Best women archetypes ib bros should find? To preserve your own sanity and prevent emotional and physical cheating due to “you’re always working” excuse… just need some advice(go for other date or focus on work)
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the best woman archetype for finance seems to be one 45 years your junior, that is what all the partners at my firm have
I do think that’s the last resort after many failed relationships and divorce …
Ive responded to a similar post in the past and my views haven't changed. I still hate this type of question. But I understand why you're asking it. By the way, I'm married, and my views are about dating for love and marriage, not for flings or one nighters.
Bankers are people, we didn't evolve separately and don't have different criteria. Woman are all different as well, contrary to what a lot of certain personality types think. I do (obviously) emphathise with practical challenges that bankers have in dating, but you should still be able to do a date at least once a week if not more often. Anyone who cheats on you regardless of your job or hours of work isn't someone you want in your life long term anyway.
Date someone you like. Marry the person you fall in love with, and it will work. I am intensely aware of how corny that sounds, but if you don't love someone, you shouldn't be marrying. Making it work may involve one of you compromising on career (if she is in a similarly demanding role). It may involve a nanny or boarding school if that works for you both. That might involve family suport. But if you are in love and committed to a long term future together (and, I think by definition, share the same values), you will find a way.
As with finding that person, we can start with someone who, you know, you like. And who you find attractive. And who shares your values. Beyond that it's up to you but we could write a book on it. It's subjective. But my one bit of practical advice? Don't rule people out or in based on their career or any other archetypal characteristic (excluding the obvious) - there is, and I mean it literally here, more to life.
Well I thought marriage was a compromise from where I am but I feel way in line with how you’re describing it,numerous thanks for your input.
The biggest piece of advice I received from someone extremely high up was to find a partner that is of similar socioeconomic standing as you. A lot of torments in relationships can stem from preexisting imbalances between the couple.
Makes sense
My wife and I met when I was still an analyst at a BB. She works in publishing and also had long hours. I'd recommend someone who is also career focused and doesn't have a ton of time on her hands. Before my wife I was dating a girl in medical device sales. She'd call me at 3pm on a Tuesday and ask if I wanted to go to the park or do something fun because she was done for the day...that was never going to work.
Makes actual sense , thanks for the advice.
My advice would be to find someone who’s in a super demanding role or is as smart/smarter than you. My gf is in med school rn. On my side, she’s never gotten mad at me when I’m working super late bc she fundamentally ‘gets it’. Some of my friends ended up ‘choosing’ a marketing girl or unironically a model and the girls just don’t seem to ‘get it’ and are super appearances obsessed (want some fancy bag or the other all the time)
I agree with the comment that you should find someone you love and the rest will follow.
Thanks for your input.
Your best bet is to go for someone in a similar career as you, as these girls are more empathetic towards the sacrifices you make for your career. However, they will also be more demanding in other ways, maybe not your time so much, but your values, your goals, your focus on building a family life, the distractions you choose to entertain, the friends you surround yourself with, etc. Most people cannot handle this, so they go for easier targets and one day, realize they are too fundamentally different to be able to build a life together. Goodluck on the path you choose.
Thanks for you advice.
If any guy in IB/PE/IM who’s looking to date reads this, please get me the fuck out of here I can’t stand my job. I’m so depressed from my ER job that I just end up spending all my spare time sleeping. I literally work 60-70 hrs a week and spend the remainder of my time sleeping, I sometimes skip meals just so I can sleep more. I have zero motivation to go out or plan any trips in my free time since I started working full time. I wanted to recruit for tech since WLB was so much better and I was actually interested in the industry, but since the job market is god awful rn, I was forced to pivot to finance.
If it matters, I have zero debt and own my own apartment already courtesy of my parents, but they told me once I graduated I’m on my own in terms of covering all my living expenses since they don’t want me to get too spoiled. Which is fair but this industry is just a terrible fit for me, and I’m in no position to pivot industries without taking a massive pay cut.
I’m not clingy or needy, I’m totally fine with only seeing my partner once a week or less due to work bc I know how grueling the industry is. I’m pretty low maintenance in many regards bc I sleep so much. I’m in my mid twenties, 5’10”, and a size 2. Just to be transparent, my end goal is to quit my job and be a stay at home wife/mom or transition to an easier but lower paying/high risk of getting laid off role. I’m totally okay with bearing the majority of the burden of raising kids bc my parents will also help.
I don’t have the energy to go out and meet people or go to galas like I used to since working full time since it’s so mentally draining for me to work a job I have zero interest or talent for.
Sounds awfully close to depression
Get some blood tests done and make sure all your hormones are in order
You describe yourself as attractive, why aren’t the apps working
I have never touched apps before because all my attractive friends have had horrible experiences on them (for NYC), so I had no reason to believe I would have a better experience. When I say they’re attractive I mean like they look like the models for La Perla back in 2015. I’m also not into hookups like I’m looking to plan for a family.
I’m also convinced my job gave me depression. Took a blood test earlier this year, lack of vitamin d which I am supplementing for now, but I’m pretty sure it’s the job doing me in.
Hey, I’m a girl and have pretty similar values. Honestly, I don’t think avoiding emotional or physical cheating comes down to finding a specific “type” of woman. That mindset assumes cheating happens because you were too busy or picked the wrong kind of partner, but really if someone’s going to cheat, they will, and that’s on THEM, not your work schedule. If a woman knows from the beginning that you have a demanding job and limited time, and she still chooses to be in the relationship, then turning around later and blaming your ambition for her actions is just emotionally immature. A woman or even a guy lol who’s truly worth your energy is someone who understands delayed gratification, values purpose and drive, communicates rather than punishes, and doesn’t get thrown off every time things get a little busy. There are good women out there and ones who won’t use “you’re always working” as an excuse to check out or betray your trust. You don’t have to pick between ambition and connection. You just need to be intentional about who you let close.
The right person will align with your values and lifestyle, not fight against them. So no, don’t just give up on dating and bury yourself in work lol but stop giving your time to people who aren’t emotionally equipped to handle the life you’re building. Watch how they move, how they communicate, and how they handle imperfection. That will tell you everything you need to know.
I think my thing is just finding someone who I absolutely adore, trust, inspiring, and is literally like my best friend lol. Also a guy that isn’t into causal dating and like hookup culture.
Also I don’t understand why someone would cheat. Like if you’re not happy or feel like your partner is busy - just leave the relationship lol or figure out if that if something you can work with early on. Idk it’s just weird…
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