Hello everyone,
I would like to have your opinion regarding my LinkedIn message. I've done few test in august for a M&A boutique and I was invited for an interview but I was running out of time so I accepted another offer from another boutique. So the last time I exchanged with that person was to tell her thank you and I accepted another offer before of my university deadline. They already have my resume.
LinkedIn message :
'' Good morning dear Mrs. xxxxxxx,
I hope that you are doing well. I would like to know if xxxxxx (+ city name) is looking for new interns from April/May until August.
I am currently taking a gap year between my Bachelor’s and my Master’s degree. My internship at xxxxx is going to be over on March xxxx, so I am currently looking for another internship in M&A.
Thank you for your time and your consideration,
xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx''
What is your opinion about that message ?
thank you
up
Approaches like these need to be very crisp. Do not waste the reader's time with any fluff or unnecessary text.
I'd drop the "Good Morning". Your reader may read your message in the afternoon or evening which makes the "Good Morning" somewhat self-centered ie. based on the time of writing rather than the time of reading.
Definitely, definitely drop the "I hope that you are doing well"! Personally, I simply it hate it when candidates (and cold callers) start with that line, and I know a lot of others do, too. You have no keen interest in my personal well being, so while you may think you are being polite the line comes across as most insincere.
Pay keen attention to grammar and spelling. For example, you are not in a gap year between two degree but between two degreeS. And it's not "on March" but "in March".
I take it the "xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx" in the last line has nothing to do with kisses ;) as those would be most inappropriate ... especially that many kisses in a first message!
All the best with getting this internship.
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