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Wall Street Oasis » Blogs » Midas Mulligan Magoo's blog
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The Thirteen Demands
 

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Midas Mulligan Magoo's picture
Midas Mulligan Magoo
     
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 5,167
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:14pm
a

With yesterday's tragic passing of Steve Jobs and the general negativity trend in anything remotely Wall Street related, I thought we might have a little creative, fun time of our own today...

First of all, a big thanks to Primetime7 for posting the following "demands" from our hipster friends vacationing on Wall Street the past few weeks. Second, let's have our selves a contest to see who can come up with the best responses. If we come up with something nice, I will go ahead and email them the results. Have fun and let me begin the game...

occupy wall street:

Demand one: Restoration of the living wage. This demand can only be met by ending “Freetrade” by re-imposing trade tariffs on all imported goods entering the American market to level the playing field for domestic family farming and domestic manufacturing as most nations that are dumping cheap products onto the American market have radical wage and environmental regulation advantages. Another policy that must be instituted is raise the minimum wage to twenty dollars an hr.

In other words, you want a time machine and a return to late medieval policy. Are you happy to also accept the beheadings which were then a standard part of disagreeing with your government? Twenty dollars and hour sounds good, I will take a diamond encrusted, light pole length laser blasting schlong. Is that an acceptable form of "fair trade"?

Demand two: Institute a universal single payer healthcare system. To do this all private insurers must be banned from the healthcare market as their only effect on the health of patients is to take money away from doctors, nurses and hospitals preventing them from doing their jobs and hand that money to wall st. investors.

So the seventeen gang bangers who got treated for free and their combined eighty nine friends and family who ate free hospital food when I was rushed to the emergency room last year are really trolling for Wall Street? You are right let us ban private insurers, after all, now that we are all making $20/hr. we can all afford to pay $13 of it to fund a government run system.

Demand three: Guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment.

Guaranteed Roseanne Barr knob clean for every man with syphilis and free good looking pussy for all ugly, stupid, fat, incompetent creatures with a dick. After all, if I don't need to work to live, why should I have to attract a woman to get her pussy, why should I have to even be a man? You are telling me my German Shepherd shouldn't have a crack at Natalie Portman. That is plain racist. We were an equal opportunity bunch on Wall Street before you people showed up

Demand four: Free college education.

Why not combine #3 and #4 into one big= get paid regardless of what useless, unproductive, producer wage garnishing subject I choose to peruse while taking breaks from hitting the bong and attending Marxist rallies.

Demand five: Begin a fast track process to bring the fossil fuel economy to an end while at the same bringing the alternative energy economy up to energy demand.

Fast track? Like "click my heels three times" fast track? Why don't you take each of those 700 douche bags that got arrested last weekend, take two hours worth of their guaranteed $20/hr living wage, send the 700*40=$28K over to me and I will take my diamond dick to fuck the fuel out of all the fossils endangering our happy kingdom. See, shitburgs? Even in your deluded fantasy, you still need capitalism to make shit happen!

Demand six: One trillion dollars in infrastructure (Water, Sewer, Rail, Roads and Bridges and Electrical Grid) spending now.

Pitch book please...

Demand seven: One trillion dollars in ecological restoration planting forests, reestablishing wetlands and the natural flow of river systems and decommissioning of all of America’s nuclear power plants.

At this point I feel we need a tally, simply so we don't all drown in the sea of change. Up until this point, you basically want some of the most important industries and policies that hundreds of millions of people depend upon destroyed, so that you can have an allowance that will allow you to live in Williamsburg and smoke the good shit all day while attending the Stenciling Hemp International Technical Institute. About right?

Demand eight: Racial and gender equal rights amendment.

Does this mean all transsexuals can now sue for being victims of the bamboo ceiling?

Demand nine: Open borders migration. anyone can travel anywhere to work and live.

Border's closed down last month, I understand this is difficult for you, but your skills as a barista are highly transferable to other industries. Migration is encouraged.

