LinkedIn is Getting Bad Again

Viewer discretion advised. This is mostly a rant and I apologize in advance. But hey, sometimes WSO gets a little dry so we gotta spice this up a bit. Love y'all btw.

  1. Recruiters can lick every inch of my ball$ack. Seriously. Dude hit me up, informs me about another opp, I ask a question to see if it's worth my time, and he dodges it asking for a phone call at a time he chose. Dude had the nerve to follow up 5 times, providing the answer to my question on the 4th.

  2. Titles - This shitbitch had the title "Senior Executive Analyst Director" with 3 months experience. Get off LinkedIn and direct yourself to the nearest cliff immediately.

  3. Idiot graduates fresh from college sharing a post of her busty graduation photo and a lengthy list of people she could thank as if she won an Oscar. More disturbing than the post itself - Hundreds of creepy "happily married" men 40+ congratulating her, some even going so far as to offer her an interview. Get your thirsty self off LinkedIn and get yourself an eHarmony on the low if Tinder Senior Edition didn't cut it.

  4. Sales Account Executives I personally knew doing heavy drugs in College trying to be professional….Bro, you just posted a status on FB about how many milf hoes you pulled while LIT at Naughty Club.

  5. Mfers that add a new skill everyday. My dude, you're up to like 134 skills, work in customer service, but have Financial Modeling listed because you once filled out your taxes.

  6. Question Whores. This includes dummies on here. You ask a question, someone answers it perfectly, but you ask 20 more questions and never end saying thank you. My dude.... shut the hell up, take the advice, try to apply it, and move on. We didn't sign up for a damn 200 question Q&A.

Please feel free to add in your unique experiences. Let's get this list cracking.

Mod Note (Andy): top 50 posts of 2017, this one ranks #7 (based on # of silver bananas)

Comments (155)

Apr 5, 2017 - 6:11pm
Blank999, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I agree, I've found linkedins usefulness to be diminishing. I wish something new would crop up. Or a chrome plugin that basically deletes the homepage haha

  • 1
Apr 5, 2017 - 6:33pm
Keyser Söze 123, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I agree, Linkedin has completely lost it's mojo do to user ignorance and major flaws in the functionality of the site.

My advice: spend less time on Linkedin and more time proof reading :)

"A man can convince anyone he's somebody else, but never himself."
  • 1
  • 20
Learn More

300+ video lessons across 6 modeling courses taught by elite practitioners at the top investment banks and private equity funds -- Excel Modeling -- Financial Statement Modeling -- M&A Modeling -- LBO Modeling -- DCF and Valuation Modeling -- ALL INCLUDED + 2 Huge Bonuses.

Learn more
Best Response
Apr 5, 2017 - 6:44pm
JuicyJuice, what's your opinion? Comment below:

"I agree, Linkedin has completely lost it's mojo do to user ignorance and major flaws in the functionality of the site.

My advice: spend less time on Linkedin and more time proof reading :)"

*its *proofreading is one word

I quoted your post just in case you hit that edit button.

Apr 6, 2017 - 7:31pm
welshmin, what's your opinion? Comment below:

What if it was satire all along?

Associate at Family Office "Investing is not a game of Possibilities but of Probabilities."
  • 2
  • 1
Apr 10, 2017 - 10:47am
Chief Monkey Officer, what's your opinion? Comment below:

You also forgot *due and *LinkedIn, JuicyJuice.

  • 2
Jan 2, 2018 - 3:36pm
tutran, what's your opinion? Comment below:

lol

“If you're afraid - don't do it, if you're doing it - don't be afraid!” ― Genghis Khan
Apr 6, 2017 - 1:27pm
heister, what's your opinion? Comment below:

It isn't due to user ignorance, it is due to changing user demographics. It is no longer a group of sophisticated early adopters, it is the natural progression due to dissemination.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

  • 3
Apr 6, 2017 - 4:46pm
My Name is Jeff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This. Loads of old coots on facebook and LinkedIn nowadays. Heck, my grandma is on facebook - she's 78. My grandpa was on facebook, he was 94 when he passed away.

The cool kids sharing cool content are on IG and Snap now (or Raya, for the cooler kids).

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
Apr 9, 2017 - 11:59pm
PeterMullersKeyboard, what's your opinion? Comment below:
heister:

It isn't due to user ignorance, it is due to changing user demographics. It is no longer a group of sophisticated early adopters, it is the natural progression due to dissemination.

