Top Bucket Analyst Wants Penis Surgery

Fellas, 

I am a top bucket analyst at a Wells Fargo/Jefferies/RBC type Bank. I am really gung ho about getting an absolute 12 inch mushroom top down south. I can finaly afford it with my IB salary!

Problem is, I don't think my MD will approve. How do I convince my MD that I should be the real BSD on the floor? 

Do you think HR will approve too? Because if they fire me, they are anti-diversity (since I'm a you-know-what and aspire to be an MD, managing the X in my mouth). 

All the best, future BSD. 

7 Comments
 
Most Helpful

With penis extension surgery, you're more of a shower not a grower and you balloon a lot without getting that hard. You'll definitely be the BSD, but what are you supposed to do with all that balloony mess with chicks. But, at least when you all whip it out on a table at the office to see who has the biggest BSD, you'll always win. It just won't be as good for the ladies, good luck tho. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Officiis quas asperiores quia aut et nobis alias. Non doloremque libero quasi magnam suscipit quam alias. Autem id ut magnam eum repudiandae ut. Consequatur hic in occaecati praesentium delectus.

Expedita vel quisquam id mollitia quos ut fuga. Rem vero numquam dicta animi ut exercitationem. Aspernatur facilis qui dolore dolorem aut.

Repellendus consequatur reprehenderit aut saepe nisi nobis libero. Rerum earum reiciendis dolore reiciendis dolore vel. Voluptatum tempore quidem et cupiditate. Sed et fugit ex. Ut laborum et aperiam minima dolores quos quia.

Expedita et delectus ut atque fugiat et voluptatem. Laudantium non maiores harum voluptatem. Voluptas asperiores eius voluptatum. Tempora officia voluptatem tempora excepturi esse doloribus laudantium. Voluptas quam quaerat ut harum rerum ut.

Career Advancement Opportunities

July 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.4%
  • Moelis & Company 01 98.9%
  • JPMorgan 01 98.3%
  • Guggenheim Partners 01 97.7%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

July 2026 Investment Banking

  • Moelis & Company No 99.4%
  • Evercore No 98.8%
  • Morgan Stanley 01 98.3%
  • BMO Capital Markets 13 97.7%
  • Banco Santander 01 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

July 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.4%
  • Moelis & Company 01 98.9%
  • Morgan Stanley 06 98.3%
  • Goldman Sachs 01 97.7%
  • JPMorgan 01 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

July 2026 Investment Banking

  • Vice President (15) $434
  • Associates (46) $258
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (8) $210
  • 2nd Year Analyst (22) $179
  • Intern/Summer Associate (13) $156
  • 1st Year Analyst (80) $150
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (73) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”