Making sacrifices in geography for career? Dating woes?
I have a unique opportunity in front of me: an extremely cushy gig without long hours where I will be clipping 7 figures at 26 with opportunity for upside, and minimal chance of getting fired or pushed out, unlike 99% of this industry. My problem with this opportunity is that it is not in a metro area but a small US city. I have lived in NYC all my post-grad life and have become accustomed to the dating, food, and entertainment options this city uniquely provides. I would be giving all that up for this. But it’s the no brainer career move. What I am most worried about is my dating life in this small US city. I’ve heard the dating scene is quite poor, and i am genuinely worried that I won’t meet be able to meet my wife there. This is my best chance at generational wealth but I don’t want to be 40 and single. What do I do?
Based on the most helpful WSO content, your situation is a classic trade-off between career advancement and personal fulfillment. Here's how you can approach it:
Career Opportunity vs. Lifestyle Trade-offs:
The opportunity you’re describing—7 figures at 26 with minimal risk—is rare and could set you up for generational wealth. Many WSO users emphasize that such opportunities are worth serious consideration, especially if they provide financial security and flexibility for the future. However, the lifestyle trade-offs, particularly in dating and social life, are valid concerns.
Dating in a Smaller City:
While NYC offers unparalleled dating options, many WSO threads highlight that dating success is less about location and more about effort and mindset. In smaller cities, the dating pool may be smaller, but it can also be less competitive and more relationship-focused. You might need to adjust your approach—be proactive, use dating apps, and engage in local communities to meet people. Some users have even found their spouses while working in demanding roles or less-than-ideal locations.
Long-term Perspective:
If this role is a stepping stone to financial independence, consider the possibility of relocating back to a metro area later. Many WSO contributors suggest viewing such moves as temporary sacrifices for long-term gains. You could also explore remote work or hybrid arrangements in the future, which might allow you to return to a larger city.
Balancing Career and Personal Goals:
Reflect on your priorities. If finding a partner and building a family is a top goal, ensure you’re not compromising too much on that front. Some WSO users have shared stories of prioritizing relationships over career moves and finding happiness in the long run. However, others have emphasized that financial stability can provide the freedom to focus on personal goals later.
Actionable Steps:
Ultimately, this decision hinges on your personal values and long-term vision. Many WSO users advocate for taking calculated risks in your 20s, as they can pay off significantly later in life.
Sources: I met a girl and I don’t want to do this anymore, https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/private-equity/then-and-now-compbanker?customgpt=1, Where is the time for friends/ serious relationships working 80-100 hour work weeks?, Please help! - burnt out and depressed despite having my dream job and not sure how to fix it, I met a girl and I don’t want to do this anymore
If you’re 26 making seven figures in a non HCOL city….you can fly in your dates / who you’re dating
What woman worth marrying would want or have the time to do this?
Just do it and find an Oklahoma smoke show
No joke, that’s a legit consideration. I’d price in ~26 weekend trips to nyc from where you’d be based (assuming some weekends you’ll naturally want to just chill / kick it with new friends there / vacation, etc), and I’m sure even pro forma for that you’d still be doing very well for yourself given ~7 fig salary.
I presume you have buddies who’d let you crash during that time when you’re just trying to go out (obv would toss them a bone as a thanks) and then if/when you’re trying to link a girl just make some excuse to go back to hers, then the following weekend get a bnb / hotel etc & explain the sitch to her on that second link.
Please do not take advice from someone who thinks a 26 year old is getting a 7 figure salary
Check how many MDs have 7 figure salaries - or CFOs of F500 companies
What’s the job
bump
dude I did that fuck-ass move for far less than 7 figures (terrible idea) and it was awful to say the least.
In short, yes I would do it again if it meant I made 7 figures
Turn down the job and give it to me
There are hot girls everywhere. If your WLB won't be terrible, you won't be fired, and you're going to make $1M+, this is a no brainer...
As the other guy said, fly your dates to nicer destinations for weekends. Also, if you hate it, just move back to NYC by the time you're 30 and have banked $4M+ of salary?
This is wrong... consider $4m posttax is more like $2m which by the time you are 30 doesn't make a difference vs. the principal level role in NYC you'd have. Also that incremental wealth doesn't matter relative to the better dating pool in NYC
Taxes are probably much lower in the LCOL state. Don’t forget, the incremental 13% or whatever is really like 25% when evaluated on the take home. Keeping 65% of your salary is 30% more than keeping 50%. Now factor in the actual cost of living and it’s significant.
The bigger financial argument is that in NYC I’m more likely to find a hot PE girl to marry (at least in my delusion world) vs in the city I move to, the girl I marry probably is a teacher or something.
There are not hot girls everywhere. People in LA / NYC etc. have no idea how spoiled they are and how good the dating markets are there compared to elsewhere. Go to the Bay Area and see how bad it is vs NYC.
Perhaps not Bay Area, but if you go to other states (e.g. Alabama, texas, etc), skinny blonde blue eyed girls are a dime a dozen; there are a lot of hot girls in non NYC/LA.
The difference is that a hot girl in NYC is interacting with and getting asked out to fancy dinners by millionaire trust fund guys since NYC / LA is concentrated with wealth, versus a girl in Austin TX, no matter how hot, isn’t surrounded with as many flashy rich guys. If anything, I’d argue that dating as a guy making six figures in a LCOL city is easier. This is just my perspective from a girl though
There is a third option… just take your time. OP is a guy - what’s the rush to get into a relationship?
