Hey, per the title trying to buy an engagement ring. Don't think my girlfriend is expecting anything huge or expensive, but was just wondering if anyone could share some hacks or short cuts they've found; namely, maybe some place to buy a cheap diamond and band separately than putting it together.
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If you live in Manhattan, go to the diamond district. Don’t pay for retail price at Zales or Tiffany’s, you can get the diamond way cheaper from brokers on the district, and many can get you in touch with getting the setting. Personally, I got one for ~50% cheaper than what I would have paid.
Exactly what I did. Bought a loose diamond that was much higher quality if it was already set in the ring. Then bought a ring from Tiffany's. Took the diamond and the ring to have it set. Done.
Don’t go to any retail places and avoid ripoff Tiffany’s. Online I’ve used James Allen for a replacement ring when my original ring was lost. James Allen will give you ideas of decent prices. TBH- these days I’d go lab grown there is zero difference between mined and lab grown diamond optically or chemically but lab grown is like 25% of the price. For instance- decent lab grown 2 ct diamond is $6k while a same quality mined diamond is about $20k.
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Yes they do, you need to put them in a special chamber to check trapped gasses in order to tell a difference. There is articles of jewellers who were ripped off for years by select distributors selling lab diamonds as natural and charging as such before these machines were widespread.
The only reason anybody would ever buy natural in 2023 is because they or their fiancée have fallen for mined diamond propaganda.
As the owner of many diamonds- both bought for and inherited from family- recently I bought myself a lab grown diamond. Zero difference between looking at my mined diamond vs lab grown. Yes they pass all of the “diamond tests”. I would see what your future fiancé thinks about it but we spent a lot of time looking and learning about lab Vs mined and I’m 100% comfortable with a lab diamond and we will never again spend the equivalent of a new car on diamond jewellery here.
Lab grown is an excellent hack. My friend's fiance recently requested lab grown, partially for ethical reasons but also mainly because she wanted a big ass rock and didn't want him to have to spend like $50k to get it. Think he ended up spending around $10k all in getting her a lab grown diamond ring around 3.5 carats. Big win win for both of them.
Do you know what she wants? If she's expecting an actual rock, then maybe buy her a lab grown diamond or cubic zirconia, and just tell her than in 5 years or whatever, you guys can splurge for the real thing when you've got more disposable income. Maybe she doesn't care at all. Maybe she wants a different stone, or none at all. Kind of hard to give advice when the question is so broad.
Does someone in your family have a ring they might let you give to your (soon to be) fiance as an heirloom?
Buy her a cubic zirconia and don’t tell her for 5 years? That’s terrible advice.
Haha that was not what I meant at all, though I worded it poorly enough that's not an unreasonable interpretation.
I meant, tell her that it's not a real diamond but that in five years or whatever you'll replace it with a real one when you have the disposable income to do so, and as long as no one else knows, no one will possibly notice the difference and you can swap it out with no one the wiser
Probably can't go the heirloom route.
Basically Im trying to figure out the best way to do it. We've talked about getting engaged about not about the "what kind of ring/diamond do you want" so I'm trying to get ahead of it.
Not too familiar with this, but there is a way to enhance diamonds. So an I1 could become an SI1 with the improvements. It's a way to save some money, albeit know the stone will likely depreciate in value tremendously if you ever need to sell it or trade up someday.
If I need to buy a diamond, I'll look into this further.
I highly discourage this option. Clarity enhancement weakens the diamond, affects the light refraction so the diamond isn't as beautiful and makes the diamond worthless on the secondary market. A lab grown diamond is a diamond and a much better choice if saving money is important to you.
I stand corrected.
In my friend circle, diamonds are quickly becoming overrated and rightly so.
Look into other gemstones or moissanite for a fraction of the price. Use the savings for another 3 vacations, wedding, house down payment, etc
Now if you’re a big dick VP clearing half a mil (not me) then splurge. But if you’re a schmuck clearing 200k then a 75k ring is a horrible life decision
Yeah $200K equates to a $50K ring.
3 months requirement is dumb.
lol I know you’re trolling but I know a dude who makes 70k and bought a 25k ring
have to keep up with the jones (social media friends)
20 of the most expensive celebrity rings
https://www.brides.com/story/most-expensive-celebrity-engagement-rings
Your gf may not have said it out loud but she wants a decent sized rock. You can get a large high quality lab diamond for under $10k. Pay up.
