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So last weekend, I decided to get shit-faced because I had a rough week. The typical…lack of sleep, lack of social life, and lack of sex. I wanted to have fun tonight, regardless of my state of mind. I could have easily went back home and fell asleep in 5 minutes, but fuck it. It’s Friday night, and once the night starts, your sleep always goes away. Pull phone out, let the fun begin.

11:00pm – Text my college friends who work at a local tech/mobile app start-up. “Let’s drink.” 2 minutes later, I get a text – “Fuck yeah.”

11:15pm – MD tells me to research about a company who makes some weird semiconductor. Looks really shitty and really boring. Can’t believe they make over $10mm net each year. I do this for about 25-30 minutes, knowing that the deal probably won’t go through. Just a minor distraction…not phased.

Midnight – I go to the bathroom to avoid the seniors, and also to take a massive shit. I was holding it for the past 30 minutes. Comes out super clean, and I end up letting out a 3 second long fart. Probably longer. There’s a guy in the other stall. He holds his laughter. It seems like he’s finishing first, so I wait. Fuck he’s taking long. So I quickly flush and open the door, wash my hands, and bounce.

12:05am – I realize that I’m retarded. I can save time by mass texting like 30 people. I wait. Half of them can’t go. Fuck them.

12:45am – Oh shit. I forgot to send out an important e-mail. Should I send it out now, or not? It’s over 3 hours later, which is an eternity in banking. I decide to send it out now. If the seniors ask about it…I’ll just say I forgot to add them to the e-mail. No big deal.

1:00am – Looks like there’s not much work to do. People are packing up and leaving. Most of the seniors have already gone out, probably also started drinking. I check my phone. About 10 people message me back. Three of them are already at the local club/lounge.

2:00am – Finish up some more shit, and just leave. Wow this is early. Hell yeah.

2:20am – Show up at the bar and say “Sup” to a bunch of the people at the table. There’s a few people I don’t know. They’re girls. They’re hot. Yes.

2:25am – The hell. I spot my MD at the table across the room, with two other guys. There’s a shitload of drinks there. Probably want to avoid saying hi because it’s just awkward.

3:00am – Drink 3 shots in a row of Grey Goose. Not enough. We need to get fucked up.

3:30am – Damn, my MD has spotted me. And he has shots poured. Not one, not two. There’s 3 people at the table. And me. They’re really fucking drunk. Have to drink three more shots of some nasty ass shit. Older people seriously drink nasty shit. Some form of old rum that basically kills my throat.

Don’t know the time. Next thing I know, we’re at my friend’s apartment and there’s a party. Beer pong, Kendrick Lamar on the radio, and random people. Where the fuck am I? I only remember 5 things at this point.

1. Two girls were making out and the corner group was cheering them on. They are ugly, but beer goggles....nope still a 6/10 and I'm being really generous.

2. A few of my friends are playing beer pong. They’re good. I’ve never seen them lose playing together.

3. Where are my co-workers? One of the girls is taking shots with two super creepy looking guys. She’ll either get raped and not remember, or get raped and not care. She’s had a tough week. Luckily, one of the other girls comes and pulls her away. Cock-blocked.

4. My other co-worker, we’ll call him Adam. He apparently cut his lip while shotgunning a beer. What a dumbass. Still, I feel bad for him. Can’t do shit though. He leaves with a few guys to get more beer and a bandaid across the street to the local store. You can’t even buy liquor at this hour…

5. What the fuck?! My MD is fucking taking a shot with like 5 people. Okay, my MD is in his early 30’s, but he can pass off for a younger guy. We make eye contact. He calls me over in a very obnoxious tone. Oh my god, he wants to hook me up with a girl. Too bad I’m taken. Fuck she’s hot. These people think he's like 25 and ask how we know each other. This is fucking funny.

After this, don’t remember jack shit. But easily one of the most bizarre, drunk nights I’ve had in a while. Don’t know how I got home. Don’t care….need bed. Sleep with contacts on and dress shirt on. Good night.

Monday comes. I walk to my desk. Co-workers immediately come to me and tell me how they drank more with MD. Party ended. My friends left...said MD left with the fucking chick. Don't believe it. They swear it happened. He's pretty good looking...no homo. It's believable.

There's no way.

I walk by his office.

He has the widest smile in the world. Sees me. Talking on phone...gives me a thumbs up.

Literally made my day.

Comments (80)

  • ytinifni's picture

    I wanna work for that guy.

    You need to understand that a good firm, a profitable firm, and an attractive stock investment can be 3 unrelated things. -Epicurean Dealmaker

  • captainkoolaid's picture

    lol

    Disclaimer for the Kids: Any forward-looking statements are solely for informational purposes and cannot be taken as investment advice. Consult your moms before deciding where to invest.

  • samoanboy's picture

    I'm not trying to be facetious but what is the funny / interesting bit of this story?

    Is it the fact that a colleague in his early thirties got laid on a friday night or that you had some drinks and then can't remember every detail of the evening - I'm genuinely confused.