This. Everything starts out well, goes to shit over time. Most of LinkedIn is people looking to meet other people on LinkedIn, people who have largely useless positions that don't add a whole lot of value. Most people of value I've met who are on LinkedIn barely use it now. Even in the last 3 years it's really become useless. It's just like Facebook...nothing much of value happens there anymore.

"When you stop striving for perfection, you might as well be dead."
  • 1
Apr 5, 2017 - 6:52pm
vjkdvjidj, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Agree with #3- this girl that graduated from my college last year wrote some long-ass post basically saying how she's not a loser and was finally able to get a job 9 months after graduation. The post itself was maybe 3 paragraphs, but didn't have any substance besides the fact that she kept getting turned down and someone finally gave her a shot. Probably because she was so annoying that no one wanted to hire her. Nevertheless, it got about 7,000 likes and hundreds of comments from random people saying how "inspiring" it was. Give me a break.

Apr 6, 2017 - 1:38pm
Memberberries, what's your opinion? Comment below:
differentialequations12:

lol when 20-somethings girls post shit.

The two lowest forms of human life are junior high school aged males and females in their 20s.

Array

  • 33
  • 3
Apr 6, 2017 - 1:24pm
Gratisfaction, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Been seeing this pop up a lot on my feed too. It's almost always international students passive aggressively bitching about how no one will sponsor them for a job. Surely they knew getting into this that an H1B would be hard to get. The appeals for pity are just obnoxious.

Gimme the loot

  • 5
  • 1
Apr 6, 2017 - 4:49pm
My Name is Jeff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I have a friend who knows a Regional MD at Tinder. I could connect you with her ;).

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
  • 1
Apr 7, 2017 - 9:46am
snakeoil, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Sil:

LinkedIn was never more than just a directory for me to keep track of those with whom I networked. It offers very little usefulness to anyone outside of recruiters, and 99% of those are sharks who are best avoided.

I'm just curious - how do these recruiters make money? And why would a decent F500 company farm out hiring to a 3rd party?

Apr 7, 2017 - 11:54am
heister, what's your opinion? Comment below:

They usually just charge a percentage of base salary, it is farmed out because third party recruiters usually have a much larger network of qualified candidates, F500 companies have in-house teams that do this. Farming out this process doesn't really cost the company any money unless an outside group finds the candidate that the company ends up hiring. In that case, the outside agency found a better candidate than the internal teams could so it is really a win for the company.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

Apr 5, 2017 - 8:59pm
DickFuld, what's your opinion? Comment below:

While I've never violated #3 on LinkedIn, I violate in real life every day.

"You blew your nose successfully into the tissue? Stand directly in front of me close enough so I can see down your blouse so I can congratulate you".

Apr 5, 2017 - 9:18pm
virginiaghosttown, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Just add another as to how some people's summary of themselves has nothing to do with themselves and instead has become something to sell their junk.

Apr 5, 2017 - 9:41pm
Thomas Pynchon, what's your opinion? Comment below:

The titles some people use make me want to run into a knife.

Some of my favorites: "Entrepreneur" - aka pyramid scheme pawn "CEO of (insert nonexistent business here)" "Visionary" - are you some type of fucking shaman? Please take me on a vision quest "Motivated Self-Starter" - what does that even mean?

Apr 5, 2017 - 11:03pm
WidespreadPanic90, what's your opinion? Comment below:

A guy I went to high school with who has a MA from some scam for profit college has the title "MA" after his name on his LinkedIn account. That also makes me want to run into a knife.

"That was basically college for me, just ya know, fuckin' tourin' with Widespread Panic over the USA."

  • 6
Apr 6, 2017 - 1:30pm
TippyTop11, what's your opinion? Comment below:

add "Disruptor" of blank industry to the list

26 Broadway where's your sense of humor?
  • 3
Apr 6, 2017 - 2:12pm
TechBanking, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Thomas Pynchon:

The titles some people use make me want to run into a knife.

Some of my favorites:
"Entrepreneur" - aka pyramid scheme pawn
"CEO of (insert nonexistent business here)"
"Visionary" - are you some type of fucking shaman? Please take me on a vision quest
"Motivated Self-Starter" - what does that even mean?

