LinkedIn Cringe Rankings
Cringe Scale Based on what you put in your LinkedIn header:
HBS MBA: 2/10 - Yes it is still cringe, but HBS is HBS and I get why you're doing it. You work for a startup now but want to let people know you turned down a GoldenGate offer.... I get it, but I'm still disappointed in you.
Ex-McKinsey, Ex-GS - 3/10. Great firms, impressive stuff, but you're clearly spiraling if you think having a good firm that you no longer work at will keep you relevant. It's like saying "my ex gf was hot, disregard the fact that my current GF recently won the local hotdog eating competition by a country mile". You're falling off brotha, so accept it and keep your LI title stating VP of Equity Research at Cowen. You're still doing well, miles above most, but you're not a top dog who left GS / McK to pursue greener pastures, you got pushed out or couldn't handle the heat. No shame in that, but call a spade a spade, and remove your ex-employer's name from your title just as quickly as they deleted you out of their MS Teams system.
Booth MBA / Kellogg MBA: 3.5/10. I get it, you're working at ZS Associates out of Chicago and you feel the need to still somehow compare yourself with the MBB folks, so you're trying to make your mid profile stand out. Cringe but not unbearable. Maybe you're not a consultant and just needed a way to break into MM / lower tier BB IBD at 28, and kuddos to doing so. After all, these firms dont accept 100% of the MBA applicants (so what if the acceptance rate is 95%, the job is still prestigious).
Tuck MBA / Anderson MBA: 5.5/10 Dude we get it, you worked in FP&A and are now a consultant or an low-value-add Associate in IBD at Lincoln International, no need to act elitist. You do know these programs have like a 85% acceptance rate for kids with over a 1100 on the SAT, right? This is pretty cringey, but sadly the list goes on. Odds you are at a company I have heard of for bad reputation, or a firm I haven't heard of that is sub-$1 BN in sales. Either way, you went from irrelevant to virtually invisible.
Ex-Deloitte, Ex-KPMG: 8.5/10. Jesus Christ, who hurt you? I know you were the founder of some 6 person club at IU Kelly who never lived up to your parents expectations, but Goddamn son, save yourself the embarrassment and just delete LinkedIn. I know you're a Manager at Guidehouse now, but like a drunken tattoo, cover that sh*t up when you're out in public.
University of Michigan Bachelors: 12/10! Ok HOLY SHIT, someone actually did this. I had to make this post because this was the single most absurd thing I've ever seen on LinkedIn. I know what you're thinking, "Anon chill, it was probably a junior student who didn't know any better" to which I would reply, NOPE, not even a little bit. This mans had 5+ YOE and an MBA, meaning he is likely 30. Imagine being so dense you have the audacity to brag about your Bachelors from a big ten school in your LinkedIn header (Econ for f*cks sake) like I white girl cant even right now. This shit needs to stop
Other special shoutouts in terms of level of cringe:
MBB / BB Internship Starting with I am Humbled and Grateful: 7/10. Yes this shit is bad but at least you're young, so, I mean I cant expect you to have figured much out yet. You haven't had time to learn how to adjust to college life, and due to your rigorous course load, greek life was never in the cards. I dont need that, you tell yourself, as you study for your upper level econ exam on consecutive weekend nights because you promised mom and dad you would. You have crushed standardized testing for the past decade and this offer is your biggest win YTD as you actually passed your first interview round with a member of the opposite sex (still couldnt manage eye contact though).
College GPA even though you have 8+ YOE: We get it, dating life isnt going well. In fact, you also got shut down hard for the manager promo twice in a row now, with your VP citing "people skills" (read: no one wants to be around you, tryhard). Yes, you have the nicest apartment out of all your single friends, but when you arent at a club getting bottles with a table full of dudes on Friday night, you can be found at home also not getting laid while reminiscing on the old DnD sessions you and your boys had back in high school. Your social life is tough these days, but at least you can bully the Analysts reporting to you for their footnote errors and lack of attention to detail as they make model turns at 4 AM on a Friday night.
Final Thoughts:
LinkedIn has gone from bad to worse, and has now been downgraded to a BBB- (same quality as Facebook). While Facebook is cancer for being full of photos of children and old people, LinkedIn is now just a place for the inadequate to post their unimpressive accolades and to post about scenarios that never happened.
Thoughts?
Must have taken a while to type. Nice work.
Oh, you've got me chuckling here! Your LinkedIn Cringe Rankings are spot on. It's like a zoo out there, with everyone trying to puff up their feathers and roar the loudest.