Demand ten: Bring American elections up to international standards of a paper ballot precinct counted and recounted in front of an independent and party observers system.

Ah, yes. But which one of these "international standard bearers" did you mean, specifically?

Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria, Angola, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Bahrain, Belarus, Benin, Bhutan, Bosnia, Botswana, Bulgaria, Burkina Faso, Burma, Burundi, Cambodia, Cameroon...

Wait...haven't even gotten to the "Ds" and now I get what you want. Access granted.

Proceed.

Demand eleven: Immediate across the board debt forgiveness for all. Debt forgiveness of sovereign debt, commercial loans, home mortgages, home equity loans, credit card debt, student loans and personal loans now! All debt must be stricken from the “Books.” World Bank Loans to all Nations, Bank to Bank Debt and all Bonds and Margin Call Debt in the stock market including all Derivatives or Credit Default Swaps, all 65 trillion dollars of them must also be stricken from the “Books.” And I don’t mean debt that is in default, I mean all debt on the entire planet period.

I like Fight Club too. Where is my mind...where is my mind...wheeere is myyy mind. Oh what the hell...you guys deserve a video.


Demand twelve: Outlaw all credit reporting agencies.

But how will your dealer know if it safe to "front you some work" if he can't project prepayments and depreciation?

Demand thirteen: Allow all workers to sign a ballot at any time during a union organizing campaign or at any time that represents their yeah or nay to having a union represent them in collective bargaining or to form a union.

But with Border's reopened and you making $20/hr to pour my coffee while struggling hard to be ironic in this white man's world, (even though you are most likely a white man) who needs a union?

Love what you are doing, keep up the good "work"

Your comrade,

Midas

Where I unload on Twits and take verbal S***s
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Tags:
  • wall street
  • hipsters

Comments

Linfone's picture

I have nothing to say to

Linfone
      ST
 
(Baboon, 161
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:20pm

I have nothing to say to this... It is that utterly fucking stupid.

"All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work."

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SHORTmyCDO's picture

i lol'd...some people should

SHORTmyCDO
      IB
 
(Gorilla, 739
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:33pm

i lol'd...some people should not have the freedom to recreate or walk the streets. period.

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go.with.the.flow's picture

"You are telling me my German

go.with.the.flow
      EN
 
(King Kong, 1,109
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:35pm

"You are telling me my German Shepherd shouldn't have a crack at Natalie Portman"

Hhahahaha EPiC

+ you forgot to list Pakistan in Demand #10

|| But feeling good and enjoying life are prerequisites to success, not by products of it- Midas Mulligan Magoo ||

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txjustin's picture

Where's the "like" button?

txjustin
      O
 
(Neanderthal, 2,447
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:41pm

Where's the "like" button?

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SophieinBK's picture

Just FYI: Those list of

SophieinBK
      CO
 
(Baboon, 114
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:43pm

Just FYI: Those list of demands are "real demands." Anything you pull off the internet related to occupywallstreet's demands is just some keyboard activist trying to toss in their two cents. There's a bunch of them floating around, but they are mostly crazy leftist screeds typed out by any ol' social recluse.

In fact you can go to that website and add a list of demands if you want to.

Don't take any of that stuff seriously.

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sayandarula's picture

yea somebody posted a link to

sayandarula
      O
 
(King Kong, 1,809
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:46pm

yea somebody posted a link to this on WSO earlier.

as ridiculous as i thnk this is and as much as i think that OWS is ill-informed and misguieded, are we sure that these are the actual demands of the protesters? from the link that was posted earlier, it looks like these demands are coming from some annonymous poster on the OWS website and are not necessarily what the protesters want.

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

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TheKing's picture

I actually heard that these

TheKing
      O
 
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 5,146
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:50pm

I actually heard that these aren't the real demands at all and it was a prank played by a blogger.

