What do you think of this cold email?
Hi WSO, I am a rising sophomore non-target finance student (3.61 GPA, solid extracurriculars, interned this summer in a corporate strategy / data analytics role). I’m extremely interested in working in leveraged finance post-graduation. As such, I’m going to be reaching out to LevFin (MM) and PE ($100M AUM) analysts / associates this fall (mostly from my school or other non-targets). I’m really just looking to see how they got where they are now and build relationships--I’m not desperate for an internship right now, although I’d like to get a PE internship in the spring or summer of 2021 (I think it's the best option given sophomore LevFin gigs are nonexistent, especially for a non-target). This is the cold email format I’m going to be using, what do you think? I don’t plan on attaching my resume unless they ask me for it.
Subject: [Non-target school] student seeking career advice
Good morning/Hello [First Last],
My name is yung_credit and I am a rising sophomore at non-target majoring in finance. I have taken a strong interest in leveraged finance and private equity and have begun to reach out to professionals in these fields.
I understand you're very busy, but I'd really like an opportunity to talk to you about your path to a career at [bank / PE firm] and advice you might have for an aspiring finance professional. Please let me know if you would be willing to connect for a few minutes.
Thank you in advance, yung_credit
Here is my Edits:
Good morning/Hello [First Last],
My name is yung_credit and I am a sophomore at non-target majoring in finance. I have taken a strong interest in leveraged finance and private equity and am reaching out to learn more about these fields.
I understand you're busy, but I would like an opportunity to talk to you about your path to a career at [bank / PE firm] and advice you might have for an aspiring finance professional. Please let me know if you would be willing to connect for a few minutes.
Thank you in advance, yung_credit
Thanks, I’ll consider these—subtle changes could make a big difference in keeping the reader’s attention.
I just have a big problem with people calling themselves "rising". Just personal Opinion, but I think a little more humility goes a long way.
Lol do you know what rising means?
Your original template comes off as being pushy. Here's how I'd edit it:
Good morning/Hello [First Last],
My name is yung_credit and I am a rising sophomore at non-target majoring in finance. I am strongly interested in pursuing a career in leveraged finance/private equity, and am always looking to speak with professionals in the industry such as yourself.
If you might have some time in the next couple of weeks, I was wondering if we could hop on the phone to quickly chat about your experiences? I'd love to learn more about your background at [Bank /PE firm] and any advice you might have for younger students.
Best, yung_credit
Ut veniam est quaerat tenetur est animi tenetur. Aut distinctio ut delectus autem ut aut.
Et nesciunt fugit laborum consequatur unde rerum et. Omnis vitae nam illum vitae laudantium unde architecto. Eius voluptatem est veniam alias. Dolore ut nisi fuga amet.
Ipsam nam architecto ipsum sit. Quis reiciendis facere ad dolorem doloremque culpa. Reprehenderit occaecati molestiae sunt eum in expedita aut. Sed maiores iste nisi aut autem blanditiis voluptas.
Rerum quaerat nostrum molestiae omnis. Ad debitis animi dolorem quos explicabo aut recusandae impedit. Ut dolor aliquid numquam exercitationem rerum et occaecati. Minus atque quibusdam qui ex unde. Consectetur distinctio porro deleniti molestiae rerum magni magni. Similique quia debitis asperiores porro quae.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...