Anyone else have the urge to quit and fuck off? Is this life really worth it? Give me some perspective.
Title is pretty self explanatory. I increasingly day dream about what life would be like if I quit and moved to Hawaii or various places in Europe (have a European passport and speak multiple languages from the continent so this isn't some fantasy dream) or move to Montana or whatever else it may be. Idk. I have been thinking about throwing away my cell phone and getting some POS flip phone and only give my number to family + some super close friends. Losing the email accounts and just completely disconnecting. Open up a white water rafting business or a bar or a gym and shed all of these "high-powered" dreams. I can't stand the LED lights and recycled air anymore. I can't stand the bullshit emails and networking calls I have to take and basically everything in this toxic industry.
Granted, I am probably just in a bad mood and venting right now. I am grateful for everything this job has given me, and I thought I wanted to move on to a HF and from there who knows. But more and more I see my friends (went to a midwestern school) who live in smaller cities (I am based in NYC, thinking friends who live in Nashville for example) who work a 9-5 or started a business that makes them 80/100K a year and are just happier. They have more time to do what they want with their lives, can focus on relationships / friendships / family, etc.
I haven't had a girlfriend in almost 3 years because of this job and the last relationship I was in ended terribly because I overcommitted to this job. Have also lost a lot of friends for similar reasons.
Idk. Like I said I am probably just venting. Really feel as though I can't remember the last time I was genuinely happy. One of my closest friends who is a few years older recently got engaged and moved to Seattle with the love of his life. He pursued some business that most people on this forum would say is "mediocre" or whatever else but he is also one of the most genuinely and consistently happy people I have ever met. Really makes me question if all this is worth it. God I would love to live on a beach and own a gym.
Anyone else feel this way?
Quit. This industry fucking sucks relative to what it once was. Absolutely not worth the sacrifice and anyone who argues otherwise is delusional and has stockholm syndrome. Go be happy, fam. Fuck this job. The only one who will regret you quitting are your superiors who will be upset they lost their slave boy.
Op here. Yea man. I think I have stockholm syndrome ngl. Like I really really fucking want to. But then I think about all the fear of diving into the other end. Of moving across the country to some southern or midwestern or west coast city. But I just can't take it I don't know what to do. The money is so hard to say no to. But the fact that I haven't connected with a girl on a deep, personal level in years because I just don't have the time or energy to actually try is fucking wild. The fact that I haven't seen some of my closest college friends in years because I don't have the time is insane. I don't know what to do. More and more I've been turning to alcohol to numb these thoughts which I know is not a permanent solution and probably an even stronger indicator I need to gtfo. I also know at the same time that my generation is considered soft and weak and I wonder if all these thoughts I am having is just a by product of my upbringing / cultural shifts in my generation and if I should just stick it out. What the actual f*** do I know?? Sorry for the rant, just a lot on my mind and I don't know where else to turn besides WSO.
bro my vp had a 1on 1 with me the other day how he wishes he can find happiness in the next 5 years. he mentioned how he has prioritized his career (vp at a top bb in nyc) but as a result has made no time for his personal connections. he doesnt see his friends, his friends are all married already, he has no girlfriend (at age like 35, yikes). he looked dead as a human and numb
Every time I get back from a ski trip I promise I’m moving out west. Haven’t done it yet but one day maybe. Feel you on the constant back and forth of just wanting to chill somehwere cool and not deal with psychos everyday ha.
Will say I am now in a cap mkts group at a large non bb. Very chill for mostly the same pay (at lower levels), and definetly better than the numbers I’ve seen at bofa, citi etc recently… Get to travel and take long weekends often since wfh Fridays are quiet. Has been a great move, gave up on caring about prestige ha. Have started dating more and I actually have hobbies now. Plan on chilling here as long as I can
- associate in IB - cov
Easy to say (and the sentiment is echoed). Wonder what you (and other people) would quit for? Still mulling ideas on what to do, paritcularly when committed to a high COL location.