The "Visionary" title is brutal. If you have to call yourself a visionary on Linkedin, I am certain you aren't one.

"Disruptor," "Philosopher," "Connector," "Rule Breaker," "Change Agent," and "Lover of Life" are some other bad ones that I frequently see.

Also, if you work in tech/startups, you get hit up by 5-10 dev outsourcing connections a day. No, I would not like to schedule 15 minutes on Wednesday to see how you can add value or strategically partner with my company.

  • 6
Apr 6, 2017 - 4:16pm
tropos, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I may scream if I see the job title of "disrupter" again. You know people use that in their dating profiles now? It's terrible.

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********
  • 1
Apr 6, 2017 - 4:58pm
My Name is Jeff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Regarding the second one, you may want to stay a bit cautious on that. When we were in college, a couple of friends and I barely had any online presence for our startup (wasn't required, also note the word 'barely'). We made a haul selling the business off. Lost count of the number of people who mistakenly approached our employees thinking they were the owners, or approached my secretary (yes, MY secretary) thinking she was the board member (this happened in Germany - pretty sure it wouldn't have happened in our Texas meetings).

Another example - a top performing hedge-fund that's been occasionally featured in a few journals barely has a website (not even present on LinkedIn), and they have $2 billion in AUM and average 30% annualized returns.

Less talk sometimes (and very rarely too) means more business. Don't learn it the hard way.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
  • 2
Apr 7, 2017 - 6:11am
My Name is Jeff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

So dot-com

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
  • 2
Apr 5, 2017 - 11:00pm
WidespreadPanic90, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'm canceling my LinkedIn premium membership this month. It offers little to no value. Now people I went to high school with who have irrelevant MBAs from a directional state school can just find me easier. I thought when Microsoft bought out LinkedIn it'd be of use again, I thought wrong thus far.

"That was basically college for me, just ya know, fuckin' tourin' with Widespread Panic over the USA."

  • 3
  • Anonymous Monkey's picture
  • Anonymous Monkey
  • Rank: Chimp
Apr 6, 2017 - 1:31pm
Anonymous Monkey, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Completely agree with #1. I've turned down interviews/jobs with recruiters before due to a lack of interest on my part (it's like pulling teeth, trying to figure out the company's name/industry to see if it's worth your time!). Recently, I had a recruiter call me at 8:00 AM to reprimand me for "turning down such an amazing opportunity" and how the person in the role was going to one of HSW, so I was really missing out. This was under the guise of "we'll follow up with opportunities in your area of interest."

Also on board with #3. I follow a few companies on LinkedIn, thinking I'll get news about potential acquisitions, job openings, etc. And I will -- once I sift through three dozen likes of "inspiring" stories of "what leaders do before ____" and people being unemployed for months on end and how "this is the most driven [they] have ever been!!!!" and how "[they] get knocked down, but [they] get up again, and [the meanies] are never gonna keep TheM down!!!!" By the time I find an article of interest relevant to the aforementioned companies, it's not even worth it.

Apr 6, 2017 - 4:16pm
Fugue, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Most recruiters I've had the pleasure of working with could learn a thing or two about customer service from used car salesmen.

Array

  • 2
Apr 6, 2017 - 4:50pm
BobTheBaker, what's your opinion? Comment below:

some recruiter just reached out to me about a job at a fucking call center.... I am an analyst in PWM at a top BB and she thought I'd be interested in a job at a fucking call center.. smh

Array

  • 4
  • 2
Apr 8, 2017 - 7:58am
GoldJacketGreenJacket, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Can you send her my info? I'll finally be able to put Goldman on my resume...

  • 1
Jul 26, 2017 - 11:37am
GoldDimon, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Something similar happened to me. I was interning at a an M&A firm in NYC and a recruiter reached out to me about a job at a call center / translate center (wtf, right?) in f*cking Malaga since her firm was looking for a dutch-speaking "Sales" guy - I don't speak a word of Dutch.

Apr 6, 2017 - 3:31pm
futures trader man, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Greatest Titles of all time:

LINKEDIN TOP 1% World's Greatest Futurist Analysis Analyst @ x IT Shop Mortgage Loan "Origination Analyst" (lol seriously? You're a community banker you ass hole)

"Well, you know, I was a human being before I became a businessman." -- George Soros
  • 2
Apr 6, 2017 - 3:58pm
kayz08, what's your opinion? Comment below:

LinkedIn is great!!

