At what point do backhanded compliments become suggestions?

I was back home helping my parents with a backyard project last month, and I was working with some of my dad's friends who've known me since birth. The topic of city life/crime came up, and one of his friends said that I was, "in that sweet spot where I'm not too big that I'll be targeted, but still built enough to handle myself."

I took it as whatever since this guy was late-50's and hasn't seen anything but other farm boys, but maybe because he's known me all my life it was different.

Then, last week I was at the gym with a female friend of mine, and after squatting some pretty heavy weight, she goes "wow, anon, you have a sleeper build." WTF?

For context I'm 6'5 225. This one actually kinda bothered me considering it was the second observation of this sort, but I would like to think that I'm not insecure.

Point being, when do you actually start listening to jabs like this? If multiple parties have the balls to say it to you, then it's probably something less downplayed than they make it seem.

10 Comments
 

Could honestly be the clothes you’re wearing? Have a similar build proportionally, (5 10 170) with very low body fat and people don’t know what kind of shape I’m in unless I have my shirt off. I view it favorably as it avoids unwelcome attention. If you want to look bigger grab some slimmer fitting clothes built for athletic bodies (Buck Mason, Lulu Lemon are good)

 
Most Helpful

I'm confused, in what world are either of those jabs/backhanded? For a big guy you sure have miniscule self-esteem.

"If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 

I have a sleeper build, so I can relate. I worked out every day eating 175g of protein and gained 35+ lbs of muscle only for my 6'6" 275 lb cousin to let me know I should start "working out" after catching up at a family get together. We werent talking about working out, I wasnt talking about needing more exercise, I legit think he saw me and thought "damn this kid is a twig". Did I mention I had been grinding the gym for 5+ years at this point? Point is, to some youll always look small. 

TBH at 6'5" 225, you are likely in good shape but dont look super built. I say this as someone who is 6'1" 200 lbs with a very low % body fat. I hardly drink, eat an incredibly strict diet, and lift aggressively. All my "normy" friends say I look huge but put me up against anyone else who lifts seriously and I am simply not that big. I never will be. I stopped caring about size a while back and only care about strength now. 

We are both far above average sized men, but I am assuming you also dont have a big frame. Look, my back is my strongest muscle group and I am approaching a 500 lb deadlift, so I know a thing or two about building a broad back, but at the end of the day, Ill never look big. Part of life is accepting that. 

My advice? Keep that sleeper build. I rock XXL hoodies and XL tees any time I go out so people dont assume anything because there is no need for people to assume youre a monster. Keep squatting heavy and let your strength do the talking. 

No one at the gym ever says I look huge, but I do have people say, "I saw you squatting / deadlifting, what you just did was insane". Feelsgoodman

 

Iure qui qui modi et. Possimus qui blanditiis pariatur. Voluptatem quisquam ea velit at voluptate voluptatem explicabo. Vel velit labore laboriosam deleniti sit et enim.

Est dolorem quia perferendis corrupti. Laudantium dolores aut atque deleniti saepe laudantium. In id quia rerum sit quaerat animi qui.

Ipsum asperiores at odit quis quasi consequatur. Architecto dolor incidunt nulla rerum aperiam incidunt voluptatem facere. Laborum architecto vero deserunt quam. Perferendis ab cupiditate voluptatem est omnis explicabo non saepe. Qui reprehenderit iusto eum dignissimos vero dicta omnis cupiditate.

Id recusandae quasi consequatur sit. Minus dolorem nesciunt est rem totam. Doloremque ipsam qui voluptas. Est tenetur maiores exercitationem tenetur.

Career Advancement Opportunities

July 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.4%
  • Moelis & Company 01 98.9%
  • JPMorgan 01 98.3%
  • Guggenheim Partners 01 97.7%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

July 2026 Investment Banking

  • Moelis & Company No 99.4%
  • Evercore No 98.9%
  • Morgan Stanley 01 98.3%
  • BMO Capital Markets 12 97.7%
  • Banco Santander 01 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

July 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.4%
  • Moelis & Company 01 98.9%
  • Morgan Stanley 06 98.3%
  • Goldman Sachs 01 97.7%
  • JPMorgan 01 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

July 2026 Investment Banking

  • Vice President (15) $434
  • Associates (46) $258
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (8) $210
  • 2nd Year Analyst (22) $179
  • Intern/Summer Associate (13) $156
  • 1st Year Analyst (79) $150
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (73) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
kanon's picture
kanon
99.0
3
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
4
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
5
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
6
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
98.9
7
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
8
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
9
DrApeman's picture
DrApeman
98.9
10
numi's picture
numi
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”