Cold approaching women? Improving my dating life.
I need some dating advice.
I am in my late 20s and I feel like I have crushed it in all areas of my life. I am really satisfied and happy with life.
However, my dating life is shit.
I am a tall, good looking guy in decent shape (could be better lol). My experience with women in real life has been great. I have always gotten decent amount of attention from beautiful women. But the strange thing is that I have tried online dating and I barely get any likes on Tinder and Bumble. I get zero matches.
Is cold approach the best way for me to go? Living in London, during the day, the streets are full of gorgeous hot women most of whom are models.
Does anyone have any advice with cold approaching women?
I honestly think we should open a dating sub-forum, it would make sense given the amount of questions in this area.
Regarding your question:
Online dating is hit and miss with some men. There are so many people on there now - you are relying on an algorithm, don't know who gets to see your profile, can't show charisma/character well enough, and there are more missing physical factors i.e. voice, language, accent, class, presence/dominance, humor, body language, etc
You would have to present yourself in a different way on an app compared to real life.
I think London women are very attractive and, for a tall/attractive/employed guy like you, you should approach them in public. This doesn't have to be in the street, but try a retail store, a pub, lounge, bar, etc. I wouldn't recommend a night club, but some swear on hitting on girls in those places as well. You have to see what works best for you.
A decent amount of people actually met their partners through work. Not AT work, but through it. Conferences, Davos, political events, etc are all fair game for dating. Use your options. One of my best friend actually met his wife at church, so even that is still possible today.
Don't forget that many people in London are not British themselves (they might be from an EU country or from Asia or North America), so there is a different dating market/niche for everyone. It doesn't matter what religion you are, or what ethnicity or anything, there will be a match in London.
I personally only date English girls from outside of London, but that is just a preference.
Bro English/European girls different breed. Some Texans, Alabama (Abby Champion) is hot tho New York and Easties too. Omg California is good too.
I think we should close some forums lol AndyLouis does anyone ever even go into CF, INV, EVT whatever these are. Maybe they can be recycled for VC, dating is kinda gay but it gets a ton of coverage on here
No
Why?
Shut the fuck up Isaiah
hate to break to you, but Isaiah is right on this one
Sorry but London is not that good. It's not like you won't find the occasional 10/10, but the average London girl has bad teeth and is out of shape. Also British fashion is abysmal. Still the best in the UK? Probably. Not even the top 10 in Europe.
London fucking sucks - the sooner you realize this the better. NYC is king. You want models and bottles? Go to NYC.
I'm only 31% straight and I agree with Isiah on this one
Thanks bro
IDK, depends on where you go.
A lot of trendy places have so many gorgeous European women. Probably more 8s and ups than anywhere else I've been in the world.
Y'all need to do yourselves a favor and go to Moscow. If you think NY/LA/MIA are full of hot girls, you truly have no idea what abundance looks like.
Similarly, my online results are absolute garbage so I've turned to cold approach and it's worked pretty well for me but took some work to get it right.
The results behind cold approach is all over the place. You can be a beautiful model with a well-timed contextual approach and get outright rejected or approach like a broken mess and get an amazing reaction. When it comes to getting their contact info, it's entirely a numbers game.
BUT one thing many people start to notice is that they'll get numbers and never get calls/texts back after. This is largely because most people approach with a simple compliment, small talk, and an ask for the number of which most women will provide as a nice way to escape the situation or they genuinely give the number but lose interest shortly after. Personally for me, I find that approaches where I quickly lead into a personable interesting conversation that lasts at least 8-10 minutes yields the best results for women to actually go on a date with me. Also, what's important is definitely NOT what you say in the first approach but how you say it and how you lead the conversation after.
Here's some approaches I use that tend to do well and lead to other topics: "Hi! Look I know this is random but..."
Hope this helps. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk more on this
Thank you very much.
I often feel I have to go direct. For example let's say I go indirect and ask her what good places there are to eat and we end up having a good conversation. If I then ask her out won't she feel the whole conversation was fake? Or would she see it as fate? That she randomly had a chat with someone about good places to eat and then "we clicked"
If the conversation goes well and she finds herself interested, she won't care that the real intent was interest in her.
To your point, direct vs indirect is a personal style and I have friends who kill it doing only direct. I've personally have had decent interactions & phone number with direct but only indirect approaches have ever gotten me to the first date & beyond. You'll have to experiment and see where you tend to find success.
My hunch is that since I'm 5'6'', conversational chemistry becomes a more important sticking point hence why indirect tends to work better for me
I'm interested in what @thebrofessor thinks.
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/how-to-lose-my-v-card
read my replies here, I wrote quite a bit, if that's not what you're looking for feel free to follow Up with more questions either here or in pm
That's fantastic thank you very much. Could I pm you my Tinder dating profile for your thoughts? I can see you genuinely want to help people on here and I trust you not to send to anyone.
PM me OP, we'll go chase some tail on Friday night.
Out of interest where are you based?
Marylebone
Your are in the late 20s and do not know how to hook up with a female? You do not have to meet women online. Go to a bar or club with some friends and strike up a conversation with a female.