I've now become numb to rejection.

Absolute truths don't exist... celebrated opinions do.
  • 2
Apr 6, 2017 - 4:14pm
CanadianEnergyBanker, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Favourites: "Story-teller" "Disruptor" (typically some liberal arts kid that went to one hackathon) "Serial entrepreneur" {read 3 failed ventures} "CFA Level 1 Candidate" "send your email to get x piece of bullocks information"

Apr 6, 2017 - 4:20pm
tropos, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'm on linkedin, but I never, ever post anything. I've noticed that when people post anything, it lingers in my feed for weeks before disappearing. I don't need to do that to anyone. However, it is good for networking to some degree, and I do like being able to see when my colleagues have switched jobs.

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********
  • 1
Apr 7, 2017 - 8:37pm
My Name is Jeff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This. I feel LinkedIn trying to be more like a Facebook type of social media site has damaged its reputation among the professionals slightly. Old-school pros tend to use LinkedIn more for knowing where their past colleagues aare at, instead of sharing inspirational quotes and stuff - like a substitute for a business card + resume.

LinkedIn should understand that in no way are they going to be able to grab the working-class line worker segment (like Facebook is doing) - they're only going to capture the top 10% wealth group. But if MSFT could translate that demographic well and provide tools for effective collaboration, I don't see why LinkedIn could not be great again. Certification of users is a great way to start off, for instance.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
  • 3
Apr 6, 2017 - 4:20pm
N0DuckingWay, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I want to punch the people who post "inspirational" stories about leaving their old jobs (usually along with some kind of Oscars thank you speech at the end).

"There's nothing you can do if you're too scared to try." - Nickel Creek
  • 2
Apr 6, 2017 - 4:21pm
Fugue, what's your opinion? Comment below:

-Huckster recruiters that you entertain with a conversation, who promptly forget the substance of your conversation and come around again a few months later like "Hi nice to meet you, I have this [same opportunity I already turned down]"

-Huckster recruiters that can't be bothered to proofread the mass mail they send out. You'd think the extra 30 seconds would be worth it to look professional, no?

-Huckster recruiters that graduated in my college class (read: early twenties) with "executive recruiter @ [insert shop here]...glad I'm getting the white glove treatment!

-Huckster recruiters that somehow get your personal phone number and bypass the LinkedIn pleasantries (this happened to a colleague - scary because his number doesn't go on his resume and it can't be found through google)

-Huckster recruiters that can't take no for an answer

-Huckster recruiters that want to dance around the fact that the company they're trying to entice me to leave for is demonstrably worse than the one I'm at.

-Huckster recruiters that say "You'll have to take a pay cut at first but it'll get much better after the first year!" - give me a break, I'm going from 1st rate shop and 1st rate pay to 2nd rate shop AND 2nd rate pay? That's not how it works.

Array

  • 7
Jun 5, 2017 - 3:50pm
N0DuckingWay, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Fugue:
-Huckster recruiters that somehow get your personal phone number and bypass the LinkedIn pleasantries (this happened to a colleague - scary because his number doesn't go on his resume and it can't be found through google)

-huckster recruiters that somehow get your work phone number, and do the same thing. That was scary!

"There's nothing you can do if you're too scared to try." - Nickel Creek
  • 1
Jun 5, 2017 - 4:11pm
Craig McDermott, what's your opinion? Comment below:

That's happened to me, as well. Recruiters have large networks and will ask someone they know from your current company for your number.

Cheer up, Bateman. What's the matter? No shiatsu this morning?
Jun 5, 2017 - 8:12pm
Fugue, what's your opinion? Comment below:

That actually doesn't surprise me. Your firm probably has a front desk dude, and it's pretty easy to call it and say "hey can you connect me to X"

Array

Apr 6, 2017 - 5:17pm
seville, what's your opinion? Comment below:

You always have those who literally writes a fkn BOOK in their profile. They put all kinds of achievements, awards, work experiences, certificates -- usually not impressive and clearly looks like fillers. And for me to even look at what school they graduated from, I have to scroll down for like 5 minutes. Jesus Christ.