  • Zargo's picture

    Quote:
    I'm not trying to be facetious but what is the funny / interesting bit of this story?

    Is it the fact that a colleague in his early thirties got laid on a friday night or that you had some drinks and then can't remember every detail of the evening - I'm genuinely confused.

    Probably just the fact that Atmosphere had that "Holy shit my boss is a human being too" moment that most of us have when we are 8 and see our 3rd grade teacher at the grocery store.

  • eignenvector's picture

    First you get a swimming pool full of liquor then you dive in it...

    "When you expect things to happen - strangely enough - they do happen."
    - JP Morgan

  • Kenny Powers's picture

    u should have fucked the girl, pussy

    My drinkin' problem left today, she packed up all her bags and walked away.

  • In reply to bigtool05
    sayandarula's picture

    bigtool05 wrote:
    Starting to drink at 2 AM? Glad I'm not in banking

    yea, i'm usually throwing up in trash cans and urinating in street corners at this point...

    Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

  • theweatherman's picture

    awesome

    "It's not about pride or ego. It's only about money. I can leave now, even with Grama and KGB... and halfway to paying Petrovsky back. That's the safe play. I told Worm you can't lose what you don't put in the middle. But you can't win much either."

  • In reply to peterg
    labanker's picture

    peterg wrote:
    Front page worthy, indeed.

    No it is not. It is utterly banal and idiotic. He went out drinking and saw his MD? How is this interesting?

    atmosphere wrote:

    11:15pm – MD tells me to research about a company who makes some weird semiconductor. Looks really shitty and really boring. Can’t believe they make over $10mm net each year. I do this for about 25-30 minutes, knowing that the deal probably won’t go through. Just a minor distraction…not phased.

    Midnight – I go to the bathroom to avoid the seniors, and also to take a massive shit.

    12:45am – Oh shit. I forgot to send out an important e-mail. Should I send it out now, or not? It’s over 3 hours later, which is an eternity in banking. I decide to send it out now. If the seniors ask about it…I’ll just say I forgot to add them to the e-mail. No big deal.

    1:00am – Looks like there’s not much work to do. People are packing up and leaving. Most of the seniors have already gone out, probably also started drinking. I check my phone. About 10 people message me back. Three of them are already at the local club/lounge.

    2:00am – Finish up some more shit, and just leave. Wow this is early. Hell yeah.

    Haha WHAT. Bankers work hard but none of the above ever happens. People sit around until 1 a.m. when there's "not much work to do?" 2 a.m. is "early?" Sounds like the night shift at a 7-11, not an investment bank on a Friday night. On the odd occasion there may be one or two hapless (I say hapless because if they weren't they could get their shit done on Saturday and go out Friday night) analysts in the bullpen past 9 p.m. on a Friday but it's mostly a ghost town by then and there are certainly no senior bankers around past 7 p.m. Stop giving people bullshit ideas about banking.

  • In reply to samoanboy
    SirTradesaLot's picture

    samoanboy wrote:
    I'm not trying to be facetious but what is the funny / interesting bit of this story?

    Is it the fact that a colleague in his early thirties got laid on a friday night or that you had some drinks and then can't remember every detail of the evening - I'm genuinely confused.


    I'm in the same boat. My takeaway: went out drinking after work and ran into the boss at the drinking establishment. Young, rich, good looking guy gets laid. The end.

    adapt or die wrote:
    What would P.T. Barnum say about you?

    MY BLOG

  • MrDiCaprio's picture

    Welcome to freshman year

    "Whenever you feel like criticizing any one, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."
    -F. Scott Fitzgerald

  • madmoney15's picture

    Sounds like an interesting night. I don't know how it is in NY but last call is at 2 am in San Diego... it made me kinda not believe the story. But still interesting nonetheless, I was anticipating someone to pull out a baggie for a line though.

  • In reply to madmoney15
    APAE's picture

    madmoney15 wrote:
    Sounds like an interesting night. I don't know how it is in NY but last call is at 2 am in San Diego... it made me kinda not believe the story. But still interesting nonetheless, I was anticipating someone to pull out a baggie for a line though.
    Under New York state law, establishments are required to stop serving alcohol by 4am. Actual closing time is left up to each county though. The 4am time holds in New York City though, but places often remain open longer.

    Most people do things to add days to their life. I do things to add life to my days.

    Browse my blog as a WSO contributing author

  • In reply to SirTradesaLot
    Aldushy's picture

    SirTradesaLot wrote:
    samoanboy wrote:
    I'm not trying to be facetious but what is the funny / interesting bit of this story?

    Is it the fact that a colleague in his early thirties got laid on a friday night or that you had some drinks and then can't remember every detail of the evening - I'm genuinely confused.


    I'm in the same boat. My takeaway: went out drinking after work and ran into the boss at the drinking establishment. Young, rich, good looking guy gets laid. The end.

    ^ The abridged version almost brought tears to my eyes..
    Would've counted for shit if you at least got laid son.
    Damn.