Tough it out and find a girl later
OP here. Yea, that's the other side of it. I am lowkey addicted to the deal making and think I would enjoy being a senior banker or investor. Would also probably get bored working a 9-5. Maybe opening a small business is the way. Idk. There really isn't much keeping me here in the medium term.
Go to a LMM PE firm in one of your listed markets to learn how to evaluate and buy smaller businesses, clip some bonuses and start buying locally, and have the best of both worlds
Not trying to sound rude or disingenuous but you 100% have stockholm syndrome. “Addicted to dealmaking” when all we’re really doing is making slides and bullshitting in excel. It’s just a job and 95% of people have no clue what we even do.
Honestly, do whatever you want. Just don't regret it - promise yourself that and you're golden.
I'm older now and I've seen people regret walking away from the career etc., but have also seen people never happier to be out of the system.
Appreciate the advice. Any thoughts on how the people you know knew they wouldn't regret it, or what made them regret walking away if they did?
it varies. for the people who regret, some left the job to spend more time with the wife only to get cheated on, or went to do their dream (start up etc.) in a high cost of living area that goes nowhere and then they're begging for a job. most of these people are non-targets and don't have good family support (i.e. they are not rich)
This industry in my opinion has a lot of down falls. With that said, and to make it bearable, I use the money I make from it to pursue my dreams and create my own businesses and other items outside of work. That mindset of knowing I’m doing this for something else that is my true life’s purpose has helped me so much put up with the bullshit, but I ultimately have come to the view that this is just a job and it wasn’t as great as I thought it would be when going through university
I was gonna quit anyway and take some time off and then figure it out but I lucked into a perfect startup job just doing all the things I liked about banking with none of the downsides.
I enjoyed banking as much as possible given how bad it sucks and there are still aspects I miss about it (mainly the friends in the bullpen)- but holy shit I didn’t realize how much life just sucks ass in banking. I had a pretty good group all things considered but the amount of hours, bullshit, and inefficiency is mind boggling from the other side.
just make sure you are quitting to do or run towards something, a grander goal, rather than quitting to run away from banking.
: "how do I do it? How do I turn my dreams into reality?
Sassy: "what's the first thing everyone does before they start their day...you wake up"
OP here - thank you for the advice man it resonates a lot with me. Pretty grateful to see this isn't an uncommon sentiment on this forum (thought I was losing my mind for a minute there haha). My follow up is, how did you know what your "grander goal" was, where did you find the means to pursue it? How did you chart this path for yourself? Happy for you mate. Hope to find myself in those shoes soon.
I've always wanted to be a businessman / be an investor since I was a kid, so I knew when I quit, I was quitting banking to go and do that. I wasn't just quitting out of frustration. You want to quit to go and do something else. If I hadn't lucked into my startup job, I had another backup plan that I would have been just as happy with. It's less so charting my path versus knowing what my end goal is and how to get their and gain the skills to do it. People on this forum are too focused on a 'path' that they lose sight of the important parts of a career and life. For example, I know people who grinded to get to a top bank by prestige and then immediately did the same to be at a PE megafund. Unfortunately for them, while this does satisfy "Preftigious Path", they didn't figure out what they wanted to do and the PE megafund ended up being a souless bureaucracy well past its prime and they hated the last 4-5 years of their career (and their life because all they did everyday was grind for souless megacorps and not do anyhting interesting in or out of work).
Going from my banking job to working at this startup is risky on the surface, I lose my 401k from the bank, have to get my own healthcare, no clue if it'll work long term, don't have the IB branding or a fat bonus at the end of the year; but looking at it from a broader career angle it would be much riskier and very dumb for me to have stayed in banking. Now I get to see firsthand how a business is built and scaled, get to meet a bunch of much smarter and more interesting people, and while I still do the finance part of the job, it's not from a banking / sales POV. With my ulitmate goal of a businessman / investor, I really did not have much else I would have learned in banking compared working here. It was a no brainer to make the switch, but I had to make the decisison extremely fast and really take a leap of faith. I was able to do that becuase I saved diligently in banking and zoomed out my thinking of my career. It also helps that I don't really plan that much and am comfortable with not knowing the future, I kinda go with the flow and trust my gut; I just have some overarching life goals driven by gut feel and make sure I keep my options open to be flexible and not tied to anything.