Check out my WSO Blog

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TheKing's picture

In all seriousness, this

TheKing
      O
 
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 5,146
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:51pm

In all seriousness, this movement or whatever it is will have its fair share of left wing loons just as the tea party has its fair share of guys with assault rifles on their backs at Presidential rallies.

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txjustin's picture

^^^You equate exercising a

txjustin
      O
 
(Neanderthal, 2,447
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:53pm

^^^You equate exercising a freedom to being a loon?

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In The Flesh's picture

Dear God, I don't even know

In The Flesh
      HF
 
 
(Neanderthal, 2,813
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:56pm

Dear God, I don't even know where to begin.

These people do realize that the 1% that they're vilifying are also responsible for creating their iphones, Ray-Ban wayfarers, Whole Foods supermarkets, and IKEA furniture with which they are furnishing their Brooklyn studio that mommy and daddy are paying for while they major in gender studies, right?

Head of Metal Website: www.headofmetal.com

https://twitter.com/headofmetal2012

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trazer985's picture

Midas, while i agree with you

trazer985
      ST
 
 
(King Kong, 1,747
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:57pm

Midas, while i agree with you for 90+% of these points, i will disagree with you on the first one.

Free trade has destroyed the American working and lower middle class. James Goldsmith said it best, so I won't reinvent the wheel,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PQrz8F0dBI

Free trade agreements have been good for american corporations, but has been disastrous for the american people. The US economy should serve the US people, not the other way around.

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txjustin's picture

In the Flesh, this is the

txjustin
      O
 
(Neanderthal, 2,447
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:58pm

In the Flesh, this is the very point I've been thinking about. They are crying foul at the corporations, while they are drinking starbucks and playing on their iPad.

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duffmt6's picture

I don't see how this is any

duffmt6
      IB
 
 
(Neanderthal, 2,329
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 12:59pm

I don't see how this is any different than the Tea Party except for which side of the ideological spectrum both groups are coming from.

Also, I think it is a mischaracterization to say this is THE list of demands from OWS- it's just one random guy's thoughts.

TXJustin- protesting is also a freedom, just like bringing a gun to a presidential rally. Which one seems more absurd?

"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie

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TNA's picture

First off, these demands ARE

TNA
      O
 
 
(Human, 13,540
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:00pm

First off, these demands ARE the movements demands, coming from the movements website. The same website that has been evolving and advancing as this thing picked up steam. Trying to distance yourself or say this is a fringe element is bullshit.

These people protesting are left wing and an arm of MoveOn.org and Obama.

http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-pn-obama-o...

Mr. President is pandering to OWS now and blaming the banks. Hmmm, interesting.

http://www.senate.gov/legislative/LIS/roll_call_li...

Look who voted for the bail out

http://www.opensecrets.org/pres08/contrib.php?cid=...

Wow, lot of big banks on there. Hmmmmmmm

Socialism gaining strength boys. Better stock up on guns and ammo. The enemy is drawing near.

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TNA's picture

duffmt6 wrote: I don't see

TNA
      O
 
 
(Human, 13,540
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:02pm
duffmt6:

I don't see how this is any different than the Tea Party except for which side of the ideological spectrum both groups are coming from.

Also, I think it is a mischaracterization to say this is THE list of demands from OWS- it's just one random guy's thoughts.

TXJustin- protesting is also a freedom, just like bringing a gun to a presidential rally. Which one seems more absurd?

Let me see. The Tea Party wants a reducing in government, lower taxation and defending our liberties.

OWS - wants to increase taxes, expand the Federal government, social programs, etc.

One set of demands is in line with the founding fathers and America. The other is against America.

So no, there groups are not equal. They are not the same. One is American, one is un American.

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TNA's picture

There are left wingers and

TNA
      O
 
 
(Human, 13,540
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:03pm
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MSF Website
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MSF Twitter

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duffmt6's picture

ANT wrote: duffmt6 wrote: I

duffmt6
      IB
 
 
(Neanderthal, 2,329
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:09pm

"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie

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Nefarious-'s picture

duffmt6 wrote: ANT

Nefarious-
      CF
 
(Neanderthal, 2,216
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:14pm

You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake, son.