I've talked to a lot of girls about this and there is a trick to girls. They don't always say what they mean. Maybe they think a big diamond isn't a big deal and say to get whatever. You take that at face value and then buy her a little tiny rock with two smaller rocks on the side.
She says "its so cute" when she sees it and then is genuinely happy for that moment. Then as she is hanging out with friends around town they say "congratulations" and what an "adorable" ring, while all these ladies are wearing big super sparkly rocks. Your fiancee starts to notice that it is a pretty tiny rock, but assures herself that she is happy with it. Then some self doubts rise to the surface like "why didn't he buy a bigger rock", "are we in an inferior social class", "does he not love me as much as I think he does"?
Always get a decent sized rock. Maybe its lab grown, but clear that with her first. You always want her girlfriends to approve as well who are in your social circle. Yes, this comes down to social norms. People in their respective classes get certain rings. Some girls say they are fine with just a silicone ring - the adventurer types. Even those types would like to be given a rock too just to feel special and ladylike and to wear for special events. When in doubt, no matter what she says, always get a nice sized rock.
It's not keeping up with the Joneses. It's a physical representation of your love for your SO.
It’s keeping up with the Joneses…
You pick up diamond sales as a side gig?
Funny because that's how it kind of going. We started looking at stuff and initially she said she wanted something smaller, but then the eyes got big.
Biggest hack (if possible) is to find out if anybody in either family has unused diamonds that can be used. Multiple people in my extended family have repurposed old diamonds from various relatives old rings/jewelry. This will save like 70-90% of the cost of the ring since all of the cost is really paying for the main diamond. Lots of old people either don't wear their engagement rings anymore or are happy to have theirs repurposed for children/grandchildren if asked.
I went to dinner with an ex girlfriend to this Korean place. She was Korean and her brother and his wife were too. Her brother picked us up for dinner in his 7 series BMW, but mentioned he also had a Mercedes AMG G wagon and a Ferrari in his garage. I was impressed as my ex said nothing about this when talking about her brother. There was one more thing - she said "don't try to out drink him, it will end badly for you." And she was right. We drank this rice wine bottle after bottle and I was getting smashed. He occasionally would say "what you think you can drink more than me?" I'd just nod my head. I was so done.
Then I noticed his wife's wedding ring. It looked like costume jewelry the stones were so big. Sparkling like a mofo. So as drunk as I am I say to her: "your ring's pretty badass" - she said "yeah that's what $250K looks like." I said "are you serious - $250K?!?" She laughed and said if she knew how much money his family had before he proposed, she would have made him pay for a much bigger ring.
What a gross and sad way to live one's life.
That's a huge flag as a guy for a girl to even think that. Kind of feel bad for the guy she's engaged/married to. If I heard that, I would have warned the guy if I was his brother / friend.
That car collection kind of reminds me of an Asian guy who lives on my block back home lol. I always felt the dude was overcompensating for something with his random Ferrari that he drives every Sunday.
My friend Zameer sells diamond rings. Office is on 57th/Madison. He is more about the process and getting to know you to get the perfect ring. He worked at McKinsey then went to HBS.
http://www.zameerkassam.com/gallery
Getting paid to shill?
No, I just believe in his process/product.
Never go to a name brand place like Cartier, get the box if you want, but that’s it.
You said she doesn’t care about anything fancy so I would suggest you just source the diamond on blue Nile.
And skimp on things like color and clarity and max out on carat.
Hey man, first of all congrats! Ive read a lot of your posts over the years and thoroughly enjoy them.
Couple thoughts as someone with a bunch of friends going through this phase (Im not far off myself):
1. Lab grown vs. "from the ground". This is something you want to discuss off the bat. Lab grown may have once had negative connotaitons as not being authentic but it also indicates no one was killed in the process of procuring your diamond. Many of my friends are opting for these as they are both less expensive, and (more importantly), their GFs have actually requested them.
2. Shop with your GF to find out her style. This is probably obvious, but if youre proposing, you want to ensure you get a ring that she will love and treasure. Whether it be an appointment at Tiffanys (friend of mine did this over the weekend and I dont recommend) or simply looking online through one of the generic jeweler pages, get a feel for what she likes.
