Tinder journal entry 1: Wow this app sucks, I met this 25yr old girl, we smoked together and she's in my bed, we start making out, my shirt comes off, I slow the pace cuz I always set rules before anything goes down,
So I ask her if she wants to watch a movie, she says yes, we start cuddling and watching the movie, she starts rubbing my body hard and telling me how much she likes it, good emotions and vibes are being felt up to this point,
I ask her if she's okay with talking about sex, she says yes she is okay with talking bout sex, still really into me at this point,
She then goes on to tell me she had a threesome on her b-day and has fucked over 100 guys and she usually doesn't do this for free,
HOLY FUCK, FML
AUDIBLE AUDIBLE!! (switching to first person)
Me: So when was the last time you had sex?
Tinder Girl: About a week ago, you know I gotta get it in.
Me: (HOLY FUCK THIS GIRL IS DIRTY) Okay so do you know you are clean?
Tinder Girl: Yes, I get tested all the time, still on my dad's insurance for another year.
Me: (HOLY FUCK THIS GIRL IS A LEGIT WHORE BUT IS CLEAN?)
Me: Could you kindly furnish proof of your cleanliness?
Tinder Girl: (Legit whoops out phone and shows me her last test which was 3 weeks ago). Here is the last test.
Me: (HOLY FUCK HOW DID WE GET HERE?) Okay as long as we know you are clean. I know I'm clean, I've only been fucking 2 girls and they've only been fucking me and both know they are clean.
Tinder Girl: We aren't having sex though.
REDACTED
Tinder Girl: Okay I'm tapping out.
Switch out of first person
Tinder Girl starts getting her stuff together and about to leave. I just ask her what happened? She tells me she's offended that I told her about the girl from work.
I reply,
"I ASKED YOU IF YOU WERE OKAY WITH TALKING ABOUT SEX!"
I politely walk her down and wish her well on her ways...
TINDER IS DOG SHIT
HAHAHA OP YOU ABSOLUTE WANKER!!
salt in the wounds bruh
Patrick Bateman ?
This sort of neurotic internal monologuing is pretty consistent with how it goes in the book.
true story
edward peen-fingers
Haters will say this story is fake
fakers will claim everything is imaginary cuz they hate, they don't do, they nerd out to anime though
Cool story bro
I'm in a hurry though. I tell every girl I see my tongue is my strength and they always take it sexual.
You're a loser dude. You might be good looking, but your personality is shit. Literally dude, you're not the only person having sex. Stop acting like a 2 year old, snickering at the back of a 5th grade sex education class.
Says the nerd who can't get laid and jerks himself to anime. Are losers usually socially retarded or is that the other way around? Losers usually are fat with small amounts of muscle and little to no social lives. That doesn't sound like me... lmfao
Yes.
TLDR: you got trolled by a hooker on tinder
deleted
true story lmfao
Never Happened.
you lucked out, 80% of the sluts you meet on tinder you DONT want to fuck. 50% don't look like their pics (gained 50lbs overnight, acne ridden), 30% have an underlying problem like sagging tits, slutitus, or if you visit their place its an absolute fucking mess
more than sagging tits, acne, being fat, being a slut, this is the biggest red flag.
sagging tits - fix by pec exercises, surgery, or just hitting from the back, tits are whatever anyway, plus it's natural
acne - can be solved with better diet, less makeup
being fat - easiest problem in the world to solve
being a slut - would rather have a girl with experience as long as she's clean
messy apartment on a date? bro, this girl is a nightmare. you have something on the calendar and you don't take any precautions beforehand? you can hide clutter, mess, etc. (oh I don't really use that room, just for storage at the moment). this will only get worse, not better. these are the kinda girls who forget to take birth control, wreck your car cause they're terrible drivers, ask you for money because they have no clue how to budget, come home with a dog because it looked cute and they "happened" to stop by the shelter on the way home, have 3 fitness memberships simultaneously yet they're always too tired for the gym. run. run as fast as you can. this girl will ruin your life. not saying you need the female equivalent of jerry seinfeld, but if her place is a mess, wrap that shit up figuratively and literally
MFK Martha Stewart, Rachael Ray, Marie Kondo
dude like 3 or 4 bumble dates the chick was 20 pounds heavier in person, it gets fucking old
but tinder just is another level of trash,
bumble is okay, much better to me at least....
Maybe go find a real woman instead of a moron skank millennial next time.
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