6 Free Financial Modeling Lessons...and More.

Enter your e-mail below to get our Free Tutorials.

< previous

The Drunk MD Story
 

atmosphere's picture
IB
(Baboon, 152
 
Points)
 on 4/27/13 at 8:00pm
shot

So last weekend, I decided to get shit-faced because I had a rough week. The typical…lack of sleep, lack of social life, and lack of sex. I wanted to have fun tonight, regardless of my state of mind. I could have easily went back home and fell asleep in 5 minutes, but fuck it. It’s Friday night, and once the night starts, your sleep always goes away. Pull phone out, let the fun begin.

11:00pm – Text my college friends who work at a local tech/mobile app start-up. “Let’s drink.” 2 minutes later, I get a text – “Fuck yeah.”

11:15pm – MD tells me to research about a company who makes some weird semiconductor. Looks really shitty and really boring. Can’t believe they make over $10mm net each year. I do this for about 25-30 minutes, knowing that the deal probably won’t go through. Just a minor distraction…not phased.

Midnight – I go to the bathroom to avoid the seniors, and also to take a massive shit. I was holding it for the past 30 minutes. Comes out super clean, and I end up letting out a 3 second long fart. Probably longer. There’s a guy in the other stall. He holds his laughter. It seems like he’s finishing first, so I wait. Fuck he’s taking long. So I quickly flush and open the door, wash my hands, and bounce.

12:05am – I realize that I’m retarded. I can save time by mass texting like 30 people. I wait. Half of them can’t go. Fuck them.

12:45am – Oh shit. I forgot to send out an important e-mail. Should I send it out now, or not? It’s over 3 hours later, which is an eternity in banking. I decide to send it out now. If the seniors ask about it…I’ll just say I forgot to add them to the e-mail. No big deal.

1:00am – Looks like there’s not much work to do. People are packing up and leaving. Most of the seniors have already gone out, probably also started drinking. I check my phone. About 10 people message me back. Three of them are already at the local club/lounge.

2:00am – Finish up some more shit, and just leave. Wow this is early. Hell yeah.

2:20am – Show up at the bar and say “Sup” to a bunch of the people at the table. There’s a few people I don’t know. They’re girls. They’re hot. Yes.

2:25am – The hell. I spot my MD at the table across the room, with two other guys. There’s a shitload of drinks there. Probably want to avoid saying hi because it’s just awkward.

3:00am – Drink 3 shots in a row of Grey Goose. Not enough. We need to get fucked up.

3:30am – Damn, my MD has spotted me. And he has shots poured. Not one, not two. There’s 3 people at the table. And me. They’re really fucking drunk. Have to drink three more shots of some nasty ass shit. Older people seriously drink nasty shit. Some form of old rum that basically kills my throat.

Don’t know the time. Next thing I know, we’re at my friend’s apartment and there’s a party. Beer pong, Kendrick Lamar on the radio, and random people. Where the fuck am I? I only remember 5 things at this point.

1. Two girls were making out and the corner group was cheering them on. They are ugly, but beer goggles....nope still a 6/10 and I'm being really generous.

2. A few of my friends are playing beer pong. They’re good. I’ve never seen them lose playing together.

3. Where are my co-workers? One of the girls is taking shots with two super creepy looking guys. She’ll either get raped and not remember, or get raped and not care. She’s had a tough week. Luckily, one of the other girls comes and pulls her away. Cock-blocked.

4. My other co-worker, we’ll call him Adam. He apparently cut his lip while shotgunning a beer. What a dumbass. Still, I feel bad for him. Can’t do shit though. He leaves with a few guys to get more beer and a bandaid across the street to the local store. You can’t even buy liquor at this hour…

5. What the fuck?! My MD is fucking taking a shot with like 5 people. Okay, my MD is in his early 30’s, but he can pass off for a younger guy. We make eye contact. He calls me over in a very obnoxious tone. Oh my god, he wants to hook me up with a girl. Too bad I’m taken. Fuck she’s hot. These people think he's like 25 and ask how we know each other. This is fucking funny.

After this, don’t remember jack shit. But easily one of the most bizarre, drunk nights I’ve had in a while. Don’t know how I got home. Don’t care….need bed. Sleep with contacts on and dress shirt on. Good night.

