After multiple rejections from BBs and MM banks, you finally land that internship you've been dreaming about. Ever since you heard what investment banking was. Those countless hours of technicals memorizing, not understanding, finally paid off. Your repetitive threads on WSO: "Help: interveiw at XYZ Co. What should i expect?" landed you a gig.
What's next: network with groups for placement day? How about post on LinkedIn about your offer? Nope. Gotta search on WSO "XYZ Co's perks". You don't really care about 401k matching or vacation days, since you're only an intern. You just want to find out what swag they give out. Specifically, do they give out the most prestigious form of swag: banker bags. You see conflicting things on WSO and get worried they won't aend them out. You check on eBay to see if any PE associates listed their old bags, but no luck. How about patagucci's you wonder? You find a business insider article explaining that patagonia is doesn't want to be connected to Wall Street. At this point, it's irrelevant because the banker bag holds more prestige.
A couple months before you start, you get a package in the mail. After ruffling through the box, you toss the sweatshirt, pen, and notepad to the side, and hold up the banker bag as if it's Simba.On your first day, even though a notebook and pen can be carried in your hand, you put them in your bag. You're on the subway and can't believe how many people notice yoir banker bag and want to ask you if you're related to Jamie Dimon. So prestigious!
A couple nights a week, you see banker bags around the city and make efforts to try and see what bank it is. "What is first name first name & first name company", you ask. After immediately googling it, you realize it's a law firm. Psh, that should be illegal. They aren't bankers, you exclaim internally.
After a couple months, you return to school for senior year and carry your banker bag everywhere: class, gym, and dining hall, even if it's empty. All those liberal arts and science majors get on their knees and let you cut them to get some mediocre dining hall food.
While walking through XYZ School of Business, you KNOW since they're all business majors they know the prestige behind banker bags.You return full time and see next year's interns carrying banker bags to work and think: "Wow, they look like idiots. I provably didn't look like that", although you still use your bag exclusively for equinox so people know where you work.
After two years sweating, you move to a large PE shop and receive a banker bag from them. At this point, banker bags don't mean much to you and are used as a travel bag when you're on the LIRR heading to the hamptons.
Everyday when walking to work, you see 21 year olds carrying their banker bags proudly on their shoulders and you feel obligated to tell them no one cares, but you hold off. You just think bag to how you felt on that day you pulled it out of the box.
Banker bags are paradise.
Sir, have you heard of the enter key?
I can confirm that banker bags are, in fact, paradise.
Sometimes I like to do what I call “double barreling” and carry two banker bags at the same time. This only works if you are a lateral analyst and have the prestige of two different banks.
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