Should I try to be friends with women?

The fact that you are clear about not being rejected from making your move on a friend seems like you re an Chad to begin with. You layed out „all" your perspectives and made it clear that in your head it's only a net loss. Just cut the crap. Did the same after one of my ex's cheated on me a few times and all „my" female „friends" helped her cover it up. I can 100% understand and support your Perspective

You're not supposed to be friend with women.

There is nothing wrong in having female friends. Most of my female colleagues are my friends, I don't hang out with all of them outside of work but that also happens.

Furthermore, I have a sister who has quite a few female friends - I met most of them and I am also friends with them.

There is quite a bit you can learn from having women as friends.

You are young and still meeting more people, but if you aren't friends with women you are literally missing half of the opportunities out there. Having said all of this, it would be difficult for me to be friends with a girl I am attracted to. Hence most of my platonic female friends are brunette.

bdkaak129

Monkeys,

I'm 21 years old and I have an interesting perspective when it comes to women: I don't like to stay friends with them. I have friends that are girls but they are either a) ugly, b) dating my friends, or c) I've previously hooked up with them and we still talk. I see any attractive women as a potential target and I don't wanna be a guy she complains about her boyfriend to. Been there and done that.

I think that being friends with women makes you a well-rounded man and has some benefits. However, I feel that the costs outweigh the benefits 9 out of 10 times. Here are two examples: 

1) You and a girl are friends. She is great, nice, funny, smart, whatever. You start off being yourself but then one day you realize you like her. You contemplate your feelings for her and waste 2+ months of your life trying to impress her. You finally end up making a move, you and her start hooking up, and everything is going great. Then one day, you mess up, she ends up hating you, you lose a bunch of friends, go through emotional pain, and yeah, you lost a girl who was a friend.

2) You and a girl are platonic friends because she's either ugly or has a boyfriend. You know going into it you will never hook up with her and keep that mentality, which is good. You stay friends, but aren't too close to each other as you have no reason to be. You often talk about surface-level stuff like jobs or school. She offers to set you up with other girls, you say yes, and then she never really delivers and also doesn't really care. Even if she does set you up with someone, they never end up being that impressive.

I honestly see both scenarios as a net-loss investment. Maybe I'm misogynistic or whatever, but I tend to derive a lot more value from my male friendships than my female friendships. I am trying to grow as a person, so if any of you could provide your perspectives, I would greatly appreciate it.

No.

Sounds like oneitis bruv

More girl friends means more deal flow. If they start using you as a therapist, then just don’t reply to their texts or whatever. Pretty simple 

From when Harry met Sally: "men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way." 

There admittedly is some truth to this. So you can do this so long as the sex part doesn't get in the way. 

There are plenty of women who would love to have a great male friend who is just a friend and not a boyfriend. You just got to make sure and that it is clear for both of you that both of you aren't going to get into a relationship with one another. That's all. It's why women love gay men, but I'm guessing you don't want to act like a gay guy around women. It's easier if you both engage in an environment that is non-conducive to you hooking up (i.e. work, service, etc.) or if she's just not your type (looks aren't there, she's not into you like that, etc.). 

Is everyone in this thread serious? Of course men can (and in my opinion should have female friends). What the fuck? 😂Control your dick. Even if she’s semi good looking, do you really need to fuck every girl you meet? I’ll probably get stick for this from all the “alphas” in here but some of my closest friends throughout life have been women. I find they can be a lot easier to open up to, and quite frankly more understanding. Plus, there’s no easier way to pull someone than a direct referral from a friend ;)

You sound a bit immature and come off as trying to get specific benefits out of your friendships with women. Your disinterest in friendships with women also seem to stem from your own insecurities (fear of becoming emotionally attached and/or lack of any perceived benefit to you). I'm assuming you don't hold your male friends to the same standard. 

Befriend good people, irrespective of gender. 