Starting with the HBS MBA folks, it's like they're wearing a neon sign saying, "Look at me, I'm important!" And don't even get me started on the Ex-McKinsey, Ex-GS crowd. It's like they're clinging onto their glory days, refusing to accept that they've moved on.
The Booth MBA / Kellogg MBA group is a bit more bearable, but still, it's like they're trying to wave a flag saying, "Hey, I'm still relevant!" And the Tuck MBA / Anderson MBA crowd, well, they're just trying too hard.
The Ex-Deloitte, Ex-KPMG folks, oh boy, it's like they're screaming, "I used to be somebody!" And the University of Michigan Bachelors, well, that's just a whole new level of cringe.
The special shoutouts are the icing on the cake. The MBB / BB Internship crowd with their "I am Humbled and Grateful" posts, it's like they're trying to convince themselves more than anyone else. And the folks who still have their college GPA up even though they have 8+ YOE, well, they're just living in the past.
LinkedIn has indeed gone from bad to worse. It's like a circus, with everyone trying to outdo each other with their feats of grandeur. But hey, at least it provides some entertainment, right?
So, what's the solution? Well, I'd say just keep doing you. Don't get caught up in the LinkedIn circus. Stay true to yourself, keep your profile clean and professional, and let your work speak for itself. After all, actions speak louder than words (or LinkedIn titles).
And remember, it's not about how loud you can roar, it's about how well you can swing from tree to tree. So keep swinging, my friend!
Sources: Cringeworthy LinkedIn posts
Monkeybot self-help 100/10 cringe
What’s wrong with college GPA tho. Otherwise what do you put there
Truth is few care about an inflated college gpa. And those who do care are dweebs.
So you wouldn't put your GPA on unless you get a 3.5 or below?
If I may, I hate LinkedIn. What I thought would be a nifty online rolodex is nothing more than an online brag show. Messages I often get are from recruiters trying to stuff me in their life insurance salesman job, scammers, or annoying salesmen trying to circumnavigate the formal procurement process (as if I have any pull as a lowly senior manager). The brag show is the worst of all. One individual I know is struggling with his venture, yet he fakes it to make it with LinkedIn posts showing all sorts of low key bragging. I don't have instagram/fbook, but I bet that is full of the same crap.
Worst yet, I've attempted to reach out to old colleagues and classmates to catch up or network with nearly zero success (recently had an employee looking for a new job and offered to help, referred him to an opening at a competitor with a hiring manager I've worked with...total ghost...). It appears the social networking site is nothing more than transactional network site where many folks either hope to get something from you or demand to know what you can give them. No one cares if you wish them well on a workplace anniversary.
In the age where I'm beginning to value my privacy more and more and distrust anything online, I'm ready to bounce this account.
tl;dr, LinkedIn sucks. Logoff and enjoy the success you've reached while planning for the bright days ahead.
It's god-awful now. I've trimmed out my profile, removing things like the summary, paragraphs below experience blocks, stuff like that. I was focused for awhile on this polished image and whatnot, wouldn't hesitate to repost stuff frequently. Then I realized that I was a (hopefully toned-down version of the) LinkedIn Twat. Scrapped most things, set my profile to private, and check it like once a week - if you're gonna recruit me for a job, my experience will speak for itself.
Side note: I frequently got hilarious messages from people requesting jobs. Like, the first message. Scrolled thru my messages and dug up several gems, here's on below for you all. Trust me, I got like 30+ more of these. The random capitalization, misspelling of words, punctuation errors, all that shit - I just wonder the success rate here. Could be a good case study. Enjoy.
“THanks!”
lol
How many bonus points for having HBS on your profile, despite having only gotten a certificate program / extension school course there?
This is the ultimate cringe.
It's one thing if it's just in the certificates section at the bottom, but to have it under your education is ridiculous. I saw someone at my school say they went to Harvard bc of an online summer class lmao
You forgot the most cringe. The marketing bimbo rocking bleach blonde hair, fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake nose, and fake tits in a skimpy miniskirt posting how she uses LI for professional networking and gets creepers with the audacity to ask her out on a proper dinner date in the messages.
I've seen a lot worse than asking for a dinner date
My theory is LinkedIn is full of shitposts now because of the changes to other sites like FB, Insta, Twitter. So these marketing shysters are desperate for a place to throw their ‘motivational’ humblebrag grindset content, and LinkedIn gets them views. It’s such a shame that they keep throwing this garbage in our feeds. We all just want to see where people work…
Great post.