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mfoste1's picture

regardless of your opinions

mfoste1
      ST
 
(Gorilla, 602
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:16pm
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UFOinsider's picture

txjustin wrote: ^^^You equate

UFOinsider
      O
 
(Human, 10,349
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:17pm

YOU JUST GOT TROLLED
http://www.troll.me/images/red-foreman322/dont-you...

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mfoste1's picture

DP

mfoste1
      ST
 
(Gorilla, 602
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:17pm
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TNA's picture

Sure, I am McCarthy. I am not

TNA
      O
 
 
(Human, 13,540
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:23pm

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Armistice's picture

As King mentioned, these

Armistice
      AM
 
(Senior Monkey, 67
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:23pm
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TNA's picture

mfoste1 wrote: regardless of

TNA
      O
 
 
(Human, 13,540
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:25pm

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SHORTmyCDO's picture

Armistice wrote: As King

SHORTmyCDO
      IB
 
(Gorilla, 739
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:27pm
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TNA's picture

Naaa dude. They just want

TNA
      O
 
 
(Human, 13,540
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:29pm

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txjustin's picture

Duff, neither seems absurd to

txjustin
      O
 
(Neanderthal, 2,447
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:41pm
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txjustin's picture

Apparantly some of these

txjustin
      O
 
(Neanderthal, 2,447
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:42pm
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duffmt6's picture

ANT wrote: Sure, I am

duffmt6
      IB
 
 
(Neanderthal, 2,329
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:42pm

"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie

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duffmt6's picture

SHORTmyCDO wrote: Armistice

duffmt6
      IB
 
 
(Neanderthal, 2,329
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:44pm

"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie

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txjustin's picture

On thier official website?

txjustin
      O
 
(Neanderthal, 2,447
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:46pm
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HFFBALLfan123's picture

Off on a tangent, a group of

HFFBALLfan123
      PE
 
 
(King Kong, 1,371
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 1:54pm
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TNA's picture

From the Tea Party

TNA
      O
 
 
(Human, 13,540
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:03pm

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TNA's picture

These demands were on the OWS

TNA
      O
 
 
(Human, 13,540
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:06pm

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GoodBread's picture

These demands are exactly the

GoodBread
      AM
 
 
(Neanderthal, 3,604
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:08pm

Financial Modeling Training
Guide to Finance Interviews

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txjustin's picture

I like what Herman Cain said

txjustin
      O
 
(Neanderthal, 2,447
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:09pm
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duffmt6's picture

http://www.huffingtonpost.com

duffmt6
      IB
 
 
(Neanderthal, 2,329
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:12pm

"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie

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Nefarious-'s picture

I mean, nut job demands

Nefarious-
      CF
 
(Neanderthal, 2,216
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:14pm

You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake, son.

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duffmt6's picture

ANT wrote: 5. Gun Ownership

duffmt6
      IB
 
 
(Neanderthal, 2,329
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:15pm

"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie

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West Coast rainmaker's picture

This cannot be real. I refuse

West Coast rainmaker
      ER
 
 
(Neanderthal, 2,092
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:16pm
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txjustin's picture

huffingtonpost, end debate.

txjustin
      O
 
(Neanderthal, 2,447
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:16pm
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duffmt6's picture

Nefarious- wrote: I mean, nut

duffmt6
      IB
 
 
(Neanderthal, 2,329
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:18pm

"Social cohesion and puritanical morality place roughly on my list of concerns between whether I'll pick up jock itch at the gym this week (not likely, since I don't go the gym) and whether it'll rain in Christchurch, New Zealand next Tuesday."
-Eddie

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wadtk's picture

ANT, Rock on brother. You are

wadtk
      AM
 
(Senior Baboon, 241
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:18pm
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txjustin's picture

It's this simple, if you

txjustin
      O
 
(Neanderthal, 2,447
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:21pm
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Nefarious-'s picture

Look, this sums up the

Nefarious-
      CF
 
(Neanderthal, 2,216
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:27pm

You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake, son.

