Hi everyone,
Not sure if this is the right section, but I’d love to get some outside perspectives.
I’m currently in IB at one of the top BBs in Asia, and I’ve recently been approached about relocating to London permanently. Nothing is finalized yet, but the team seems serious and asked me to think through whether I’d be open to moving.
The main issue is my relationship. I’m in a serious relationship with my girlfriend, and she’s not in a position to move with me right away. If things go well, she might be able to join after we get married, but nothing is guaranteed — and realistically the earliest would be mid next year. That likely means about a year of very long-distance.
Even if/when she comes, she’d basically be coming for me. She doesn’t have a network in London and wouldn’t be moving for her own work/school plans.
Career-wise, this move feels like a huge opportunity and I’m definitely tempted. At the same time, she’s the love of my life and I don’t want to put our relationship at risk. So I’m feeling pretty torn.
Would really appreciate any thoughts, especially from people who’ve done long-distance or moved abroad while in a serious relationship. Any advice is welcome. Thank you.
Stay in Asia man. The UK and europe are shitholes with no future. Asia will have more opportunities than London, where you get robbed if you look at someone wrong.
dude you don't know if this Singapore, Hong Kong or even India LOL.
He could very well be from the Mumbai office of JPM.
Thank you. I’m based in one of developed countries in Asia, seems I didn’t mention this in my post
Please don’t be an idiot, man.
Chase the opportunity.
Too many wife-guys in this industry.
Plenty of fish in the sea, but not as many opportunities.
Be the best you can be and you’ll probably find someone better.
Best case, she’ll respect your decision, stay loyal, and follow you eventually.
Always have to be willing to walk away in relationships. Nothing is permanent.
Nah bro London is a shit hole. If you are in like hk/Singapore why would u move. London is not NY, SF…
Yeah London sucks. The UK is a dump w no freedom of speech. Basically a third world shithole
Yes, because both Hong Kong and Singapore are the pinnacles of freedom of speech /s
Cannot even get ChatGPT in HK without a VPN. And don't get me started on SG or China.
Hey man I wouldn’t worry about it too much, if she’s cute, she will probably move on pretty quickly.
😂
Man of culture. She's not yours. It's just your turn.
Please ignore all those comments above. You’re posting this on a site filled with Americans who trash London every other day. You’re either looking to get rage baited or setting up an echo chamber.
I'd assume you're relocating from HK/Singapore. As someone who has very good connections with bankers working in these two countries, I'd suggest moving if and only if you're absolutely career oriented. London provides much better deal exposures compared to Asia even in HK regardless of recent IPO boomings. If you want to exit to buyside, London is a no-brainer in terms of exit opportunities, a billion times better than HK/SG and it's not even a comparison. You don't have to worry about the pay because given you're at a top BBs, you have very good chances of exiting to MF PE or top UMM and most of them pay on par with NYC. The exit opportunities in APAC are pretty much non-existent, with a tiny number of funds have openings every other year and only hire 1-2 people per year. If you want to exit outside of them, and even exit to MM PE, your pay would be even much lower than a MBB Consultant so it's not worth it imo. Even if you decide to be career banker, at the MD level in HK for example, not many bankers will make more than USD$1M a year because of the nature of the less sophisticated HK/China markets, as opposed to London. Most people from HK/SG I know who ended up leaving London is just because they either wanted to get closer to their families, or they wanted to avoid tax traps. But come on, London pay ceiling is much higher and it's not even a debate - everyone knows it.
Hi, student here. You seem to have some very wise/informed takes. May I PM?
Sure
Agree with the above take overall - and agree the MF / UMM PE opportunities likely better in London and overall pay ceiling being higher.
That said, think the above slightly trivializes likelihood of a PE exit in London. There is a strong preference for European languages within the top funds so I would very much view this as a move to London to stay in banking - with a potential but unlikely path to large-cap PE.
It is a small distinction, and overall think this is a great opportunity but I just wanted to add a data point.
I don't rlly think that london offers such an opportunity nowdays for asians. Maybe BBC/Hkers but still the majority of front office seniors in london are european/legacy brits and generally speaking my asian friends couldnt rlly find a decent exit in ldn as well. So they ended up in MM PE/SWFs where they pay MBB level salaries and they have to pay UK taxes...Its true that london offers a superior comp at the senior level esp at top BBs and EBs but haven't rlly seen a lot of asian career bankers who ended up becoming MD in london apart from MDs who started from the states and just working in london temporarily. If one is like super competent and super aspirational then maybe but generally those types of ppl opt for the US.
