S+: 0 Clue you work in finance:
M Klein (Underwear Model), Blackstone (Grill Salesman), Lincoln (Car Dealership Manager), Campbell Luytens (Soup Maker), Berkshire Global Advisors (Realtor), Provident Healthcare Partners (Doctor), Fenchurch (Minister)
S: REAL American Bank Branch Manager:
BofA, Citi, PNC, Citizens, KeyBank, Truist, US Bank,
A+: Evil American Bank Teller:
JPM, WF, JMP (confuses it with JPM), CapOne (gay liberals need a cafe)
A: Teller at less prestigious firm:
BMO, TD, Santander, RBC, Citadel (thinks its the credit union)
B+: 1% chance he heard of but has no fkn clue what u do:
Raymond James, DC Advisory (thinks Washington DC),, SVB, US Capital (thinks the Capital), Fifth Third, Comerica, M&T, Huntington, Standard Charter, Scotia
B: No clue what u do, thinks you're talking about your friends:
William Blair, Harris Williams, Piper Sandler, Jefferies, Macquarie, Stephens, Zeiglers, Baird, Stifel, Solomon Partners, Tobin, Houlihan Lokey, PWP, BGL, Ducera, Moelis, PJT, Allen, Gordan Dyal, Leerink, Janney, H.C Wrainwright, Lazard, Canaccord, Societe Generale, Duff & Phelps, Stout, B.Riley, Rabobank, Union Square, ING, Intrepid, Shea & Co, AIP, CIBC, Needham, Wedbush, Gleacher, KippsDesanto, McLean Group, Cabrera (Hates), BNP Paribas, Credit Agricole, PFK Connors O'Davies, BDO, Chinook, Alantra (Hyundai) Rodman & Renshaw, Baker Tilly, Alvarez & Marsall (Hates Alvarez specifically), Gordon Group, Harbour, D.A Davidson, Berenson, Samuel A Ramirez (hates this dude), Marks Baughan, Drexel, Aeris, Miller Buckfire, KBW, Huron, Hiltop, LifeSci, Cascade, La Honda (car), BDA, Oaklins DeSilva+Phillips, Brean, MidCap, Vaquero (hates), CSG, Calder, Arcadia, Eureka, Paulson, Pharus, AIGC, Jegi Leonis, Cascadia, Triago, Devon Park,
C+: Still doesn't know, wrote it off as overseas powertool knockoffs when you tried saying the full name:
MUFG, SMBC, Mizuho, HSBC, Nomura, Ankura
C: Thinks your boss is an evil European Oligarch (Still thinks you're a teller):
Barclays, Deutsche Bank (pronounces it 'Douche'), UBS
D: Thinks this is your fortnite clan name (Thinks you're unemployed):
Evercore, Qatalyst, LionTree, Greenhill, Raine, Ardea, Axom, Centerview, Broadhaven, Howden Tiger, GP Bullhound, Eastdil Secured, Big 4, BlackArch, Tital, Special Situations Group, Armory, CastleOak, Performance Trust, Portage Point, Nfluence, BTIG, Loop, TripleTree, Peak Technology, First Analysis, Evolve, BBVA, Equiteq, Independence Point, Natixis, Matrix, Tyton
F+: Convinced you visited the island:
GS, MS, Rothschild, Rockefeller Capital, Cantor Fitzgerald, Epstein Capital (real), Oppenheimer, Guggenheim, Cohen & Co, (Obligatory Soros/ BlackRock/ Vanguard/ StateStreet plug), Any Federal Reserve
Lmk if I missed one
This is wonderful lmfao
Based on the most helpful WSO content, this ranking is a humorous take on how a "divorced blue-collared uncle" might perceive investment banks, blending stereotypes and misconceptions. It’s a satirical breakdown rather than a professional ranking, so it’s meant for laughs rather than serious evaluation. If you’re looking for actual investment bank rankings or insights, feel free to ask!
Sources: Official Investment Banking Rankings: Boutique and Bulge Bracket Prestige, Official Investment Banking Rankings: Boutique and Bulge Bracket Prestige, Investment Banking Rankings 2019, The Undisputed Investment Banking Rankings
Just don’t let unc find out about your exit to nut tree capital or Five Arrows Growth Partners (F.A.G Partners).
special shout out to FAPI (Five Arrows Principal Investments) as well
There’s also Fenchurch Advisory Partners for us in London!
I'm more impressed how you hit basically every investment bank
seriously... even those tiny boutiques like peak or gp bullhound are here
This might be the only ranking list worth anything on this forum
SB'ed for the exhaustive, high-effort list
Best tier list on this site in years
You’re missing this:
F-: “helping some guys out with numbers or whatever, hopefully the kiddo gets his act together someday”
random Chattanooga/Bellevue/Fort Worth boutiques that do 0-3 $10M deals a year.
I believe Perella Weinberg sounds very jewish and should be island indicator too.
I debated this but Joe Perella dilutes it too much to Mid Pizza Shop/Greasy Auto Dealer and Weinberg isn't really associated with anyone widely known. It's not really how Jewish it sounds (i.e Rockefeller) its more to do how recognizable the name is to someone that online forums label as the devil spawn. Just so happens 95% r Jewish.
Moelis get your non-target incoming intern rq
She give me Moe on my Lis
Douche Bank is a killer… xD
Banger stuff, “thinks you’re talking about your friends” and first 3 names.. hilarious
lmao
Congrats on M Klein
Wolf of Ross has arrived
This could be a top tier list ever made on this site lol 😂. Seriously impressed you managed to hit every ib tho
For some reason, I can absolutely tell you're in an SF Tech Coverage Group in the middle-market.
I work at Diddy Partners w my friend Justin
The “thinks it’s your Fortnite clan name” tier is probably the most accurate part of this whole list. The average person really has no idea what half of these firms actually do.
Also, the Citadel/credit union one got me. There’s definitely a huge gap between how recognizable a finance firm is inside the industry and how recognizable it is to someone outside it. Even with platforms like phonexa, the name can mean a lot to people working in the space while being completely unknown to everyone else.
this is hilarious. Raymond James isn’t a friend in B tier?
Was thinking this, very strong name contender but weirdly some Unc's swear they've heard of it. May be confusing it with Raymour & Flanagan
Thought that too but they have the naming rights to where the Tampa Bay Buccaneers play
CIBC mentioned 🗣️
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