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TNA's picture

duffmt6 wrote: Nefarious-

TNA
      O
 
 
(Human, 13,540
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:35pm

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Jimage's picture

The comparison between OWS

Jimage
      CO
 
(Baboon, 134
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:37pm
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TheKing's picture

Hmmm... From the Tea Party

TheKing
      O
 
 
(Senior Neanderthal, 5,146
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:37pm

Check out my WSO Blog

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TNA's picture

Duff, let TheKing do the

TNA
      O
 
 
(Human, 13,540
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:38pm

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Nefarious-'s picture

Jimage wrote: The comparison

Nefarious-
      CF
 
(Neanderthal, 2,216
 
Points)
 on 10/6/11 at 2:40pm

You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake, son.

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These are the "Terms and Conditions" under which you may use WallStreetOasis.com. Please read this page carefully including the Privacy Policy below. If you do not accept the Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy stated here, do not use this web site or any services offered by this web site. By using this web site, you are indicating your acceptance to be bound by the terms of these Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy. IB Oasis Corp. (the "Company") may revise these Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy at any time by updating this posting. You should visit this page periodically to review the Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy, because they are binding on you. The terms "You" and "User" as used herein refer to all individuals and/or entities accessing this web site for any reason.

Neither WallStreetOasis.com, IB Oasis Corp. nor employees of IB Oasis Corp. are investment advisors. The purpose of this website is NOT to give any advice on your personal investment strategy. If you base your investment decisions on content of this website, you may lose part or all of your money.

You should not violate any other law or regulation, including, without limitation, the rules and regulations of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission and the national or other securities exchanges, especially including the rule against making false or misleading statements to manipulate the price of a security or the rule requiring you to disclose any compensation you may receive for describing a security.

You should not access WallStreetOasis.com by any means other than through the interfaces we provide for use in accessing our services or use any automated means, including, without limitation, agents, robots, scripts, or spiders, to access, monitor, copy, or harvest data from any part of our sites, except those automated means that we have approved in advance and in writing.

The Company, in its sole discretion, reserves the right to remove any postings, or deny access by any individuals, for any reason or no reason.

If you see something that you feel is a violation of the these Terms and Conditions, please notify us by emailing wallstreetoasis at wallstreetoasis.com.

We reserve the right to change the Terms and Conditions at any time. Changes will be posted on the applicable web page.

Use of Material.

The Company authorizes you to view and download a single copy of the material on www.WallStreetOasis.com (the "Web Site") solely for your personal, noncommercial use. By using the Web Site you are giving the Company the sole right to use any and all content you generate or publish on the site for commercial, non-commercial or promotional purposes. This includes any and all forum posts, comments, blog posts or any other material you generate on the Web Site.

The contents of this Web Site, such as text, graphics, images, logos, button icons, software and other items (collectively, "Material"), are protected under both United States and foreign copyright, trademark and other laws. All Material is the property of the Company or its content suppliers or clients. The compilation (meaning the collection, arrangement and assembly) of all content on this Web Site is the exclusive property of the Company and protected by U.S. and international copyright laws. Unauthorized use of the Material may violate copyright, trademark, and other laws. You must retain all copyright, trademark, service-mark and other proprietary notices contained in the original Material on any copy you make of the Material. You may not sell or modify the Material or reproduce, display, publicly perform, distribute, or otherwise use the Material in any way for any public or commercial purpose. The use of the Material on any other web site or in a networked computer environment for any purpose is prohibited.

You shall not copy or adapt the HTML code that the Company creates to generate its pages. It is also protected by the Company?s copyright.