On quitting just to quit and run away from something, I know a few people who found out they hated banking and just clocked out at 5p everyday and then quit at the end with no plan, big goals, or much thought at all. They did not take control of their future and were at the mercy of other people's decisions and while they did make a ton of money per hour actually worked, they had nothing to show for their time in banking besides resentment and bit of cash saved up. They quit for all the wrong reasons and are struggling now. If they had worked hard, they would have had twice the money they do now and could have had a new job they are really excited about.
You can't let fear run your life, think and act indepently, don't go into debt, work hard, and remeber to not take life too seriously, no one makes it out alive in the end!
From my experience, this is a very common chronic stress response. Stress means your body in in constant 'flight or fight' mode, and being in that for long enough makes you want to 'escape' from anything you're currently doing.
I would recommend meditating - seriously. Completely disconnect from your phone, from music, from all the garbage we constantly distract ourselves with and think in peace. Remind yourself why you joined the industry in the first place and focus on the present and be grateful for what you have now.
I think about it every day. I finally got a MF PE job which I thought would make me happy, but I am just as miserable as ever. No one I work with seems happy either. Reject modernity. It’s okay to bmisunderstood a long as you understand yourself. a
Either do it or dont. Wasting time fantasizing to a bunch of college students in a niche online forum
Hey man totally get you. Honestly just quit and and move on. Start a business and who knows maybe following your passion makes you even richer
Quit and don't look back.
Money is a tempting thing and why do many lives are ruined, families, relationships, etc.
Have a plan laid out for what you're going to do (maybe travel a bit first, grow your network, take a pottery class or something)
Don't regret it or think about money - remember, always forward and never back.
bro fucking quit fuck that. If you continue you are just going to be like your VP when your older. Fuck that "you'll find a girl at one point"
I wouldn't necessarily say go as far as the complete other end of opening a gym on a beach but find another job you genuinely find fun that doesn't necessarily pay as much as your current one. Being rich doesn't mean pure $, as long as you are happy most people would consider that equally as "rich"
Whatever you want. You're asking this question because you feel that a part of you will die if you do this. But with the proper mindset this new "empty side" is just a blank slate from where you can make something up from 0, whatever it be. Lots of time, more energy, and more clarity should lead to some greater fulfillment than purely money
You can't have it all. All about opportunity cost and compromise. We're all trying to maximise our return on highly limited capital (time, finite nature of life, human limitations imposed upon by nature/nurture/and your shitty parent's DNA)
Y quit when I can wait for bonus then just do 9-5 with 1-2 hour lunches, no after work emails and wait to be PIPed? If you don't want to stay in industry then who cares about rep for next potential finance job. They'll forget you after 1 month either way.
Yeah the industry sucks, but it’s just a stepping stone anyways who cares lol. It sucks but if you exit after 1 year, maybe 2, then it’s literally so short it doesn’t matter. I exited after a year from a top group. Was it a painful underpaid year? Yes. Was 1 year of crazy hours to open up the chance at tons of different doors worth it? Obviously. Forget bonuses, hours, whatever. Only thing that matters is the opportunities you have getting out. And forget being a career banker, for most situations, that’s just stupid. Sometimes it makes sense, but rarely. Usually it’s better to do time on buyside/in the actual industry and make contacts and THEN come back with an actual network to sell to, rather than trying to rise the ranks anyways. TLDR - banking sucks but it doesn’t matter, it’s so short just use it for exits
Nobody cares. You're irrelevant and none of those people think about you at all because they all have relationships/friendships/family while you slave away in PowerPoint trying not to neck yourself. Was the entry-level Rolex worth it, Playboy? All of the women in NYC should be really impressed and be all over you, no?
