The Thirteen Demands
With yesterday's tragic passing of Steve Jobs and the general negativity trend in anything remotely Wall Street related, I thought we might have a little creative, fun time of our own today...
First of all, a big thanks to Primetime7 for posting the following "demands" from our hipster friends vacationing on Wall Street the past few weeks. Second, let's have our selves a contest to see who can come up with the best responses. If we come up with something nice, I will go ahead and email them the results. Have fun and let me begin the game...
Demand one: Restoration of the living wage. This demand can only be met by ending “Freetrade” by re-imposing trade tariffs on all imported goods entering the American market to level the playing field for domestic family farming and domestic manufacturing as most nations that are dumping cheap products onto the American market have radical wage and environmental regulation advantages. Another policy that must be instituted is raise the minimum wage to twenty dollars an hr.
In other words, you want a time machine and a return to late medieval policy. Are you happy to also accept the beheadings which were then a standard part of disagreeing with your government? Twenty dollars and hour sounds good, I will take a diamond encrusted, light pole length laser blasting schlong. Is that an acceptable form of "fair trade"?
Demand two: Institute a universal single payer healthcare system. To do this all private insurers must be banned from the healthcare market as their only effect on the health of patients is to take money away from doctors, nurses and hospitals preventing them from doing their jobs and hand that money to wall st. investors.
So the seventeen gang bangers who got treated for free and their combined eighty nine friends and family who ate free hospital food when I was rushed to the emergency room last year are really trolling for Wall Street? You are right let us ban private insurers, after all, now that we are all making $20/hr. we can all afford to pay $13 of it to fund a government run system.
Demand three: Guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment.
Guaranteed Roseanne Barr knob clean for every man with syphilis and free good looking pussy for all ugly, stupid, fat, incompetent creatures with a dick. After all, if I don't need to work to live, why should I have to attract a woman to get her pussy, why should I have to even be a man? You are telling me my German Shepherd shouldn't have a crack at Natalie Portman. That is plain racist. We were an equal opportunity bunch on Wall Street before you people showed up
Demand four: Free college education.
Why not combine #3 and #4 into one big= get paid regardless of what useless, unproductive, producer wage garnishing subject I choose to peruse while taking breaks from hitting the bong and attending Marxist rallies.
Demand five: Begin a fast track process to bring the fossil fuel economy to an end while at the same bringing the alternative energy economy up to energy demand.
Fast track? Like "click my heels three times" fast track? Why don't you take each of those 700 douche bags that got arrested last weekend, take two hours worth of their guaranteed $20/hr living wage, send the 700*40=$28K over to me and I will take my diamond dick to fuck the fuel out of all the fossils endangering our happy kingdom. See, shitburgs? Even in your deluded fantasy, you still need capitalism to make shit happen!
Demand six: One trillion dollars in infrastructure (Water, Sewer, Rail, Roads and Bridges and Electrical Grid) spending now.
Pitch book please...
Demand seven: One trillion dollars in ecological restoration planting forests, reestablishing wetlands and the natural flow of river systems and decommissioning of all of America’s nuclear power plants.
At this point I feel we need a tally, simply so we don't all drown in the sea of change. Up until this point, you basically want some of the most important industries and policies that hundreds of millions of people depend upon destroyed, so that you can have an allowance that will allow you to live in Williamsburg and smoke the good shit all day while attending the Stenciling Hemp International Technical Institute. About right?
Demand eight: Racial and gender equal rights amendment.
Does this mean all transsexuals can now sue for being victims of the bamboo ceiling?
Demand nine: Open borders migration. anyone can travel anywhere to work and live.
Border's closed down last month, I understand this is difficult for you, but your skills as a barista are highly transferable to other industries. Migration is encouraged.
Demand ten: Bring American elections up to international standards of a paper ballot precinct counted and recounted in front of an independent and party observers system.
Ah, yes. But which one of these "international standard bearers" did you mean, specifically?
Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria, Angola, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Bahrain, Belarus, Benin, Bhutan, Bosnia, Botswana, Bulgaria, Burkina Faso, Burma, Burundi, Cambodia, Cameroon...
Wait...haven't even gotten to the "Ds" and now I get what you want. Access granted.
Proceed.
Demand eleven: Immediate across the board debt forgiveness for all. Debt forgiveness of sovereign debt, commercial loans, home mortgages, home equity loans, credit card debt, student loans and personal loans now! All debt must be stricken from the “Books.” World Bank Loans to all Nations, Bank to Bank Debt and all Bonds and Margin Call Debt in the stock market including all Derivatives or Credit Default Swaps, all 65 trillion dollars of them must also be stricken from the “Books.” And I don’t mean debt that is in default, I mean all debt on the entire planet period.
I like Fight Club too. Where is my mind...where is my mind...wheeere is myyy mind. Oh what the hell...you guys deserve a video.
Demand twelve: Outlaw all credit reporting agencies.
But how will your dealer know if it safe to "front you some work" if he can't project prepayments and depreciation?
Demand thirteen: Allow all workers to sign a ballot at any time during a union organizing campaign or at any time that represents their yeah or nay to having a union represent them in collective bargaining or to form a union.
But with Border's reopened and you making $20/hr to pour my coffee while struggling hard to be ironic in this white man's world, (even though you are most likely a white man) who needs a union?
Love what you are doing, keep up the good "work"
Your comrade,
Midas






Comments
I have nothing to say to
I have nothing to say to this... It is that utterly fucking stupid.
"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work."
i lol'd...some people should
i lol'd...some people should not have the freedom to recreate or walk the streets. period.
"You are telling me my German
"You are telling me my German Shepherd shouldn't have a crack at Natalie Portman"
Hhahahaha EPiC
+ you forgot to list Pakistan in Demand #10
|| But feeling good and enjoying life are prerequisites to success, not by products of it- Midas Mulligan Magoo ||
Where's the "like" button?