Acceptable Site Use.

General Rules: Users may not use the Web Site in order to transmit, distribute, store or destroy material (a) in violation of any applicable law or regulation, (b) in a manner that will infringe the copyright, trademark, trade secret or other intellectual property rights of others or violate the privacy, publicity or other personal rights of others, or (c) that is defamatory, obscene, threatening, abusive or hateful.

Web Site Security Rules. Users are prohibited from violating or attempting to violate the security of the Web Site, including, without limitation, (a) accessing data not intended for such user or logging into a server or account which the user is not authorized to access, (b) attempting to probe, scan or test the vulnerability of a system or network or to breach security or authentication measures without proper authorization, (c) attempting to interfere with service to any user, host or network, including, without limitation, via means of submitting a virus to the Web Site, overloading, "flooding", "spamming", "mailbombing" or "crashing", (d) sending unsolicited e-mail, including promotions and/or advertising of products or services, or (e) forging any TCP/IP packet header or any part of the header information in any e-mail. Violations of system or network security may result in civil or criminal liability. The Company will investigate occurrences which may involve such violations and may involve, and cooperate with, law enforcement authorities in prosecuting users who are involved in such violations.

Specific Prohibited Uses.

The Company specifically prohibits any use of the Web Site, and all users agree not to use the Web Site, for any of the following:

  • Posting any incomplete, false or inaccurate biographical information or information which is not your own accurate resume
  • Using any device, software or routine to interfere or attempt to interfere with the proper working of this Web Site or any activity being conducted on this site.
  • Taking any action which imposes an unreasonable or disproportionately large load on this Web Site?s infrastructure.
  • If you have a password allowing access to a non-public area of this Web Site, disclosing to or sharing your password with any third parties or using your password for any unauthorized purpose.
  • Notwithstanding anything to the contrary contained herein, using or attempting to use any engine, software, tool, agent or other device or mechanism (including without limitation browsers, spiders, robots, avatars or intelligent agents) to navigate or search this Web Site other than the search engine and search agents available from the Company on this Web Site and other than generally available third party web browsers (e.g., Netscape Navigator, Microsoft Explorer).
  • Attempting to decipher, decompile, disassemble or reverse engineer any of the software comprising or in any way making up a part of the Web Site.
  • Aggregating, copying or duplicating in any manner any of the materials or information available from the Web Site.
  • Framing of or linking to any of the materials or information available from the Web Site.

User Information.

When you register for the Web Site, you will be asked to provide the Company with certain information including, without limitation, a valid email address (your "Information"). In addition to the terms and conditions that may be set forth in any privacy policy on this Web Site, you understand and agree that the Company may disclose to third parties, on an anonymous basis, certain aggregate information contained in your registration application. The Company reserves the right to offer third party services and products to you based on the preferences that you identify in your registration and at any time thereafter; such offers may be made by the Company or by third parties. Please see the Company's Privacy Policy below for further details regarding your Information.

Registration and Password.

You are responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of your information and password. You shall be responsible for all uses of your registration, whether or not authorized by you. You agree to immediately notify the Company of any unauthorized use of your registration or password.

The Company's Liability.

As a condition to your use of this site, you release the Company (and our agents and employees) from claims, demands and damages (actual and consequential, direct and indirect) of every kind and nature, known and unknown, suspected and unsuspected, disclosed and undisclosed, arising out of or in any way connected with such disputes. If you are a California resident, you waive California Civil Code d1542, which says: "A general release does not extend to claims which the creditor does not know or suspect to exist in his favor at the time of executing the release, which if known by him must have materially affected his settlement with the debtor."

We are under no legal obligation to, and generally do not, control the information provided by other users which is made available through the Web Site. By its very nature, other people?s information may be offensive, harmful or inaccurate, and in some cases will be mislabeled or deceptively labeled. We expect that you will use caution and common sense when using this Web Site.