Apr 7, 2017 - 8:42pm
My Name is Jeff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

And it turns out to be a no name school in Fucksville.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
Apr 6, 2017 - 6:24pm
the_gekko, what's your opinion? Comment below:

+1! Second half of #3 had me rolling... :)

"I'm talking about liquid. Rich enough to have your own jet. Rich enough not to waste time. Fifty, a hundred million dollars, buddy. A player. Or nothing. " -GG
  • 1
Apr 7, 2017 - 11:24am
George_Banker, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Recently saw somebody posted "Thanks for the birthday wishes."

  • 1
Apr 6, 2017 - 7:30pm
welshmin, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Had to google if there was a "Tinder Senior Edition" GOLD

Associate at Family Office "Investing is not a game of Possibilities but of Probabilities."
  • 1
Apr 6, 2017 - 8:06pm
My Name is Jeff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

What's just a level above the stuff being discussed on this thread? Aspiring finance kids who put in their real name and LinkedIn profiles on this site. I mean, I could destroy nearly everybody's LinkedIn resumes, and I'm pretty sure every experienced member on this site has done so too mentally.

One of the perks of this site is staying anonymous so that your boss doesn't find out that you're bitching about him, or that you can discuss how your VP caught you while you jerked off to porn. If you want to apply to jobs on the Job Board, don't worry, Patrick's guaranteed that your details are pretty much secure, so stick to that alone.

Show an affinity towards finance in person. Not by actively showing that your life revolved around finance since middle school, on an online forum that's turning into some newspaper tabloid+opinions section.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
  • 4
Apr 6, 2017 - 8:20pm
AZConq, what's your opinion? Comment below:

At my undergrad school, we see this often with clubs and organizations, even networking events.

"Did you see us on LinkedIn? Facebook? Twitter? Instagram?"

"add our group on Snapchat"

I replied saying I had no idea what a Twitter is, or Instagram. The only reason I got Snapchat was because some hot girl wanted to stay connected on it.

I just recently restarted on LinkedIn. I hated getting added on by creepy people I never met, or getting messages from people about breaking into my company.

Apr 6, 2017 - 8:31pm
FratLord, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Yeah, the only time I go on LinkedIn is to check what frat my summer analysts were in so I can decide whether or not to give them return offers. DKE, hired. SAE, hired. Sig Ep? Fuck out of my office.

May 14, 2017 - 9:48pm
idaho, what's your opinion? Comment below:
<span itemprop=name>MonopolyMoney</span>:

Out of here with that Balanced Man BS

Never thought I'd find a funny frat in-joke on WSO. Was proved significantly wrong

Make Idaho a Semi-Target Again 2016 Not an alumnus of Idaho
  • 2
Apr 6, 2017 - 11:54pm
APAE, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This is gold.

I am permanently behind on PMs, it's not personal.

  • 1
  • 1
Apr 7, 2017 - 4:10am
Mutant_Pig, what's your opinion? Comment below:

So that $26.2 billion dollars splashed by Microsoft on LinkedIn went in the drain? I think the expert section of it still does well. (I am talking about so-called 'Influencers': Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson, etc

Apr 7, 2017 - 6:13am
My Name is Jeff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Qatalyst FTW!

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
Apr 7, 2017 - 7:18am
Ehmerica, what's your opinion? Comment below:

When exactly was LinkedIn good?

Only two sources I trust, Glenn Beck and singing woodland creatures.
Apr 7, 2017 - 3:09pm
My Name is Jeff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Hence you're a "wannabe consultant" and not an "actual consultant".

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
  • 2
Apr 7, 2017 - 12:29pm
Esuric, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Jim, from sales, MBA, CPA hopeful.

“Elections are a futures market for stolen property”
Apr 7, 2017 - 1:29pm
deepvalue94, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Get a Chrome app that lets you pull emails directly from someone's Linkedin page, which will make the site somewhat useful. Other than that, LinkedIn is garbage. They really need to consider censoring certain types of posts.