Monday comes. I walk to my desk. Co-workers immediately come to me and tell me how they drank more with MD. Party ended. My friends left...said MD left with the fucking chick. Don't believe it. They swear it happened. He's pretty good looking...no homo. It's believable.

There's no way.

I walk by his office.

He has the widest smile in the world. Sees me. Talking on phone...gives me a thumbs up.

Literally made my day.

See my other WSO Blog posts
Tags:

Comments

philosophizingphilosoraptor's picture

Incredible...this is in NYC,

 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 1:55am

Incredible...this is in NYC, right?

To the starving man, beans are caviar

MangoBanker's picture

LOL.... what city is this.

(Orangutan, 259
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 2:00am

LOL.... what city is this. hahaha

ytinifni's picture

I wanna work for that guy.

 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 2:05am

I wanna work for that guy.

"Pessimism is your friend, euphoria is the enemy."

F. Ro Jo's picture

SB'ed. Actually... Should

 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 2:06am

SB'ed.

Actually... Should have MS'ed for not hooking up with that chick.

WishYouWereHere's picture

MDs leaving at midnight and

IB
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 2:15am

MDs leaving at midnight and analysts leaving at 2am on a friday night? banking is bad but on friday everyone clears out by 9pm even at the sweatshops from my experience

VanillaGorilla's picture

Awesome

(Baboon, 146
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 2:18am

Awesome

ST Monkey's picture

awesome night, almost put

ST
(Orangutan, 312
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 3:03am

awesome night, almost put what I did last Friday to shame.

captainkoolaid's picture

lol

HF
(Gorilla, 598
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 3:14am

lol

atmosphere's picture

WishYouWereHere: MDs leaving

IB
(Baboon, 152
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 3:15am
WishYouWereHere:

MDs leaving at midnight and analysts leaving at 2am on a friday night? banking is bad but on friday everyone clears out by 9pm even at the sweatshops from my experience

Yeah, it was a very busy past two weeks...everyone was pissed off lol

See my other WSO Blog posts

jmdude's picture

wish i had a silver banana to

ST
(Orangutan, 301
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 5:08am

wish i had a silver banana to donate. VERY well written

APAE's picture

I'll throw one your way.

(Neanderthal, 3,660
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 7:33am

I'll throw one your way. Thanks for the amusing read.

A lot of people do certain things to add days to their life. I do things to add life to my days.

samoanboy's picture

I'm not trying to be

PE
(Gorilla, 505
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 8:38am

I'm not trying to be facetious but what is the funny / interesting bit of this story?

Is it the fact that a colleague in his early thirties got laid on a friday night or that you had some drinks and then can't remember every detail of the evening - I'm genuinely confused.

ssc122's picture

hahaha ohh work hard play

(Monkey, 57
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 8:42am

hahaha ohh work hard play hard brotha

twinb's picture

Sounds like last Saturday for

(Monkey, 32
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 9:32am

Sounds like last Saturday for me. Minus the working part lol. Nice.

Zargo's picture

I'm not trying to be

O
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 9:32am

I'm not trying to be facetious but what is the funny / interesting bit of this story?

Is it the fact that a colleague in his early thirties got laid on a friday night or that you had some drinks and then can't remember every detail of the evening - I'm genuinely confused.

Probably just the fact that Atmosphere had that "Holy shit my boss is a human being too" moment that most of us have when we are 8 and see our 3rd grade teacher at the grocery store.

eignenvector's picture

First you get a swimming pool

AM
(Monkey, 60
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 9:44am

"When you expect things to happen - strangely enough - they do happen."
- JP Morgan

bigtool05's picture

Starting to drink at 2 AM?

CF
(Baboon, 142
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 10:44am
BTbanker's picture

Someone's getting top

IB
 
Points)
 on 4/28/13 at 7:59pm

"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan

Kenny Powers's picture

u should have fucked the

O
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 11:03am

pick em, lick em, stick em

sayandarula's picture

bigtool05: Starting to drink

O
(King Kong, 1,812
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 12:48pm

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

atmosphere's picture

Kenny Powers: u should have

IB
(Baboon, 152
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 1:08pm

See my other WSO Blog posts

spaceagecowboy's picture

I love the 30 something MD

HF
(Orangutan, 272
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 1:35pm
theweatherman's picture

awesome

(Chimp, 11
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 3:13pm

"It's not about pride or ego. It's only about money. I can leave now, even with Grama and KGB... and halfway to paying Petrovsky back. That's the safe play. I told Worm you can't lose what you don't put in the middle. But you can't win much either."