The Material may contain inaccuracies or typographical errors. The Company makes no representations about the accuracy, reliability, completeness, or timeliness of the Web Site or the Material. The use of the Web Site and the Material is at your own risk. Changes are periodically made to the Web Site and may be made at any time.

You acknowledge and agree that you are solely responsible for the content and accuracy of any resume or material contained therein placed by you on the Web Site and you agree to let any users that are identified as recruiters (designated in the sole discretion of the Company) to have access to your resume.

The Company is not to be considered to be an employer with respect to your use of the Web Site and the Company shall not be responsible for any employment decisions, for whatever reason made, made by any entity posting jobs on the Web Site.

THE COMPANY DOES NOT WARRANT THAT THE WEB SITE WILL OPERATE ERROR-FREE OR THAT THE WEB SITE AND ITS SERVER ARE FREE OF COMPUTER VIRUSES OR OTHER HARMFUL MECHANISMS. IF YOUR USE OF THE WEB SITE OR THE MATERIAL RESULTS IN THE NEED FOR SERVICING OR REPLACING EQUIPMENT OR DATA, THE COMPANY IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE COSTS.

THE WEB SITE AND MATERIAL ARE PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" BASIS WITHOUT ANY WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND. THE COMPANY, TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES, WHETHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING THE WARRANTY OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND NON-INFRINGEMENT. THE COMPANY MAKES NO WARRANTIES ABOUT THE ACCURACY, RELIABILITY, COMPLETENESS, OR TIMELINESS OF THE MATERIAL, SERVICES, SOFTWARE, TEXT, GRAPHICS, AND LINKS.

Disclaimer of Consequential Damages.

IN NO EVENT SHALL THE COMPANY, ITS SUPPLIERS, OR ANY THIRD PARTIES MENTIONED ON THE WEB SITE BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER (INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, INCIDENTAL AND CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, LOST PROFITS, OR DAMAGES RESULTING FROM LOST DATA OR BUSINESS INTERRUPTION) RESULTING FROM THE USE OR INABILITY TO USE THE WEB SITE AND THE MATERIAL, WHETHER BASED ON WARRANTY, CONTRACT, TORT, OR ANY OTHER LEGAL THEORY, AND WHETHER OR NOT THE COMPANY IS ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.

Links to Other Sites.

The Web Site may contain links to third party web sites. These links are provided solely as a convenience to you and not as an endorsement by the Company of the contents on such third-party Web sites. The Company is not responsible for the content of linked third-party sites and does not make any representations regarding the content or accuracy of materials on such third party Web sites. If you decide to access linked third party Web sites, you do so at your own risk.

No Resale or Unauthorized Commercial Use.

You agree not to resell or assign your rights or obligations under these Term of Use. You also agree not to make any unauthorized commercial use of the Web Site.

Limitation of Liability.

The aggregate liability for the Company to you for all claims arising from the use of the Materials is limited to $1.

Termination.

The Company reserves the right, at its sole discretion, to pursue all of its legal remedies, including but not limited to immediate termination of your registration with or ability to access the Web Site and/or any other service provided to you by the Company, upon any breach by you of these Terms and Conditions or if the Company is unable to verify or authenticate any information you submit to the Web Site registration with or ability to access the Web Site.

Indemnity.

You agree to defend, indemnify, and hold harmless the Company, its officers, directors, employees and agents, from and against any claims, actions or demands, including without limitation reasonable legal and accounting fees, alleging or resulting from your use of the Material or your breach of the terms of these Terms and Conditions. The Company shall provide notice to you promptly of any such claim, suit, or proceeding and shall assist you, at your expense, in defending any such claim, suit or proceeding.

General.