Apr 7, 2017 - 3:10pm
My Name is Jeff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Contactout guys.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
Apr 7, 2017 - 9:41pm
Gangster Putin, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Top 10 jackasses on LinkedIn:

10 Anyone with L.I.O.N. after their name. 9 Salespeople from obscure tech & manufacturing companies cold messaging you about how whatever product they're shilling will change your life. 8 People who upvote everything their boss posts. 7 People who have 200 skills, 15 job positions, and over 9000 certifications before they've graduated college. 6 Entrepreneurs whose entrepreneurial achievements consist of writing inspirational entrepreneurial articles (and are too dumb to make their own blog, where they can at least generate ad revenue.) 5 ANY recruiters. 4 Women who post clearly provocative and unprofessional pictures to grab attention and get interviews. 3 Sham title abusers (CEO, MBA, PhD, Visionary, His Excellency, AVN Newbie of the year, etc.) 2 "Incoming Participant in Goldman Sach's Diversity Networking Event" 1 People

Apr 8, 2017 - 12:02am
dracolnyte, what's your opinion? Comment below:
  1. display pictures showing too much skin, then getting a promotion every 6 months until executive title
  2. people who adds the whole world on linkedin
  3. CEO of a 2 man company that you started last week. b!tch please, lower your insecurity and just put founder
  4. People who got canned and write profound sh!t on their profile such as Think outside the box. Dare to be unconventional. Colour outside the lines,
  5. People who write contradicting stuff on their profiles, such as "my philosophy in life is to follow an unconventional path and create my own trail" but then it is followed by "I want to pursue a career in front office capital markets". hmm sounds pretty conventional to me
  6. I shit you knot, there is this guy from my class (non-target in Canada) who was internships, after grad wrote on his profile that hes an IB analyst at a random boutique in NY. 3 years later joins my bank on the technology team (developer, QA, testing etc), got popped after 6 months. Turns out he made up that whole IB thing in NY, the company does not even exist, website/address/phone of previous employer does not check out, wrote himself the reference letter, the references for background check were his friends/family. Later scraps his whole profile and started up his own tech company and you'd think that was the end of his BS... but you'd be wrong. Did an unpaid 2 month developer role at a start up, then moved to another start up as a developer for 6 months, and now finally landed himself in a consulting job on the 'capital markets' side of another bank because he knows how to game the system; HR only checks your last two employers. Also, to prevent people from questioning gaps on his resume/linkedin, he put his duration with my bank 3x longer than it actually was.
  7. And of course, the 'incoming' crowd

Bonus: under Education, CFA Level I completed, majoring in Capital Markets, minor in Trading

Array
  • 3
Apr 8, 2017 - 1:16am
guggroth93, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I like when the people who cold call for the high interest loans refer to themselves as bankers, and then post the picture of the Lambo with the license plate "dropout" next to the prius with the Harvard bumper sticker #selfmade

Apr 8, 2017 - 7:16am
Attack_Chihuahua, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Screw all that. Can we add another bullet for all the "inspiring" motivational speaker crap that people post constantly on LinkedIN? Judging from my feed the only thing wrong with the world is that not enough people are following their dreams and failure just mean so you're actually succeeding.

Apr 8, 2017 - 8:09am
techjobsyankee, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Correlation between level of narcissism and frequency of profile pic changes.

Been tempted to say hi to a few serious hotties that are 2nd connections but then I realised that may be inappropriate.

Apr 9, 2017 - 3:55am
xgozax, what's your opinion? Comment below:

top 3 were best. good post.

Let me hear you say, this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
  • 1
  • 1
Apr 9, 2017 - 12:02pm
snakeoil, what's your opinion? Comment below:
EnlightenMeLikeVoltaire:

I kid you not, saw a post from some old dude about a prostate exam he had. You can't make this shit up. I mainly use LinkedIn to follow interesting companies, but I can barely follow them with all this Facebook-esque BS that is posted on the reg.

Just un-follow all the people, and follow only the companies.

Apr 10, 2017 - 7:33am
In The Flesh, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Gotta love those obnoxious, unprofessional recruiters. Message you or call you out of the blue to interrogate you about your salary....come on, man. Email me with this stuff if you've got something.

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com
  • 1
Apr 12, 2017 - 9:56pm
Postgradwonderer, what's your opinion? Comment below:

For number 4.

If they keep it off of LinkedIn, it's understandable. Work hard play hard, as long as they act professional on LinkedIn, I don't care for their personal lives.

May 10, 2017 - 2:16pm
JuicyJuice, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Just today - Saw someone post about how he doesn't have time for lunch. Yet you had time to write up the story and post it to linkedin around lunchtime.

May 14, 2017 - 11:05pm
dutchduke, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Anytime a semi-attractive female has a profile , it is loaded with testimonials from dudes about how hard working and what great skills they have.

