Got an internship in London this summer at a hedge fund.
I have been invited to my family's wedding, which is on a weekday during my internship, (thankfully the venue is near London). The wedding isnt the whole day, starts in the late afternoon onwards, say 4/5pm.
Do you think I'd be able to go or should skip it? If I decide to go, how should I go about letting HR or my manager know?
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Depends on size/type of fund, if it’s small or sm flat structured type then should be fine, just talk to manager, generally culture is more relaxed there
If it’s mm platform then depends on if you’re on a large scaled program or just hired under a specific pm, if it’s an organised program then don’t, will score badly with BD, if with pm then it’s possible but again dependent on how close you two are
Would overall recommend don’t leave until you finish your day, show up to the wedding, just be a little late
It is a SM type fund, and would say I have relative good terms with my manager.
Im probably over thinking it but im quite scared it wont go down well.
But I'll talk with my manager and just see what they say. I rather not jeapordize anything, but me even asking them may jeapordize my relationship.
Should I talk to HR first before, or should I talk to my manager about this.
I got a few months before I start.
.
Midweek wedding? During internship season? The audacity!
Ask your manger, he will say its fine. If he doesn't (which he wont) then you just make it to the reception. Don't over think it. No one has any interest in making you miss a family wedding for an internship.
Thanks A1 M&A and EngagedbutLame for your advice.
Ofc, the timing isnt ideal as its starts at around 4pm but its much better than asking for a whole day off.
For clarity it is the reception which i got invited to, that starts at 4pm.
and I was gonna clock in earlier than the usual morning time to get stuff done / to give a good impression etc.
Also, A1 M&A, wouldn't it be better to ask my manager sooner rather than letting them know during my internship?
I'd personally approach it once I'm closer to the manager (relationship wise) and do it in a light-hearted joking way, but that's just how I usually am around managers/seniors and they seem to like it (obv easier to get them to say yes when they're in a good mood). But ofc some managers would prefer to be told beforehand so they can staff/give work accordingly so quite dependent on how you usually interact with your manager and their preferred style, have known pm who are nice around people but are very strict and demanding with biz, but regardless don't overthink it, it's a happy thing so no need to make it seem like a heavy subject. just my .02
My suggestion would be be upfront and direct about it. Always communicate at early as you can.
Make it clear that you are more than willing to prioritize work and miss the wedding if there is anything urgent / fire drill on that day as a courtesy so the other side is inclined to reciprocate, you intern in HF so I suppose that would be less likely.
Don't say the wedding starts at 4pm, say it starts at noon or say it is a full day event but you will only leave at 3/4pm to show that you are making compromises.
I think the first half of the advice is good, definitely be up front about the conflict and communicate early. Additionally, explain that you know work comes first but emphasize that you'd really like the opportunity to attend in the event that nothing urgent is happening that day.
Regarding stating that the wedding starts at noon, I wouldnt lie about it. I think honesty is important, and you never know, they may have some way of knowing when the event truly starts (sometimes prominent venues list the start times of such events). Just be clear that while it starts at 4/5 PM and youd like to attend the entirety of the event, you completely understand if you cannot cut out until later on. Best of luck
It’s fine dude nobody will care its perfectly acceptable to attend important life events like these
A few things:
1) you should go to the wedding. If a firm doesn’t give you an offer because you missed a few hours of a workday due to a family wedding, then you don’t want to work there
2) don’t lie, just be up front with your manager about it. It’s a pretty normal event, and when you work FT this stuff will happen
3) As someone who manages a large team I’d be pissed if someone missed a wedding without even telling me or asking for the time off. Honestly, if you came to me with this request I’d probably tell you to take the full day off and enjoy the time with the family.
4) Junior people need to stop putting unrealistic expectations on themselves (and all this pressure). Use common sense, put yourself in the shoes of your MD/PM, how would you react? Most sensible people don’t want you skipping family events, not taking care of yourself (sleep, gym, etc), so don’t live life that way.
Thanks for your comment.
Im not starting until the summer, and I cant be emailing to let him know about the wedding because its probably better coming from me in person.
Should I try to schedule a call to discuss the internship etc, and squeeze in the topic during the call?
Just scared that it looks really bad as an intern; even though culture seems good i dont want to create a bad impression
Look at the end of the day it’s your decision and I don’t know these people, firm, or team. So you have to choose what’s best for you as my advice could be bad, but my take is that you are over thinking it.
In person vs over email for this won’t matter as long as you deliver the right message; that you are really sorry and hoping this can work, it’s an important family event, and you’ll make sure to makeup whatever work is necessary for the time you are taking off.
If you wait too long you can also look stupid. Like you knew all along you were going to miss a day and didn’t tell me until the last minute, why? In every place I’ve worked this is NOT a big deal.
You're overthinking this. When you start on the job, flag to your boss that you've a family wedding coming up on X date, near London, and it starts at 4pm. If they say anything other than "cool, no worries" they're an asshole. You're an intern in a HF, you really can't contribute that much (respectfully) and any work you're on can't be that time sensitive that you have to miss an important family event.
As other more experienced members have said, I'd be pissed if an intern (or any other member of the team) worked through an important family event instead of asking me if they could take the afternoon off. There are always ways to make these things work, no member of the team is that vital that it can't be worked around.
Go to the wedding if your relationship with the family member is good. Thinking like an PM here shows executive presence
This is correct. I'd suggest one other idea. I'd ask way in advance. Maybe even now, or on your first day. This will show that you're thinking ahead, concerned about the company and making sure there is adequate time to plan for your absence, and that you consider this to be an exceptional situation, not one you'll be pulling twice a month. With the absence calendared, you'll be able to plan to do some work ahead of time, or get someone to cover for any duties you would normally handle that day. If you handle this responsibly, it will make you look good. As the above response points out, managers, including myself, would not be happy to hear that you skipped an important family event to impress them at an internship without even asking, it would suggest actually that something might be wrong with you because you were afraid to ask, and got a bad outcome.
Wait what do u mean you were only invited to the reception of a family wedding lol
Probably not immediate family. I know some people who only wanted like 5-10 people at the actual wedding part and then threw a bigger party. Basically their parents, siblings and no one else at the ceremony
Absolutely go. This is a total non-issue.
Once you're 2-3 weeks out from the event, just tell them the day and you'll be out of pocket after X time. Don't tell your manager immediately when you start and definitely not before you start, build a bit of relationship with them first. I know it feels massive but this is really not that huge of a problem. Don't you think your manager has taken half days before?
Especially at a HF and not IB... 4pm is barely even leaving early.
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