Women are goofy

If you liked someone's personality and shared a lot in common with them and it happened to be a male, he'd be your friend. But if it's a woman with a great personality whom you have a lot in common with, you'll naturally feel attracted to her. Sure, you might be friends first, but those feelings are biological, they'll come up

Going to echo what others have said about you viewing relationships as a means to an end. You know who else does that? Sociopaths. Congrats you future executive or senior politican you...

It's a fucking friendship you're talking about, not a business transaction. What kind of twisted mindset do you have that you go into friendships based on the utility factor of a person. Just don't make any friends at all if you approach friendships this way. Jesus fucking christ.

After reading, very curious - what is it that you feel you derive from your male friendships that your female friendships don't have?

Best part is when you be nice to a homely girl, she assumes that you're hitting on her (either she'll get clingy or she'll think she's the best thing since sliced bread). 

Be mean to a homely girl and you're automatically a d-bag with no compassion. 

Sucks to be a guy in 2022.

Its honestly sad how many socially inept people this board attracts, it makes me feel like we are subtly raising the next elliott roger. 

I get it, if your 14 you need to be alpha and having female friends is like doing cardio (its for fruitcakes). But fortunately most people live in the real world. Female friends aren't a net-loss investment, the fact that anyone could agree with you makes it evident that people here are thinking emotionally not the facts&logic™ that people here are so fond of claiming is the sole gift to masculine mankind. 

Since we are speaking of friendships as a transactional relationship, and I am the resident white-knight simping for all the good women in my life; quality female friends are a net gain. Here is why: 

1. They will encourage you to be your best. When I am hanging out with my male friends things are casual and I can be a total piece of shit and that is certainly relaxing/liberating, but my female friends tend to be more aligned with helping me actually talk through goals / plans. They are naturally a bit better at being that extra "nudge" in the direction of something you want to achieve. 
2. They will provide social proof, especially if you are actively dating. 
3. They will advocate for you. Advocacy is very important in this day and age. I have met amazing women to date who have been bosses, colleagues, friends etc. 
4. The dynamics of the corporate world are shifting. Sure, it made sense to have no female friends when the most powerful women you would find would be a typist but now you need to demonstrate a ability to work with women in a work environment, and I believe having female friends is an important head start in that avenue. Shit, what is it like 65% of college grads are women? With D&I pushes, more women in white collar work, no one knows what the future holds but its safe to say that you should cover all bases with the different people you have exposure too. 
5. They will help you see a world you don't understand. (For a demographic that drives that majority of consumer spending either directly or subtly I think this is crucial). 
6. They will make you a better partner, which in turn will make you more likely to have a happier life. You've seen all the pitfalls before from your friends dogshit choices in men, you know actions to avoid. You also know better how to attract and keep somebody that will add value to your life. 
7. They will have activities that are different than your male friends. I personally like trying different things, and would find just as much value out of going to a spa or a winery with a female friend (although I get that that probably makes me sus so whatever). 
8. They will give you more insight into the stupidity of being a girl (if you want to be negative), but also way more insight into how women can be awesome.. I think its insane to discount 50% of the world population just because you can't stop thinking about wanting to fuck them. If thats the case than that is, quite frankly, a you problem not 50% of the world / biology / whatever soup de jure you want to blame it on. 
9. Not really a reason, but more of a counterpoint - I think to myself if I was gay would I still want to be friends with guys that I wasn't hooking up with? I probably would because guys are awesome to hang out with. Its really not much different for hanging out with girls despite the fact that there are clearly differences between genders. 

I’ve been around both sides of the argument, started in the train that you can’t be just friend with women and now I believe you can. But some nuances here 

I still believe you absolutely cannot be just friends with a girl who’s an 8+. It’s just not happening, you will always want to bone her and very well might try (or put up no resistance if she tries, unless you have an SO)

but if she’s ok / decent, you can. Have 3 female friends right now, one of whom is a 5 and the other two are both a 6. They all give good advice, they all care about me (and I in turn) and we just talk and laugh about life all the time. Here’s the thing about friendship - it should be kept pure. The moment you try to bang her (or even develop strong sexual feelings) the friendship is compromised. Now it’s less about trusting one another and having something that could last vs you trying to spread your seed.

will say that while these female friends are pretty good friends, my top 5 friends are male. Though who knows, this can always change over time. I’ll just end and say if you’re going to be friends with a girl, be very careful to vet and see if there’s a future there. I know plenty of guys with female friends and who don’t talk to them anymore because a) feelings developed (usually the guy) and the guy made a move (succeed or fail, same end result of no friendship) or b) the girls were just going out friends and they never developed a real bond where they could talk about life in a real way.

you can make female friends, but it’s your choice. If you don’t want to, no problem. Just take it as it goes 

Y'all have such low levels of emotional intelligence. Yikes.