The endorsements for women are always like 50x normal for even the most basic position. Comical

Jul 26, 2017 - 12:01pm
Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎, what's your opinion? Comment below:
dutchduke:
Anytime a semi-attractive female has a profile , it is loaded with testimonials from dudes about how hard working and what great skills they have.

The endorsements for women are always like 50x normal for even the most basic position. Comical

Probably because they ask nicely for them. And they are chicks, so when chicks ask nicely, you do things.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 1
  • 1
Jul 28, 2017 - 2:26pm
dutchduke, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Isaiah_53_5:
dutchduke:
Anytime a semi-attractive female has a profile , it is loaded with testimonials from dudes about how hard working and what great skills they have.

The endorsements for women are always like 50x normal for even the most basic position. Comical

Probably because they ask nicely for them. And they are chicks, so when chicks ask nicely, you do things.

^^^ guy who has written said endorsements

May 17, 2017 - 1:07am
Steam, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Why the FUCK are people sharing personal photos of their wives/girlfriends/family/vacations on LINKEDIN now? Ask yourself: "Is what I'm sharing helping people, professionally?"

Also pretty tilted at the recruiters who insist on having a phone call directly at 5PM as if that's when I magically free up and all seniors have left the office. I appreciate the service they provide, and a lot of them are immensely helpful, but I just don't understand why they insist on phone calls 24/7 and can't simply provide some basic info on the opportunity beforehand so I can decide if this conversation is worth me hiding under a desk to field their call for.

Array
  • 5
Jun 5, 2017 - 4:02pm
RedRage, what's your opinion? Comment below:

LinkedIn has gone to crap and turned itself into Facebook with posts such as "Please keep this professional...inserts conversation screenshot"

Or someone who posts and or replies to number puzzles or questions such as "What comes after 25, 698, 12, 2, __?"

There are many more examples but the funniest comment I heard about LinkedIn is that, "Its eHarmony for the unemployed."

  • 2
Jun 5, 2017 - 9:24pm
Kempff95, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This is what I don't get about the "incoming X" crowd: LinkedIn lets you put the start date of a new position in the future, so why not just do that instead of saying you're an "incoming" whatever? Also, if your title is "summer analyst" and you post it in March, I don't think anyone will get confused about the fact that you have the offer, and are starting in June. I at least hope these people change their title to "Outgoing X" in their last few weeks.

Jul 26, 2017 - 11:08am
OkComputer, what's your opinion? Comment below:

How about those people who, instead of listing their job title and company in their headline, list some eclectic and ambiguous group of sector interests and personality traits?

Example: Strategy-Dynamic-Real Estate-Innovation

The Academy Award statement every time some insecure person graduates/changes jobs/gets accepted into business school/etc. really kills me. And I don't trust any of these recruiters and refuse their invitations to connect.

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." --Abraham Lincoln
  • 1
Jan 2, 2018 - 1:16am
reignman18, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This very well could have been said already but didn't catch it at first glance

  1. "Extern" - job shadowing for an afternoon is not work experience

  2. "Incoming Summer Analyst" - we get it, you want to let everyone know that you will be interning at bank XXX

Jan 2, 2018 - 3:57am
GoldenCinderblock, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I wrote an article the other day on LnKD aout cost segregation. Also my "n" & "comes after A" keys are roken currently due to alcohol spillage. So you know it's fucked.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
Sep 29, 2019 - 2:24am
Mytwocents22, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Eos ut consequatur ut est quia minima ea et. Enim rem nesciunt velit nihil dolore atque ad. Nesciunt sed sunt minus.

Expedita adipisci et ut ipsum adipisci mollitia ut. Est sit assumenda sint distinctio qui quod suscipit. Debitis est corporis consequatur est laborum aut sed molestias. Exercitationem nemo atque et et. Perferendis illo qui ipsa omnis praesentium explicabo quia incidunt.

Corrupti velit voluptatem quis amet et iste. Porro aut quas necessitatibus perspiciatis qui ut ab. Veritatis optio quis iusto at reiciendis.

Nam delectus ea sunt dolore. Molestias accusantium maxime eos magni et omnis qui. Consequatur aut veritatis vel odit aut deleniti.

  • Analyst 2 in IB - CB
Oct 24, 2019 - 12:30pm

Corrupti in aut quaerat ipsa vel quos. Qui quis numquam sed et doloribus dolorem fugit. Doloremque assumenda ut non recusandae aliquid molestiae.

