I don't know what to do with my life
I wanted to pose an internal existential conflict I have on this forum, because I know there are a lot of other highly ambitious people and maybe you all have a glint of this as well.
Why did we do this job? What careers/lives do we want?
Looking back on it, my answer to this is probably just that it was what other people in university wanted. I deferred to their judgement, as I thought that surely they must have it figured it out. Years later, and I realize that no one has any of this shit figured out. It feels like the dog that chases the squirrel. After it catches it, now what? What value did I think this position would provide, what was the fundamental truth I was seeking? How do we snuff that out and align with that instead.
Have others in the community weighed the pros/cons of their current position and whether it met their expectations? My current thoughts below.
I really love working with interesting, ambitious people in a new city, while getting paid really well to do relatively engaging work.
But something feels missing. Something I've never felt before. I don't really know what I'm chasing anymore. I've started a couple of businesses in the past, and those were each extremely engaging. I love working hard, but I don't like working hard with no ownership/equity. But at the same time, I recognize that I work with intelligent people that I learn a lot from, am forming a network, and develop skills that I can create large-scale value from in the future.
I'm somewhat afraid that if I leave now I will realize it was a mistake and not know how good I had it. I am ambitious like many, I want to expand my scale and influence, which in capitalism means make a lot of money. Even though I do that on a fixed salary, it feels like it dampens my competitive spirit. I like infinite games. I like the process and the fight. Maybe that's why academia was engaging. It was competitive, you couldn't really win unless you would settle for a B. There were rules. But the real world has no rules, you have to make your own, pick your own infinite game.
Spitballing here. Would love to hear if others have shared similar thoughts.
Would you like a Fresca?
I've never had similar thoughts and i love working in this industry due to growing up with no money. I would recommend becoming a philanthropist of some sort, give your time to develop recruiting programs for Native Americans in high finance or getting people of all races mentorship into college and how to build a career.
I feel that same way.. I worked my ass off to break into IB, sacrificed a ton… but I ended up in a group that don’t have much interest in despite my ability to be curious about many subjects. I feel like time is moving through me and I wish I was moving with time. There was a time in my life where I felt like I had all the pieces of the puzzle and I was content, social time w friends, intimate time w family, mind stimulating work that fed my curiosity, component of adventure but I didn’t make the crazy amount of money I do now. All of that was in college. I think to myself what the fuck is the point of this job if it doesn’t elevate what I felt in college on a real time basis? And don’t tell me it’s to save it for the future that’s some boomerthink w the way SWE/Design Managers get paid relative to their clocked in hours. I also feel like I could be doing more important things w my life… I just haven’t figured out how to do them and what they are. As much as we have opinions on socioeconomic and macro issues, we don’t do shit abt it… we complain that ppl in power are old and don’t know what they’re doing/give our 2 cents and go back to moving logos? Running through a pitchbook v57 that will likely have no material outcome from the client meeting? Seems quite cowardly. I think I got caught in this loop thinking I need to get to A(investment banking) so I can get to C( make lots of money network with affluent ppl) so that I can do B (make a real change in this world w money, connections, and the intelligence and work ethic I’ve built) but I’m realizing none of B is really exclusive to IB. You can just go straight to B and there are a lot of people that have done that…. It’s just the path less traveled. You would have to put paper to pen and think a little more of how to make the money but the networking and learning is easy if you’re already an ambitious individual that has the propensity to break into IB. Additionally, there really isn’t much value in the making connections with affluent people when everyone is working just as long as you and the little time they have to think they’re not going to waste it ideas w you. It’s only until after IB/PE would the argument for that make more sense. I don’t know man…. But I feel you…heavy.
This was refreshing, pretty much exactly what I'm feeling and was hoping others like yourself would comment on.
To the point of saying that we could go straight to B. I've thought about this a lot and I think the only thing keeping me in this job (besides waiting for year end bonus) is that after leaving the ecosystem to do whatever, you kind of isolate yourself. What do you do then? Also feel like I take for granted how nice it is to work with smart people who push me and I learn from. It was only until I got into this job that I realized the world is big--sometimes you have to go with the grain.
If we were to exit now, what the fuck would we do? Start a business we are passionate about. It fails and then what? Maybe you are saying the answer is to just get a better job but what would that look like. What if all jobs are like this with us ultimately having no ownership or say but being someone elses bitch.
I certainly wouldnt be able to afford NYC, which is also a place I feel like I grow a lot in.
There are of course an infinite amount of path less traveled. i guess we just have to take the dive / the risk and if it doesnt pan out we will live to see another day.
I hear you. Do something that you know you’re good at and since you’re good at it you don’t feel like it’s “work” in the terms we normally think of “work” as “miserable reality of life”. Then get paid in the top range of whatever it is that you do bc… well… you’re fucking great at it and you can command the premium.