Bobby Digital's picture

You must not get out of the

 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 4:09pm
peterg's picture

Front page worthy, indeed.

IB
(Baboon, 140
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 4:54pm
CaptainJapan's picture

10 bucks says poster is Asian

(Monkey, 40
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 5:39pm
labanker's picture

peterg: Front page worthy,

PE
(Orangutan, 328
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 6:07pm
atmosphere's picture

DkrCap: 10 bucks says poster

IB
(Baboon, 152
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 7:00pm

See my other WSO Blog posts

SirTradesaLot's picture

samoanboy: I'm not trying to

O
 
Points)
 on 12/7/12 at 7:04pm

Turbo leverage for capital explosion -- BD Capital

My WSO Blog

mr.b's picture

I'm a little upset that I

IB
 
Points)
 on 12/8/12 at 3:14pm
ER_Monkey's picture

Doubtful of this story. I've

 
Points)
 on 12/8/12 at 6:43pm
MrDiCaprio's picture

Welcome to freshman year

IB
 
Points)
 on 12/8/12 at 6:54pm

"Whenever you feel like criticizing any one, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald

madmoney15's picture

Sounds like an interesting

(Orangutan, 318
 
Points)
 on 12/9/12 at 12:34am

See my WSO Blog

APAE's picture

madmoney15: Sounds like an

(Neanderthal, 3,660
 
Points)
 on 12/9/12 at 7:07am

A lot of people do certain things to add days to their life. I do things to add life to my days.

Aldushy's picture

SirTradesaLot: samoanboy: I

O
(Monkey, 44
 
Points)
 on 12/9/12 at 10:42am

Death is certain; Life aint.

Kenny Powers's picture

APAE: madmoney15: Sounds

O
 
Points)
 on 12/9/12 at 4:50pm

pick em, lick em, stick em

n1cktm's picture

atmosphere: 2. A few of my

(Orangutan, 304
 
Points)
 on 12/9/12 at 7:52pm
jtbbdxbnycmad's picture

How do I recover the little

O
(Gorilla, 609
 
Points)
 on 12/9/12 at 9:28pm
henryxub's picture

wow you walked home by

(Baboon, 117
 
Points)
 on 12/10/12 at 2:16am
GrandJury's picture

atmosphere: Don’t know the

IB
(Baboon, 120
 
Points)
 on 12/10/12 at 4:00am

The greatest risk you can take in life is not to risk it all.

frgna's picture

Is this the same MD you said

O
 
Points)
 on 12/10/12 at 5:52am

if you like it then you shoulda put a banana on it

mr.b's picture

GrandJury, wish I had a SB to

IB
 
Points)
 on 12/10/12 at 9:38am
Walkio's picture

Epic read! Hahaha!

(King Kong, 1,184
 
Points)
 on 12/11/12 at 11:22am
dutchmiracle's picture

DkrCap: 10 bucks says poster

(Monkey, 40
 
Points)
 on 12/11/12 at 10:09pm
spaceagecowboy's picture

this story is so gay. Yeah

HF
(Orangutan, 272
 
Points)
 on 12/12/12 at 8:42pm
CaptainJapan's picture

Actually in the US the two

(Monkey, 40
 
Points)
 on 12/19/12 at 9:59pm
F. Ro Jo's picture

DkrCap: Actually in the US

 
Points)
 on 12/27/12 at 1:56pm
madman91's picture

I can understand that most

CF
(Monkey, 39
 
Points)
 on 4/27/13 at 9:24pm
holla_back's picture

dutchmiracle: DkrCap: 10

O
(King Kong, 1,084
 
Points)
 on 4/27/13 at 9:28pm
ajg1137's picture

Probably 69'd his MD

PE
 
Points)
 on 4/27/13 at 9:48pm

6 Free Financial Modeling Lessons...Straight to Your Inbox.

Confirm your name and e-mail below to get our best tips

Monkey Stats
Account information
We respect your Name and E-mail privacy. By joining you accept our terms of service.