deck?"......then this is always the same guy who you have to hound and follow up with like 5 times to review and sign off..

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