Are Work Friendships Capped?
Haven’t been in the corporate environment yet, but have heard this (and the opposite) from time to time. Whether it’s “you see these people 100 hours per week, so why would you want to see them outside of the office too” etc
In every phase of life, you develop friends based on who you’re around the most (high school, college). I find it hard to believe that you don’t build great friendships with work colleagues too.
Do these friendships really only stay in the office (as in you would never hang out with them outside of the office)? Is that because you can’t let loose with them and always have to uphold this professional image of yourself? I’ve seen some of my most competent friends blackout drunk so maybe I might have looser judgment here
it depends on the firm, so my advice would be to read the workplace and non-verbal cues well.
im still very good friends with most of my IB Analyst class, but i hated everyone in my PE Associate cohort and DO NOT keep in touch with them at all, while i love everyone on my HF team and we all look out for each other well.
even so, my PE years taught me the v useful skillset of dealing with people you don't like and that skill works wonders for me today when i deal with LPs and execs who i do not like dealing with.
how were the personalities different in your pe vs ib class?
my IBD firm had a good amount of partner retirements and middle management departures when i joined as AN1, so the firm made it clear that they wanted the analyst class to become career bankers and they promoted upward mobility, combined with great culture firmwide. furthermore, most of my analyst class was fresh college grads and laterals from lower tier banks, so under the good culture of the firm, in abundance with the diverse backgrounds of us all, everyone was respectful to each other and v collaborative.
by contrast, my pe firm made it clear that they would promote a small fraction of the associate class, and my associate class was a bunch of hardos who hated each other. also, my pe firm had a ridiculously clogged middle management, so despite the strong brand name, none of the associate class wanted to stay and we all recruited for HFs and other PE shops, but kept silent about it when in the bullpen. going to work everyday was soul crushing, as i was dealing with a bunch of sociopaths who put up fake plastic smiles to hide the ways that they would backstab each other any chance they could get.
when i got my SM HF gig, i bolted out of my PE firm first thing and never looked back!
after making it pretty high up my sm hf, i blocked all my pe associate class on all forms of social media, and im so happy that i dont have to deal with those fake plastic hardos anymore.
there was one guy in particular who made my pe associate years an absolute living hell, but he since got ousted from the firm after becoming a VP and is now a senior analyst at a mm pod shop, while i just got promoted to partner at my sm hf, so the joke is on him!
HA HA!
I see them outside of work.
Bump
I don't think you can become true friends with your work colleagues. You can, and should, form cordial and friendly relations with people you work with. But you should not become too relaxed and loose with what you say thinking that they are like your school or university buddies. The me that my colleagues sees is a version that I allow them to see, it's not the complete or unfiltered me.
You never know who might try and use something stupid you say or do as a means to screw you over in reviews. I know of a VP in my team whom I think is nice, but I know that at least two people have complained about them and others are looking for excuses to go after them. New joiner in the team were told from the get-go if that there were any issues at all with that person in particular (unprompted, btw) to go and talk to the staffer. Worst part is that the people that complained about this VP are always very cordial and smiley/friendly with this person.
I've equally encountered people during my (albeit limited) time in banking who have said straight up antisemitic stuff or otherwise tried to be funny and just ended up being racist. I don't care to make a fuss but I know there are people who would, and don't think that this stuff would come out as "oh this person was racist blah blah", people would just make a mental note and find a neutral way to try and make sure that you don't get promoted or whatever.
So, don't blur the lines too much between work / friends. Be cordial, be friendly, and develop a work friendship with those whom you maybe are close to. But bear in mind to still exercise some restraint, moderation, and care in what you say, share, etc. It is, despite being banking, and despite being a place where you will spend 100hrs+ with people sometimes, a workplace.
Don't let yourself become a fool in the eyes of others because I promise you people will take note.
I mean yeah don't be an idiot and say stupid shit but you can 100% become friends outside of work with your coworkers. Your point on a friendly VP is dumb, what analyst is trying to become friends with their VP? If you are a normal person with a baseline EQ, and you are working 80 hours a week in and week out with another normal person who you share similar outside of work interests with and can get along / crack jokes with, you are going to become actual friends with them. I have been to weddings of coworkers from various work stops in my short career already.
Sorry, you misunderstand. I did not say anyone is trying to be friends with this VP. I said that people around them are friendly to them but quite clearly angling to catch them out / get someone else to complain about them.
Ok point taken. I still think that the extent of which you can become "work friends" with someone is limited / different compared to other friends.
Some of my absolute boys are from my analyst class. Think about it, where else will you find people with the same interests, ambition levels, similar personality etc etc, and you naturally become friends with people who you are around a lot. If you're the type of guy who's always on edge at work because they refuse to let colleagues become too close because of "politics", chill the fuck out, this is an IB analyst programme not house of cards. I can already see myself wanting to kms at work. This is why assessing PE fund culture is so important and should play a major role in fund selection, not marginal prestige. Enjoying going to work everyday will make you perform better and last longer than not being able to crack jokes in the office because everyone has the personality of a fence post
I have work friends that I see outside of work and are true friends. A lot of people in my division do.
Could be a firm culture thing, an ER Vs IB thing (there is nothing anyone of my work friends could do to materially change my career trajectory, nor would it particularly benefit them).
Idk guys
Many of my closest friends in life are former or present colleagues and clients. Work would suck without this feature
only if you're the most vanilla person on the planet can you actually be friend with colleagues tbh
It would depend on the culture but also the people.
I see some of my work colleagues outside of work if our interests align and we are roughly in the same age group. Other than that, no I don't keep in touch.
you guys have friends?
I've been lucky and have made genuinely great friends at each of my jobs -real friendships to the level where a fellow banking analyst was a groomsman in my wedding.
I did 2 years in S&T and 4 of those guys were in my wedding and several others came to it )and I to theirs). I started back over as an AN1 for IB both NY BBs, and I just came back from vacation with a married couple who met in our IB analyst class more than 20 years ago. Our families go on vacation twice a year. Several of my bosses and colleagues were seed investors in my start up. If you do it right, these relationships can last a lifetime.
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