My beard was looking like I just came out of the wilderness for 40 days, so I broke out the trusty electric razor and started lightly trimming. But I got a little ambitious with my mustache and before I knew it, it looked too short and I had to cut the stache off. This, combined with my beard looking too choppy, brought on the sudden realization that I had to go clean shaven.
I reluctantly glided the 0 setting razor over my whole face and it dawned on me — underneath my kingly beard I look like a baby who just learned how to use Excel shortcuts for the first time. Finding my jawline requires a full blown SEC investigation.
My clean shaven face isn’t prestigious enough for finance.
I’m legitimately afraid to show up at the office now. They’re gonna take one look at me and find a way to sneak me out with all these layoffs so I can go back to the infant nursery.
Forget about prestigious exit opps — I’m just hoping to be laid off quietly and find a job with a strong non-discrimination against children policy. Worst case scenario I’ll be filed as a child dependent on my new boss’ taxes.
My career is on hold while I wait for my glorious beard to return. Until then I’ll be lurking while you bearded, chest haired friends here get BB offers and yachts.
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