This thread is good to understand whose posts we should disregard in any other topic

Okay to be friends but not close friends.

What’s between someone’s legs should have literally no bearing on how you connect with them as a person - you connect with someone based on interests, personality, perspective, etc, not whether you want to fuck them. I applaud you for taking a step back and thinking about where you’re coming from - as a straight man who almost always thinks about if they would date/hook up with close female friends I get where you’re coming from. However, being unable to control your own desires/fantasies isn’t on the girls you try to be friends with - if they’re normal regular people they are also probably just looking for a good friend. And sure, people can date their friends but I think as you mature you realize it’s not all just about fucking who you think it’s attractive. No shame at all - if you wanna get laid you should go for it because there are people out there who also just wanna fuck but try and separate that from your friendships. For relationships where you start out as friends then hook up then drift apart, there’s a good chance you just need to be upfront throughout your relationship what you want. Hooking up is great but do you still wanna be close friends? Odds are you don’t want to do that without dating so you are probably just going to have to pick what is more important to you (and there’s no right answer). Honestly therapists are great to talk to about this shit, no judgment and let you work through whatever’s on your mind

I have to agree with kiddo202 on this one. My best friend is female and very attractive. I don’t have any desire to hook up with her and I’m 99.99% certain she isn’t interested either. She offers a lot of things:

- We go to dinner together and have actual interesting conversations. Heck, more than half the time she even pays for the dinner, and I have a lot more than she does. Sometimes we just hang out and watch Netflix or movies (and yes, actually watch Netflix).

- She is always eager to watch the big soccer (football) matches. In fact, she will find a venue, reserve a table, and generally get everything sorted for matches like the Euros or key Champion’s league games. I just need to show up.

- When I host parties, we will go grocery shopping and she will pick out all the ingredients (and often pay). She preps all the food and tells me what to do because I am still pretty lost in the kitchen. It makes my life easier and also makes me look really good.

- She is an easy +1 to corporate events and functions. Super impressive. Multi-lingual, up to speed on current events, but also super knowledgeable about random stuff like Formula 1 and cars. Not only do I not need to worry about her making me look stupid, but she actually enhances my credibility.

- She invites me to parties and talks me up, including to her female friends or new people she has just met. Pretty much the classic wingwoman. I showed up at a private party at a fancy bar last month a few hours after she did and she already had two girls lined up for me to meet.

- She is a big health fanatic .. works out 5x a week. She knows my eating habits and will advise me on what I need to eat to stay healthy and also recommends different workouts / mental exercises.

I could go on and on, but you guys get the idea. I help her out in countless ways as well, including helping her find her future husband, so the whole thing isn’t uni-directional. The reality is that while my guy friends are obviously great, they don’t offer the above things. And I’m certainly not going to throw all of this away just for a chance to get laid. There are billions of women on this planet, I can certainly look elsewhere for that.

You've got the right idea here. Its impossible for men to have platonic female friends that they find attractive. Only platonic female friends I have are the wives/girlfriends of my male friends. Unless I've hooked up with her she doesn't get the friend label. The inevitable attraction one side will have for the other makes it almost impossible for men and women to be true friends. 

Also I'd advise men to avoid female wingmen at all costs. Girls have no game. Why? They don't need to -- they're the ones getting approached more often than not so they consequently say the wrong things. They may even sabotage you. Plus the other girl will likely be thinking "If he can't even pull this chick (the wingwoman) then what makes him think i should give him a chance?"