Funniest banking sayings
Is it just me or does everyone enjoy when people change it up with sayings. My MD always says (and we’re a boutique) “everyone wants the sexiest girl at the dance but sometimes you have to settle for the ugly fat chick” referencing not everyone can bank a sick company so you have to settle for dealing with a couple shitcos to pay the bills.
Or “it’s like when you get her into your bed but then she tells you she’s on her period” as in you meet with a company, pitch them on equity or m&a but they shut down your ideas. Or you’re advising a company on m&a but they don’t want to go with equity or as much equity as you were hoping (so you don’t get paid as much on the equity side, only the advisory)
What’re some other funny ones you’ve heard?
I hope this post gets legs. It’s pretty funny. I am in CRE and we always say people sell for the three D’s. Divorce, Death, and Dumbass kids.
Haha that’s a good one, no lies there
“Team, let’s make sure we’re hitting the alligator closest to the canoe on this one”
For me it was "crocodile" ...
“Let’s limit the brain damage”
GIP?
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“Let’s release the hounds”
- MD in a meeting with deal team during initial buyer outreach
“Take a first stab”
Idk if anything will ever top “you’re the one fucking this cat, I’m just holding the tail.”
“If you have to tell people you’re real money, you’re not real money”
“Let’s have double the sex with half the foreplay”
Someone watched Spy Game back in the day.
“We’re going to have to play some jazz” in reference to needing to be adaptable to a fluid environment or whatever
“We’re investment bankers, we’ve never met a deal we didn’t like”
“Don’t try to intimidate a slut with a cock” was probably the most out of pocket I have heard. It was basically saying “don’t try to threaten someone who knows the game better than you” or “be careful what you threaten someone with because they might be pretty used to it”
Know it's not too uncommon, but "opening the kimono" still gets me whenever I hear it.
had an MD say this in a deal meeting, look at me (i’m an east asian woman) pause, and say “sorry, uh…” and move on really fast. idgaf bruh lol
Know someone who got in trouble for saying this. Person worked in Singapore + Hong Kong in their past and it stirred a whole HR investigation. It was at a shitty Port-Co FWIW
"Don't loose the forest for the trees," meaning do not loose sight of the objective with small details
The absolute best I ever heard was from a super cool old-head MD who was mentoring a much younger Director. Director was busting his ass but coming up empty and his latest deal fell apart during confirmatory, second time in a row. We have a recurring deal team meeting with the oldhead MD two hours later and the Director is understandably mortified and really frustrated. Kind of stuttering and stammering and delaying just telling the oldhead what happened but finally cuts to the chase and delivers the news. Five seconds of silence followed by "Well.....other than that, did you enjoy the play, Mrs. Lincoln?" The whole deal team lost it, even the Director. So perfectly timed and cut the pressure.
IF I hear someone say they want to "double-click" on a topic again, I will lose it.
I hate this one
“Let’s not put the cart in front of the horse”
But few weeks back one of the team members said “let’s not put the horse in front of the cart” like bruv that is exactly what you should do lol
Let's not cart the horse in front of our puts
Not strictly for banking use but;
"He’s a hard dog to keep on the porch" when you can't seem to get someone's attention/time
"Worthless as tits on a boar hog" useless
Not necessarily a saying just humor. Hey so and so we got a put stupid coming in…. Who you calling stupid?
“Rearranging deck chairs on the titanic”… turning comments for a slide that will soon be doxxed
“Is the juice worth the squeeze?”
Real estate but same idea:
- Does a bear shit in the woods
- Explain to me like I’m a five year old
- Looking for something middle of the fairway
- Something that will check our box
- We’re batting .500 on this
- Limit the brain damage
- If the red river’s flowing take the dirt road home
- Ready to hit the done button
- Complete mental midget
- Putting lipstick on a pig
- What’s our North Star
- Too many chiefs, not enough Indians
- Can’t see the forest through the trees
- Totally open kimono
- Run it up the flagpole
- One throat to choke
- Get them pregnant with the deal
- No need to reinvent the wheel
- Blocking and tackling, move it down the field
- Keep it simple stupid
- Standing there with our dicks in our hand
- I’ve got a super hard stop
- Let’s pow wow with the broader group
- I’ll be out of pocket
- Their old lady has them on a leash
- The old ball and chain
- If you’re going to fuck me at least take me to dinner
"That dog won't hunt" - My MD's email back to buyers when they submit a low bid
he's grinfucking you -- when you leave a meeting thinking you've got the deal but it falls through.
“let's see where the pig’s at in the python”
"when you run with the big dogs, you piss on big trees"
"it's a giant shit sandwich and we all gotta take a bite"
"well, let's lift the tail and take a sniff"
No Foreplay
Once had an MD refer to an idea of two companies merging as “two hammered sailors trying to hold each other up”..
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