What is the max length of Poop breaks?
Hi everyone, I know the title seems a little stupid but not trying to be funny here, I’m currently interning this summer in a chill MM where I can poop for up to 20 mins and no one really bats an eye.
What can I expect for a BB (think BAML/Citi/UBS) and will people judge me for taking long? Will this affect return offer? I really enjoy taking my time with poops as it is also time for me to mentally unwind - I also don’t poop any less than 10 mins even if I try my hardest but the 20 mins is due to using my phone. Thanks.
I think you should use the WACC formula (Weighted Average Cost of Crapping):
WACC = (Crap % of Work Day x Company Cost of Crapping) + (Return Offer % x Cost of No Return x (1 - Fap Rate))
Does your return offer percent take into account the weighted tranches of crap? There’s a big difference in a Friday afternoon ghost crap and a Monday morning volcanic eruption after a weekend of binging atomic hot wings.
You could use a crap-consistency spread to estimate that cost, but if OP has to ask, it might make more sense to hire an advisor to find a more tailored solution.
In my opinion, 15 mins or under is ideal (I think you should be targeting 10-12 mins). 20 mins as an intern might fly at an MM but will likely raise eyebrows at a BB. At an EB, Anything over 10 mins is probably unacceptable.
I work at an EB and just shit under my desk. No time to spare in paradise.
FTP?
yes but they pay 140 base so its fine
General rule of thumb: if you have to ask whether you're taking too long, you're taking too long.
Congrats on UBS
Congrats on Baird.
I think you should focus on this to the exclusion of all else when you hit the desk. Start a stopwatch every time you go to the bathroom, record your times in an excel spreadsheet, Watch youtube videos about how to poop faster, adjust your diet to improve fiber intake. Shave that 10-20 minutes down to 1-2 minutes = guaranteed return offer.
Don't worry about financial modeling/powerpoint or any of the other meaningless grunt work tasks your peers will work on. This is the defining struggle of your career. Go get em tiger.
Ask your analyst class how long they poop for and build a regression charting the average poop time against performance
I had a great topic about this last year
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/off-topic/average-time-to-take-a-sht-in-the-office
Can’t provide a serious answer without more detail.
Is your office layout open-plan so colleagues know that you’re going to the toilet in your break?
Do you have to leave the desk for periods of this duration for any other work related tasks?
How many times you shiddin per day?
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