BB IB Politics and Personal Life Guidance
There’s a guy at work that I regularly see at the gym after work. We acknowledge each other at work if we see each other in the hallways or elevator. At the gym, we talk for a few moments whenever we bump into each other. The conversation is always polite and respectful. He’s a good friend with the vice president.
A few weeks ago, I was at a bachelor party. One of the stops was at a racy gay bar for a drink. My coworker was at the bar wearing extremely tight black leather pants. I was surprised to see him because I didn’t think he was gay. He seemed quite embarrassed when he saw me there (I was with 15 other guys) and rudely asked me what I was doing at the bar. I replied that this was one among many stops of the bachelor party. He then quickly ran off to his table without saying bye. He was sitting alone with another guy (not sure if the other guy was a boyfriend, a male mistress or simply a friend).
The waitress then brought us to a table next to the coworker. The group I was with was very loud and we were tanked by that time of the night. They might have yelled out a few anti-gay rants, racial epithets, and other ethnic slurs. I only knew half the people at the party and didn’t know these guys. I’m sure the coworker heard those comments because he left before we finished our drink.
The last 2 weeks at work have been awkward. First, I don’t see him at the gym anymore. Odd, considering he’s a fitness freak. Second, he intentionally took another elevator the other day (he thought I didn’t see because there were a few people waiting for the elevator but from the corner of my eye I noticed). Last, although he works in another department, he always hands me in person a report every month. For the first time in his year and a half working with us, he sent me the report via PDF.
The longer this drags out, the more awkward this will get. Should I just call him up and talk things over by reassuring him I won’t tell anyone where I saw him? Or is this none of my business and if he wants to ignore me I should careless? If he wasn’t close to the vice president I wouldn’t care, but that’s something that can hurt me for future promotions.
These troll posts are so bad....PLEASE, Patrick, bring back Brady and Blastoise.
brady and blastoise were/are patrick and me, and we're too busy these days, sorry to break it to ya :-(
I wish it was all made up or that we went somewhere where no coworker was present. I’ll take your compliment regardless.
You're judged by the company you keep.
The company you keep sucks.
troof
At the risk of being proven dumb, It's hard for me to read whether this one's legit or not. It's the kind of thing that I could very easily see happening with some extremely loud and obnoxious fratboys.
If you're being true there's only one thing you can do: track the guy down and apologize for your friend's behavior and say you feel horrible about it.
"Sorry, I feel bad. Not bad enough that I called them out on saying bad shit when they said it. No, just bad enough to apologise now that I realise that their actions have impacted me negatively. You see, I really just care about myself. So sorry, sorry that I'm a self-interested turd."
Respect.
Ok, I'm going to see if I can set a meeting for a formal apology.
What else can you do? It's either that or nothing.
you know you're a dick when you walk into a gay bar and start yelling homophobic/racist insults.
I did not yell a single insult. The other clowns did.
For what it's worth, I did not want to go to said establishment, but it was not a democratic decision, and I did not know many of the groomsmen prior to this party. After getting out of a regular bar, the best friend jumped into a cab with the bachelor and 2 other guys and then said follow us. The group followed in separate cabs and then when we arrived the guys in the first cab all entered the gay bar. So the rest just followed. It was spontaneous. Not sure if there was a fixed itinerary beforehand. I’m not the organizer, I just tagged along midday when they were bowling.
Maybe the bachelor lost a bet at the first bar we were at? I don’t know the circumstances behind the decision.
I'm just surprised that after going into a gay bar for a good, old-fashioned troll session, you and your friends didn't get fucked up by a posse of angry drag queens. You tools would have had it coming, anyway.
I can hold my own kiddo.
dup
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You were in a gay bar during a bachelor party....times really have changed. Back in the old days, we had to walk uphill in the snow both ways to see some titties and snort some coke for our bachelor parties.
Who the fuck are your friends?
What the fuck?
Did any of your friends suck anyone off before finishing their gay bashing? My guess is that the most 'homophobic' friend you have is a self-hating closeted gay man.
In what way is this BB IB politics?
troof
^It's Office Politics because the individual in question works with me at GS.
I have been corporate HR for 20 years and I see 2 issues: 1) You state you wouldn't care if he wasn't so close to the VP- that's' a problem, he probably senses that and you come across as insincere which prevents trust from developing. 2) In the bar that night, he saw you in an unflattering light cast by people you barely knew, their stink has rubbed off on you.
I would recommend you try and smooth it over. Have lunch, be honest about your concerns, let him know that wasn't the real you he saw that night. Most employees don't want trouble at work. he is probably agonizing over this as you are, better to pop the zit and relieve the pressure. you should, at the least, get credit from him for making the overture and trying to put him at ease.
I have been corporate HR for 20 years and I see 2 issues: 1) You state you wouldn't care if he wasn't so close to the VP- that's' a problem, he probably senses that and you come across as insincere which prevents trust from developing. 2) In the bar that night, he saw you in an unflattering light cast by people you barely knew, their stink has rubbed off on you.
I would recommend you try and smooth it over. Have lunch, be honest about your concerns, let him know that wasn't the real you he saw that night. Most employees don't want trouble at work. he is probably agonizing over this as you are, better to pop the zit and relieve the pressure. you should, at the least, get credit from him for making the overture and trying to put him at ease.
This
Just fuck him and it'll all be good
There's already been quite a bit of time that has passed since the incident.
But honestly...who the fuck cares. I'm assuming you and your group did not yell at your co-worker and his friend directly, and that you weren't seen directly yelling obscenities. At this point, both parties should just move on. You guys are both grown men. Get over it. I'm sure his feelings were hurt, but he should be cognizant that really drunk, lonely dudes whose GFs don't really like them tend to say really fucked up shit at bars. It's life.
Never Happened.
dup
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