I think this is just the downstream of what people see athletes or people on IG/TT do and want to do the same. Remember when it just use to be top recruits getting signing days (and usually just in the coaches office), now every athlete signing a LOI to ride at the bench at the local community college needs a signing day.
Also, we live in the world of bragging (or posting on social) now. However, no one takes a step back and thinks about what they are actually doing. I always say, its like two people, one makes $50k a year and the other makes $55k a year. Yes, the $55k earner can "stunt" on the $50k earner about how they earn more, but in the grand scheme of things, people who make a $1M a year lump both of them into the same category. Take the ex-KPMG, ex-Deloitte people; really they're showing off to that one kid they went to college with who got a job at the local accounting firm; they're not thinking about all the other people who got bids in IB who don't see that as impressive.
My favorites are “ex-Bear Stearns,” “ex-Lehman,” “ex-Enron.”
I’ve seen some LinkedIn stuff that sound like a flex. I think some people are genuinely happy, proud or excited about a new job they found after months or years of recruiting.
Some LinkedIn influencers and posts are also motivational and give solid advice. I try to find more of those on my feed and unfollow any that I don’t want to read
The "Ex-McKinsey" shit is by far the most cringe and you put it so well with GF analogy.
If where you previously worked meant that much to you and your self esteem, why didn't you stay there? I see all these people who spent 2 years or less in consulting or FAANG who now work at some dumb start up disrupting the dog walking market or some shit who cling to the affirmation of past employer.
Lol this whole post is cringe.
Who has the time to analyze random linkedin profiles and write a post whining about random ones with funny stuff on them - sure, some of these are actually a bit odd and people should update but the vast majority of people's profiles just have college, jobs, and info for recruiters lol
cringe 15/10: writing this shit
and remember folks, no onr gives a fuck about LinkedIn. that's all for today
The “Ex-“ anything is definitely cringe / pick me energy. Also the “HBS” adds to education when they do a 2 week certificate because their job has middle-management training budget.
It’s a total cringe fest but the worst part is that it is a reflection of reality in corporate America. Everything you see on there is posturing that is done in real life but visualized for the broader public. There are senior bankers and execs who go out of their way to make sure people know their elite education - visually or verbally or both. It happens in every deal process. Some of these folks do it in a smooth way but I’ve seen it plenty of times where I question their tact. Regardless of how it’s done, there unfortunately is a benefit in showing you are a “thoroughbred” in that you’ve succeeded in every aspect of life even before your illustrious career. It serves a commercial interest that happens to intersect with ego stroking.
If accomplished senior people can shamelessly engage in credentialism, then I’d be a hypocrite to judge people on LinkedIn attempting to do the same. It serves some them a commercial purpose as well. For example, if you are an early stage founder and you went to HBS/Stanford or worked at Goldman/Blackstone, it makes a lot of sense to put ex-whatever in your header. It removes some friction at the top of the funnel marketing for everything you do in recruiting, fundraising, sales, and partnerships. It instantly legitimizes you and adds weight to your motion in any of the aforementioned activities.
I can’t condone some of the behavior on LinkedIn though. For example, if you did a certificate program at Stanford, you are an imbecile for listing that as your education. There are other actions just as bad like listing ex-prestigious company that one interned at.
Bottom line is that cringe behavior is a reflection of reality and ultimately can help some people depending on their circumstance, so I personally can’t negatively judge all of it.
All of climbing the corporate ladder is a cringe contest on who can sell their soul the most (see: politics) mixed with some degree of hard work and talent. You have the be a shameless self promoter to truly make it anywhere and even double so within a company. If someone starts his own business and is projecting success as part of the grind on LinkedIn I will never fault that, at least she/he is forging his own path and eating L's in the process. Someone doing the same to earn recognition within their own company for political equity is a different level of soulless sellout, but it works.
I know a few people who take it a step further and when earlier in their careers had their own website of their name and twitter account basically positioning themselves as industy experts, writing BS articles, tweeting about news, etc. These people all went very far very fast in their careers though. If you lose shame for being a tool you can go anywhere
CFA Level 1 Candidate
100/10 Cringe
I agree LinkedIn is cringe but isn’t that the fun of it? My mates and I are always forwarding cringy shit to each other for the shits.
Some people watch reality TV as their guilty pleasure, I spend 10 minutes a day scrolling through the train wreck that is LinkedIn
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