    Death is certain; Life aint.

  • In reply to APAE
    Kenny Powers's picture

    APAE wrote:
    madmoney15 wrote:
    Sounds like an interesting night. I don't know how it is in NY but last call is at 2 am in San Diego... it made me kinda not believe the story. But still interesting nonetheless, I was anticipating someone to pull out a baggie for a line though.
    Under New York state law, establishments are required to stop serving alcohol by 4am. Actual closing time is left up to each county though. The 4am time holds in New York City though, but places often remain open longer.

    What are you sure? I've been served drinks many many times after 4

    My drinkin' problem left today, she packed up all her bags and walked away.

  • GrandJury's picture

    atmosphere wrote:

    Don’t know the time. Next thing I know, we’re at my friend’s apartment and there’s a party. Beer pong, Kendrick Lamar on the radio, and random people. Where the fuck am I? I only remember 5 things at this point.

    I remember sophomore year of high school.

    Quote:

    1. Two girls were making out and the corner group was cheering them on. They are ugly, but beer goggles....nope still a 6/10 and I'm being really generous.

    Two ugly girls making out and being cheered on by a bunch of dudes? At least lie and say they were hot.

    Quote:
    2. A few of my friends are playing beer pong. They’re good. I’ve never seen them lose playing together.

    I thought that people realized that being good in beer pong means absolutely nothing after freshman year of college and you're out of a dorm.

    Quote:
    3. Where are my co-workers? One of the girls is taking shots with two super creepy looking guys. She’ll either get raped and not remember, or get raped and not care. She’s had a tough week. Luckily, one of the other girls comes and pulls her away. Cock-blocked.

    You know what would have made this better? You going up to her and stealing her away from the "creepy guys". That's the perfect time to scoop up a girl.

    Quote:
    4. My other co-worker, we’ll call him Adam. He apparently cut his lip while shotgunning a beer. What a dumbass. Still, I feel bad for him. Can’t do shit though. He leaves with a few guys to get more beer and a bandaid across the street to the local store. You can’t even buy liquor at this hour…

    He can't even shotgun? Oh c'mon. He needs to take a lap.

    Quote:
    5. What the fuck?! My MD is fucking taking a shot with like 5 people. Okay, my MD is in his early 30’s, but he can pass off for a younger guy. We make eye contact. He calls me over in a very obnoxious tone. Oh my god, he wants to hook me up with a girl. Too bad I’m taken. Fuck she’s hot. These people think he's like 25 and ask how we know each other. This is fucking funny.

    Did you think your MD was an alien prude that goes back to his spaceship after work and sleeps in an anti-aging chamber? And at least make out with the girl. It's like high-fiving.

    Quote:
    After this, don’t remember jack shit. But easily one of the most bizarre, drunk nights I’ve had in a while. Don’t know how I got home. Don’t care….need bed. Sleep with contacts on and dress shirt on. Good night.

    Did you go to like a fine arts institution for college?

    Sorry to rain on your parade man but if this was one of the most bizarre drunk nights you've had...

  • frgna's picture

    Is this the same MD you said "changed your life" in your post about going from dentistry to banking?

    If so I'd reconsider your role models and life aspirations.

    if you like it then you shoulda put a banana on it

  • In reply to dutchmiracle
    CaptainJapan's picture

    Actually in the US the two are classified separately. I know India is in Asia, so are Israel and Saudi Arabia technically, but you won't find too many Israelis ticking the "Asian" box on school applications, census forms, and colloquial meaning is sometimes different than the specific word. For example, Egypt is in Africa, but if someone were to refer to themselves as African-American, it would not mean an American born of Egyptian descent.

  • In reply to CaptainJapan
    F. Ro Jo's picture

    DkrCap wrote:
    Actually in the US the two are classified separately. I know India is in Asia, so are Israel and Saudi Arabia technically, but you won't find too many Israelis ticking the "Asian" box on school applications, census forms, and colloquial meaning is sometimes different than the specific word. For example, Egypt is in Africa, but if someone were to refer to themselves as African-American, it would not mean an American born of Egyptian descent.

    If I were of Egyptian descent and applying anywhere in America, you can bet your bottom dollar that I'd be checking the shit out of that African-American box.

  • Red Power Ranger's picture

    I can understand that most parts of this story were shitty, but what's really funny are the comments from people calling the guy a high-schooler for not making out/ sleeping with the girl even though he was taken..... you're all boys. Grow the fuck up and become men.

    Edit: And OP, just break up with your gf and do whatever the fuck you want. Seems like the fact that you're "taken" is getting in the way of you wanting to do other shit. Do shit the right way, enjoy your life

  • In reply to dutchmiracle
    holla_back's picture

    dutchmiracle wrote:

    DkrCap:

    10 bucks says poster is Asian or Indian.

    Asian is Indian, in which high school did you study your basic geography?

    In the States, people who say "Asian" are usually referring to Eastern Asians (i.e. Orientals).

    EDIT: That said, OP still must be some sort of Asian.

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