Bump - in similar spot
Just say the city so we can see how bad it really is for dating
I can’t share the city for privacy reasons but it’s a cheaper area and has lower taxes than NYC. Dating there is really bad from what I’ve read online.
To be honest I've done the "live in a boring place for money" thing and it was very painful. I don't know how bad your situation will be since I don't know where you'll be going but I really disliked how bad my social life was. And no it wasn't a me problem as when I moved back to a large city everything got significantly better. There's a reason people dream of living in top tier cities. The access to entertainment, social opportunities, dating makes a huge structural difference. I've experienced living somewhere boring people warned me about and it is bad...
if the delta with what you could make in NYC is huge, maybe consider it, otherwise personally I wouldn't do it (talking about me). If it's a shorter term move to accumulate capital with a clear out back into NYC maybe try out, if you can get stuck be careful. You can have a lot going for you but moving to a place with a structurally worse social and dating scene will punish anyone.
I suspect a lot of the people telling you taking the job is a no brainer either are in relationships (no need for a good dating market) or have never experienced living in a boring / slow area.
For reference, I’m in my mid-30s and married. I did the fuck-ass city and dragged my now wife with me for a couple years before finding our now spot. That was a tough sell at the time.
But this is a no-brainer. You’re in your 20’s, you have an incredible career opportunity in front of you and zero ties keeping you in place. This is the age to set your career trajectory / earnings potential - the single biggest difference maker in your life apart from money itself. Build around that and the personal life will fall in place at the right time. And if you do it right, that personal life may be several leagues better than you were hoping for.
Unless you have ties now, don’t try to make your career fit into your personal life. Or even worse, the future personal life you think you want now.
Send it!
Thank you. This is great advice. “Don’t try to make your career fit into your personal life”
i would like to know the job so i can move to said fuck ass city, and leave the people’s republic of NYC
Is it the politics or what’s driving you away?
tbh just taxes and COL and weather
Is this one of Wichita, Wayzata, or Bentonville?
Are people actually meeting their wives in NYC or is it just a carousel of heartache? I’m thinking of transferring to NYC but have been unsure if it’s a realistic place to meet a serious girl.
I was going to comment this earlier. NYC is fantastic for hook ups, less so for wife material unless you are from the Northeast or Jewish, ie you have a real path to settling down here. If you’re not from here, it’s tough to find someone who you can align with your long term vision of your life which for me means eventually going closer to home.
Highly encourage any man move here for a phase of their life where they want to date and hook up a lot, but be cognizant that is a boyish desire. Manhattan for people in your 20s these days is a playground for attractive rich kids. To your point, yes you’re likely to get burned by an Estella / Daisy. Then you have boring chicks - the career strivers or the west village tiktok addict. The girls that want to be Carrie Bradshaw but would never write a sex column.
All that is to say dont knock these other cities and don’t overly romanticize NY. OP will be fine. There are beautiful women in every city, mostly. Maybe you need to work harder to get them vs NY but that should be easier if you’re really making 7 figs.
FWIW I did NYC for late 20s/early 30s. Single, good gig, making $. Never thought NYC was the long term plan. Was incredible for myriad reasons, including but not limited to meeting my now wife. Brought her with me when I moved to a T2 (or T3?) city (think Nashville, Chicago, DC, ATL, etc.). She loves it here now, I love it, our kids love it... life is great. Make no mistake, NYC was definitely a carousel (not so much hearteache), never boring. But as someone in my early 40s now, I frankly couldn't fathom having our current life (kids, dogs, proximity to our "life infrastructure" things like schools, clubs, activities, airports, etc.) in NYC or the surrounding burbs.
My biggest piece of advice to OP and folks in similar situations is to understand the liquidity of the job market wherever it is you're planning to move. Making money is definitely awesome, and while it "lubes up" a lot of the "friction" life can throw at you, it isn't the end all especially if at some point you start not loving your job. It's easy to say "NBD I'll just move somewhere cooler" but the reality is that the older you get, the more important it is (depending on your values, etc.) to have roots in a community and a really kick ass infrastructure, and those things take at least a few years to properly develop.
The job market for this career is not liquid at all. In my city I would be working for the only game in town. If I got fired or left, I’d probably be forced to move to NYC or maybe SF.
So each hour at the new gig replaces how many hours worked in NYC? Example to clarify my question: let's say the new gig pays 2x as much and with half the hours, compared to whatever job you'd do in NYC. That would be a total 4:1 ratio, each hour worked replaces 4 hours worked in NYC.
I love NYC and totally hear you on the lifestyle point. But if every hour worked in your new gig is going to replace ___ hours in NYC, and that blank is large, there's no amount of lifestyle points that are going to make up for that.
you're not gonna be 24 forever. think about the real future of the next 30 years. Many of the things you covet now in your NYC lifestyle will not be remotely important to you in 10 years, you wont miss them or miss out.
Without knowing the exact city immediate reaction is take the job.
Are you near an airport (less than 30 min) where you can get to a city in under 2 hours? if so just keep an apartment there and spend your weekends there.
Are you near any major college campuses? Had a buddy who had a similar work set up, but he was an hour or so from a big college campus. Word kinda got around that he was single, had money and was looking for a wife (he was in his 30s) he had plenty of college girls who were interested. He ended up marrying one and they have a couple of kids and live a pretty nice life in BFE.
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