Break up
As someone who has done a similar move from a European country I had no issues getting my partner the dependent visa, which seems even better than the skilled worker visa since it allows to move jobs without restrictions or sponsorship.
Requires that you are in a serious relationship for 2 years (with proof). If this is the case I would look into it. My employer managed the full process at the time ensuring that both of us relocate.
If you are from India, stay there.
Otherwise, take the opportunity.
I’ve been here before - moving countries for MBA and leaving my GF behind. We did long distance for 1 year or so, and broke up not long after. She’s married with kids now lol and I’m single AF. I work in a UK BB now
Difference between yours and my story is that I wasn’t 100% sure I would end up with her, so i felt shit and scared as I was making the move - I felt it might be the end of us
If I was certain I wanted to marry her, I would’ve 100% tried to make things work despite moving abroad. I would’ve discussed in detail - see if there could be a life for her in UK; opportunities, education, network etc. Just try to think long term benefits etc
If I really wanted to marry her, and I was sure moving abroad would be the end of the relationship, I would not move.
Good thing is that there is an inbetween where both parties can compromise and make things work - maybe try it for a few years together
Good luck! Rooting for you both
JPM loves importing Indians from Mumbai into top IB teams, majority of whom would never land a job in IB if they were educated in UK
This job is not rocket science or generally very hard. Pretty much only real skill at the junior levels is being willing to work hard, and a lot of Indians at very senior MD positions in banking as well across the street. They are being brought in because they are more trusted to be a strong junior as they have some experience with positive reviews vs. a random uni grad.
Issue is Hindu Indians only wanna hire their own kind based on caste. IYKYK. No other ethnic-religious individuals do that.
Apparently Indian managers do it not only in ldn but also hk, sg, even nyc...
time to ditch the bitch
Not nice
As someone who was in your shoes, do what’s best for your career as at the end of your day your success is your own. The difference between London and SG/HK is immense, and no one is worth holding yourself back. It’s just a sunk cost fallacy and generally people from SG/HK tend to have a ‘frog in the well’ mindset. When you step out of that bubble you’ll be grateful.
Being there, done that. Ended up marrying my wife and we both moved to another country together (Canada to the U.S.). If you want to have a proper wedding you can always sign the paperwork first and have your ceremony later.
You can always send her to school for her to grow her career as well.
look mate, at this season of your life, the job comes first. If the girl is into you enough, your relationship will survive the distance. If not, it wasn't meant to be, and you move on. And in your 20s you should be dating widely and getting to know lots of girls. Who you partner up with for life is super important. You do NOT want to go thru life shackled to someone who is miserable or makes you miserable. And you absolutely do NOT want to go thru the divorce grinder. So you need to be 100% certain. Like, bet your life on it certain, that you can go the distance until your end of days. Otherwise LTRs and marriais not worth it. You'll get kids and property involved and life will suck.
If relocation is optional then would stay where you are with your GF.
If it is mandatory, then you need to work this out with her and see if she would be willing to move to London (long distance doesn’t work for the long term).
While this is a difficult position (especially if it’s a girl you see as a long term partner), I personally would focus more on my career at this stage in your life. Think about it, if you’re unemployed, do you think any girls gonna like that? They’ll break up with you in a heartbeat.
Have you tried using a vib-... never mind, just finished reading beyond the headline.
I've done long distance (4hr to 12+hr flight times) a bunch of times (>5x) with different long-term (6mth to 2+yr) girlfriends. Obviously most of those didn't work out, but one of those times was with the woman who's now my wife.
In the majority of those cases, we would never have lasted even without the long distance aspect. For one or two of them, we would probably have stayed together and maybe even been married now, but the relationship would not have been as strong as the one with my current wife.
If I define a "compatible" couple as two people who ultimately manage to stay together for decades without wanting to kill themselves or each other... The truth is that there is no such thing as "the one" who's the only person you're compatible with; there could be anywhere from zero to thousands of them. And it's not a binary thing either, there are people who you'd be just barely compatible with, and people who you could go through anything with.
Moving will 100% put some strain on your relationship, placing it at risk. But if just a little over a year of long distance is enough to kill the relationship, then it would have been borderline anyway. Sounds like you're pretty young, so why settle for borderline? If it works out then great, you know you're with someone you can definitely build a life with. If it doesn't, then chances are high that you'll meet someone more compatible with you in the future.
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