Viewer discretion advised. This is mostly a rant and I apologize in advance. But hey, sometimes WSO gets a little dry so we gotta spice this up a bit. Love y'all btw.
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Recruiters can lick every inch of my ball$ack. Seriously. Dude hit me up, informs me about another opp, I ask a question to see if it's worth my time, and he dodges it asking for a phone call at a time he chose. Dude had the nerve to follow up 5 times, providing the answer to my question on the 4th.
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Titles - This shitbitch had the title "Senior Executive Analyst Director" with 3 months experience. Get off LinkedIn and direct yourself to the nearest cliff immediately.
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Idiot graduates fresh from college sharing a post of her busty graduation photo and a lengthy list of people she could thank as if she won an Oscar. More disturbing than the post itself - Hundreds of creepy "happily married" men 40+ congratulating her, some even going so far as to offer her an interview. Get your thirsty self off LinkedIn and get yourself an eHarmony on the low if Tinder Senior Edition didn't cut it.
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Sales Account Executives I personally knew doing heavy drugs in College trying to be professional….Bro, you just posted a status on FB about how many milf hoes you pulled while LIT at Naughty Club.
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Mfers that add a new skill everyday. My dude, you're up to like 134 skills, work in customer service, but have Financial Modeling listed because you once filled out your taxes.
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Question Whores. This includes dummies on here. You ask a question, someone answers it perfectly, but you ask 20 more questions and never end saying thank you. My dude.... shut the hell up, take the advice, try to apply it, and move on. We didn't sign up for a damn 200 question Q&A.
Please feel free to add in your unique experiences. Let's get this list cracking.
Mod Note (Andy): top 50 posts of 2017, this one ranks #7 (based on # of silver bananas)
I agree, I've found linkedins usefulness to be diminishing. I wish something new would crop up. Or a chrome plugin that basically deletes the homepage haha
^Please California brahs - DISRUPT LinkedIn!
Waiting for whattherock to say something to this haha
Oh god hahahaha
I agree, Linkedin has completely lost it's mojo do to user ignorance and major flaws in the functionality of the site.
My advice: spend less time on Linkedin and more time proof reading :)
"I agree, Linkedin has completely lost it's mojo do to user ignorance and major flaws in the functionality of the site.
My advice: spend less time on Linkedin and more time proof reading :)"
*its *proofreading is one word
I quoted your post just in case you hit that edit button.
What if it was satire all along?
You also forgot *due and *LinkedIn, JuicyJuice.
Also due* in there lmao
lol
*due to
It isn't due to user ignorance, it is due to changing user demographics. It is no longer a group of sophisticated early adopters, it is the natural progression due to dissemination.
This. Loads of old coots on facebook and LinkedIn nowadays. Heck, my grandma is on facebook - she's 78. My grandpa was on facebook, he was 94 when he passed away.
The cool kids sharing cool content are on IG and Snap now (or Raya, for the cooler kids).
so what's the next big thing in place of LI?
This. Everything starts out well, goes to shit over time. Most of LinkedIn is people looking to meet other people on LinkedIn, people who have largely useless positions that don't add a whole lot of value. Most people of value I've met who are on LinkedIn barely use it now. Even in the last 3 years it's really become useless. It's just like Facebook...nothing much of value happens there anymore.
Agree with #3- this girl that graduated from my college last year wrote some long-ass post basically saying how she's not a loser and was finally able to get a job 9 months after graduation. The post itself was maybe 3 paragraphs, but didn't have any substance besides the fact that she kept getting turned down and someone finally gave her a shot. Probably because she was so annoying that no one wanted to hire her. Nevertheless, it got about 7,000 likes and hundreds of comments from random people saying how "inspiring" it was. Give me a break.
lol when 20-somethings girls post shit.
The two lowest forms of human life are junior high school aged males and females in their 20s.
Been seeing this pop up a lot on my feed too. It's almost always international students passive aggressively bitching about how no one will sponsor them for a job. Surely they knew getting into this that an H1B would be hard to get. The appeals for pity are just obnoxious.
.
I was approached on Linkedin with an offer to work for.. Linkedin. I took it as a sign that my profile is on point. Now I'm just waiting for the match who will offer me a job at tinder.
I have a friend who knows a Regional MD at Tinder. I could connect you with her ;).
By Odin's great beard! I'm not worthy..
LinkedIn was never more than just a directory for me to keep track of those with whom I networked. It offers very little usefulness to anyone outside of recruiters, and 99% of those are sharks who are best avoided.
I'm just curious - how do these recruiters make money? And why would a decent F500 company farm out hiring to a 3rd party?
They usually just charge a percentage of base salary, it is farmed out because third party recruiters usually have a much larger network of qualified candidates, F500 companies have in-house teams that do this. Farming out this process doesn't really cost the company any money unless an outside group finds the candidate that the company ends up hiring. In that case, the outside agency found a better candidate than the internal teams could so it is really a win for the company.
While I've never violated #3 on LinkedIn, I violate in real life every day.