The Company makes no claims that the Materials may be lawfully viewed or downloaded outside of the United States. Access to the Materials may not be legal by certain persons or in certain countries. If you access the Web Site from outside of the United States, you do so at your own risk and are responsible for compliance with the laws of your jurisdiction. These Terms and conditions are governed by the internal substantive laws of the State of New York, without respect to its conflict of laws principles. Jurisdiction for any claims arising under this agreement shall lie exclusively with the state or federal courts within New York, New York. If any provision of these Terms and Conditions are found to be invalid by any court having competent jurisdiction, the invalidity of such provision shall not affect the validity of the remaining provisions of these Terms and Conditions, which shall remain in full force and effect. No waiver of any term of these Terms and Conditions shall be deemed a further or continuing waiver of such term or any other term. Except as expressly provided in additional terms of use for areas of the Web Site a particular "Legal Notice," or Software License or Material on particular Web pages, these Terms and Conditions constitute the entire agreement between you and the Company with respect to the use of Web Site. No changes to these Terms and Conditions shall be made except by a revised posting on this page.

PRIVACY POLICY

The Company recognizes that you are concerned about privacy. We are committed to preserving your privacy and safeguarding your sensitive information. The following statement describes the general information-gathering and usage practices of our sites.

Our staff, contractors, Internet service providers and others involved in this site follow this policy or similarly strict policies regarding your Information.

Disclosure

The Company is committed to fully disclosing our policies regarding the collection, use, maintenance, disclosure and security of personal information obtained from users of our site. The term "personal information" includes a name, address, email address, or any other information which could be used to contact you directly or to identify you personally.

Use and Disclosure Limitations

The Company only uses personal information about its Web site users for specific purposes. We do not share user information with third parties except when we have told users about the disclosures, when we have prior consent, or when required by law.

Use Policy: When the Company gathers personal information from users, we ask for permission first. We also disclose, at the time of collection, how the information will be used by us. Personal information is used for activities such as auto-completion of commonly-used forms and helping us contact you when you solicit information from us.

Disclosure Policy: We do not normally disclose personal information to anyone outside of the Company unless we have previously informed users about the disclosures. However, some data may be used from time to time by outside contractors, including auditors or consultants, to assist us in carrying out necessary financial or operational activities. These uses will be consistent with this privacy policy and all contractors using this potential personal information must agree to safeguard it, to use it only for the authorized purpose, and to return it or destroy it upon completion of the activity.

The Company might be required to disclose personal information in response to a valid legal process such as a subpoena, search warrant or court order.

Although unlikely, it is possible that we may have to make certain disclosures to ensure the security of our Web site, to protect its integrity, or to take precautions against potential liability. In any of these situations, we will take any reasonable steps to limit the scope of the data disclosed.

Web Logs: The Company maintains standard Web logs that record basic information about visitors to our Web site. These logs contain: * The Internet domain from which you came to our Web site. * Your IP address. An IP address is a series of numbers which uniquely identifies your connection to the Internet. Although it is possible in some instances, certain types of IP addresses may be used by interested persons to identify users but we do not attempt to identify users in this way. * The type of browser (e.g., Internet Explorer or Netscape) and operating system (e.g., Windows 98) you use. * The date and time you visited the site, and the pages you saw.

We use Web log information to design our Web site, identify popular features, and in similar ways. We do not try to identify individuals from Web logs or to link Web logs to other user information. However, if someone tries to damage our Web site or use it in an unauthorized or illegal way, we may share Web log information with law enforcement agencies. The Company may provide aggregate information such as the number of users who visit particular pages of the site, or the number of people who link to certain external sites from our site, to other parties.

Changes to Privacy Policy

The Company's features and services will change over time and our information-gathering practices and policies may also change.

While our philosophy of protecting user information from inappropriate uses and disclosures will not change, this policy will be updated occasionally to include any change that materially affects the collection, maintenance, use, or disclosure of personal information.

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I was writing an email to a fellow monkey who is about to start as a banking analyst in the summer. It's been a little over 5 yrs now since I was a wee young first-year analyst in restructuring for one of the Moelis/Houlihan/Evercore type firms (I call them the firms where most people will...
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