Where's the "like" button?
Just FYI: Those list of
Just FYI: Those list of demands are "real demands." Anything you pull off the internet related to occupywallstreet's demands is just some keyboard activist trying to toss in their two cents. There's a bunch of them floating around, but they are mostly crazy leftist screeds typed out by any ol' social recluse.
In fact you can go to that website and add a list of demands if you want to.
Don't take any of that stuff seriously.
yea somebody posted a link to
yea somebody posted a link to this on WSO earlier.
as ridiculous as i thnk this is and as much as i think that OWS is ill-informed and misguieded, are we sure that these are the actual demands of the protesters? from the link that was posted earlier, it looks like these demands are coming from some annonymous poster on the OWS website and are not necessarily what the protesters want.
Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?
I actually heard that these
I actually heard that these aren't the real demands at all and it was a prank played by a blogger.
Check out my WSO Blog
In all seriousness, this
In all seriousness, this movement or whatever it is will have its fair share of left wing loons just as the tea party has its fair share of guys with assault rifles on their backs at Presidential rallies.
Check out my WSO Blog
^^^You equate exercising a
^^^You equate exercising a freedom to being a loon?
Dear God, I don't even know
Dear God, I don't even know where to begin.
These people do realize that the 1% that they're vilifying are also responsible for creating their iphones, Ray-Ban wayfarers, Whole Foods supermarkets, and IKEA furniture with which they are furnishing their Brooklyn studio that mommy and daddy are paying for while they major in gender studies, right?
Head of Metal Website: www.headofmetal.com
https://twitter.com/headofmetal2012
Midas, while i agree with you
Midas, while i agree with you for 90+% of these points, i will disagree with you on the first one.
Free trade has destroyed the American working and lower middle class. James Goldsmith said it best, so I won't reinvent the wheel,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PQrz8F0dBI
Free trade agreements have been good for american corporations, but has been disastrous for the american people. The US economy should serve the US people, not the other way around.
In the Flesh, this is the
In the Flesh, this is the very point I've been thinking about. They are crying foul at the corporations, while they are drinking starbucks and playing on their iPad.
I don't see how this is any
I don't see how this is any different than the Tea Party except for which side of the ideological spectrum both groups are coming from.
Also, I think it is a mischaracterization to say this is THE list of demands from OWS- it's just one random guy's thoughts.
TXJustin- protesting is also a freedom, just like bringing a gun to a presidential rally. Which one seems more absurd?
"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie
First off, these demands ARE
First off, these demands ARE the movements demands, coming from the movements website. The same website that has been evolving and advancing as this thing picked up steam. Trying to distance yourself or say this is a fringe element is bullshit.
These people protesting are left wing and an arm of MoveOn.org and Obama.
http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-pn-obama-o...
Mr. President is pandering to OWS now and blaming the banks. Hmmm, interesting.
http://www.senate.gov/legislative/LIS/roll_call_li...
Look who voted for the bail out
http://www.opensecrets.org/pres08/contrib.php?cid=...
Wow, lot of big banks on there. Hmmmmmmm
Socialism gaining strength boys. Better stock up on guns and ammo. The enemy is drawing near.
MSF Website
MACC Website
MSF Twitter
duffmt6 wrote: I don't see
I don't see how this is any different than the Tea Party except for which side of the ideological spectrum both groups are coming from.
Also, I think it is a mischaracterization to say this is THE list of demands from OWS- it's just one random guy's thoughts.
TXJustin- protesting is also a freedom, just like bringing a gun to a presidential rally. Which one seems more absurd?
Let me see. The Tea Party wants a reducing in government, lower taxation and defending our liberties.
OWS - wants to increase taxes, expand the Federal government, social programs, etc.
One set of demands is in line with the founding fathers and America. The other is against America.
So no, there groups are not equal. They are not the same. One is American, one is un American.
MSF Website
MACC Website
MSF Twitter
There are left wingers and
MSF Website
MACC Website
MSF Twitter
ANT wrote: duffmt6 wrote: I
"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie
duffmt6 wrote: ANT
You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake, son.
regardless of your opinions
txjustin wrote: ^^^You equate
YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
http://www.troll.me/images/red-foreman322/dont-you...
DP
Sure, I am McCarthy. I am not
MSF Website
MACC Website
MSF Twitter
As King mentioned, these
mfoste1 wrote: regardless of
MSF Website
MACC Website
MSF Twitter
Armistice wrote: As King
Naaa dude. They just want
MSF Website
MACC Website
MSF Twitter
Duff, neither seems absurd to
Apparantly some of these
ANT wrote: Sure, I am
"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie
SHORTmyCDO wrote: Armistice
"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie
On thier official website?
Off on a tangent, a group of
From the Tea Party
MSF Website
MACC Website
MSF Twitter
These demands were on the OWS
MSF Website
MACC Website
MSF Twitter
These demands are exactly the
Financial Modeling Training
Guide to Finance Interviews
I like what Herman Cain said
http://www.huffingtonpost.com
"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie
I mean, nut job demands
You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake, son.
ANT wrote: 5. Gun Ownership
"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie
This cannot be real. I refuse
huffingtonpost, end debate.
Nefarious- wrote: I mean, nut
"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie
ANT, Rock on brother. You are
It's this simple, if you
Look, this sums up the
You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake, son.
duffmt6 wrote: Nefarious-
MSF Website
MACC Website
MSF Twitter
The comparison between OWS
Hmmm... From the Tea Party
Check out my WSO Blog
Duff, let TheKing do the
MSF Website
MACC Website
MSF Twitter
Jimage wrote: The comparison
You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake, son.