"You blew your nose successfully into the tissue? Stand directly in front of me close enough so I can see down your blouse so I can congratulate you".
Just add another as to how some people's summary of themselves has nothing to do with themselves and instead has become something to sell their junk.
The titles some people use make me want to run into a knife.
Some of my favorites: "Entrepreneur" - aka pyramid scheme pawn "CEO of (insert nonexistent business here)" "Visionary" - are you some type of fucking shaman? Please take me on a vision quest "Motivated Self-Starter" - what does that even mean?
A guy I went to high school with who has a MA from some scam for profit college has the title "MA" after his name on his LinkedIn account. That also makes me want to run into a knife.
People have a title of Visionary? lol
add "Disruptor" of blank industry to the list
The "Visionary" title is brutal. If you have to call yourself a visionary on Linkedin, I am certain you aren't one.
"Disruptor," "Philosopher," "Connector," "Rule Breaker," "Change Agent," and "Lover of Life" are some other bad ones that I frequently see.
Also, if you work in tech/startups, you get hit up by 5-10 dev outsourcing connections a day. No, I would not like to schedule 15 minutes on Wednesday to see how you can add value or strategically partner with my company.
I may scream if I see the job title of "disrupter" again. You know people use that in their dating profiles now? It's terrible.
Regarding the second one, you may want to stay a bit cautious on that. When we were in college, a couple of friends and I barely had any online presence for our startup (wasn't required, also note the word 'barely'). We made a haul selling the business off. Lost count of the number of people who mistakenly approached our employees thinking they were the owners, or approached my secretary (yes, MY secretary) thinking she was the board member (this happened in Germany - pretty sure it wouldn't have happened in our Texas meetings).
Another example - a top performing hedge-fund that's been occasionally featured in a few journals barely has a website (not even present on LinkedIn), and they have $2 billion in AUM and average 30% annualized returns.
Less talk sometimes (and very rarely too) means more business. Don't learn it the hard way.
SB'd. Fair points well taken, but I'd say on LinkedIn that tends to be the exception rather than the norm.
lol motivated self starter is so 2003
So dot-com
Add "Passionate Learner".
I'm canceling my LinkedIn premium membership this month. It offers little to no value. Now people I went to high school with who have irrelevant MBAs from a directional state school can just find me easier. I thought when Microsoft bought out LinkedIn it'd be of use again, I thought wrong thus far.
great post, 100% agree
The top bar doesn't even work on my computer anymore, it's just like a huge blue box taking up the top 15% of the screen.
Also I saw a great one the other day where a guy listed, Name, AA, BA, MBA, MA, PHD. All from for profit colleges.
Completely agree with #1. I've turned down interviews/jobs with recruiters before due to a lack of interest on my part (it's like pulling teeth, trying to figure out the company's name/industry to see if it's worth your time!). Recently, I had a recruiter call me at 8:00 AM to reprimand me for "turning down such an amazing opportunity" and how the person in the role was going to one of HSW, so I was really missing out. This was under the guise of "we'll follow up with opportunities in your area of interest."
Also on board with #3. I follow a few companies on LinkedIn, thinking I'll get news about potential acquisitions, job openings, etc. And I will -- once I sift through three dozen likes of "inspiring" stories of "what leaders do before ____" and people being unemployed for months on end and how "this is the most driven [they] have ever been!!!!" and how "[they] get knocked down, but [they] get up again, and [the meanies] are never gonna keep TheM down!!!!" By the time I find an article of interest relevant to the aforementioned companies, it's not even worth it.
Most recruiters I've had the pleasure of working with could learn a thing or two about customer service from used car salesmen.
The best are the ones that reach out to me about "fantastic sales opportunities" as a "Senior Vice President of Executive Account Regional Manager Executive Executive" because they see I am in Real Estate sales and expect that I want to leave that.
Amen to this.
some recruiter just reached out to me about a job at a fucking call center.... I am an analyst in PWM at a top BB and she thought I'd be interested in a job at a fucking call center.. smh
But maybe it's a really preftigious call center? I heard some of those call centers give 1st years carry and have great exit opps.
Can you send her my info? I'll finally be able to put Goldman on my resume...
Something similar happened to me. I was interning at a an M&A firm in NYC and a recruiter reached out to me about a job at a call center / translate center (wtf, right?) in f*cking Malaga since her firm was looking for a dutch-speaking "Sales" guy - I don't speak a word of Dutch.
"Incoming XYZ Analyst" - insert a typically recognizable bank or company
That's right all of you insecure A1 losers fresh out of school or worse yet, summer stinters, talking to you. Throw that MS over.
Fuck out of here with that stupid shit.
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I forgot to post about it, but I saw a guy back in August/September that had "Incoming Investment Banking Analyst at Citi Bank"
lmao it's worse when they are "Incoming Analyst" at some 10 man shop.
Greatest Titles of all time:
LINKEDIN TOP 1% World's Greatest Futurist Analysis Analyst @ x IT Shop Mortgage Loan "Origination Analyst" (lol seriously? You're a community banker you ass hole)