Says the 50 year old who posts on WSO 24/7.
You do not agree with my political views, so you dish out insults. The sooner you realize that politics is a bunch of garbage and stop it from consuming your life, the happier you will be. Can't you think of a better way to have fun?
I feel like if you can try to fit conversations into every day life, you will be well off.
I think women can notice when you are trying to hard, so for instance you are are walking into a coffee shop, run into a woman, and you like something about them, say it! The longer it goes unsaid the more it will come across poorly / forced.
Basically be a naturally fun / nice person lol.
In NYC, due to COVID and the increase in crime, especially against certain ethnic groups, cold approaching on the street has been a major no-no. Most girls are purposely looking at phones or listening to music, and if you approach them they will be scared/looking to leave asap.
It's possible the scene in London is similar to NYC at this moment. If that is the case, I highly recommend you go to clubs and chat up girls there. In clubs girls will be more interested in meeting strangers than in the streets.
Haha to be fair I don’t think it’s just bc crime/covid. Everyone had their face in their phones/earphones in all the time even pre covid, and this was everywhere In the US, not just nyc. Technology has ruined a lot of socialization. I could go on but you get the point.
And you can't get matches or likes online? Either your profile sucks ass or you are some ogre looking motherfucker.
Could be my vibe. I can be an awkward motherfucker. Maybe that comes across in pictures. I would say I am pretty unphotogenic but I looked handsome in these pictures.
It is also probably my profile. My friend who does well in online dating gave me good tips and helped me create my profile and said it is solid.
Honestly, if you're doing well in real life, don't even bother with online dating - it's much worse: girls will look different from their profile pics, and girls that look really good will have so much attention on apps and dating sites that they won't respond even to hot rich guys, cause they have thousands of good-looking rich guys liking and super-liking them and offering them free dinners at expensive restaurants.
That being said, I personally mainly do dating through apps because I find it more convenient and I get enough attention on apps. However, I do sometimes end up meeting somebody who looks 30+ lbs heavier than on photos, so I'm actually contemplating doing less apps dating and more irl.
"However, I do sometimes end up meeting somebody who looks 30+ lbs heavier than on photos, so I'm actually contemplating doing less apps dating and more irl."
is that common?
yeah. 30+ lbs difference may be not so common, but still like 5% of cases. but in general, in like 80% of cases pics will look better than the person irl. so stick with irl dating if it works well for you - it's actually better.
removed (posted twice).
my guess is you either need professional photos or you are being extremely selective in your swipes
Have your friends introduce you to some chicks. Easiest way IMO
Cold approaching women is pretty easy. Just don't be a total tool like and put on some big act. If you see a girl you like just strike up a conversation... introduce yourself.. ask her how her day is. Show some interest in her. You dont need to explicitly hit on her. Shes not stupid. She knows why your talking to her.... Just have a casual conversation about anything and be confident. Then ask her for her number or if in your conversation you discovered that shes not busy at the moment ask her to grab a coffee or lunch with you.
It's all a numbers game man. There are a million reasons why girls would reject you or decline your offer for a date and most of them aren't in regard to anything you specifically did.
Obviously your chances of success increase with your level of attractiveness and charisma. You said your not In great shape? Why not? Start eating better. Count your calories if you have to. Start working out. Even if it's running for 30 mins a day. The recipe for success here is pretty simple man. It's really all just a numbers game which frankly makes casual dating kinda boring after you've had success with it.
Yes as you say women know when they are being hit on, they have a sixth sense for that sort of thing.
"It's really all just a numbers game which frankly makes casual dating kinda boring after you've had success with it."
This is interesting to hear.
you based in NYC? I just got into cold approaching and have seen great success. Always looking for some fellas to run game with at venues.
Agree with working out, ridiculous how it changes everything.
Quit online dating and approach in real life.
The problem with apps such as Tinder is that you will find there only two types of girls (99% cases), the ones who just want to get laid and the ones who are the bottom of the pool and are desperate to find someone. The ones who are worth pursuing do not use dating apps because they are not interested in one night stands and they already have enough attention in real life so they do not need the online one.
Regarding your question, you can approach a girl in almost any scenario, as long as you do not act creepy. Get to her, say something totally random (Where I can find X or Z, how do I get to Y - even if you lived there for 20 years) and just try to see if she is open to a little conversation, if yes, after some replies tell her that you would want to invite her to a coffee or an ice cream when she can. Also, do not approach any girl, try to approach those with whom you had some eye contact or a "feel" that she may be interested.
Consider that approaching a woman outside a screen shows balls which is attractive for her (so even easier to get a date when approaching in real life than on a screen where you don't show personality nor character) and also, if the relationship lasts you will have a sweet story to tell others that you two met at X place in such a day which is 101% cooler than writing her on a phone.
I would want to point out that a good place to find someone would be from your professional entourage because you already share some values and a life philosophy with her (professional, lifestyle, etc.) which is important in a relationship.
Thank you that is good advice.
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