I think the problem arises at beginning where many of us have a hard time getting down to the nuts and bolts of what we are innately good at doing. In the pursuit of vain excellence and prestige we negate all else and neglect to look inward on our innate skills.
Being someone else’s bitch is a an issue of weighing the pros of being the bitch. Think about the teaching profession and the all the brilliant minds that devote themselves to public service who are evidently the parents bitch, the principals bitch, the administrators bitch, the students bitch. Yet people still remain and gravitate towards the teaching profession because they likely weigh the value of imparting a change on the next generation. The fulfillment gained outweighs being a bitch to all those stakeholders of the education ecosystem.
Another point I’d like to add is that human beings in general are horrible at risk assessment because we naturally tend to think that the status quo is a safer bet against the option that requires change. Yes, change may invite failure that may come in the form of a failed business venture, or what have you, but who knows? As often as failure invites wisdom, you take that with you to build success and end up being more well off than having done 5 years in banking that would have come at a greater cost to your physical, mental and social wellbeing. And sure the bank account looks nice but divide your monthly w hours worked and factor that into the other forms of self-degradation.
Grow a pair and start the business, what are you waiting for? Sure it's going to suck for a few years and you will have to severely downgrade your lifestyle but you will have the reins of your life back in your own hands. Best decision I made in my life btw.
I have also thought a lot about balancing ambition and contentment. The solution I came to is to optimize for happiness/fulfillment and not material wealth. Whatever makes you happy/fulfilled, do it. If you don't know what makes you happy/fulfilled, then you better start devoting significant amounts of time finding that out.
What kind of business did you start?
full service damage inspection and repair for buildings
.
So start a new business? You answered your own question.
Well, maybe not. What you're really asking is "how do I get paid tons of money, without any risk, to do whatever the hell I want?" And the answer to that is "you don't".
It is okay for your job to be just a job. If your sense of self-worth and meaning is tied up in the performance of what you do for a living, you probably have a real problem of perspective, not employment. Work isn't meant to be rewarding (in an emotional or intellectual sense, I mean). Figure out what you love and make that part of your personal life, and work to fund that. Don't expect sitting on a trading desk to somehow give you the warm fuzzies.
A2D entered the room and what did he see? Just saying a lottery ticket would do that. Or inheiretance (do not wish that on anyone btw). In terms of probability you're not wrong, but it can and does happen.
Also a job shouldn't be a job, it should be a career. Just my opinion. I'd say that's how you get the gravitas to do what you want. And seriously? Not wanting to do something that isn't rewarding in an emotional or intellectual sense? Just bag my groceries you register biscuit.
What in the world are you talking about?
basically been writing about that my whole career on WSO. the short answer if you're having an identity crisis because you've likely never turned inward to figure out what truly matters to you and your values but instead have focused on the bug on the windshield and just tried to end up moving forward but without some overarching goal. the theme is this - you want your life to be like a tree, the roots system develops first to be able to withstand storms and will grow solid over time. most people that wind up like you have had their life like a weed, fast growth but with shallow roots and easily destroyed as soon as crisis hits (whether this is existential, physical, financial, etc.)
I've cobbled together some links where I've written about this ad nauseum, some will be relevant, others not, but I hope you find something helpful in there
finally, forgive yourself, even those who seem to have it figured out are still trying to figure it out, this is all guesswork
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/off-topic/long-post-for-those-tha…
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/off-topic/then-and-now-thebrofess…
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/off-topic/the-more-i-think-about-…
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/off-topic/investing-in-yourself-h…
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/off-topic/i-might-hate-finance-an…
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/off-topic/what-motivates-you-trul…
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/off-topic/mid-20s-crisis#comment-…
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/off-topic/personal-development-bo…
I think that the analogy to a weed is hilariously accurate. Thank you, brofessor, and I will read these.
I love you
love you too sir, happy to help you on this journey, my inbox is open and everything's always confidential
I feel like this too, but I’ve put in so much work to get into IB I don’t even know what I’m passionate about anymore other than spending money or women.
Once I take my vacation I’m gonna take shrooms and go to the desert and find out what I want to do
Can you elaborate on infinite games? Is this under the context of Carse, Graham Duncan, or Sinek?
I guess infinite games is to mean a determinism to life. A 9-5 is somewhat determinate. When you get home, your work switch turns off. Anytime you're working for someone else in my opinion, it feels like a determinate game because your salary is pretty static. But when you're doing something independent with full equity, even if you're in the woods or some shit, there is no cap.
The goal is to find something that doesn't feel like work and turn it into an infinite game, where you never fully reach perfection, but it doesnt matter, because chasing it is what you are living for.
I have learned a very new concept today. You guys are doing a great job providing such useful information as sssniperwolf. Thanks again.
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