Record Dealflow Is Paradise
You did it, you busted your ass 16 hours a day for 365 straight days at the top group of. You ate "pls fix" sandwiches everyday, with a side serving of "I'm interested in a scenario where…" for lunch and dinner, personally arranged by your Director who really is proving that, at 33 years old, he can run a process.
Two weeks ago, you eagerly tune in to the 8:30am earnings call. Your CFO is thrilled to announce that this is your banks best YoY performance of all time. "Let's fucking go", you think, as you give a soft grin and pump your fist really low as to not alert the VP a few offices away that you're having any modicum of fun. You pop open a spreadsheet and start a mini-budget for that 75% mid-bucket bonus that you're an absolute lock for. That second cup of coffee hasn't kicked in yet, so you quietly daydream for the next 10 minutes about how much pus you're going to get balling out at Phebes with your $50k post-tax paycheck.
Today you get called in to the staffers office. You walk in, swinging your shoulders slowly like a member of the peaky blinders. "Great job this year, A1. A few things we want to see improved, but overall well done. Mid bucket performance." You lightly grin and say "thanks, excited to be even better this year."VP doesn't seem to be sharing the same smile. He's looks almost concerned. He delivers in an emotionless tone: "Your bonus for this year is $35,000."
After the disappointment subsides and the hour + of vehement scrolling on WSO, you realize everyone got fucked. The only thing ringing in your head is that cheesy fuck of a CFO so proudly boasting your firms best year of all time.
Only thing left to do now is see how far that $19,000 post-tax will carry you in SWE education.
Best of luck next year friends.
Here's to another record year.