Married as an IB Analyst
Seen a couple of posts about this, but how do you make marriage at 23/24 work and what are the best ways to not fall out of love while you’re working 85-100 hour weeks?
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Solution is to not get married so young
Well if you're married, hard for the girl to run...
I think it is all about making time. Easier in the new WFM regime.
Are you married or just considering it? Can’t imagine it would be easy to keep her satisfied while not being able to spend quality time with her unfortunately
Would not recommend.
Getting married that young definitely isn't a great idea in its own regard, let alone combining it with a job that has minimal WLB.
What field is she in?
This typically only works if you are married early due to religion (i.e. Mormonism)
Back when I was a first year analyst, there was a Mormon guy in my class who was 24 years old (he was older than everyone else because he did a 2 year missionary during college) and was married with one kid.
He and his young family were crammed into a 1-bed room apartment that was walking distance from the office. He worked hard and put in the hours like everyone else with the exception of 1 hour in the evening in which he would go home to have dinner with his family before coming back to the office.
My guess is most young wives would be unhappy in such a situation (home alone with a small baby while husband works very long hours), but it worked because of their religion. Anecdotally, I've heard that Mormon women are supposedly subservient to their husbands.
If husbands treat their wives as subordinates then they can honestly get excommunicated from the church - they’re supposed to be equal partners.
Married young Mormon here. There are tons of young married couples in our church who end up doing banking —> PE —> to the moon or whatever. It’s not the religion that saves marriages, per se. Plenty of people in our church end up getting divorced because their partners didn’t put in the necessary effort to keep their marriage.
The divorce rate is still less than in general society, but if someone doesn’t make time for their spouse (I.e., works 100 hours constantly then goes home to watch TV in their free time and never actually talks to their spouse) then they likely won’t last. Most of my married buddies who are going through their analyst years right now (or who recently went to PE) tell me that they make time for dates every week during their protected Saturdays. They also make sure to do chores around the house regularly when they get home (even when working 100hrs/week), and they treat their wives like they love them/like they’re equal partners. It’s about showing your partner that you’re actually committed to the relationship and not just to work.
In one of the happiest couples that I know, the wife is a lawyer and the husband is a banker. They both work 100+ hour weeks but they make time for each other regularly. On top of that, it’s honestly easier sometimes when your wife is just as busy as you and understands what it’s like to have crap pop up and ruin your plans for a 3rd time in a row.
That being said OP, it’s still not an ideal situation. I don’t know anybody that loves working the 100 hour weeks because it’s not easy. You’ll still argue with your spouse and wish you can spend more time with them. You’ll still grind away at work and be exhausted when you get home. Your sex life will still suffer on the worst weeks and it’s very possible that you burn out while in the industry because it’s just too heavy of a burden on your relationship. If you show that you’re committed to the relationship in small ways though, you’ll have a solid shot at staying together no matter what your religion is, so long as your partner is 100% on board with the suffering.
If you ever treat your wife like she’s subservient though, then she’ll likely leave you, and you’ll 100% deserve it because you’re abusive. Equal partners don’t treat their spouses like they have no say in what happens in the marriage.
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