Average response from someone who wears a clip on bowtie.
Lil bro doesn't understand satire
Take it from me, I am 35, homeless, and I spend my days holding a sign at the freeway exits begging for change. I have had success but I’ve also experienced what it’s like to throw away my financial existence and my aspirations towards one.
I am able to pretty much live how I choose, and at times it feels very liberating because i used to hate waking up at dawn and leaving my girlfriend in bed to go labor at work for hours, it felt unnatural and against my inner desires. Now I have a new girlfriend who is homeless with me but we get to spend our days together all the time. I feel fortunate for being able to pick and choose when i “work” and when I can take a quick break or address some issues that come up.
The problem is that as “liberating” as that feels, it is just as equally the opposite. Not only do I have to go hungry and only eat when circumstances allow, but my girl has to wait and be hungry as well. Granted, we get what we need 75% of the time, and we are both pretty patient people, but not having the means to provide when it’s really difficult is very sad and you feel very hopeless and not very empowered.
Also, we are constantly having to start over from absolutely nothing because anytime we make a campsite the city will eventually find it and throw it all away when we are gone. Blankets and all.
That being said, I am passionate about the markets and about investing and I have been daydreaming about being in your shoes. I wish I knew what investment banking was and had as much passion and interest for this world as I do now back then, but in retrospect, everything I have learned and discerned is from my experiences. My curiosity about life’s mysteries eventually brought me into learning about financial institutions and economics.
We always want what we don’t have, because we romanticize about what it will be like, and we constantly live thinking if we achieve (this milestone), then I will be happy. Once we arrive there we are immediately filled with new desires and very quickly lose our enthusiasm for what was once thought to be a cure all.
The best thing you can do for yourself is change your perspective. I read a book by Wilbur Smith, and in it one of the main characters said, “First I must acquire my fortune, then, I will find a wife.” And so it is, my friend, that you have accomplished many very difficult challenges which you shouldn’t minimize. Be proud to work in your business and hold your degree, and understand the potential you have to really use your network and your skill sets to amass a fortune and thereafter you have achieved freedom, truly. That is the only way to be free to roam as you will. Use your vitality and embrace what you’re committed to, I promise you it will be such a wonderful gift in 20 years not to walk away.
You’re welcome to hit me up anytime if you are struggling and want to shoot the shit. Stay focused man and remember that there’s lots of time for life still.
-Nate
OP here. Your words moved me man. Thank you for the perspective I so badly needed. Wow, you have me very grateful today for things I probably overlooked in my life. I appreciate you taking the time to write that. God bless
I would suggest trying to take a mental health leave if you're feeling burned out to have a smoother off-ramp. Give yourself runway and time to detach to figure our your next move.
This is good advice.
Et eos libero et veniam odit ex. Dignissimos omnis blanditiis recusandae rerum placeat et soluta. Dolore sint aperiam aut non eum est libero. Et quaerat vero est enim suscipit consequatur aliquam quo. Maxime perspiciatis modi eos nulla excepturi quo porro.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Quasi sapiente delectus voluptatem omnis et soluta maxime. Reprehenderit deleniti asperiores reiciendis. Expedita quasi voluptas soluta et et repellendus ad ut. Corrupti quia sint laborum cumque facere vel.
Aperiam illo aperiam aliquid sequi. Recusandae unde eum aut eius nisi. Quia voluptate quia aliquam voluptas expedita ex.
Quo sed voluptas consequatur ut omnis. Aut dolor sit asperiores laborum. Mollitia voluptatem illum occaecati. Omnis recusandae dolor natus qui ut amet. Molestiae incidunt non quis qui. Vel earum officia assumenda cum.