So last weekend, I decided to get shit-faced because I had a rough week. The typical…lack of sleep, lack of social life, and lack of sex. I wanted to have fun tonight, regardless of my state of mind. I could have easily went back home and fell asleep in 5 minutes, but fuck it. It’s Friday night, and once the night starts, your sleep always goes away. Pull phone out, let the fun begin.
11:00pm – Text my college friends who work at a local tech/mobile app start-up. “Let’s drink.” 2 minutes later, I get a text – “Fuck yeah.”
11:15pm – MD tells me to research about a company who makes some weird semiconductor. Looks really shitty and really boring. Can’t believe they make over $10mm net each year. I do this for about 25-30 minutes, knowing that the deal probably won’t go through. Just a minor distraction…not phased.
Midnight – I go to the bathroom to avoid the seniors, and also to take a massive shit. I was holding it for the past 30 minutes. Comes out super clean, and I end up letting out a 3 second long fart. Probably longer. There’s a guy in the other stall. He holds his laughter. It seems like he’s finishing first, so I wait. Fuck he’s taking long. So I quickly flush and open the door, wash my hands, and bounce.
12:05am – I realize that I’m retarded. I can save time by mass texting like 30 people. I wait. Half of them can’t go. Fuck them.
12:45am – Oh shit. I forgot to send out an important e-mail. Should I send it out now, or not? It’s over 3 hours later, which is an eternity in banking. I decide to send it out now. If the seniors ask about it…I’ll just say I forgot to add them to the e-mail. No big deal.
1:00am – Looks like there’s not much work to do. People are packing up and leaving. Most of the seniors have already gone out, probably also started drinking. I check my phone. About 10 people message me back. Three of them are already at the local club/lounge.
2:00am – Finish up some more shit, and just leave. Wow this is early. Hell yeah.
2:20am – Show up at the bar and say “Sup” to a bunch of the people at the table. There’s a few people I don’t know. They’re girls. They’re hot. Yes.
2:25am – The hell. I spot my MD at the table across the room, with two other guys. There’s a shitload of drinks there. Probably want to avoid saying hi because it’s just awkward.
3:00am – Drink 3 shots in a row of Grey Goose. Not enough. We need to get fucked up.
3:30am – Damn, my MD has spotted me. And he has shots poured. Not one, not two. There’s 3 people at the table. And me. They’re really fucking drunk. Have to drink three more shots of some nasty ass shit. Older people seriously drink nasty shit. Some form of old rum that basically kills my throat.
Don’t know the time. Next thing I know, we’re at my friend’s apartment and there’s a party. Beer pong, Kendrick Lamar on the radio, and random people. Where the fuck am I? I only remember 5 things at this point.
1. Two girls were making out and the corner group was cheering them on. They are ugly, but beer goggles....nope still a 6/10 and I'm being really generous.
2. A few of my friends are playing beer pong. They’re good. I’ve never seen them lose playing together.
3. Where are my co-workers? One of the girls is taking shots with two super creepy looking guys. She’ll either get raped and not remember, or get raped and not care. She’s had a tough week. Luckily, one of the other girls comes and pulls her away. Cock-blocked.
4. My other co-worker, we’ll call him Adam. He apparently cut his lip while shotgunning a beer. What a dumbass. Still, I feel bad for him. Can’t do shit though. He leaves with a few guys to get more beer and a bandaid across the street to the local store. You can’t even buy liquor at this hour…
5. What the fuck?! My MD is fucking taking a shot with like 5 people. Okay, my MD is in his early 30’s, but he can pass off for a younger guy. We make eye contact. He calls me over in a very obnoxious tone. Oh my god, he wants to hook me up with a girl. Too bad I’m taken. Fuck she’s hot. These people think he's like 25 and ask how we know each other. This is fucking funny.
After this, don’t remember jack shit. But easily one of the most bizarre, drunk nights I’ve had in a while. Don’t know how I got home. Don’t care….need bed. Sleep with contacts on andon. Good night.
Monday comes. I walk to my desk. Co-workers immediately come to me and tell me how they drank more with MD. Party ended. My friends left...said MD left with the fucking chick. Don't believe it. They swear it happened. He's pretty good looking...no homo. It's believable.
There's no way.
I walk by his office.
He has the widest smile in the world. Sees me. Talking on phone...gives me a thumbs up.
Literally made my day.