Im sorry I cant better answer your OP questions but I thought these two tips would be helpful. If I were you I would ask some of the older married folks in your area that you're close with, ideally those that are (or were when they proposed) close to your tax bracket.
Best of luck!
I’m a girl, so I feel like my commentary might be helpful.
100% go with a lab Diamond. It is going to be undeniably conflict free and indistinguishable from a mined Diamond. Lab diamonds are also significantly cheaper.
I really like the sites “vrai” and “Frank darling.” You absolutely need to know her preference as far as yellow gold and platinum goes + ring shape and size. I myself love the classic Tiffany setting with a round solitaire Diamond.
You don’t need a VVS2 or even VS1. I would go look at some diamonds in person to see how low you want to go in clarity and color. Cut is going to be the most important.
You can easily get a beautiful, blingy 2ct center stone ring for about $8000. The most important thing is that you know what your girlfriend likes!
You would be happy with an $8K ring?
I think anything much larger than 2ct looks silly on my hand. Granted the ring I like is a simple, Tiffany style setting, if you’re paying significantly more for a 2ct engagement ring, you’re being ripped off.
Most women would be thrilled with an $8k ring. Frankly, if someone expects more than an $8k ring that's a pretty massive red flag IMO.
Aint saying not to spend that money on her if you want to and got it. But doing it for her vs because she expects it are night and day different. I would never marry someone that entitled
don't get a diamond, get tanzanite, sapphire, or something else. it's rarer and more precious than a diamond, will stand out, and is >50% cheaper than a diamond
Except his girlfriend might want a Diamond. A lot of women do. And lab diamonds are very affordable and are indistinguishable from mined.
I went the real diamond route years ago. The stone was sourced from New York by a local jeweler who then created the ring. If you have the cash, I would recommend at least 2 carats. Ultimately the ring is a reflection of you and size does matter (regardless of what other people say). On the GIA scale, just don’t go above the H color and SI2 clarity (inside info from family in the business) because then the inclusions become noticeable. More recently I bought my wife a ring with lab grown diamonds from Grown Brilliance which looks great. Not sure if lab grown diamonds was even a thing back when I purchased the engagement ring but I definitely would’ve went that route if I knew about it. Also would’ve saved me tens of thousands of dollars.
Going through this now. Helps to set appointments at Tiffany’s and Cartier etc to help triangulate the cut and setting but goes without saying, don’t buy there as the markup is ridiculous. I am using jewelers that friends and family have recc’d and used in the greater nyc area which includes Long Island for me. The biggest hurdle is procuring the diamond itself, to each their own here, and then setting it is usually not a huge lift at all. Average I’ve seen spent btw for my friend group who are generally at the VP1 level across banking / PE has been 40K (pretty sizable rocks) with one exception at 100K but he had family support as well. Hoping myself to not exceed 40
If you have a membership to something like Costco check it out, they have some pretty sweet stuff. They don't do a good job advertising it though.
Five steps:
1) Put the ring purchase on a travel credit card (think AMEX platinum, Chase Sapphire Reserve, etc).
2) Hit the minimum spend for the sign up bonus (typically $4-6K).
3) Pay off credit card in full so no interest or fees accrue.
4) Use points to get a free (or at least heavily subsidized) honeymoon.
5) Rinse and repeat same process for all wedding expenses.
This is how my wife and I funded our honeymoon to the Maldives in business class.
Out of your travel credit card mentions, which did you go with?
I currently have the AMEX Platinum (150K bonus), AMEX Gold (90K bonus), Chase Sapphire Preferred (80K bonus), Citi Premier (80K bonus), Capital One Venture (75K bonus), Chase Ink Business Unlimited (90K bonus), and Chase Ink Business Cash (90K bonus). I wait for banks to offer a high bonus and then churn through multiple cards. Churning isn't for everyone but its extremely lucrative if you always pay off your card balance and you know how to use the points. Wife and I are using the points to fly emirates first class and stay at Waldorf Astoria Maldives. It'll be our second Maldives trip we've been able to pull off entirely on points.
The AMEX cards are my only keeper cards so eventually I'll downgrade the others.
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