Roast my cold email template to Alumni (updated)
Got pushback on last format. Lmk what u guys think of this, especially if it’s personalized enough and if I should put my resume.
Dear Mr. X,
My name is [Full Name) and I'm studying Government and Economics at SCHOOL. I'd appreciate the chance to learn about your path from SCHOOL to Wall Street. I am deeply interested in investment banking (particularly X field of IB), and am especially drawn to your bank due to its focus on X. I have experience interning for Morgan Stanley and the U.S. Congress and engaged in complex finance projects. I imagine you're busy, but I would greatly appreciate briefly speaking with you at your convenience. Best regards, Name
Based on the most helpful WSO content, here’s how you can improve your cold email:
Ditch the Resume Mention: Including your resume in the email can make it feel like an application rather than a networking attempt. Save that for later conversations or when explicitly asked.
Personalization is Key: Your email could benefit from more specific personalization. Mentioning something unique about the recipient’s career path, achievements, or even a shared interest (e.g., alumni network, clubs, or hobbies) can make your email stand out.
Simplify the Introduction: Avoid starting with "My name is..." as it’s redundant (your name is in the signature). Jump straight into why you’re reaching out.
Be Concise: While your email is relatively short, it can be tightened further. For example, instead of "I imagine you're busy, but I would greatly appreciate briefly speaking with you at your convenience," you could say, "Would you be open to a quick 10-15 minute call to share your insights?"
Tone: The tone is polite, but it could be more conversational. Avoid sounding overly formal or robotic.
Here’s a revised version:
Subject: Quick Question from a Fellow school Student
Dear Mr. X,
I’m a school student studying Government and Economics, and I came across your profile while researching alumni in investment banking. Your path from school to [Bank Name] caught my attention, especially your work in [specific field or project if known].
I’m particularly interested in [specific area of IB] and would love to hear about your experience at [Bank Name] and any advice you might have for someone aspiring to follow a similar path.
Would you be open to a quick 10-15 minute call? I’d greatly appreciate your insights.
Best regards,
[Your Name]
This version is more direct, personalized, and leaves out unnecessary details like your resume or past internships (which can be discussed during the call). It also respects their time by specifying a short call duration.
Sources: Cold Emailing/LinkedIn Messaging, Should I get straight to the point in my cold email?, https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/job-search/cold-emailing-to-ask-for-internship-template-advice?customgpt=1, Something wrong with my cold email?, Two Internships Later: What I wish I Knew While Recruiting! (Toronto)
I'd change wall street to whatever bank they work at so it doesn't sound weird (plus very few banks are actually on Wall st anymore). Your third sentence is way too generic, would suggest changing it to something like "I would love to learn more about your experience at X bank's Y group and gain additional insights on the industry" (e.g. I would love to learn more about your experience at JP Morgan's TMT group). On your last line (I imagine you're...) I'd change it to something like "I understand you have a busy schedule but I'd greatly appreciate the opportunity to hop on a quick 15-20 minute call with you if you have time in the upcoming days / week. I have attached my resume for additional context on my background"
Take what I suggest with a grain of salt - just have had like 10000 of these emails in the last few days and am suggesting the typical format that gets me to respond (if they're from my school / have an interesting resume or background)
Thanks so much for the helpful feedback. I have made your edits. The one I posted here (which is the one you helped me with) is what im sending to associates and analysts. For VP or higher Im sending this one. Any thoughts? Thanks
Dear Mr. X,
I'm a school student studying Government and Economics at Georgetown, and I came across your profile while researching alumni in investment banking. Your path from school to [Bank Name] interested me, especially your work in [specific field or project if known].
I'm particularly interested in [specific area of IB] and would love to hear about your experience at [Bank Name] and any advice you might have for someone aspiring to follow a similar path.
Would you be open to a quick 10-15 minute call? For additional context regarding my background, I’ve attached my resume for your reference.
Best regards,
Your Name]
Veritatis qui rerum voluptatem odio deserunt molestiae. Aperiam fugit adipisci quia minus expedita. Non quis et perspiciatis deserunt soluta architecto. Corporis odit libero adipisci exercitationem corrupti repudiandae. Quis numquam aut beatae. Velit minima commodi eius ut consectetur consequatur.
Illo quidem necessitatibus laudantium molestias dolore magni ex. Explicabo quas cumque earum nam non. A aperiam ipsa eos quae consequuntur eaque.
Consectetur aut vel molestiae cum qui nulla at. Totam cupiditate accusamus qui fuga. Quibusdam nobis alias qui totam ipsum dignissimos.
Quos est provident qui est tempora labore nihil. Sed ducimus distinctio asperiores suscipit. Magnam exercitationem accusamus nulla aut et itaque. Iste similique maxime repellendus iure iure. At expedita temporibus necessitatibus magni voluptatem. Ad doloremque quia doloremque praesentium doloribus. Mollitia voluptatem quasi debitis. Ut doloribus reprehenderit quasi fugiat.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...