Aliquam vero dolore corporis. Repellendus aut provident maxime neque consequatur. Nesciunt placeat quod quia doloremque.

Oct 26, 2019 - 1:42pm
AMInPhase1, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Dolor hic ut et earum. Modi recusandae qui autem iusto ut quod explicabo explicabo. Expedita est deserunt alias. Ab fugiat cupiditate dicta porro doloribus ut qui. Aspernatur et dolore qui ut nulla.

Nobis et omnis voluptate quo dolorum voluptas dicta dolores. Molestiae minus quos sit ut recusandae molestiae distinctio. Amet aut est illum ratione non rerum. Suscipit eos voluptatibus ut non doloremque quo. Dolor perferendis dolores ipsa adipisci laborum hic perferendis. Sequi aliquid placeat hic earum modi nihil cumque nulla. In et alias excepturi modi et cum soluta.

Array

Feb 1, 2021 - 2:00pm
karypto, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Corrupti perferendis nam recusandae magnam et. Et et qui assumenda similique distinctio impedit quo. Ut ut quod odit dignissimos iusto id id eius. Non sed veritatis aut.

Non voluptatem est harum in quibusdam. Consequuntur odit nobis libero rerum ab. Aut sunt suscipit ut repellat temporibus.

Necessitatibus dicta sint facilis velit ullam. Ut quia est voluptatem. Omnis quia eum repudiandae ab et voluptatem. Commodi molestias omnis minus perspiciatis animi.

Animi sit et maxime ullam ut voluptate quis. Doloremque inventore aperiam asperiores facilis. Quia quia pariatur velit temporibus. Consectetur praesentium magni est ipsum dolor tempora quo.

Feb 1, 2021 - 4:49pm
Afanasiia, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Sit quia enim quod ab laborum consequatur. Quia aut aut omnis debitis qui. Non suscipit quos harum nihil consequatur. Fugiat nam eos consequatur modi. Quas voluptates eaque aut quis nihil.

Illo nostrum vitae ea odit vero harum. Ea dolorem totam quam et eveniet aperiam. Et fugit maxime doloremque qui voluptatem ratione vitae officiis. Nesciunt aut saepe voluptatibus atque itaque.

Aliquid deleniti ut eos. Illum in sint sed eum et iure architecto commodi. Numquam esse architecto exercitationem commodi voluptas dolorum ab.

Velit architecto repellendus esse possimus mollitia. Corrupti aliquid suscipit corporis dolore cumque esse aut. Facilis aut voluptatem sit.

Jan 20, 2022 - 3:57pm
dimitriosstricklind1, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Unde officia quod debitis ut itaque veniam amet dolor. Commodi error eos explicabo earum ut rerum cumque. Nam accusamus aut possimus adipisci ex et non. Repellendus officiis sit praesentium consequatur exercitationem et. Quia unde error aut.

Fuga ea laboriosam ipsum corporis ratione vel minima. Officiis voluptatem laborum quos deserunt inventore.

Nihil deserunt incidunt et. Necessitatibus placeat sequi ex blanditiis est totam laboriosam cum. Est ut molestiae animi aut autem recusandae quaerat.

Start Discussion

Career Advancement Opportunities

August 2022 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company (▲05) 99.6%
  • Lincoln International (= =) 99.2%
  • RBC Capital Markets (▲09) 98.8%
  • Bank of America Merrill Lynch (▲03) 98.4%
  • Macquarie Group Limited ABN (+ +) 98.0%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

August 2022 Investment Banking

  • Lincoln International (▲06) 99.6%
  • Jefferies & Company (▲11) 99.2%
  • Greenhill (▲07) 98.8%
  • PJT Partners (▽03) 98.4%
  • Macquarie Group Limited ABN (▲22) 98.0%

Professional Growth Opportunities

August 2022 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company (▲06) 99.6%
  • Lincoln International (▲03) 99.2%
  • RBC Capital Markets (▲12) 98.8%
  • Bank of America Merrill Lynch (▲05) 98.4%
  • William Blair (▽01) 98.0%

Total Avg Compensation

August 2022 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (10) $613
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (308) $417
  • Vice President (38) $392
  • Associates (205) $256
  • 2nd Year Analyst (125) $163
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (17) $156
  • 1st Year Analyst (407) $151
  • Intern/Summer Associate (80) $148